Love is a battlefield

Michael and Morgan had a knock-down drag-out fight, couples hit the sheets, and the custody battle took a nasty turn. Meanwhile, Robin raced to find a cure to secure her freedom as Patrick and Sabrina prepared to head down the aisle. It's time for Two Scoops of love, General Hospital style.

Someone really needs to consider hiring a lifeguard or two for the docks, especially around Pier 52.

The week kicked off with a showdown between Sonny and Julian at the gallery and Michael delivering a well-deserved beatdown to Morgan on the Pier 52, the seediest place in town, where explosions, shootouts, and nefarious clandestine meetings abound. Why Carly went traipsing down there in the dead of night is beyond me, but it's a good thing that she did because she heard the cries of the Kiki-harpy calling for help -- for herself and for Michael.

In real life, I don't condone resorting to violence, but on soaps, it makes for great television, so I enjoy watching someone I don't like get their butt handed to them. I find it cathartic, most of the time. Michael and Morgan's altercation was one of those times.

I'm so tired of hearing Morgan whine about how Sonny chose Michael over Morgan and using that as an excuse to betray his father to a rival mobster. A mobster who has made it very clear to Morgan that he intends to dethrone Sonny as top mobster of Port Charles. Even people living under a rock know that the only way to accomplish that goal is through violence, murder, and mayhem. It's the nature of the beast.

Michael broke bro code by hooking up with Kiki, and Sonny spilled the beans to Kiki that Morgan knew that she wasn't Michael's cousin, but that doesn't compare to Morgan handing his own father on a silver platter over to his enemy out of spite and jealousy. My favorite line during the brawl was when Michael asked, "Why would [Kiki] love you, anyway, Morgan? Look at you. What a little sniveling, backstabbing traitor you turned out to be."

Moments later, Morgan proved to be a cheat and coward, too, by sucker punching Michael and then leaving Michael to drown in the icy waters of the harbor.

Folks, I have siblings, and we've gotten into some hellacious fights over the years, especially when we were younger. We'd verbally shred each other, kick, scratch, and pull each other's hair, but no matter how bad things got -- and believe me they got bad -- there would always be a line that we would never cross. I don't care how mad or hurt or justified I felt in my anger, I would never walk away from my brother or sister if they were struggling in the water after a vicious fight.

It doesn't matter to me that Morgan only scurried around a corner to hide and sulk in the shadows as Kiki and then Franco jump into the harbor to save Michael. That he could have stayed there, while Carly was doing CPR on Michael, is beyond comprehension.

Morgan reached a low in my book that is very hard to come back from. I don't think that Michael did his brother any favors by lying to Carly about what really happened. It's because no one holds Morgan accountable for his actions that he's become the way that he is.

Then again, there's not much that Carly can do for Morgan at this point. Plus, she has her hands full with Franco. Literally.

This week, Carly explained to Franco why she has been working so hard not to give in to her attraction to him. She appreciated that Franco had been suffering from a tumor and that he had never intended for Michael to be hurt in prison, but in the end, she couldn't get past the role that Franco played in Michael's rape.

Carly had a change of heart after Franco saved Michael's life, but I don't think that it was the act of saving Michael's life that did it for her. Certainly that helped, but I got the sense that the turning point for Carly was when Michael thanked Franco for saving his life. I suspect that Carly was able to take that leap of faith with Franco because of something that she saw in Michael.

Meanwhile, Carly's "ex-boyfriend" Derek Wells a.k.a. Julian Jerome is busy trying to rekindle his romance with Alexis, who is reeling from the realization that the hot hunk she's been lusting after is her baby daddy. She hates that he's a mobster, but for Julian, that's just a pesky obstacle to overcome.

I have to confess, if the devil showed up on my doorstep looking like William deVry, I'd happily follow him to Hades, merrily whistling and skipping all the way. I never knew what the vapors were until the other day when Julian grabbed Alexis' face, laid a hot steamy kiss on her lips, and growled, "I remember you."

Now,that is how you kiss a woman.

However, I do have a small request to the powers that be. Please, flash a warning across the screen before William deVry parades around in boxer briefs. Unlike Alexis, I got completely flustered and distracted when Julian opened that door and flashed all of that sinewy muscle and gorgeous skin, so I totally forgot to open the chimney flue before I lit the fire in my fireplace!

I have always loved Alexis because Nancy Lee Grahn is such an amazing actress with wonderful comedic timing. Alexis is quirky, intelligent, fiercely protective of her children, but genetically predisposed to men who like to walk on the dark side. That kiss and the scene between Alexis and Julian in his hotel suite made me a fan of this pairing. Their dialog, their chemistry, and their connection to each other because of Sam and Danny make me want to see where a relationship between them could go.

Although, first, Julian has to agree to secretly bank his bone marrow for Danny.

I honestly don't know why everyone is up in arms over Julian's refusal to run to the hospital to have the tests to bank his bone marrow when Sonny made it perfectly clear that Julian will be dead as soon as that bone marrow is safely deposited. Why isn't anyone mad at Sonny? Sonny is the one who created the situation, not Julian. All Sonny would have to do is promise that he will not put a hit out on Julian, and mean it. Better yet, threaten to kill Julian if Julian doesn't bank the bone marrow.

On Spoon Island, love is in the air for Britt and Nikolas, but not so much for Liesl and Faison. Duke exposed Faison's diabolical plot to blackmail Anna into a relationship by threatening to hurt Duke if she doesn't comply. Liesl was thoroughly disgusted that Faison is still clinging to the ridiculous hope that Anna will fall in love with him, so Liesl has decided to jump off of crazy train.

However, I suspect that Liesl will eventually jump back on because Liesl is as obsessed with Faison as Faison is with Anna.

Britt is having much better luck than her mother because Britt has landed herself a genuine handsome rich prince with a knight in shining armor complex. Perfect for a girl like Britt, who likes to frame her rivals for murder, torpedo their careers, and, of course, steal frozen embryos to pass off as her own. I will continue to fervently believe that baby Ben is Dante and Lulu's son until proven otherwise. Britt might be behaving herself right now because everything is going her way with Nikolas, but I have not forgotten that she's as diabolical and untrustworthy as her parents.

That said, though, I find it exceedingly annoying that the people of Port Charles have such a difficult time grasping the concept of sperm donation. Just because Britt supposedly opted to go the private route rather than through a sperm bank doesn't make it any less of a donation. I can't stand Brad, but it irks me to no end how everyone keeps calling him a deadbeat father to a kid that is clearly not even Brad's.

At the courthouse, Lulu is desperately trying to hold on to Connie through any means necessary, including using a heartbreaking tragedy against Maxie that will soon be revealed to have been an elaborate kidnapping. Not to be outdone, Maxie turned around and threw Logan Hayes and Lulu's abortion in Lulu's face, which pretty much evened things out and painted both ladies in an unflattering light.

Lulu summed up my issue with Maxie perfectly when she told Maxie that it was like Maxie is incapable of empathy because Maxie has no idea of the damage that she's caused until it's too late and then Maxie simply throws up her hands and says, "Oops, I didn't mean to."

That is exactly how I've seen things play out with this baby reveal. Yes, Maxie says all the right words, but those words lack conviction. The tears that I've seen her shed only flowed when she was caught or confronted with her actions. Maxie appears to cry for herself, not for others because she keeps defending what she did by claiming that she'd had the best of intentions. I don't buy that because if that were true then she would have told the truth. As Lulu keeps reminding everyone, Lulu and Dante's baby died, and they weren't even given the opportunity to mourn that death because they immediately became embroiled in a fight to keep the child that they bonded with and loved as their own.

I think that's why I'm really rooting for Ben to be Dante and Lulu's son. When the dust settles and Connie is handed over to her biological parents, Dante and Lulu will have lost two children in a very short span of time. No one deserves that kind of pain.

In other Falconeri news, Olivia spent the night with Sonny and then promptly tried to give him an out by suggesting that they not make more of their night together than what it was. Poor Olivia was as convincing as Lulu had been on the stand when Lulu denied plotting to run away with Dante and Connie.

I prefer Olivia to be assertive rather than placating, especially when it comes to Sonny. She's old enough to know what she wants and claim it. If Olivia doesn't act fast, another woman is going to come along and snatch Sonny up from under her nose, and she won't have anyone to blame except herself. Then again, I don't think that Olivia has what it takes to keep Sonny for long. Sonny tends to be drawn to women who are emotionally damaged and dysfunctional. Olivia is too grounded for Sonny and doesn't really offer any kind of challenge for him.

I'm afraid that Patrick and Sabrina's relationship is also on borrowed time and will expire right around the time that Sabrina heads down the aisle to marry Patrick.

Liesl asked if Robin could be sure that Patrick would pick Robin over Sabrina. Robin answered yes because Robin and Patrick were soul mates, but you could see a flicker of doubt in Robin's eyes. Well, there isn't one in mine because the only reason that Patrick has moved forward with Sabrina is because he believes that Robin is dead. When he finds out that she isn't, I have no doubt that he's going to whisk Robin home to their daughter and lock out the rest of the world.

However, I don't think that things will go quite so smoothly for Patrick and Robin because that's the way baby bumps roll on soaps. It's pure speculation on my part, but I would not be surprised if Sabrina finds out that she's pregnant. That is the only thing that I can think of that would threaten Patrick and Robin's happily ever after.

The award for most awkward moment of the week goes to Emma when she showed Robin and Patrick's wedding picture to Sabrina and innocently suggested that Sabrina wear Robin's wedding dress. Frankly, I'd rather go cartwheeling down the aisle naked than wear my processor's wedding gown.

Kudos to Sabrina for reminding Emma the dress should be saved for Emma to wear on Emma's wedding day. I'm going to miss Emma and Sabrina's friendship when Robin returns, but I cannot wait until little Emma sees her mother.

I received quite a few emails about Sabrina and Carlos over the past few weeks. Most were not in support of the pairing because many see the same lack of sizzle between the characters that I do. However, I was surprised by the number of readers who expressed an interest in seeing the writers explore a relationship between Sabrina and Morgan.

I have to admit that the more I thought about it, the more I saw a potential. Sabrina is exactly the kind of person that Morgan needs in his life to balance him out and offer him unwavering love and loyalty. It's just who she is.

I'm curious what other unexpected pairings readers would like to see and why. Mine is Julian and Liz.

A few things that tickled my fancy

Sam and Silas talk about HeatherSilas: "Crazytown is handcuffed, in the back of a squad car. She's not going anywhere."Sam: "You do not know Heather the way I do. She is an escape artist. Every time she gets locked up, she somehow slips away."Silas: "You kidding? She'll be wrapped up in a straightjacket at Miscavige before you can say 'schizoaffective disorder.'"

Julian answers the door in his boxer briefs to find Alexis on his doorstepJulian: "What a pleasant surprise. If I would have known you were coming I would have put some pants on or, I don't know, maybe not."

Nikolas tells Liesl that it will soon be time for her to leaveNikolas: "Start packing, Frau Verruckt. If all this works out, you and Gandalf the gray will be out of here."

Britt questions Liesl about what Liesl and Faison had been doing in the catacombsLiesl: "I'm not lying to you, Britta. Yes, your father and I bickered, but he wanted to show me his old shtupping grounds."Britt: "I-I think you mean stomping grounds. And if that's not what you're referring to, please do not tell me."Liesl: (Silence)

Faison demands to know what took Liesl so long to return to the catacombsLiesl: "I was satisfying your daughter's curiosity. We can't keep this up much longer."Faison: "Well, if you had given me a boy we wouldn't have that kind of problem."Liesl: "I'll forward your complaint to your sperm."Duke: "You're both mad as hatters."

Thank you for taking the time to read this week's column. I love to read your thoughts, too, so click here to send me an email, or scroll down the page to leave comments.

Until next time, dear readers, take care. Liz Masters

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