Double loops and negative G's

The Quartermaines had never heard of Kiki two moments ago, but she became part of everyone's plans for ELQ. Now that a headline has declared she isn't one of them, Port Charles is in for a wild ride! Extra, Extra! Read all about it... in this week's Two Scoops by Tamilu.

GH was a roller coaster of ups and downs this week and I love roller coasters. The twists and turns left us breathless as all of Port Charles seemed to be on the ride of their lives.

The headline read "Kiki Not a Q!" and the whole town came to a standstill as the implications of that revelation hit the citizens of Port Charles in waves. Ava came to town with a plan to pass Kiki off as a Q, and it was working solidly...right up until Kate ran the story on the front page of the paper. Now, all of Port Charles is quaking from the aftershocks.

Kiki and Morgan are on the verge of matrimony, as Morgan weaves his own web of lies to rush her to the altar. Does he really think she won't dump his behind in a flash the minute she discovers the object of her fantasies is not, in fact, her cousin?

Can you spell "annulment"? Even if Morgan and Kiki have said their "I dos" before Michael bursts in with the giant photo of Kiki's face (that everyone in town has seen except for Kiki), it won't change the final outcome. Because it's a soap, it might drag on a while, say right up until sweeps month, but then we should get the payoff we have been waiting for since Starr magically turned into Kiki -- a glimpse of the mad chemistry between Chad Duell and Kristen Alderson.

My only problem with this storyline is that Michael and Kiki had one nice conversation and a couple of stolen kisses, but their relationship doesn't ring as true to me as Michael and Starr's, which took a long time building into love. They had common experiences with loss and actual things in common, so while I like the actors together, I don't feel the same attachment to the couple.

Also, I have sympathy for Morgan. It took me a minute to warm up to him, but now I like him. Sure, he's impulsive and reckless, but his parents are Carly and Sonny, so how could he be anything but? It's hard to love someone who doesn't return your feelings, and Morgan is trying to get Kiki to the altar, thinking he can stake a lifetime claim on her -- but it's snowballed out of control -- when Kiki finds out he knew she wasn't a Q and didn't tell her, she will never be able to trust him again. Then what will become of Morgan? Back to gambling? Working for a rival mobster because he will think Sonny betrayed him? Hard to say.

No one will trust Ava again, because she has lied to pretty much everyone in town. Was it just for the Quartermaine money? I don't know. It seems to me she is afraid of Silas, but I'm not really sure why. Does anyone have a guess?

Ava has convinced Tracy to let her keep her job (a.k.a. illicit money laundering operation) at ELQ, and I predict that is the thing that will eventually bring Tracy down and put A.J. back at the big desk. Ava worked so hard to keep the truth hidden, but it has come out, and all she could salvage was a phony job her brother made her fight for.

Silas knows he has a daughter and is tracking her like a bloodhound, and Michael is on the hunt for Kiki too. He threw open the doors to the judge's chambers, but we don't know if the deal has already been sealed. Either way, I doubt Morgan will have a very good wedding night.

Once Silas finds her -- then what? Does he take her to meet her vampire cousin, Rafe? He doesn't seem to have a very good first impression on people -- will Kiki be glad her dad isn't a serial killer, or slightly disappointed because Silas is so gruff?

Also impacted is A.J., who went into full meltdown at the news because it means he has lost control of ELQ and that Tracy bested him in their ongoing battle of CEO-dom. In a predictable action, he went to Sonny's and tried to strangle Connie, and Sonny bested him. Hey A.J. -- remember the meat hook incident? I do. Don't be an idiot.

While Liz's loyalty is admirable, I kind of want to punch her right now, and the reason I want to punch her is because she reminds me of myself in so many bad relationship choices of my past. "Here is someone broken/wounded/lost -- I can love them into shape!" This never works. Ever.

Her choices were the perfectly nice but brooding Prince Nikolas, or the recovering alcoholic, panic-attack-having, uncontrollable temper, self-destructive egomaniac A.J., and she picked A.J. Oh, Elizabeth... I hate to say it, but I'm on Tracy's side this time.

Also involved in this chaos inadvertently are Sam and Alexis, but they don't know it -- they don't know Julian/Derek is Sam's dad and that Ava/Kiki are in fact Sam's aunt and cousin. But they do know that Derek has come in to get tested as a bone marrow donor for Danny, so one point for him. Does he know that Sam is his daughter? When he asked Alexis if he had seen her somewhere before, did he already know the answer, or was their one night fling just as much of a blur for him?

The Jeromes are in town with an agenda: to take Sonny's territory away. I predict that without Jason to defend it, and with Shawn as a reluctant enforcer, the mighty Sonny might fall. So, poor Alexis, the nice lady with the penchant for mobsters, is going to end up in the middle of a fight between two of the three mobsters who fathered her children. Who would have ever thought that fringe mobster Ric would be the best of her choices?

I am not quite sure why they want it back, though, as it seems "Derek" has a lovely and non-criminal publishing job. Does he just really miss being a wanted criminal?

In another wonderful nod to GH history, we not only got the Jeromes back, but (the still kind of handsome for a super old guy) Sean Donely. When Luke was in trouble, I thought the person helping him might be Laura, but instead it was another one of Luke's former flames, the lovely Holly Sutton. Since Bunheads got cancelled, maybe we can get their beautiful son Ethan back on canvas, too.

The wheelchair-bound Sean seems just as wily as ever and with a clever daughter to boot. Is Tiffany still alive? To be honest, it's been so long, I honestly don't remember. And even if she was dead, if Robert and Anna came back, so could she. So, how is Sean connected to Jerry Jacks? And why does he have the cure? To sell it to Luke? To give it to him as a goodwill "bygones" gesture? To make him dance for it? I dunno. I still haven't put all the pieces together in my head, but I am excited to see how it unfolds. I wish I could re-watch a bunch of old episodes and remind myself about everything that transpired. I am 52 and have watched GH since I was 15 or 16, so, I have a lot of episodes and storylines that I have a vague recollection of, and I wish my old brain had Google.

While Laura is off hunting for Luke, Scott and Lucy are getting quite chummy. No offense to Kevin Collins, but Scott and Lucy are a lot more entertaining to watch than Lucy and Doc. Sure, Doc is the smart, sensible choice, but ZZZZZZ. Not a lot of excitement for soap viewing. Thus, if I am honest, I am kind of rooting for Scott and Lucy, even though that's very bad of me.

Another veteran couple, Mac and Felicia, are about to tie the knot, and I hope the wedding isn't glossed over or done off-screen. Some of us have been waiting for this reunion for a long time, and besides, I think Kristina Wagner looks spectacular in wedding gowns.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Sonny reopen Mob Pasta after he loses his territory to the Jeromes? Will Olivia envision herself impregnated again by potent Sonny sperm? Will Ava accidentally call Derek "Julian" in Alexis' earshot and finally remind her of who she had car sex with 30 years ago? Will Dr. Von Schemerman be able to heal Sean's paralysis? Will Kiki decide she doesn't want to pick a brother and suggest a Big Love-style solution? Will Carly go visit Todd, I mean Franco, in the hospital again, even though he can't help Danny? Will Frisco crash Mac and Felicia's wedding with his guitar and sing "All I Need"?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

Tamilu