Duking it out

Duke Lavery returned to Port Charles and revealed himself to Anna. But he got more than he expected when her lover, Luke Spencer, showed up, too. Luke and Duke faced off over Anna, but the mystery of Duke Lavery is just beginning. Who will win the battle for Anna's heart? Get ready to Duke it out in this week's Two Scoops.

Someone get the boxing gloves. I fear it won't be long before Duke Lavery and Luke Spencer come to blows over Anna Devane. Duke and Luke seemed ready to duke it out for the heart of the police chief. Place your bets, Scoopers. Will it be the reformed alcoholic or the imprisoned mob man who gets the girl? I'm hoping neither, but I'll get to that in a minute.

I can't totally blame Duke for wanting to put a beat down on Luke. If Duke's story is true, (and we all know that it isn't), he spent years in a Turkish prison and just wanted to reunite with his beloved wife. Duke's reunion was going beautifully -- complete with emotional flashbacks -- until Luke showed up and spoiled the fun.

Luke Spencer a killjoy. Who knew?

Luke was equally annoyed with the mobster with a heart of gold (yes, there was one before Sonny Corinthos). Luke is the king of cons, and he knows something is off about Duke's story. As thrilled as I am to have Luke as the objective voice in this ruse, I really want savvy, tough-girl Anna to be the one to uncover Duke's deceit and involvement in Robin's death hoax. It's about time a woman was the action hero on this show. We've seen Jason and Sonny save dozens of damsels in distress; it's Anna's turn to be the hero.

I must say that Duke's resurrection and involvement in Robin's death hoax is one of the best surprises General Hospital has ever pulled. Well done, GH. I was convinced the puppet master behind Robin's disappearance was Faison, Helena, Lisa Niles, or one of the town's other notorious villains. I hadn't thought of Duke Lavery at all; he's been offscreen for so many years. I love that we're seeing old flashbacks of Duke and Anna and hearing names like Julian Jerome and Jonathan Paget again. I love it when a show uses history.

But in the interest of full disclosure, I must confess that back in the day, I was not a Duke Lavery fan. He seemed less rough and tough compared to all the other leading men permeating the daytime airwaves at the time: Bo Brady, Cruz Castillo, Luke Spencer, Roman Brady, Steve Johnson, etc. Maybe it was the kilt that threw me, but Duke never fit my mold of leading man. I'm interested to see if he does this time around.

Frankly, though, I think Anna has more chemistry with John McBain than either Luke or Duke. Am I crazy? Anna and John have some serious sparks, and they work well together solving crime. I'm just saying.

My only objection to the Duke/Luke/Anna triangle is the fact Robert Scorpio is nowhere in sight. I'm not saying that Duke isn't a wonderful surprise; I am just baffled as to why the GH scribes went with Duke, instead of Robert, for this walk down memory lane. Did Tristan Rogers tick off someone at ABC or something?

It was bad enough that Robert was completely excluded from Robin's memorial and grieving with Anna, so that he could run off after Ethan. But this week, Luke returned to town, telling us that he did track down Robert and tell him about Ethan's paternity. It supposedly happened offscreen!

That could be one of the top missed opportunities this show has ever bungled. The reveal that Luke lied to Robert about Ethan to save Robert would have been must-see TV, especially considering the consequences of that lie. (Luke ended up sleeping with Anna, and Robert lost the chance to mourn Robin.) There is so much history with Luke, Robert, and Anna that the dialogue practically writes itself.

But, the reality is that Robert isn't here and Duke is, so I'm trying to focus on that. Joe Scully is somehow involved, and before it's over, I'm guessing we may see some other familiar faces. Duke sure was needling Luke about Laura, wasn't he? This story has so many layers, it's better than baklava. Welcome home, Duke.

Todd isn't the only one that the rhyming characters' names are making crazy. Just trying to write this column made me feel like I was penning a Dr. Seuss story. There is Duke and Luke, is Duke a fluke? Then, we have Ellie and Spinelli, and Johnny and Connie. It's a tongue twister for sure.

The scenes on the hospital rooftop with Heather and the baby were riveting. I wanted to kiss Jason when he called the baby "our son" in front of Sam and Heather. It's about time, Jason. Yes, I've been hard on Jason and Sam, but those two deserve some happiness, considering the hell they've been through. I'm hoping Heather's header off the rooftop claims only one life. I do not want to mourn another baby on this show.

I'm not sure who gets the award for most clueless: Steven Lars or his girlfriend, Olivia. I know someone has to be duped in order for the plot to roll on, but I hate that it's poor Steve every time. Here's some advice, Steve: never try to reason with a sociopath. The guy is a doctor and apparently brilliant, but he clearly lacks common sense where his mother is concerned. She bests him every time. And then there is Olivia. She knew that her "premonitions" were real, but instead of telling Dante that Heather was at the hospital, she spilled her guts to Epiphany, who was ready to send her to Ferncliff. Then, Olivia charged headfirst at Heather instead of going for help. Yep, Steve and Olivia, that's a real brain trust right there.

Raise your hand if you love Ellie. I think she's adorkable. (That's geek-speak for smart and adorable.) I know Maxie is finally realizing she loves Spinelli, but I'm so happy to see Damian finally getting some attention. Ellie is smart and gorgeous. Break her heart, Damian, and you are dead to me!

I laughed out loud as Luke and Tracy had their heart-to-heart. Tracy feared that "Joseph" was dead, but then, in unison with Luke, remembered where she lived. In this town, "nobody dies" they said in perfect harmony. Cut to Duke Lavery. Priceless.

Todd Manning can do a handstand! OLTL viewers, is this something he does in times of extreme stress? In all my years of watching soaps, I don't think I've ever seen a character bust out a handstand in times of duress. If the GH scribes ever bring back the Nurses Ball, Todd could do his acrobatics. Just don't let him juggle -- he's not very good at juggling all his lies and deceptions.

Well, so much for my hopeful opinion that Joe Scully wasn't truly a bad guy. I thought by saving Tracy, the show honchos were going to take this villain in another direction and that it would come out that he neither raped Connie or killed John's sister. But when he kidnapped Kristina and attempted to murder her, it was clear that redeeming Joseph is probably not an option. I think it's the wrong move, GH. It would have been way more interesting if Sonny had been wrong all these years about this guy.

I don't know how to say this nicely, so I'm just going to put it out there. New Kristina is not working. Send her back to college, please -- or better yet, go get the original Kristina. Maybe she's being held in a Turkish prison, too.

Carly will never be up for mother of the year. Her nanny is getting Carly's child off to school, while Carly is lounging on Todd's couch, nursing a broken heart. But don't worry, Carly. Todd and Mercedes are now BFFs. He checked in on little Joss and made sure she got her breakfast and was off to preschool. Can someone please tell Jax what is going on here? Anyone?

At first Olivia's premonitions were creepy, but now I think the writers are onto something. This could be fun. Olivia can put out her shingle as the town psychic.

I love Lulu and Dante lately. It's great to see at least one happy couple in this town of sufferers.

My hat is off to Tracy. I don't think I could calmly discuss my ex-husband's new love life so diplomatically. I want to smack Luke for being so insensitive. But at the same time, Tracy confessed her bed romp with Joseph. It's like Luke and Tracy were talking about what they had for dinner. Their relationship is an odd one, for sure, but one I always enjoy watching.

(Anna tells John that she removed herself from the Heather Webber case because Anna has a personal vendetta toward Heather.) Anna: "The last thing I want is for that psycho bitch to get off on a technicality."John: "But how do you really feel?"

(Todd tells Carly that Johnny and Connie make a good pair.) Todd: "Johnny and Connie are perfect for one another. Their names are all rhymey, and they have their own particular misery that I hope they inflict on one another for the rest of their lives."

(Luke returns to town and catches up with Lulu on all the Port Charles news.) Luke: "Did I miss anything, apart from Jumping Jerry Jacks rearing his ugly head again?"Lulu: "For the last time. Thank God."Luke: "Never count a sociopath out."

(John questions Todd about whether he's seen Heather Webber.) Todd: "Not since I had to fire her, because she's a criminal. And the only criminal I want working at my newspaper is me."

(Maxie tells Lulu she is concerned that Spinelli is falling for Ellie.) Lulu: "You should relax. She's not Ellie Spinelli yet. (Pauses to laugh at the name.) Ellie Spinelli -- sounds like an '80s band. Maxie: "Scritti Politti?"Lulu: "No, like Milli Vanilli. Nevermind."

(Maxie comes to visit Lulu, after she had sex with Dante, and Lulu hangs upside down on the couch, using gravity to help with conception.)Maxie: "What are you doing?"Lulu: "Trying to get pregnant."Maxie: "Don't you need Dante for that?"

As always, I love hearing your thoughts, too. So keep them coming! Here's what other fans are saying -- and remember to share your thoughts with me, and you may see them pop up in my next column. Thanks!

• After seeing how ummm ..."gun" crazy Connie/Kate was at the bachelorette party, I fully believe that it is possible that Joe Jr. didn't rape her. The Connie persona invited him in and started getting it on. Then the Kate persona came back and thought he was raping her. That would account for the realistic rape flashbacks, but also slightly redeem Joe Jr., who I'm liking right now; he gives one of my favorites, Tracy, more scenes, and her witty, sarcastic tongue rivals Todd Manning's! -- Becky

• I was reading your latest Two Scoops column and that bachelorette party was nuts! I think it's very rare, like you said, that we get to see the entire cast interact like that, and I for one enjoyed it immensely. On another note, I may take some flak for this, but I'm digging the Britt/Sabrina interaction. I read spoilers on those two. I'm not gonna spoil it for ya, but if they're true, something big is brewing. -- Cody

• First, did Kristina raid Genie Francis' 1980 mascara drawer to find and use that "non waterproof" stuff poor Genie was stuck with? Kristina was a mess (in more ways than one.) Second comment: doesn't Sonny even shave on the day he is scheduled to be married? The guy might want to invest in an electric razor. Side note: love Maxie's reaction to Ellie -- Klinda

• Is it me but in the grand scheme of things, wouldn't Kate be the "alter", not Connie? After leaving the baby in the drawer, Connie Falconeri supposedly left that life behind and "reinvented" herself as Kate Howard, apparently with no memory of the baby. I would think that makes "Kate" the alter. As a long time ABC soap fan and a fan of OLTL, the host personality is the "original" personality. Just a thought. - Phillis

• With Jason leaving the show I'm concerned for Alexis. Her law practice will certainly take a financial blow without Jason being hauled into the Port Chuckles police station on a regular basis. Hopefully she has a little stuffed under her mattress in case of something like this. - Barb

What are your thoughts on General Hospital? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.