Belles of the ball

The ugly duckling becomes a swan, the wicked witch finally dies, and the Aztec princess has to choose between two handsome princes. The Nurses Ball is in full swing, and everyone you ever wanted to see was in attendance. (Well, almost.) Join us as we revel in a magnificent week of soap magic in this week's Two Scoops.

Dear Readers, it's been a magnificent week on GH, chock full of surprise angelic visits from beyond, old love triangles reignited, an Ugly Betty morphed into a Sabrina Swan, a visit from a hot rock star (who is just as yummy today as when he first sang Jesse's Girl) masquerading as a hot doctor, and -- get this -- the demise of our most enduring ber-villain with an actual body without a pulse??? What more could we ask for?

According to TV Guide, GH's ratings have increased 45% in women ages 18-34 from this same time last year, which the article says is "astounding."

We owe this miraculous ratings boost and this enchanting week to two amazing guys, Frank Valentini and Ron Carlivati, who clearly love General Hospital and the denizens of Port Charles with the same passion all of us do. We should shower them with affection for saving our beloved show that was on the road to being axed before they turned it around. Thank you, gentlemen, for a fabulous week of television.

Where to start... how about heaven? Monica and Tracy were having one of their always entertaining cat fights and looked up to see the still very handsome Prince Charming, or I guess you can call him Alan Quartermaine. When Tracy started bickering with him and Monica's face lit up and they realized they could both see him, it was tonic to my old heart. Here's the thing about soaps -- I will suspend my disbelief over and over again. Give me a resurrection, give me angelic visits, I'll even stick with you through aliens from Lumina. Soaps are good campy fun, and if the writers deem it story worthy to have our beloved dead characters in for occasional visits, I will never complain.

I was slightly surprised to see that Rick Webber's angelic version had a soul patch. Who knew that was in fashion up there? It was also lovely to see Emily, the conscience of the Quartermaine clan. For a brief moment when they all came in, I was hoping they were alive and had been prisoners of Helena. I mean she does have that cryogenic lab under the hospital whose elevator we never see when people are up meandering on the GH roof anymore.

I suppose that elevator won't get much use ever again now that it appears Helena is dead! How fitting that Luke would end her with a bullet through the heart. We see a lifeless body, she had no pulse, but -- is she really dead? My husband, Jeff, who pretends he doesn't watch GH, says no, that the gun had blanks or she was wearing a bulletproof camisole under her fitted suit. Ha. Hard to say, but if she's really gone, I'm glad Luke's the one who did her in!

If Helena is really, truly dead -- this will end an era of evil unlike any in soap history. Helena has done hundreds of evil things, but the one I think that made me the angriest was when she brainwashed Lucky to make him forget he loved Liz! That's just wrong. When Luke said (with perfect delivery), "Ding Dong. The witch is dead," I rewound it and listened to it 20 times because it was Just. So. Perfect. Ah, Tony Geary, you never disappoint.

It was a treat to see Ethan, and the scenes with Laura and Ethan were sweet. It reminded me why everyone loves Laura -- her heart is big enough to immediately embrace the child of her husband's infidelity. I love that about her. But where is Lulu? Of course, we know where she really is -- still over at Y&R finishing up as Abby Newman. But soon, Emme Rylan will be on GH as our new Lulu. While I adore Julie Marie Berman and hate to see her go, I've always loved Emme on Y&R and think she brings a lot of energy with her into every scene. I can hardly wait to see her play scenes with her new Port Charles family. Imagine being a young soap actress and getting to be both the child of Victor Newman and Luke Spencer. Wow.

When Carly opened the door and saw Jax, and Sonny opened the door and saw Brenda, I said, "Uh-oh," out loud to my dog, because I knew it wasn't going to be pretty. Of course, my first question was where on earth did Brenda leave that kid she wouldn't let out of her sight for one instant?

If I have to pick a team in this battle, I'm on Team Carly. I got a lot of notes this week from readers who think Carly should have minded her own business, and I disagree. She is loyal, and she believed Jax was being lied to and wanted to get to the truth.

She did, of course. When Jax pressed Brenda and said, "Tell me the truth. Do you want to get back with Sonny?" and Brenda said, "Yes," it made my heart stop. And that's the rub for Carly's spying -- she may very well have broken up Jax and Brenda but has set the stage for a Sonny/Brenda dalliance.

Sure, Sonny already has the "Two Girls in One" Kate/Connie off somewhere in rehab, being integrated, but let's get real -- Brenda is the love of his life, and if she's in the mix, I think Kate/Connie might get an unhappy surprise when they come home. If it goes in true soap fashion, just as Sonny and Brenda finally succumb to their eternal destiny and sleep together, Kate/Connie will walk in fresh from rehab and split into two people again. Ha.

In one of the most anticipated makeovers ever, Felix finally convinced Sabrina to brush her damn hair and put on a little makeup. The results were astonishing; she's a true beauty (which we could always see underneath the intentional frump) and in a true "Cinderella moment," Sabrina was finally kissed by the object of her long-time crush, Patrick Drake. If this plot follows Soap Logic to its usual conclusion, Dr. Obrecht and Britt will bring the long-presumed-dead Robin to the ball just as Sabrina thinks she's got it made, or even better, just as Patrick sings a love song to Sabrina while Robin watches! Merely speculation, but you know that those two mean fruleins are plotting something sinister.

When we got to the point in the ball when it said "To Be Continued..." I screamed "NO!" at my TV. My neighbors must think I'm a maniac.

The ball itself was what we hoped for -- multiple costume changes for the gorgeous Lynn Herring as Lucy Coe, every gown more beautiful than the last, and the entire cast decked out in amazing fashions. And was it just me, or were they all absolutely glowing?

It must be a delight for the stars of the 70s and 80s to be all there together again at a big party, singing, dancing, and dressed in designer duds. Sure, I'm certain it's a lot of work and lots of time in the hair and makeup chair, but the end result is breathtaking.

Ellie and Spinelli's number, "She Blinded me with Science," seemed like one of those too long Saturday Night Live skits where the concept is clever, but it just goes on too long. Bradford Anderson has a great voice, but I would rather have heard it sing something meaningful like say Elton John's song "Blessed," which would have forced Maxie to spill the beans about the baby, right?

On the other hand, hearing Jack Wagner sing "All I Need" put me over the moon. I swear to you, I still have the 45 on vinyl -- that's how old I am. In the Felicia/Mac/Frisco triangle, I've been rooting for good old solid Mac, but if Jack Wagner sang a song to me, I can't say I'd make the right choice because he was just so Frisco-licious.

It has to be tough to work with your real life ex, though. I started thinking about all my old loves and if I were forced to work in close proximity with them and kiss them and pretend like I was in love with them. I have to say I would not like that very much at all, so kudos to Jack Wagner and Kristina Wagner for toughing it out for our viewing pleasure.

The nurses' opening number penned by Molly was a delight -- and whatever they are paying ddy, they should pay her more because every scene she is in, she steals. She's a true delight and ultra talented. I have seen her popping up all over, though, so glad to see casting directors have caught onto her great presence and continue to use her in other projects. As long as they don't steal her from GH...

I could have done without Mr. Marbles not because Mac did a bad job, but because I despise ventriloquist dummies and they creep me out. I never met a puppet I liked outside of the Muppets. Or clowns. Hopefully no clown acts are coming up.

Seeing Steve Hardy's photo, Amy, and Jessie Brewer (whom my mom always called Black Sweater Lady) was a sweet treat for us old-timers, and I was glad Audrey showed up to pay a visit to Liz. I was somewhat hoping to see her dad, Jeff Weber, too. Can't Richard Dean Anderson get a break between the MacGyver movie and doing voiceovers for Stargate video games to stop by GH for a day? That would be sweet. Then we could have a group photo of negligent dads Noah, Frisco, and Jeff.

I really hope you all have SOAPnet and that you got to fill your head with their 50-hour GH marathon and re-watch all those classic episodes that have made this show a legend. Mine are still clogging up my DVR, and as long as I have space, I won't release them. If they had a "Classic General Hospital" channel on cable, I might never change the station.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Luke and Laura be surrounded by a plethora of long-forgotten Cassadines? Will Nikolas wake up and see Emily, too? Will Lucy end up on stage in her skivvies? (Okay, of course she will.) Will Felicia pick Frisco and leave Mac to Alexis? Will Milo decide to switch teams and give Felix a go, since Sabrina dumped him, or is Lucas Spencer Felix's soul mate? Will Lucy discover the person behind the door is Richard Simmons bringing duck l'orange made from Sigmund to get revenge on ousting him from his choreography gig? Will Pickle-Lila relish on Ritz Crackers really become the hot hors d'oeuvres for parties?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu