Good run of bad luck

Jason just can't catch a break! Well, that's not true -- after being run down by Ava's car, something is probably broken. Join us for this week's General Hospital Two Scoops as we discuss the bad luck floating around Port Charles. And it's not even Halloween yet!

Imagine being brought back from the dead after two years of being on ice (literally) only to be mowed down by a car! Jason is having a good run of bad luck, for sure. Of course, we only know that Robin thinks the headless wonder is Jason, because we have only seen his shoulders and the bad hand acting at this point.

I was screaming at my TV, "Show his face!" but I realize the hand actor most likely was not Billy Miller, anyway, but some stand-in. Maybe it's the same person who plays the back of Laura's head in the blonde wig.

When Robin said to Jason "Hey, let's split up," I had flashbacks to old Scooby-Doo episodes, which of course ended the same way -- with the bad guys capturing them. It seems to me if you have a plethora of angry, determined villains on your tail, you would not split up. Haven't these people ever read the Bible? It says in Ecclesiastes 4: 9, Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. 10 For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. 11 Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? 12 And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."

Not trying to convert anyone -- it's just common sense; two are stronger than one. But no, they split, up and evil villains captured both of them.

Robin is definitely not a brainy girl. Sure, she can create potions to bring the dead to life, but when she opens a door, sees Helena inside, and willingly goes in instead of calling for help? That shows zero common sense. Robin and Jason should have alerted the authorities the minute they escaped from Crichton-Clark.

But hindsight is always 20/20. Now, Jason is lying on a surgical table with a cone of shame on his head, hiding his beautiful face, and Liz, one of his beloved ladies, is looking right at him and does not recognize him as the baby daddy of her deceased son, Jake. His face must be a mess!

What sort of plastic surgeon can have someone go under the knife looking like Steve Burton and wake up looking like Billy Miller? I'm dying to find out. If such a creature actually existed, half of Hollywood would be lining up on the sidewalk for his services.

Meanwhile, down the hall at the nurses' station, Sabrina is scoping out each person being wheeled off the elevator on a gurney, waiting for Ava to lose her baby from the poisonous pills she prescribed to her. Readers, I have to say I don't much like the new darker version of Sabrina. Sabrina was a genuinely good person, and I don't believe pain morphs people from good people into murderous ones. I have experienced great loss in my life and have never felt the desire to inflict pain on anyone else because of that loss. I can't see the Sabrina we used to know and love turning into a women who would willingly kill another woman's baby, not even for revenge. I think the writers missed the mark on this storyline. If GH had a "dislike" button on their page, I'd be clicking it repeatedly every time I saw Sabrina walk into a scene.

Ava is an enigma, and Maura West plays her with such layers you can root for her and detest her in equal measure. Ava is self-absorbed and ruthless, but when you see her with Kiki, or Morgan, or rubbing her belly and talking to her unborn child, you feel like there is hope for her to become a better person.

After Sean, Max, and Ensign Ricky failed in their assignment to kidnap Ava, she escaped courtesy of Jordan and ran to Morgan for help. Of course he helped her -- in spite of Ava cheating on him with his dad, he still has a soft spot for her, and of course, the baby she is carrying may very well be his. I think it would be hilarious if the baby ended up being Carlos' or Franco's or someone else's altogether.

If the baby survives Ava's pregnancy, it will be born into a hornets' nest between the Jeromes and the Corinthos family -- with Fluke after both of them. Baby Jerome has very little chance of having a normal life.

I liked seeing Dante and Lulu's happy reunion with Rocco in their unbearably small apartment -- oh, heavens, I would lose my mind in that place. I used to live in a tiny apartment like that that was ten steps from the ocean, and even the lure of being by the beach was not enough to keep me living happily in such cramped quarters.

If they get pregnant again and don't move into a bigger place, I think Child Protective Services will come out and investigate them.I have always thought of Dante as a good cop, but when he started blathering to Tracy and Lulu about his investigation of Luke, I had to reassess my high opinion of his professional ethics.

It's his family, but I think we all know Tracy is a blabbermouth, and the next time Luke Skypes her, she will say, "You know you are under investigation for being the head of the Jerome crime family, right?" She will be physically unable to keep her mouth from speaking those words. It's not a criticism, just a fact.

Wait until the real Luke escapes from captivity and discovers that the Helena that he killed and checked the pulse of to ensure she was dead, walks among us again. My goodness, he will really lose his mind and end up back in Miscavige.

If Maxie doesn't immediately stop her pity party and go and grab Nathan and kiss him and admit she returns his feelings, she deserves to be locked up in Miscavige, too. Or at the very least, Shadybrooke.

I am surprised by the speediness of everyone getting out of Crichton-Clark before the place exploded, but I haven't seen Liesl Obrecht and Victor Cassadine yet -- are they dead or alive?

Carly is alive, which is a wonder, since she cheated on a known serial killer. But instead of killing her, he...proposed to her? Oh, my! What is he up to? Certainly he's not just going to let bygones be bygones and shrug that one off, is he?

I can't decide what Franco is up to. Do any of you have a theory? I'd love to hear them. Is he going to genuinely marry her, knowing she slept with Sonny and just brushing it off, or is he setting them both up for a public and humiliating demise? If we see him with the spray paint tagging CO77X on the brownstone walls, Carly should run. Fast.

Readers, I don't understand Jordan. She's a federal agent, yet I can't see what kind of work she is doing other than covering up the crimes of Ava and Julian. How is this to her advantage? To gain trust? To keep them on the streets? Doesn't it seem like, if Ava and Julian got arrested for their crimes, "the boss" would have to come to town?

She said she shot Mickey Diamond. She said she ran over Jason. She has helped Ava out of several tight spots. What is her angle here? What will happen once Ava and Julian discover she's an undercover agent? Will she send Shawn to jail? Is her son T.J. even still in town? So many questions, so few answers.

I am less enthralled by the Mr. and Mrs. Smith vibe of Sean and Jordan and more wrapped up in the easy, breezy rekindled romance of Ned and Alexis. If there was a Ned and Alexis show, I would watch it. If there were a Nancy and Wally show, I'd watch it. I just find them both to be very likable and charming people, and I enjoy watching them. Sure Alexis' romance with Julian was a little steamier, but I confess that I'm at the life stage where steamy isn't as appealing to me as witty banter.

Sam and Patrick have a sweet relationship brewing, too -- but I fear that just as it hits its stride, Jason and Robin will show up on their mutual doorstep, and that will be the end of that. I am torn here because I am really interested in seeing the Sam/Jason reunion and exploring the new dynamic between Kelly Monaco and BillyMiller.

On the other hand, seeing Patrick have to go back to the wretched Robin makes me want to cry. I would rather see Patrick with Liz, or Britt, or even Evilbrina before he goes back to that smarmy Robin.

In other love triangles, the legacy romance of Scott, Bobbie, and Lucy finally came to a head, and the ladies forced Scott to choose. He chose Bobbie, which stunned me because Bobbie was always just his backup girl when Laura kicked him to the curb. His connection with Lucy was always a more deeply felt soulful connection.

Scott's reasoning that Lucy had left him before for Doc rang true, but even when she was with Doc, she could not stay away from Scott. There was a magnetic pull, and all of her "I can't see you anymore" declarations always ended with her right back in Scott's bed because the two of them accept one another and understand one another on a level beyond any other relationships in their lives. I think Lucy picks Doc not because she loves him more but because he's a good upstanding citizen, and Lucy sees her best self in that role as his wife -- but she knows deep in her heart she is real and flawed, and Scott is the one who knows, understands, and accepts that, and vice versa.

But, he picked Bobbie, and I anticipate that as soon as he finds out that Bobbie is helping Carly cover up her affair with Sonny at the expense of Scott's son, he will go crawling back to Lucy and make things right. Or so I hope. I want the two of them to be able to be themselves. With Laura, Scott has to be perfect. With Doc, Lucy has to be perfect. But together -- they just have to be and breathe and be accepted. Methinks that would make for a happier life.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will anyone in Port Charles ever open the door when someone is about to be kidnapped from his or her porch before the kidnapping takes place? Will anyone ever notice that Nina has a very firm body for a lady who supposedly can't work out? Will the state of New York ever do a sweep of Miscavige and notice that they have an extra person drooling on the floor in a straightjacket who isn't supposed to be a patient there? Will Felicia take her dagger to the Pawn Stars to see how much she can get for it? Will Spinelli come home to give NuJason tech support and Maxie access to Georgie? Will Helena bring the sperm-Thermos to Lulu's apartment and try to impregnate her on their pullout sofa?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows!

What are your thoughts on General Hospital? Share your thoughts on the show or this week's column with us. Leave your comments in the Comments area further down the page. If you prefer, you can click here to send our columnist a note by Feedback. You can also call our 24/7 caller feedback hotline at 267.341.7627 and voice your thoughts.