Do you want the dog or the thimble?

If you put a monocle and a top hat on Theo, he'd be a dead ringer for the Monopoly man, and let's face it, that guy isn't very scary.

If you put a monocle and a top hat on Theo, he'd be a dead ringer for the Monopoly man, and let's face it, that guy isn't very scary. In fact, in the PS3 version of the game, the Monopoly guy is downright girly and runs around the board with his pinky up.

On the other hand, my husband Jeff, who pretends he doesn't watch GH, has been calling Theo "Mr. Potter" and wondering if he's going to steal Uncle Billy's bank deposit. (Everyone sing a rousing chorus of "Buffalo Gals.")

The reveal that Robin's annoying patient Theo with the snooty accent, was in fact the Balkan, who actually has a Jersey accent and stopped just short of saying "Bada-Bing!" was very anti-climactic.

Had Jerry been the Balkan, that could have been interesting -- if Jerry had a son, we would want to know who was the mother, etc -- Jerry has connections in town and a rich history with many characters. Making Theo, whom we've never seen before, the villain basically, says "This guy is going to die soon." Maybe I'm wrong, but I just have the hunch that by March the guy will be toast. I can't believe ruthless Jerry would work for a dude like Theo.

It does put a new spin on Theo's fondness for Robin -- if he's done his homework, he knows Robin and Brenda are friends. I considered the possibility that Theo's entire hospital stay was meant solely to get his foot in the door with Robin. She'll probably get kidnapped and Patrick will have to save her, or Lisa will have to save her or...well, you know the drill.

Equally unsatisfying to me is discovering that Siobhan is on the Balkan's payroll. I was hoping the ironically named Lucky could have a stable relationship for a change, but this guy never catches a break. I guess we are to rewind the origins of Siobhan's character and assume they knew Lucky was a plant from day one?

I guess it's all for the best, though, because I do want Lucky to find out that Aiden is his baby, so maybe if he's not so caught up in Siobhan, he'll spend more time with Liz's kids and notice that Aiden has Spencer nostrils or something.

While I have been hard on Carly's ranting lately, she actually had a perfect reason to tear into Brenda this week; when a madman showed up at her house and pulled a gun, Carly automatically got the right to bully the truth out of Brenda.

Brenda was a little unnerved by that, but mostly I think she just wants to get back to Sonny's winter wonderland and trim the tree that is four times her height. In fact, one of those ornaments was about the length of Brenda's forearm. I made Jeff come and watch them scan the tree in slow motion because by the time they reached the top, Brenda looked like a peanut on the ground. And I'm not talking about Ingo's son.

It was nice to catch a glimpse of Kristina this week; she and her mother, Alexis, have been missed. Theo seemed to take an interest in the fact that Alexis killed Luis Alcazar, so I suspect they might be connected somehow. It's a shame that Ted King isn't available to GH anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if Alcazar popped up alive behind the scenes.

Kristina and Carly both worked to warn Michael about dating Abby, but he wasn't having any of their paranoia. Abby nearly let Carly run her off, but when Michael needed a save, she stepped in. My fear is that since they haven't actually had their date yet, that something tragic will befall Abby before they get to date, and Michael will blame himself for that, too. I just got a weird feeling when the two of them separated last week after talking happily about their first "real date" -- my brain went to "Uh-oh, they're too happy. This can't be good."

That Chad Duell has been tearing it up lately. That guy can emote. He is so expressive, you can see every emotion, pain and fear and shame just wash across his face. When the role was recast, I whined about it loudly. But now, I'm very glad Chad's in the role; he's made it his own this year.

Lulu sensed that there has been "a shift in the force" with her and Dante since Brenda hit town, but she went to... Maxie for love advice. My old pastor used to say you should only take advice from someone who's successful in the field in which you're struggling. For instance, don't ask your friend who's been divorced three times for marriage advice. And you shouldn't ask your friend who lives in his mom's basement for investment tips. So, following that logic, Maxie would be the last choice of someone to turn to for love advice.

Dante was eavesdropping in the doorway, so he knows Lulu is uneasy. Question is, will he come clean and trust her with Port Charles's worst kept secret, or will he keep lying until she accidentally finds his subpoena for court? I like Lulu and Dante together, and I hope they are able to weather this storm and come out on the other side. I don't think running into someone from your past that you have a few unresolved feelings for should be an automatic deal-breaker in a relationship that's been as solid as Lulu and Dante's has been. He should have come clean long ago about the murder cover-up, but Lulu is, after all, Luke Spencer's child, so she gets lying to protect people as a general concept.

So does Johnny, apparently, which is why he ran down to his local Home Depot and picked up an illegal immigrant with the flu to save Lisa's crazy lying butt. Once again, Lisa's quick on her feet lie held up to scrutiny with Johnny's help, and she's still treating patients! Think about that next time you're in the hospital. Your doctor might secretly have someone holed up in a well someplace.

Sonny had Brenda holed up in a lovely and secluded cabin, but it didn't last long. Readers, I would personally like to hibernate in that cabin for the winter after Max and Milo scare off the window lurker. Brenda and Sonny made love and said all the romantic things I hoped they would say. But the glory of their reconciliation was short-lived because Jason extracted Brenda from the magical Christmas cabin and dumped her back in the Mob Central penthouse after Jerry reared his head. I'm with Brenda; I hope she and Sonny get back there by Christmas Day to finish up the romantic holiday they were hoping for.

Luke and Tracy are supposed to get married next week, and I'm hoping that doesn't happen. Not on Laura's birthday at least. I'm still holding out hope for a surprise Genie Francis Christmas. If I see Santa at the mall tomorrow, that's what I'm asking him for. That and a new iPhone to replace the one I dropped and broke trying to take a photo of a really lovely palm tree...

Watching Tracy cringe every time Brooke Lynn calls her Granny is always a good time. The Nikolas/Brooke/Liz triangle is heating up, and I honestly can't decide how I feel about it. I need convincing one way or the other. Truthfully, I still think the powers that be were insane for killing off Emily Quartermaine. Nikolas hasn't had serious chemistry with anyone since she left.

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What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Luke's high rollers ever show their faces at the Haunted Star, and will one of them have a monocle? Will Siobhan lose her Irish brogue and start talking like Olivia Falconeri? Will Spinelli find Maxie's dog for Christmas? Will anyone ever go looking for Morgan, who's been missing for months now? Will Robin and Maxie ever check in on Uncle Mac to see where he's staying since they burned his house down? Will Johnny find more sickly illegal immigrants next time Lisa has to steal pills for him? Will you remember to tune in to Soap Central Live on Friday, December 24, at 6pm Eastern/3pm Pacific to hear me and the other Soap Central columnists dish about the Best and Worst of soaps in 2010?

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