I'll be with the angels standin'

When I first learned that Emily was going to die and that GH was going to bring her back as a ghost, I thought, 'Oh God, this will be dreadful.'

Pretty much every week, I drop Pop Culture references. Sometimes mainstream, sometimes obscure. Sometimes because they fit, sometimes because I get excited when you pay attention to what I write and tell me you got my reference, Mostly because I'm a giant nerd. But this week, I want you to know where my title is from without guessing. One of the most beautiful love songs ever written is Marc Cohn's ballad to eternal love, True Companion. The verse from which I quoted in full is:

"When the years have done irreparable harmI can see us walking slowly arm in armJust like the couple on the corner do'cause girl I will always be in love with youAnd when I look in your eyesI'll still see that sparkUntil the shadows fallUntil the room grows darkThen when I leave this earthI'll be with the angels standin'I'll be out there waiting for my true companionJust for my true companion"

When I first learned that Emily was going to die and that GH was going to bring her back as a ghost, I thought "Oh God, this will be dreadful." I saw an interview with Bob Guza where he said "This may be the most romantic thing we've ever done on GH." and I said "Yeah, right." But from what I have seen this week, I actually believe him.

Nikolas uttered a very romantic phrase, although it doesn't sound very romantic t first listen. "I don't even care if I'm insane. You're here. You're here. You're here." He said. Why is that romantic?

Imagine if there was a way you could be with your One True Love, your soul mate, your destiny- without boundaries, beyond dimensions, passing through time and space to be together? Would you care if o one believed you and questioned your mental stability? Nikolas is with Emily. He can feel her in his arms, hear her voice, see her face, taste her lips, smell her perfume - all his senses are engaged. She IS there with him. But no one else can see her. She is dead. Nikolas assumes he must be insane, because he is conversing with a dead woman. But he doesn't care if he's insane if it means he can be with her. Romantic.

Nikolas' friends and family are worried about him. He's locked in his room avoiding human contact, avoiding visitors, to their eye, it seems like his grief has consumed him. But in truth, he's happy in that room - he's whole in that room. He is with Emily, his beloved. He is connected to the woman he loves and everything outside that door has ceased to matter to him. I get that. I feel that deep in my soul. When you have that sort of connection with someone, it puts the minutia of life into perspective. If I were in Nikolas' shoes, I would never, ever, ever leave that room.

The others in town are not as fortunate. They are not getting otherworldly visits from Emily. They are lost in the black hole of grief, and if you think it's not a black hole, then you've never grieved. You get lost in grief. It consumes you. The weight of loss crushes you until you can't think or breathe. When Monica rattled off her list of losses, it's understandable why she is so angry - she has lost most everyone she loves, and traces it all back to Sonny and Jason. Can you blame her? Not me.

Then again, having become well acquainted with grief, I must tell you that in all of the loved ones I have grieved in the past several years, I never once found myself having Post Funeral "Grief Sex" like Sam and Lucky did, or like Jason and Liz did. Maybe I have gotten it all wrong and a good roll in the hay would have comforted me. But to be honest, in the midst of sobbing over a departed loved one, sex was the furthest thing from my mind.

I am torn right now - I like Jason and Liz together, but in truth, I am rooting for Lucky and Liz to find their way back to one another. I may be an old fashioned fool, but I still believe in forever. As to Sam, Jason will never be able to forgive her for all the pain she has caused. I can't think of a good love match for her, she's become cruel and unsympathetic. Maybe she can be Johnny Zacharra's bimbo, or Trevor's. She is already experienced with mob life.

The funeral was less riveting than I expected. Liz was apparently voted "All Time Speaker" and apparently channeled Emily to tell all her loved ones what she meant to them. Back in grade school, I was the only kid on the block that had a baseball bat, mitt and ball, so I crowned myself "All Time Batter" but my Mom found out and made me come inside and write "I will not be selfish" on a blackboard 100 times while the boys got to bat with my equipment. Rats! Foiled again! While it was nice to see the whole Q clan, and other rarely seen characters - I would have enjoyed hearing others speak about Emily. I did enjoy the montage of flashbacks. Of course, they could only flashback so far, as Emily used to be Amber Tamblyn. All in all, a touching scene, but not as much of a sob fest as I had braced myself for.

Georgie made Spinelli soup to ease his cold symptoms, but it only made it onto Jason's floor and Georgie's clothes, and never into Spinelli's belly. In my opinion, this Georgie/Spinelli pairing is dragging on too long and has too many obstacles. First Georgie has to compete with Lulu, and now with No Name Nurse, (yeah, I know she has one, I just don't care.) too. For Pete's sake, let Spinelli get a clue. Sure, he's a little socially retarded, but he's brilliant. Georgie is smart, cute and funny and is basically throwing herself at him and a guy as smart as Spinelli remains oblivious? Doesn't ring true.

Speaking of truth...Carly has decided she wants to have a baby with Jax, but rather than tell him the happy news, she's decided to lie to him and avoid champagne. (Crazy?!?!) Liars just can't help themselves, ay? Jax wants a baby, it was his idea for them to start a family, he would be thrilled to know she wants a baby, too. But now that she's on board, she doesn't want him to know in case she can't get pregnant... Well, isn't that what a relationship is all about? Going through life together, the ups and downs, the joys and disappointments? If you can't talk to the person you are with, you're with the wrong person. Damn, we should all get that tattooed on our foreheads as a constant reminder.

Onscreen chemistry isn't just for lovers. I noticed again what great chemistry has developed between Luke and Lucky (Tony Geary and Greg Vaughn) - when Luke told Lucky that Emily died, and Lucky didn't know. I caught this moment of eye contact between them that broke my heart. Lucky said something to Luke like "Are you sure Emily's dead? You're sick, you may be mistaken" and his eyes are almost pleading with Luke to lie to him and say it wasn't so. Those two connect when they are on screen together. I can hardly wait until Luke hears about Jake. I'll get my Kleenex ready.

Emily got more than her share of memorials - right after her actual funeral, Bobbie and the hospital staff was having another memorial for Em in the chapel when suddenly everyone's pager went off at once. Um, really? One lady gets into an accident and they page 8 people? At any rate, the medical emergency was just a ploy for Patrick and Robin to reexamine their relationship once again and realize that two people who love one another as much as they do shouldn't give up so quickly. Who knows, maybe Patrick's biological clock will tick one day.

Many of you wrote to ask for a song that was playing this week, and I have tracked it down. It's called "Ours to Keep" and is by an artist named Kina Grannis. She's on My Space and you can listen to the song by going to her page. www.myspace.com/kinagrannis

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I know more stuff happened this week, but I have a short attention span and I keep getting distracted, trying to write, Christmas shopping on QVC, answering my text messages, watching videos of my grandkids on MySpace, petting my Jack Russell Terrier who is sitting on my shoulder like a parrot while I am trying to write because like me he needs constant attention, checking out the window to make sure my neighbors are looking in at my fabulous Christmas tree, singing my Christmas concert songs in my head making sure I know my part, drinking wine, eating brie, and still thinking about GH? It's all too much for me. I'm exhausted.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Ghost Alan and Ghost Emily run into one another in the Corridor of Spirits? Will someone mistake Baby Jake for Charlie Brown and buy him a tiny needle shedding Christmas Tree? Will the Port Charles strangler rid us of a character we already despise as a Christmas gift? Will the writers strike end before we run out of Soaps? Will Jax be crushed when he buys Carly a vineyard for Christmas and she refuses to drink the wine? Will someone get Michael a new shrink who will try to cure the messed up kid of his rage issues? Will Alfred be able to get the Salvation Army to cough up Emily's clothes that he gave away?

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