The League of Extraordinary Insanity

Will unfrozen Caveman Stavros be able to impregnate Lulu with his creepy frozen embryo, or will her body recognize it's a demon seed and instantly repel it? We discuss this and much more in this week's GH Two Scoops.

Dear Readers, I love a good soap villain. Over the years, we have softened our villains. We have people like Britt, whom we started out hating but learned to love. We have guys like Sonny, who are full-fledged criminals, but we give them a pass because we see the goodness deep inside them trying to fight its way to the top. We feel for them. We root for them. We see their flaws but excuse them because there is light inside them, too.

But an old school General Hospital fan like me remembers the otherkind of soap villain, the kind that are just plain evil. They are crazy. They are cartoonish. As such, they are delightful to watch. We never root for them, we never want them to prevail, but man, we sure can't take our eyes off of them!

Enter Stavros, the cat-like villain who has used up at least three of his nine lives by my count -- he is over the top, mad as a March hare, and yet, the minute I saw him in the doorway, I screamed "Yes!" at my TV like the giant soap nerd that I am.

Stavros has some creepy Thermos filled with a frozen embryo, and he's dancing around Lulu like a five-year-old boy with a new toy, swearing he will impregnate her while battling Orange Is the New Black's Crazy Eyes for her nickname.

He's evil and crazy, and there is no reason at all whatsoever. He's just a villain. I like the clear lines. The world has gone grey, and we always try to explain villains "Well, sure they beheaded a journalist, but you know, they've had a rough life." "Sure, that kid shot up his high school. But back in seventh grade, he didn't make the track team, and he's been bitter ever since." No. No. No. Stavros is just crazy and evil. I can openly love to hate him.

Victor is another matter entirely. He's evil, but not quite as over the top insane as his nephew. He has blackmailed Robin into unfreezing his dead relatives, a random villain named Peter Harrell, and of course Jason.

I am slightly confused by the Jason thing. All the photos of Jason are still photos of Steve Burton. We know that Billy Miller will be Jason now, so why haven't the photos changed? Are we going to see Jason with his face bandaged? Is Billy Miller going to be the plastic surgery version of Jason, the way Sebastian Roche became the plastic surgery version of Jerry Jacks? I can't decide how they are going to have a photo of Steve Burton one day and have Jason wake up the next day as Billy Miller without some explanation.

Then again, Franco went from James Franco's deranged serial killer to Roger Howarth's art therapy counselor at the hospital with no real explanation, so...

I know more villains are on the way, and I'm hoping for Helena (I miss her!), Faison, and maybe a side of Jerry Jacks. I have heard Robin Mattson will be back on canvas as Heather, but I am praying she is coming back to spring the real Luke from Miscavige

At least Luke isn't in Genoa City. Seriously, readers -- the back and forth of GH cast members joining The Young and the Restless, and Y&R cast members heading to GH is making me dizzy. Why don't they just build a high-speed train between Port Charles, New York and Genoa City, Wisconsin and make it into one big "mega soap?"

Here's one person I would happily send off to Wisconsin -- Levi/Peter Jr. Ugh, he's just so smarmy. I have to say, I like evil Levi better than granola Levi. Although in real life, that would be reversed.

And it's all Felicia's fault. She's blaming herself and doing that horrible fake crying while Mac tells her it isn't her fault, but she's right. It's her fault. It's her fault because when Mac saw right through Levi, Felicia made him play nice. Trust your instincts! Sometimes the instant I meet someone, I get a creepy feeling, and as time goes on, I realize that creepy feeling was right.

My only worry here is that now that Peter Harrell Sr. is awake, he will come to town and terrorize Felicia and that it will drag on forever. If the writers really want to bring back some obscure characters from the 80s, I'd prefer Hutch, Jimmy Lee Holt, or even Casey the Space Alien.

Speaking of aliens, whatever is growing in Ava's tummy sure is unnerving a lot of people. Between Nina hating Ava's baby and the newly angry Sabrina hating Ava's baby, I don't know how much of a chance it has to make it to the delivery room.

What did they do to Sabrina in Puerto Rico? She came back meaner than the Britch! She's even being mean to Felix, who is like the nicest person in all of Port Charles! I understand she wants to take down the person who killed Gabriel, but in this instance, it's not Ava! Let's pray Sabrina doesn't push Ava down the stairs or anything before she finds out that Ava is innocent. Well, at least innocent of this particular crime.

As criminals go, you should know that they can't be trusted. Anna caving in to using Liesl as a double agent probably wasn't the brainiest move ever. Liesl may get the credit for leading Anna to the other hostages, but she only cares about Nathan. Kathleen Gati is a gem. I laugh at her snide comments, and I feel her tears. Even my husband, who pretends he doesn't watch GH, made me rewind a scene this week where Liesl said, "Shut up, you useless woman," to Anna, and he laughed and laughed.

The truth is out; the fine and upright citizen Nathan West was created by two maniacal villains. On the upside, Nikolas and Alexis have one more person to put into the "Sane Cassadine" column.

As for Spencer, I fear he might be more on the dark side of the Cassadine force, but he did one good deed this week in his quest to keep Emma safe; he told Sam and Patrick that it was Luke who caused the accident. Luke didn't cause it, but at least it gets his name out there, and Sam and Patrick may do some digging. Since Patrick can't be a doctor anymore, it's a good thing he is doing so well as a P.I. So, will Jason and Robin come back together only to find Sam and Patrick hooking up Robin's sofa? I hope so.

I am anxious to see how NuJason emerges from the deep freeze -- will he remember his life or not? Will he be the same or different? Will he love Sam or Liz? Or will he ask where to find Courtney?

Back at Crichton-Clark, Nathan sprung Maxie from her handcuffs, and instead of trying to get him out of his, she left Nathan chained to the wall to go get help. Yes, I know the paper clip broke, but there was all kinds of crap all over the floor and counter of the prison room. I'm guessing she might have found something else if she had looked. And now, of course, instead of getting help, she is trapped by Skevi. (Skeevy Levi!)

I love how tough Nathan and Dante are, threatening to kill people while they are handcuffed to a wall. I can hardly wait until they break free. Mind you, I don't want them to kill any of our delicious villains, just refreeze them so we can defrost them again in another decade.

Lulu tried to reason with Stavros and explain he couldn't implant his creepy Stavros-cicle embryo into her without hormone injections, so immediately after faking that he was slightly sane to Victor, he went to make the doctor give Lulu hormone injections because she just had those lying around in the asylum. When, oh when, will one of our captives run into Robin? When it happens, I hope it's not Nathan because he's the only one who doesn't know her!

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will T.J. give Jordan and Shawn his blessing for a happily ever after life of crime? Will Ned bring out his leather pants and go full Eddie Maine since he and Alexis have decided to give it another go-round? Will Nina add Franco to her reverse "My Name is Earl" list after he can't resist telling Silas that she can walk? Will Milo take Epiphany to the Haunted Star on their first date now that it's the "season" for riverboat casinos? Will Julian admit to Molly that Ric was innocent, or will he push his conscience back down to his toes where he normally stores it?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows!

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