Shirtless in Seattle, er, Port Charles

Custody battles, declarations of intention, presumed dead criminals hiding in secret hospital rooms, shirtless hunks, and an array of other (pretend) madness in the ever-riveting Port Charles this week. We're prepared to take it all off -- metaphorically, of course -- in this week's Two Scoops.

When Julian woke up in the hospital last week, without a shirt on, my husband peered out over the book he was pretending to read and said, "What kind of hospital allows patients to lay in bed shirtless?" To which I replied, "The kind of hospital I want to be admitted to if ever I get sick." Okay, I didn't really say that, but I thought it in my head.

Julian spent most of this week shirtless, and every time he came on camera, Jeff said, "Still no shirt." Why do you suppose it bothered him so much that Julian was shirtless most of the week? I pointed out to him that he had to be shirtless, since Alexis was cavorting around the room in his shirt. I found it very chivalrous of him to give up his shirt for his lady. I mean, after all, it's upstate New York in winter, and it was probably extraordinarily cold. I can only imagine that kind of cold, though, because I live in San Diego. Winter in San Diego means you have to use a towel when you get out of the pool and take a light jacket to the beach.

In one scene where Julian and Alexis were talking, Alexis was sitting and Julian was standing, and you could see Alexis' face, but only Julian's torso made it into the shot. My husband, who pretends he doesn't watch GH, said, "Now he doesn't even have a head," but I hadn't really noticed.

If the tables were turned and Alexis were also shirtless, I doubt he would have put up such a fuss. Readers, I love Nancy Lee Grahn. If you don't follow her on social media, you are missing out. She is hilarious. She is brilliant and outspoken. In a world where people always try to ride the fence, be politically correct, and never speak their minds, she provides a breath of fresh air by actually writing about what she believes and voicing opinions without apology. She's one of those celebrities about whom I daydream and say, "I could easily be best friends with this woman." But with my adoration is a touch of envy. She gets paid to sit in a room, looking at a shirtless William Devry all day long. Sigh.

When she finally got dressed and left the room, she headed to court to represent Michael in his custody battle with Sonny for Avery. Like everyone else has said, this is the person who refused to even look at Avery or touch her since she's been born, but is now so worried about her safety that he's trying to get custody. If I were Ric Lansing, my first question would be, "You keep calling Avery your sister. How exactly are you related to her?" because, of course, he isn't.

I can't deny Michael's case, though; all of Sonny's kids have suffered some sort of evil fate simply for being part of Sonny's family. There is no argument about that. I wish they would bring Kristina back -- not the most recent Kristina, but the magnificent Lexi Ainsworth. I was so mad when they replaced her. I could just never warm up to the new actress. It wasn't her fault, really, it was just -- she had the wrong face.

On that note, I have to say I am not yet smitten with NuKiki. I know she's only been on for two days, but it's jarring to my brain every time someone calls her Kiki. I can't be mad at the powers that be, as it wasn't their choice to replace the role; Kristen Alderson chose to quit. This one is going to take me awhile, I fear. Sometimes recasts are brilliant -- the day Laura Wright showed up as Carly, I said "Yep! That's Carly!" and my heart instantly embraced her, but not all recasts are exactly perfect for a role that someone else played to the hilt. Kristen Alderson is a firecracker, and Haley Erin seemed slightly too timid to be Kiki. I'll give her time to get her sea legs though. Maybe I'll be raving about her in two weeks.

What I want to rave about today, though, is Roger Howarth and Michelle Stafford. Talk about Crazy in Love! I was sipping a beverage when I watched GH this week, and when Franco called Nina "Phyllis," I spit water on myself. When she said, "I've never even been to Wisconsin," I laughed so loud I made the neighbor's dog bark. Several of you wrote me and said, "I don't get it, what just happened. Well, the character that Michelle Stafford played brilliantly on The Young and the Restless for years was named Phyllis, and the show is set in Genoa City, Wisconsin. So, it was a nod to her past soap life. Thank you, dear writers, for all the comedy. It's been a rough week, and I needed to laugh. Hats off. (But I'll keep my shirt on because I am old.)

Olivia stopped by to visit Franco, feeling like they could bond over their mutual LSD injections by Heather, and proceeded to confess all of her deep, dark secrets to Franco, who talked about Mama Celeste, Papa John, and Chef Boyardee while licking his own shoulder as though he was a grooming cat.

Nina made the ultimate sacrifice and got herself thrown back into Shadybrook to be with Franco because she thought he needed her. But when she confessed to him that she'd faked crazy to be sent back to the hospital to be by his side and he said he was faking, too -- the look in her eyes was not the look of a happy woman. In fact, in the "Next on General Hospital" previews, I distinctly saw her slap him in the face. I can't say I blame her because she spent 20 years in a coma and then months in the mental hospital, so I'd kind of want to get on with my life if I were her, too.

Ava, the victim of Nina's madness, would also like on get on with her life, but between the thugs who want her dead and the courts who want her in prison, she has no choice but to stay in the sweet hiding spot that Silas found for her. Every time I am visiting someone in the hospital, I am going to start peeking into every room to see if an escaped convict in hiding there.

Readers, is it just me, or are you kind of in love with the Ava/Silas pairing? I think they have some serious heat together, and you see underpinnings of the affair they once had -- there's this smolder beneath every word. They truly loved one another once, and in spite of all the lies and chaos between them, somewhere inside is still a bit of love.

But what about Sam? Well, Sam currently has Patrick and doesn't yet know that Jake is Jason. Why is that? I thought for sure by the end of February, that cat would be out of the bag, but no such luck. Poor Jake got his memory back and then lost it again. He is left trying to juggle the affections of Liz, Carly, and Sam all at once. Of course, once the word is out that he is Jason, that will all make sense. The three women who loved him most still love him. It's poetic in the fact that we are souls, and it doesn't necessarily matter in which package those souls are wrapped.

I'm not wholly convinced that Jake is free of Helena simply because she said sly, coy, Helena things like "Well, if that chip is the way I was controlling him, then yes, he must be free of me." But I think it was probably a tracking device to see where he was and that she can still control him by saying "You are active." I suppose we will find out when May Sweeps come along.

By then, Jason will probably be back working for Sonny and his awesome new beard. When he first got out of the hospital with the beard, I assumed he'd be clean-shaven again the next day, but he wasn't, and I kind of dig it.

I also dig the handshake between Sonny and his brother Ric. The two of them have never been close, but since Mike isn't around and Courtney died, Sonny doesn't really have any other family left, and I seriously hope that he and Ric can become true brothers.

Nikolas has a brother, but he's busy in Nashville, and his sister, who just went off on him about family loyalty, didn't bother to show up when his son was severely burned in a fire. Tyler Christopher was magnificent this week, showing every range of emotion as he waited to hear the extent of his son's injuries. He was sad, worried, guilty, angry, and lost. I was very moved by this storyline, and when little Nicholas Bechtel woke up all bandaged up and said, "I'm scared," it wrecked me. Nikolas' tears melted my heart because I don't like to see handsome princes cry.

I also hate to see Luke cry, and although this happened the week before last when it wasn't my turn to write, I had to mention Tony Geary and Jackie Zeman's amazing performances when Bobbie pushed Fluke into turning back into Luke, if only for a moment. The two of them have been playing siblings since the 70s, so I suppose on some level they actually feel like siblings. It was a magnificent scene, but Bobbie didn't realize what she was witnessing at the time and ignored Luke's plea for help.

Now that she knows, she is out on a quest to find their long-lost sister Patricia to see if she can unravel the mystery of what happened to Luke as a child on Elm Street. Note that nothing good ever happens on Elm Street. You got your Fluke, you got your Freddie Krueger -- just stay away from that misbegotten street.

I was moaning for quite a while about the Fluke storyline going on and on, but now that it's emerged as a D.I.D. storyline, I am utterly fascinated. This means that we were not punked when Luke was reunited with his family after Alexis sprung him from Miscavige -- he actually was Luke, all of that emotion was genuine, until his alter took back over.

Now that I know this isn't some goon in a mask, I find myself riveted. Luke is mentally ill, not tied up in a basement. He was fighting with himself. The bones in the basement were actually bones in the basement that Fluke was fighting with rather than Luke. Perhaps Fluke sees Luke as the weaker version of himself. Perhaps Luke was tied up in that same basement as a child? We don't know, and finding out is going to be a magnificent ride. So, my apologies to the GH writing team for whining about it because now I'm hooked, just as you knew I would be, you clever evil geniuses. (Fact: I originally had a cuss word in there but cleaned it up to make it a family friendly column, since moms tell me they read it with their GH-loving kids.)

Speaking of kids, is Georgie not the most adorable baby ever? Of course she is, and with parents as lovely as Kirsten Storms and Brandon Barash, how could she be anything less? But in Port Charles, she is the product of one Damien Spinelli and Maxie Jones, and Spinelli has come to town a much more confident and conniving guy than the shy nerd we once knew. Somewhere in Portland, he got game, and he's fighting hard for what he believes is rightfully his -- Maxie's heart.

Is he right? He has loudly proclaimed to anyone who will listen that he intends to get Maxie back, and much to her dismay, he has announced his intentions to her current boyfriend. When Nathan pressed Maxie to deny that she had feelings for Spinelli, she couldn't give a quick answer, so he left to give her time to sort it out.

What do you think? Who does Maxie belong with? Will Spinelli be able to woo her back into his arms? Write and tell me whom you'd like Maxie to choose!

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Franco blackmail Olivia about her baby's paternity she so freely confessed to get the charges against him dropped? Will the newly appointed Federal Agent Anna Devane be able to take down Sloane and all his shady associates so Felicia can be mayor? Will Carly shave Sonny the way Kyra Sedgwick shaved John Travolta in Phenomenon? Will Ric convince Liz to overlook his shady dealings with Jake like he got her to overlook the whole panic room incident? Will the word about the wonderful work the Shriners hospitals do with child burn victims be spread throughout the land? (Love to the Rescue!) Will Jake keep having memories of Jason's life but looking like Jake in his visions? Will Nikolas make peace with Dr. Obrecht for helping Spencer, so Britt can come home?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

What are your thoughts on General Hospital? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.