Goodbye and good luck with your corpses

Patrick said goodbye to Robin, Sonny kissed Carly, and Nina made a new friend. Relationships were tested, romances were brewing, and friendships were forged. It was a week filled with revelations, burning passions, and an eleventh-hour miracle.

There are times that I'm fairly certain that my family thinks I've lost my ever-lovin' mind. Those moments usually occur when I'm watching General Hospital because I have a tendency to talk to the characters -- and by that I mean scream -- as if they can actually hear me and act on the advice I'm shouting. Admittedly, some of it is unkind.

A prime example of this was earlier in the week when Britt took her scheming with Spencer to a whole new level. It went from a silly prank to downright criminal as Spencer's stunt carried over for days in Port Charles and weeks for us viewers.

I thought that Britt was an idiot to go along with Spencer's plan to scare Nikolas straight -- into Britt's arms -- but I appreciated that it was Spencer's idea, so even though I thought she was a fool for playing along with the moronic plan hatched by a nine-year-old, I got why she did it. She's gaga for Nikolas and desperate to get him back, even if it's by hook or crook. Nothing will stop her, not even his well-intentioned but very misguided son.

In Britt's mind, all was fair in love and war -- even the delinquency of a minor.

However, I draw the line at her asking Spencer to wait awhile longer, even though he had made it clear that he was ready to go home. Young Master Spencer missed his castle; his ancient butler, Alfred; and most of all, his handsome prince father. Living with Carly and the gang just wasn't cutting it for Spencer. They didn't even have muesli!

Britt wanted to make sure there was no possibility that Spencer's shenanigans could be traced back to her when she rescued him like a conquering hero, so she told him to meet her in the park later that afternoon. Her plan? Well, it was ludicrous.

Britt decided that it would be far more believable for her to find Spencer in the park rather than at his little camp buddy's house where he had access to free food, shelter, clean facilities, and the company of a friend.

How did Spencer manage to survive for several days in the park where the police had searched every square inch when he had first disappeared? Why, he camped out. With no tent, sleeping bag, or even a thin scrap of blanket. He also managed to snag himself a clean set of clothes while foraging off the land during his adventure in the park. Oh, and stay remarkably clean to boot. Yes, Britt, that makes so much more sense than little Josslyn hiding him out in her bedroom.

Oh wait, that's what really happened.

Frankly, I thought Britt was not only incredibly selfish but all kinds of foolish for letting this get past the first couple of hours without putting a stop to it.

By the way, my brother is a police officer, and I have two children with cell phones. Between the cops and Nikolas, in real life, Spencer's phone would have been checked -- including any text messages that he might have sent or received. Within hours, the police and Nikolas could have known that not only had Spencer been in contact with Britt from the onset but that Britt had been complicit in the disappearance.

Let's be clear; what Britt did was illegal. Most states have laws in place that make it a felony for an adult to lure a minor away from home, especially one as young as Spencer. There are also laws that make it a crime to obstruct justice. Britt did both by encouraging Spencer to run away for a few days.

I doubt Britt will ever face any criminal charges because this is a soap, and we can't send the characters off to jail every time they break a law. We'd be watching tumbleweeds drift through town while crickets chirped. However, she can face her punishment by losing Nikolas for good. She doesn't deserve him if she can let him go through that kind of agony for days. Yes, she felt bad, but she didn't feel bad enough to end it, and that's what makes her unworthy.

I love that Liz caught the little stinker and took him home to Nikolas. It served Britt right.

Meanwhile, Patrick got the shock of his life at the Crichton-Clark facility when he bumped into Robin as she left her lab.

I was happy to see that Robin took a little me-time from defrosting Jason and the Cassadines to get her hair done because she's rocking that cute little bob. However, my heart bled for Patrick when he realized that Robin had been very close to home the entire time she's been away. By the way, who knew Westchester, New York, was only an hour from Port Charles? No wonder the folks of Port Chuckles are able to pop in and out of the Big Apple at a whim!

I have no idea why, but I'd always had the impression that the city was a lot further away.

Back to Scrubs (Patrick and Robin). I understood Patrick's frustration with Robin. She does have a brilliant mind, and from his perspective, she should have been able to use it to sneak a visit with her family after the accident -- if for no other reason than to assure herself that her daughter was safe. I also can't fault him for being furious that she won't return home, knowing her marriage is on the line. As far as Patrick sees it, Jason is dead, so she has no reason to stay.

Despite Robin's claims that she loves Patrick and always will, it appears she simply doesn't love him or Emma enough to put them first. It was something that Robin said that told me that Jason will always be more important to her than Patrick and, yes, even Emma.

After Robin watched a brokenhearted Patrick walk away, she told Jason-scicle that she looked forward to the day that she and Jason could make the Cassadines pay for what they did. Shouldn't her deepest desire be to return to her family as soon as Jason is thawed to room temperature? Why not leave it to Anna to take down the Cassadines? If Patrick and Emma were truly first in Robin's heart, then going on another adventure, even if it's for a just cause, would be the furthest thing from her mind. Robin is a scientist not a ride-or-die chick like Sam.

Then again, Robin knows what Patrick doesn't. Victor was the one who put Rafe behind that steering wheel the night Patrick was forced off the road. Perhaps there's a part of Robin that realizes that Patrick will never be able to look at her without a part of him blaming her for Gabriel's death. I know Robin didn't plot with Victor to cause the crash, but the crash was intended as a message to Robin. There must have been a reason that Victor felt that it was necessary because it could have easily backfired if Patrick and Emma had been killed.

I have to say, I was pretty impressed with the way Ron Carlivati put Rafe behind the wheel of the car that fateful night. It was a bleak day, indeed, when we first learned that Rafe had been responsible for the crash. I couldn't imagine anything that would justify Rafe endangering the lives of innocent people other than someone holding a gun to his head. I loved Rafe, but that was the darkest hour of his tragic young life.

Victor's confession gave those of us who liked Rafe a bit of closure and a measure of peace. Yes, what Rafe did was wrong, but I get now how it happened. Rafe was a deeply troubled orphaned teen who had lived an incredibly difficult life even by soap standards. He never had stability, his mother believed in vampires, and his serial killer father ultimately murdered her. I can understand why someone like Rafe -- alone, neglected, hurting, and utterly brokenhearted -- would believe a man like Victor Cassadine, head of the World Security Bureau and member of an even more infamous and twisted family than Rafe's.

We would laugh in Victor's face if he had approached us with the possibility that a loved one we saw murdered was alive, but none of us has ever encountered someone who has returned from the dead. Hangovers don't count.

Port Charles is filled with the walking dead and there are three more, including two Cassadines, waiting in the wings to join them. So yeah, I get why Rafe jumped behind the wheel of the car, probably rationalizing to himself that all he was doing was putting a scare into Patrick. There's a reason that sixteen-year-olds are still considered minors. They are not mature enough to always appreciate the ramifications of their actions.

Meanwhile, at General Hospital, Franco and Nina were hanging out and fast becoming BFFs. It's like watching lit dynamite do the cha-cha with nitroglycerin. These two should never ever be allowed to live on the same continent let alone the same city. And they certainly shouldn't be allowed to cross paths. Ever.

For the people of Port Charles, nothing good can come of Franco and Nina's illicit union, but for the viewing audience, it's like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Strapped to a unicorn. Franco and Nina are like the Dynamic Duo of Dysfunction and will likely give us hours of crazy fun entertainment.

Speaking of dysfunction, this week, Sonny saw Olivia kiss Ned, so Sonny decided that it was time to give Carly a wake-up call about her feelings -- or lack thereof -- for Franco by locking lips with her right in front of the hospital. Nina witnessed said kiss but opted not to tell her new pal Franco, thereby delaying the inevitable reveal that Sonny shot A.J.

The writing appears to be on the wall for Sonny and Carly because I recognize Denial-Carly well. Her lips say no to Sonny, but her eyes are already envisioning wedding number four. Or is it five? Truthfully, I've lost count.

This week, Morgan finally agreed to hear Sonny out about Ava, but I found myself screaming at Sonny to shut up the more he talked.

Hey, Dan, hurry up with that Soap Central foam remote you're designing. I'd much rather throw that than yell at my TV. I keep startling my pooch, Max, in his sleep.

It's really no wonder Morgan has a hard time forgiving Sonny because Sonny doesn't take any real responsibility for his actions. You can't forgive someone who thinks that they are a victim as much as you are. As I listened to Sonny talk to Morgan, I realized that Sonny genuinely believed every bit of the drivel flowing out of his mouth.

My issue with Sonny is that he blames Ava for everything. Granted, she did murder Connie in cold blood, so on that score, Sonny has absolutely every right to hate her and blame her. However, Ava didn't force Sonny to kill A.J. That thought and that desire was there long before Sonny ever met Ava. Sonny has always wanted to kill A.J. because I think, on some level, Sonny has always resented A.J. for fathering Michael. A.J.'s return drove home to Sonny that no matter how much he loved Michael, Sonny would always have to share him with A.J.

Sonny has never been able to play well with others much less share.

I don't deny that Sonny walked into a volatile situation when he entered Ava's apartment to find A.J.'s hands around her throat, but that is not when Sonny shot A.J. He pulled the trigger as A.J. desperately tried to tell Sonny that Ava had murdered Connie. Sonny wasn't interest in hearing what A.J. had to say because Sonny wasn't looking for a reason not to shoot.

Additionally, Sonny was hardly without choices when he slept with Ava. He tries to paint himself the victim, but ultimately, Ava did not rape Sonny. He was very much a willing and active participant as he and Ava rolled around on the mausoleum floor while their victim lay in eternal rest just feet from the sordid action and possible conception of a child. *Shudders*

Sonny accuses Julian of hiding behind Danny and Ava of hiding behind the baby, but at least they are honest about it. Sonny hides behind a veil of self-delusional.

That said, just when I think that I'm finally done with Sonny, he reminds my why I do still have a small soft -- albeit well-guarded -- spot in my heart for him.

It was really touching to see Sonny arrange for a woman named Renata to pose as Selma Diamond, so Alice could get a new heart. What made it special is that Sonny did it secretly. Yes, he wanted to make his sons happy, but he didn't try to score points in the process. That is the true definition of a selfless act.

Finally, we now know what Levi's agenda is. He's after Felicia's Aztec family heirlooms. Does anyone really care? I don't. At this point, I'd be perfectly content to see Felicia chuck the priceless gems at him just to get him off my television screen.

Although, I don't think that Maxie should land in Nathan's arms quite that easily because, let's face it, she's been a complete bonehead about Levi since the moment she met him. Mac was right; Levi reinforces every bad thing Maxie has ever thought about herself. It's obvious to everyone except Maxie.

Without fail, every single person who has encountered Levi has gotten a bad vibe from him. It's Maxie's refusal to accept when she's wrong that has led to most of the heartache in her life. She repeatedly makes bad choices, yet when her loved ones warn her that she might be making another one, she bristles and digs in deep, insisting that she knows what she's doing.

She reminds me of the emperor who paraded naked down the street, believing that he was wearing the finest of clothes spun with a special thread that couldn't be seen by anyone who was hopelessly stupid. Even when the emperor realized the truth, he stubbornly marched on pretending he wasn't naked.

I'm happy that the wedding is here and that Levi is about to make his move because the sooner it plays out, the sooner Levi can be sent packing. I want to see Maxie grow from this and for Nathan to make her work for a relationship with him.

Things that tickled my fancy

Josslyn moons over Cameron, who is busy mastering his origami skillsJosslyn: "That's beautiful."Cameron: "It's nothing."Josslyn: "It's not nothing. You have a real talent. Can you make other kinds of birds too?"Cameron: "I can make almost anything. Try to stump me."Josslyn: "How about corn on the cob?"

It's raining men for Lucas at Carly's houseBrad: "Well, isn't this cozy?"Lucas: "I'm standing here in a towel with the door wide open, so no."Felix: "Brad, what are you doing here?"Brad: "Same as you, apparently. I came over to assure Lucas that there was nothing going on between us at the Floating Rib that night, but it looks like you beat me to it. With wine. And Knots Landing? Oh, my God. How dare you, Felix? How dare you?!"Felix: "I dared. I dared."Lucas: "Oh, what is the big deal with Knots Landing?"Brad: "Hello? First Golden Girls now Knots Landing?! Felix was hoping to get you under the covers before Valene got her babies back. Isn't that right, cookie?"Felix: "Don't call me cookie."Lucas: "Oh, my God."Brad: "Knots Landing -- the gays' gateway from casual to carnal."

Olivia tries to explain to Ned why she kissed him in front of SonnyOlivia: "I don't know what came over me -- violating you like that."Ned: "Violating? Ah, that might be a bit of an overstatement, don't you think?"Olivia: "No, I-I don't. You're here going through hell over Alice, and I'm climbing all over you like a Jungle Gym. I don't know what's wrong with me."Ned: "Olivia, it's no big deal."Olivia: "It is a big deal to me. Kissing you like that wasn't even remotely appropriate. I don't know what I was thinking."Ned: "Oh, I know what you were thinking. You wanted to stick it to Sonny. To be honest, I'm happy to oblige."

Carly and Sonny have reached the point in their relationship where they can joke about the past like the time Sonny shot Carly in the head just minutes after she gave birth to MorganSonny: "I don't know how this happened. When Morgan was born, I never imagined that things would be this bad for me and my boy." Carly: "Well, given the way he came into the world, I can see why you would think things would only get better."

Carly decides it's time to take Ava to the hospital for a amniocentesis test to determine the baby's paternityCarly: "You sideswiped him with a pregnancy. And I realize this baby is an insurance policy for you, but it means something to Morgan. You already hurt him by sleeping with Sonny -- now he can't move on until he finds out if he's the father."Ava: "Well, frankly, I sympathize. I'm curious myself, but there's not much I can do until after I deliver."Carly: "You're wrong. Here." [Picks up Ava's purse] "Here's your purse."Ava: "Do you need a loan?"

A minute with Nina's special brand of crazyNina: "You care for her. I can tell. I know how that feels. I'm not in any position to judge anyone. To be perfectly honest, I haven't always been perfectly honest."Franco: "Well, who has?"Nina: "I've done some things I'm not proud of."Franco: "Like...?"Nina: "Like... one time, I thought my snooty neighbor was spying on me... so one day, her scarf got stuck in a garbage disposal, and it was choking her, and I let it happen."Franco: "You...I saw that on, like, a TV show or something, right?"Nina: "Of course. Did you think it was that easy? I was gonna say something to incriminate myself?"

Until next time, dear readers, take care. Liz Masters

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