The Britch is busted

Britt showed Patrick her true colors. Kevin returned. Sonny got softer. A.J. had a panic attack after Tracy sabotaged ELQ. The nurses had a night out. Oh, and there may, or may not, be vampires running amok. So much happened on General Hospital this week that Two Scoops' Jennifer Biller can't wait to dish.

Christmas came again this week for all of those ever bullied by the mean girl. Dr. Britt Westbourne, or "Britch," as she's been so aptly nicknamed, finally got her comeuppance. After months of manipulating Patrick and demeaning Sabrina, Patrick finally saw Britt's true nature. Hint: It starts with "self" and ends with "ish."

The fact that Britt called sweet little Emma a "spoiled brat," during Britt's verbal assault on Sabrina, made me want to take a swipe at Britch myself. I loved that Patrick witnessed Britt's venom, up close and personal, when she didn't know that he was behind her. (Always check your blind spot, Britt. Someone is always listening at General Hospital.) I'm just glad this charade is finally over. Now, we can get on with the part of the story that I've been waiting for: Sabrina's makeover.

It has already started on some level. Sabrina found her courage and told Patrick, in front of Britt, what Emma had said about Britt's meanness. I was thrilled that Sabrina found some courage and stopped being silent about Britt's verbal vomit. It must be tough tattling on the doctor, considering Britt has the power to make Sabrina's life miserable at work. Bedpans, anyone? But Sabrina realized that poor Emma was getting hurt and that Britt's charade had to stop.

I would like to commend Kelly Thiebaud on her work as Britt. It's not easy to play the bad girl, but she does it well. Her machinations remind me of Nurse Bobbie Spencer, years ago, when she was trying to trap the man of her dreams. I have no doubt that Britt will regroup and go for payback. I just hope that it isn't the psychotic, stalker kind of payback we're used to seeing from Patrick's suitors. Ferncliff is already crowded enough. Sabrina, watch your back.

Meanwhile, while I'm throwing around praise, let me heap a pile on Jason Thompson. Man, this guy can make me cry like no one else. His teary-eyed desperation, when he realized that someone might have taken Emma, was heart-wrenching. He made me feel every horrific, panicked emotion that must occur when you realize your child is missing.

Finola Hughes also deserves some applause here. Watching Anna melt down in Mac's arms, desperate to find Emma, begging Mac to stay with her so she wouldn't fall apart, made me weak in the knees. Bravo to all those involved in the "Emma's missing" story arc this week. There wasn't a weak link anywhere.

The writers have done the impossible. They made me feel sympathy for Sonny Corinthos. Bravo to the show honchos for taking Sonny in a different direction. He didn't go the predictable route and help Tracy go after A.J. I was stunned. It was a brilliant twist. Old Sonny would have been up to his eyeballs in this mess. So, when Sonny got blamed anyway for leaking the documents, I couldn't help but feel some sympathy. Sonny finally did the right thing, for the first time in a long time, and Michael doesn't believe him. I suppose it's karma for all the other times Sonny has lied and manipulated, but I have to say, I am loving the change in Sonny. That sexy bad boy sparkle is still there, and it makes it all the more powerful when he doesn't always play the villain.

I'd love to see more of Sonny parenting with Alexis and less of his mobstering. Yes, by now, we all know what he does for a living. Let's just leave that ugliness in the background and let Sonny focus on other things for a while, like being a dad. He and Alexis are great together. Now, if the show honchos would just bring back old Kristina into the mix, it would be a win-win.

While I'm putting out Sonny requests, how about this one, show runners? Can you please write Sonny a couple scenes where he's mourning Jason? Then maybe Sonny wouldn't seem like such an insensitive douche lately. Seriously, Sonny, Jason is dead! Dead! Writers, would it kill Sonny to at least stare out at the water from Pier 52 for a few minutes and show some emotion about losing his best friend and sidekick? That's all I'm asking.

Speaking of Pier 52, a visit there should come with a warning label or at least a complimentary piece of police chalk that will probably be used to draw your body outline. I've lost track of the number of people who have been snuffed there, but it's approaching double digits. Sabrina, find some other place to feed the ducks!

Every week, familiar faces keep popping up in Port Charles, and I scream like a schoolgirl at a Justin Bieber concert. This week, we saw Ned and Kevin. Longtime readers know I've been campaigning for Ned's return for, well, as long as I've written this column. He was always one of my favorites, and Tracy needs to have some family in this town that doesn't hate her. (Those scenes with Tracy, Ned, and the fangs, recently, had me rolling.) I hope Ned makes his visit permanent. He has yet to share a scene with Alexis, and I think that's something most of us have been waiting for.

As for Kevin, I was equally thrilled to see him back. Although he seemed awfully quick to abandon Lucy in her time of need. Yes, I know Lucy is having vampire delusions. But, seriously, Lynn Herring is such a great actress, she pretty much has me convinced that vampires are running amok, despite my logical reasoning that it's impossible.

I'm assuming we aren't going to see actual vampires come to Port Charles. I'm begging actually for that not to happen. But I don't mind a suspenseful murder mystery, and it seems this tale is taking that route, with the Barrington girl's death. I'm okay with that. But what I really want is Lucy planning the Nurses Ball and chatting up Mac and her old pals, not screeching about vampires. I'm hoping that some chemical in Lucy's Coe Coe cosmetics is causing her to have these paranoid delusions. I could totally buy that theory, and then Lucy wouldn't look like a psychopath.

What I do find hilarious is that if you watch soaps long enough, there comes the day when the actors' soap-hopping can get a bit confusing. I kept waiting for Kevin to run into Todd at Ferncliff, which, all of you who watched As the World Turns know, would have been hysterical because Jon Lindstrom and Roger Howarth played delicious rivals on that show (Craig Montgomery and Paul Ryan, respectively.)

According to the latest casting news, some other familiar faces are about to hit town: Kin Shriner, Genie Francis, and Jack Wagner. Scotty and Frisco were two of my all-time favorite characters on this show, and I'm super pumped to get them back. Frisco has some explaining to do, and I can't wait for Mac and Maxie to call him on the carpet for being such a deadbeat dad. I also can't wait for his scenes with Felicia. Those two were a golden supercouple back in the day. Sorry Mac.

Actually, I'm not sorry. I've never bought Felicia with Mac. He deserves better. I never felt like she loved him the way she should, a fact proven when she left him to chase after Luke. I'd much rather see Mac mixing it up with Alexis or even Anna.

Laura's return also has me salivating. I'll be honest. I hated her last two visits to GH. Watching her in a rocking chair, as a helpless mental patient, made me want to check into Ferncliff. I'd love to see Laura come in as a confident, successful woman, much like the one she played on The Young and the Restless. And I hope Scotty isn't far behind. His verbal sparring scenes with Luke are legendary, and I can't wait for the rematch.

There are so many old faces popping up in Port Charles lately, I wouldn't be surprised if John Stamos came walking into Kelly's. Blackie is due for a visit, right? He and Frisco could totally rock the Nurses Ball. Just saying.

In other musings:

Can someone tell me why the Quartermaines can't fund the Nurses Ball with their personal money? They're supposed to be millionaires, right? Just because ELQ is in trouble should not mean that Monica couldn't dip into her funds. This is crazy that the sponsors for this event keep getting in trouble with the SEC. Elizabeth, please call your old pal, billionaire Jasper Jacks -- good friend of Robin Scorpio Drake -- and get him to write a big, fat check. And while he's at it, have him fly in on his private jet for a visit. If Ned's in town, I'd like to see these two old friends yuck it up.

Is Milo gay? It seems that the story may be veering that way, especially the way Felix has been eyeing Milo, like he's dessert. Milo told Felix that he's straight, and I selfishly hope that Milo is. I want him to play for my team. I remember Milo's sweet crush on Lulu. There are plenty of single women in this town that could use a sweet guy.

Nurses' night out should become a regular thing. I loved every minute of it, from Max's awkward hitting on Elizabeth, to Sabrina being shoved at Spinelli. There is nothing better than when multiple characters end up in the same room, mixing it up at a social gathering. And Max asking Elizabeth about his mole was hysterical.

There are a lot of unsolved mysteries going on right now. Who is the Quartermaine heir? Is Maxie's baby Spinelli's or Lulu's? Who killed the blonde on Pier 52? But the most complex for me is this Kate/Connie DID storyline. I'll be honest; I don't understand it. If Connie made up "Kate" to escape the horror of her rape and baby abandonment, then why is everyone trying to get Kate to come out? Shouldn't they be trying to get Connie healthy and to stay Connie? Sigh. Kevin, I think you are desperately needed in Port Charles to help sort out this mess.

Bravo to the show runners for having characters who normally don't interact share scenes. This week we saw a friendship blossom between Connie and Tracy. We saw A.J. and Duke become coworkers. Mac and Anna had a moment, as did Max and Elizabeth. And last week, we saw a phenomenal scene between Sonny and Anna. It wasn't long ago that characters had only one or two other characters that they ever came within reach of. I cannot gush enough about this new change. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

I've been ranting for years about how GH had consistently missed the little moments. Well, not anymore. Scoundrel Luke took time to apologize to Tracy for not being there for her during her darkest hour, at Edward's passing. (A plot point, due to Geary's absence, that maddened me so much that I ranted in a column about it.) Luke's apology was a quick scene, but it spoke volumes about those writing this show. They know every detail counts when you're developing characters. I love the new attention to details. Thank you!

Anyone know why Elizabeth carries a stethoscope in her purse? Yes, I pay attention to the details, too, and I thought that was hilarious. My sister-in-law is a nurse, and I've never seen her bring a stethoscope home from the hospital. Although, lucky for A.J. that Elizabeth is so thorough. I am loving these two more and more.

Note to Felix: Never, ever, ever, suggest that Carly hook up again with A.J., or you will risk my wrath. A.J. has spent the last decade trying to heal from all the damage she caused him. I wouldn't mind a truce and a friendship, but under no circumstances do I want those two romantically involved.

Many of you seem to think that the Quartermaine heir everyone is speaking of is Franco's child. That could be possible, but I still have a hard time swallowing the fact that Franco was ever a Quartermaine. I mean the guy was a murderous psychopath.

News came this week that Todd, John, and Starr will be written out due to the One Life to Live relaunch. I don't want Todd to leave. I love him. John has grown on me, and I like him, too. Although, if it turns out that he's a vampire, he can stay in Llanview. I'm not sad to see Starr go. Sorry. I'm not being mean. It's just that some characters click with me, and others don't. Plus, I wouldn't mind seeing Michael hitting the dating scene with Max, Milo, and Spinelli. He's been way too serious for way too long.

(Max spies Elizabeth at the bar.) Elizabeth: "Hi, Max. How ya doin'?"Max: (Getting his flirt on and doing his best Joey Tribbiani) "Hi. How you doin'?"

(Connie, now running Todd's newspaper, needles him while he's incarcerated at Ferncliff.)Connie: "So, I'm thinking our paper needs a little more visual impact. I'm thinking of changing the font to zapped dingbat."Todd: "I think you're a dingbat."

(Lucy, who stabbed John because she believes him to be a vampire named Caleb, tries to convince Todd to team up and break out of Ferncliff together.) Todd: "I don't think that's a good idea. I'm in a little bit of trouble here. It's probably not such a great idea for me to team up with such a committed slayer." Lucy: "It's okay, you can say it. I'm a nut job. You can call me that. I should have probably recanted what I said about Caleb and blamed it on overeating, stress, exhaustion, or something like eating expired Ding Dongs." Todd: "Ding Dongs expire? That's worrisome."

(Starr tells Todd that she still has his taped confession from years ago, when he admitted he faked DID to get out of a felony he committed.)Todd: "Who keeps a cassette tape? What are you gonna play it on?"

The vampire storyline sure got you talking. I had more email this week than I have had in months. Thanks for all the wonderful feedback. Keep it coming!

• I have to disagree with you on the vampire stuff. I'm firmly in the "show history" camp for two big reasons. First, as you mentioned in the column, Lynn Herring has given us some amazing comedic moments since Lucy returned, and in my opinion the "I know who you are, Caleb Morley, King of the Vampires!" scene took the cake. Beyond that, it gave Sam and John a reason to grow closer while giving a shout out to the material Lynn Herring, Michael Easton, Kelly Monaco, and Ian Buchanan had together on PC. Don't get me wrong, I don't want there to actually be vampires in Port Charles again, but I'd feel cheated if the writers turned PC into one big psychotic delusion that was all in Lucy's head. I think having the vampires be real--but in the past--gives Lucy a kooky richness that would be lost if she was crazy. - Jim
• I say a big "NO" to vampires on General Hospital. They have been doing so well with the new story lines, and I hope they won't ruin it. -- Ginny Poort
• Hi Jennifer, I'm okay with Lucy's story only because it brings Heather back and interacting with Lucy and Todd ("crazy calling!") So I'm over the moon, as Robin Mattson is my favorite actress on GH, and Roger Howarth is my favorite actor. - Freeman Griffin

• I love the chemistry between Laura Wright and Sean Kanan! I would love for the writers to take A.J. and Carly's characters to a new dimension. Perhaps since Steve Burton ditched us for Y&R, we can have A.J. replace Jason in Carly's life, as the best friend who knows Carly is definitely not perfect, but finds a way to love her anyway, since she is his son's mother. - Geriann

• I really enjoy the Two Scoops column, very entertaining and insightful. I agree with the "vampire" storyline comments. Please end this sooner rather than later. There are so many other ways to utilize the Lucy Coe character. The vampire story is not one of them! - Sara

• The Quartermaine heir has got me stumped, too. Maybe a Franco kid? Or, how about Morgan? -- Lenora

• I thought that the scene with Diane at Todd's bedside talking about Lucy's freak out about John/Caleb was fantastic. I have been trying to figure out where I knew her from (and why I disliked her so much) for weeks and it took her talking about Vampires and mentioning "True Blood" for me to remember she was one of The Authority. Honestly, with that memory snapped back into place (and relief that I had an actual reason for disliking Diane rather than it being "just because" even though it was a carry-over from another show), I am really really hoping that something comes of this whole Lucy Coe, Vampire Slayer thing. If written properly, it could make for a fantastic summer storyline. -- Liyah

• I have to say, as a fan of PC and GH I love that the fact McBain and Sam look like Caleb and Livvie is finally being addressed. It's way over due and I'm loving every moment of it. GH has been getting better and better, but now I can't wait to see what happens to Lucy next! I have always wondered how all the vampires on PC never affected the characters on GH seeing as they were in the same town, and it looks like a lot of decade old questions may finally be answered. I really am looking forward to Kevin coming home and seeing that Sam looks just like his daughter. Even if there is no connection between Sam and Livvie, other than that [they] happen to look alike it's nice to finally see it addressed. The soap fan in me couldn't be happier. Laura, Scotty, and Kevin are coming home soon as well. The only way it is even possible to make GH better at this point is to cast Stephanie Gatschet as Serena. If that were to happen it would be the best show on TV. -- Cilla

That's all for now, Scoopers. See ya next time!Jennifer