Assassins, accidents, and parties, oh my!

They key to good soap opera recipe is offering a just enough of a taste of all the key ingredients to keep viewers hungry. Last week, General Hospital had humor, a big confrontation, some romance, and a mystery. Yeah, there was also some material for a post-meal snooze, but this week's Two Scoops looks to see if the recipe can be recreated eack week.

Pucker up, GH writers. I want to kiss you on the lips -- hard -- for the wonderful shows last week. Happy Belated Valentine's Day!

First, Anna returned. She's one of my beloved characters on GH. Then, we had my favorite all-time soap staple: a party where most of the town attends, interacts with one another, and builds tension to one dramatic moment. Add in the loveliness of Patrick and Robin, the hotness of Johnny and Carly, Michael's return to college, and Sonny and Maxie's antagonizing behaviors, and I have to say it was a banner week. Yes, I'm ignoring the ongoing Franco saga and the snooze fest that is Cassandra. It's my prerogative, Scoopers.

Let's start with the party. It wasn't exactly a great time had by all. Maybe they needed Toby Keith's red Solo cups? (Those would be found at the party across town at Molly's house!) But the benefit did have plenty of tension. A drunken Johnny attended to amp up the tension, and caused quite a stir when he reached into his jacket for his checkbook -- not a gun as bodyguard Max thought. Johnny then goaded Sonny into a verbal assault that ended with Sonny humiliating Johnny in front of the whole town. Sonny loudly and proudly proclaimed that Claudia was pimped out as a kid and the result was that Johnny was her son, not her brother. Ouch.

But the climatic showdown actually occurred in the garage, between Dante and Sonny. Dante told Sonny he was dead to him, after that stunt to humiliate Johnny. Dante couldn't hold back his disgust, as he raged that Sonny belonged behind bars. Did I mention this all went down as a gunman was aiming in their direction? Both Dante and Sonny have been shot recently, so the odds are pretty good that one of them is about to take a ride to General Hospital again.

The party may have been a fundraising disaster, but it worked for me. Carly and Kate exchanged heated words. Diane showed up with Mac, rubbing it in Alexis' face. There was tension at every turn.

On a shallow note, I'm putting on my Fashion Police badge. Alexis Davis has never looked better. She was best dressed. Menopause looks good on you, girl. That blue dress was the perfect color. For the men, Shawn Butler was, without a doubt, the standout. He was wearing that suit. Heterosexual ladies, if you didn't do a double take when he walked in the room, you are not human.

My only complaint was that Lulu and Michael were missing from the party. I wish Michael had gotten to see Sonny have his meltdown. Then, he would understand why everyone says that Sonny is so volatile.

I haven't solved the mystery of who is trying to kill Sonny yet. The likely suspect is Anthony Z, after that chilling threat he delivered at the party. But, unless the orchid-loving mobster was packing heat, he would have had to do a quick turnaround to get that weapon.

Another perplexing plot point that has me baffled is the constant digs from Carly to Kate about not having children. In soap land, that most always means a child is about to pop up. Add in Sonny's completely nonsensical comment to Johnny that he was just jealous of Dante, and it seems the storytellers are hinting to us that Johnny is going to be Sonny and Kate's son. Crazy, right? Maybe I've been lifting the red Solo cup too much because that would be nuts. If any more of Sonny's kids are revealed, they'll need to rename this show "All My Children."

Jason is back in the hospital. The good news is that he wants Monica to be a part of his baby's life. Can I get an "Amen," folks? It's about time. I keep hoping that the next time he wakes up from one of those fainting spells, he's going to start asking for his yachting sweater. I kid. Those sweaters were hideous, but the return of his Quartermaine memories would be divine.

More troubling than Jason's "spells" is the fact that someone left a DVD of him as a newborn. I'm assuming this is another piece to the Franco puzzle. I'm spoiler free, so what it could be has me stumped. Jason's bio mother, Susan Moore, would have had that footage, unless, could it be Franco is actually a Moore, too, and that was his baby footage? Wow. That would be an interesting plot twist.

I used to think the most self-centered character on the show was Sonny, but I think it's safe to say that Maxie is edging him out. She burst into Robin's lab, despite her urgent work to save Jason, and blabbed on about the trouble with Matt. Then, she accidentally hit the gas valve with that couture handbag. Maxie tattled to Monica that Elizabeth stole drugs from the hospital, because Maxie was jealous of Liz and Matt. And Maxie consistently treats Spinelli with no regard.

Yes, it's official. It's Maxie's world, and we all live in it. I'm just hoping her carelessness doesn't take out poor unconscious Patrick and the rest of the hospital. Robin should have locked that door when she started. That lab had more people rolling in and out of there than the ER after one of Sonny's weddings.

I want to be clear that my dislike of Maxie's selfish ways is in no way a slam against actress Jen Lilley. I think she's doing a great job, stepping in for the ailing Kirsten Storms. It's always tough replacing a fan favorite, and Lilley is slowly making the character her own. Apparently, Lilley has been inundated with hate mail for her new role. Please, soap fans, stop the hate. We all have actors and actresses we like better than others, but there is no need to harass an actor. That's a move out of Sonny Corinthos' playbook.

In other observations, Ethan looks like the love child of Holly and Robert. Sonny is the worst friend to Jason that I've ever seen. And those scenes with Anna and Emma reminded me of when Robin was Emma's age and used to call her mom, "Luv."

The pet peeve award goes to Olivia this week. She looked amazing at the party, until she opened her mouth to declare, once again, "Nothing is more important to Sonny than his kids." As much as she's been touting that line lately, she should just get it tattooed on her forehead. I must have missed the moment when Olivia became the president of Sonny's fan club, a puzzling move, considering he shot Dante. I guess that Liv has forgotten that she kept her son a secret from Sonny for all those years for kicks and giggles. Here's the sad truth, Olivia. The one thing that is more important to Sonny than his kids, and always will be, is the mob. The end.

I should just have put the whole Diane and Alexis conversation here, but these are the lines that made me laugh.

(Carly puts the brakes on a makeout session with Johnny because he's upset.)Carly: "You're so really volatile right now, Johnny." Johnny: "Haven't you realized, Carly, it's kind of a permanent condition for both of us."

(Dante comments on Lulu's shirt, hoping to get lucky.) Dante: "Is that top felt?"Lulu: "No, why?" Dante: "Do you want it to be?"

(Carly bursts into Robin's research lab to tell her that Jason can't die.) Robin: "What the hell do you think I'm doing in here, my nails?"

(Jason tells Spinelli that Franco left a clue before he died, and Spinelli evokes his love of classic movies into the conversation.)Jason: "He did say something to me before he died."Spinelli: "Rosebud?"

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