He Had It Coming (Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!)

General Hospital fans are guaranteed one more year of shenanigans from our pals in Port Charles, and we couldn't be happier! Celebrate with us this week in Two Scoops.

Julian got a beating, and let's face it, he had it coming. He toyed with Duke for years, threatened Morgan's family, leveraged Danny's health by holding his shady stem cells over everyone's head, and routinely bullies his sister. But he sure looks good while doing evil.

I must say I found it highly satisfying to see Duke level the first blow to Julian's perfect face. First, Duke is more interesting when he's walking the line between good and bad, and second, he had the longest grudge against Julian. It will certainly cause a riff between him and Anna when she finds out he's drifting back to the dark side, but since she supposedly offed Faison, she won't have the high moral ground to perch upon.

We aren't certain that Faison is dead, because his catlike existence is only into four or five of his nine lives, but we do know that Obrecht must have had something really big to trade to the WSB to earn her full pardon. Did she turn in Anna and Robert for the murder of Faison? Did she sell Robin's serum curing polonium poisoning to them? Did she hand over Jerry Jacks? Who knows.

But we do know that for whatever twisted reason, the board of directors at General Hospital saw fit to hire her as their new chief of staff, which is a serious head-scratcher. Even if she was pardoned, the GH board surely must have known that she held Robin captive and tried to off Robert Scorpio, right? And even with a legal pardon, that doesn't absolve her of her evil deeds morally, and one would assume she would be un-hirable by anyone but Boris and Natasha. (I hate that moose and squirrel.)

See, I kind of don't care how she got there, I just really didn't want to lose Obrecht from the GH canvas, so I am willing to swallow any flimsy story they concoct that gives me more of Kathleen Gati's hilarious portrayal of Liesl Obrecht.

Just the first few scenes of her bullying the staff has me giddy with excitement for what's next. Let's admit it, GH is a pretty shoddily run ship -- no offense to previous chiefs of Staff -- but people are always standing at the nurses' station, talking about their sex lives, hacking into the GH computer, sneaking into rooms for a little afternoon delight, implanting themselves with babies stolen from frozen eggs, and using the co-ed shower and locker room a bit too frequently, and I have a hunch Obrecht will put a stop to all of that nonsense.

Will they redeem her? Oh, I hope not. I like to glimpse at her soft side occasionally, but I always enjoy a good strong (funny) villain roaming the town.

One villain I could do with much less of is Heather. I am seriously completely over her and this crazy kidnapping of Carly. We all know she isn't going to kill Carly or we would have read that Laura Wright was leaving GH by now, and we haven't, so...no suspense here other than "Will I or Won't I keep fast-forwarding all these scenes?"

Why do the Q's even keep that old boathouse? 1) The boat is never in it -- it's winter; is the boat just frozen into the Port Charles River right now? 2) Nothing good ever happens in there! It's cursed! Torch it already!

The only upside of this plotline is putting Todd and Starr, I mean Franco and Kiki in the room together again. There is some great chemistry there, and I love to watch them interact. Once Michael finds out that Kiki is hiding Franco and lying to him, maybe he can dump her, and she can seduce Morgan back away from her Mommy. (Ewww.)

She also had a great scene with her dad, Silas Clay (the magnificent Michael Easton), as he explained about his wife, the coma, and the fact that Kiki was the product of an affair. But what's been driving me crazy about this storyline is that it seems to have escaped everyone's notice that Silas had an identical brother who was a serial killer. Why isn't anyone who is investigating this crime even mentioning his name as a possible suspect?

Even Silas himself hasn't said to Sam, "Hey, remember when you first met me and were terrified because you thought I was my creepy vampire murderer brother Steven? Maybe he picked up the prescription!"

Now I have heard that the writers have denied that Steven Clay is the real killer, but still someone should mention it.

Maybe it was Carlos Rivera. He has the same scruffy look as Silas and seems kind of sweet on Ava, or perhaps Julian was trying to clear the romantic field for his sister? I've been watching so many soaps for so many years that I can concoct a hundred different soap-worthy paths to this crime.

Readers, there are so many exciting things on the GH horizon -- not just Victor Cassadine, but Molly will finally have her Daddy back in town as the fabulous and much missed Rick Hearst is on his way back to Port Charles. He is one of my most missed characters. He and Sonny had a tumultuous relationship, and Jason always loathed Ric Lansing, but Jason is gone now, so perhaps Ric and Sonny can try again to form a brotherly bond.

Sonny could really use someone with a brain back in his corner. Let's face it, Max and Shawn aren't necessarily geniuses. Will Ric be poised to be Sonny's friend or enemy? I can hardly wait to find out.

I also have to tell you that even though Ric had Carly locked in a panic room for most of their relationship, I loved Ric and Elizabeth together. I wouldn't mind the two of them getting another shot at love. Liz hasn't had a man for a really long time, and I think she's due!

Luke went to fend off some raccoons in the boathouse and instead found crazy Heather and her thugs. Dear readers, this is a family column, so I can't say the smutty thoughts floating in my brain, but seriously, just what does Heather do for those guards at the insane asylum that they keep helping her escape and partnering in her crimes? It can't be a payoff, as she doesn't have any money, so...well, let's just leave it at that.

Now Luke and Carly are missing, and Tracy will have to lead the charge to find them. Is Luke back in the cabin Heather held him in last time or in one of the horses' stalls in Spencer Cassadine's stables? Speaking of which, those kids are adorable, and I enjoyed the first scene with them, but by the end of the episode, I was so over them. There are reasons I have never given birth and refuse to work in the church nursery on Sundays.

In GH news, our beloved show has gotten another year on the air, which delights me to no end. I think perhaps ABC realized we didn't want to watch Katie or The Spew in place of our soaps. Maybe they underestimated the loyalty and the sheer, stubborn boycott fortitude of soap viewers. GH ratings are on the rise, I feel the show is much stronger than it's been in years, and we get at least another 365 days of GH soapy goodness.

In related news, Ron Carlivati is staying on as head writer, and to me that's news of equal weight. Having GH stay on the air with a writer who loves it, who loves its history, who knows the interwoven tapestry of decades of characters, and who can even dabble with a little Ryan's Hope history too? That's like winning the happy lottery for me.

This week, we had the return of Lucas Jones, and I really like Lucas, but I didn't see the Lucas/Brad pairing coming. I thought Lucas was going to be Felix's salvation from Brad, and instead, no -- the weasel gets the guy. We did learn new info about Brad, though -- his dad is a mobster, too? Oh my!

I remember the gangsters in the Asian Quarter many moons ago -- the dreaded Mr. Wu. This should be epic, though, if GH resurrected that part of the mob and we found out Brad was really a mob infiltrator for his family all along! That would explain his proclivity to help Britt with evil deeds. Maybe Mr. Wu and Dr. Obrecht are pals. (Don't dare say he's dead, because I think we all know old villains never really die.) So cool that Brad is connected to that old tale. (Check out this clip of a very young Robert Scorpio meeting with George Takei! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t4F-orMkww)

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Lucy come out from behind the drapes and bandage up Scott's bloody nose from Mac's firm fist? Will Nikolas Cassadine find Carly in the stables and make his horse drop-kick Heather? Will Patrick talk about seeing Carlos at Sabrina's place and give his whereabouts away?

Since Robin is leaving the show and Carlos is a wanted man, will Patrick, Emma, and Sabrina get to take a mulligan on their wedding? Will Lulu and Dante get their baby boy by Valentine's Day and get to have one happy hour before something else tragic befalls them? Will Monica ever have Alice stop filling giant crystal vials with Vodka, since her son is an alcoholic?

Take care and happy viewing,Liz Masters

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