The two, er, three... The many faces of Luke Spencer

Luke, Fluke, Nuke, Puke... Just how many copies of Luke's face are running around Port Charles? And when the real Luke finally comes home, how will anyone know it's really him? This and other mysteries in this week's GH Two Scoops.

Readers, just when I thought General Hospital couldn't get any crazier, it got crazier. So let me get this straight... Jake/Jason is Helena's brainwashed puppet, and apparently, a puppet who kills. And whom is she sending him to murder? Also, why is it that the entire time they were having this conversation, not another soul walked on the docks, when every other conversation in history held in that same spot has been interrupted by someone walking down the stairs at an inopportune moment?

I am not worried, though. I am sure that just as Liz's love broke though Lucky's brainwashing, Sam/Danny/Carly/Michael/Monica's love will break through Jason's brainwashing. At least I think I'm sure. I used to be so good at predicting what would happen next on GH, but this week, my Spidey Senses have been slightly off.

For instance, when Alexis brought "Luke" home and Faison was unmasked as "Fluke," I thought this storyline was finally finished. I gleefully watched the happy reunion with Luke, Tracy, Lulu, and even Alice, and my heart was filled with a soapy holiday glow. That is right up until the minute the secret phone in the fireplace rang, and I screamed an inappropriate sentence at the TV -- a sentence that I shall not repeat here, but it does include the word Ralphie got his mouth washed out with soap for in A Christmas Story.

That was kind of cruel to viewers, in my opinion, because we got the long-awaited reunion we'd been hoping for, only to have it yanked away. It's like giving your kid the toy he wants for Christmas, watching him unwrap it, seeing the glee on his face, then snatching it back and returning it to the store. So when Luke actually comes home, the reunion will be tainted for us. We already saw the reunion we wanted, and it was phony, so how will we trust the next one? Boo.

Luke, Fluke. Nuke. What's next? Puke? Okay readers, let's think this through... If the current impostor isn't wearing a mask and didn't have plastic surgery, he's either A) Bill Eckert, or B) Luke actually has an Evil Twin he never knew about. I can imagine that could happen. Let's face it, Luke and Bobbie's parents were nonexistent in their lives, so for all we know, Luke is one of a set of quadruplets like Nicky, Ricky, Dicky, and Dawn.

But, the dopplegnger mentioned the word "magic," so did Helena cook up another Luke in her crazy lab? Is he a clone? Did Helena steal his cells in one of their evil encounters and grow a new Luke in a petri dish? Let's face it; she's always wanted to sleep with him, so maybe she made herself a boy toy down in Cassadine Science Central. I'm getting excited thinking about the possibilities, but honestly -- I have no idea! Many of you have written to me and think I know and am holding out on you -- that is not the case; I am as mystified as you are.

Also, color me puzzled about the smaller details-- is there a Luke mask factory just churning out multiple copies of his beautiful face? And Lord Ashton is the Luke mask delivery guy? And when they rip these masks off, no one has a sweaty or pale face after being covered in rubber for weeks? So many questions.

I'm also mystified by Silas letting Ava go to find her baby and agreeing to tag along. My choice in the same scenario would be to turn Ava in and then go look for her baby for her after she was locked up. He does realize she can't be trusted, right?

I know Ava warned Silas that if he turned her in, Sonny would kill her. Fair concern, but let's be honest -- Sonny is a little busy right now. Sonny is chilling in the prison yard in his hoodie and sweatpants, visiting with the likes of Johnny Zachara (yay!) and Carlos, and apparently, according to Carlos, "The homies have been talking, and a lot of people in here hate the hell out of you." So I think getting revenge on Ava isn't at the forefront of Sonny's mind at this exact moment. Instead, he has to live through the night in a prison full of people who hate him.

May I confess that I completely forgot that Sabrina was even a character on the show until I saw her yesterday? She was on maternity leave for months then was on twice and vanished again. Now she and Carlos can reunite, he can take over the Jerome crime family from Julian and Ava, and Sabrina can learn to be a mob moll. And let's not forget that Carlos loved her before her makeover, so she can ditch the flatiron and contact lenses and go back to messy hair and dorky glasses.

Meanwhile, in Canada, the two mentally unstable starcrossed not-yet-lovers, Franco and Nina, were bonding over Ava's previously unnamed baby. I had a hunch her name would be Betsy, since Franco was always fond of his adopted mother. Plus, I hear she will be on canvas again soon, so maybe Franco will take the recently named baby, Jaime, to meet her Un-Grandma. There is certain sweetness to Nina and Franco's madness, and I really get drawn into their scenes. I'd go as far as to say that they might be my favorite couple right now. That fact probably means I am supremely twisted.

We still have no idea if the baby belongs to Sonny or Morgan, but the odds tell me that it's Sonny. Even if it is Sonny, I predict since Sonny is locked up, Kiki and Morgan may have to raise said baby once it's rescued from the crazies because both of her natural parents will be in jail.

Readers, Friday's General Hospital contained the best scene, which was the revelation that Jason was still alive and that Patrick knew it and didn't tell Sam. Kelly Monaco was a powerhouse -- a force of nature while expressing her rage, grief, and disbelief to Patrick. Incredible work. So many times Sam is relegated to the background in B-level storylines, investigating something for someone else, but seeing these scenes on Friday reminded me of who Sam is at her core -- a passionate but wounded woman who has been going through the motions since her one true love died.

Did she have feelings for Silas and Patrick? Sure, and who wouldn't! But her heart still belongs to Jason, and that emotional outburst at Patrick's secrecy reminded me of that. Those were genuinely powerful scenes. Patrick had Sam's best interest at heart, but she rightfully feels that he should have told her the truth, anyway, and let her be the one to decide how to handle it.

"Jake" has just been told he is Jason, but if he is "turned off" or "turned on" right now, I cannot say, and whether or not he is on his way marching to Sam to tell her everything or not, I do not know. But I hope. I would love to see Jason, Sam, and Danny together by Christmas and joyfully singing around the tree like the Whos.

But oftentimes my soap hopes are dashed. For instance, I am sad that Britt, Liesl, and Faison are going off into the great soap abyss together. I wouldn't be worried about it being permanent except for the fact that Kelly Thiebaud is leaving GH, and her exiting with her crazy parents would be some sort of soap poetic justice. I love Britt and Spencer together, and I'm sad the little brat is losing his fake mommy. I hated Britt when Kelly first came to the show, but over time, the character grew on me, and I got to really love and understand her character. I'm sad to see her go. I wish her the best of luck in her future ventures.

Although Nikolas made a beeline to Liz's door as soon as he kicked Britt out for the 14th time, I don't want Nikolas with Liz. I want Liz to be with Ric. I think Sabrina might be the only other age-appropriate female for Nik to date, unless he has a go at Carly, since Sonny is in jail and Franco is gone. Or maybe Franco will go to jail and then Nik can date Nina after they get her one some serious meds. Ideas anyone? Who knows, since all the other undead GH characters can come back to life, why not Emily? But back to the Faison family...

Readers, I confess I was rooting for the twisted love of Liesl Obrecht and Caesar Faison to have a meaningful end. It's nice to see an unhealthy obsession with another human being finally paying off after 20-plus years of waiting and hoping. It should touch the stalker in all of us to see Faison finally admit that Liesl is the only woman for him and to kiss her with wild abandon. Will they end up together? Is Faison really Nathan's father, too? Or is it some other slimy villain? Will we find out before they all escape or have to wait until next year's sweeps?

Another couple I am rooting for to reunite before Christmas is Julian and Alexis. He finally did the right thing. Shouldn't that count for something? Maybe if Anna is in jail for trapping Faison in Horse Jail, the next commissioner will give Julian a pass for turning in his boss. If he does one more good deed and brings Ric home to Molly for Christmas, I will forgive him of all other crimes. Sadly, I'm not the law.

Readers, don't you think if Robert is still in the WSB that he would know that the League of Doom had taken control of the organization? Would Robert Scorpio still be an active agent in the WSB if Helena, Jerry, and Faison were in charge? I think not. Hey, GH writers, ask Tristan Rogers to take a break from Genoa City and The Young and the Restless so Robert can come back and tie up the loose ends of his storyline!

Anna might deny it, but watching the twisted dance between her and Faison makes me think she kind of digs him. She is spouting hatred from her mouth, but every now and then, I think I see a slight glimpse of passion and her wanting him to throw her down in the interrogation room and do her on that metal table. Or maybe it's just my Phantom of the Opera fantasies creeping into my soap viewing. I never understood why Christine didn't choose the Phantom over that namby-pamby Raoul.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Spencer wear his pilgrim suit to see Santa? Will we find Victor Cassadine in the pit beneath the stables on Spoon Island? Will Lucky come home for Christmas and teach Jason how to break Helena's mind control? Will Laura come home for Christmas and say, "Luke used to be a foot taller." Will Larry come back to the Quartermaines' house to sneak some gin? Will Robin bring Alan Quartermaine back to life to read the Christmas story at the hospital? Will Sonny see Johnny in an "I killed a family member" support group at Pentonville?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows!

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