Death, distress...and Dante: General Hospital Two Scoops for the week of December 2

General Hospital's Lulu is awake, Rocco's on cloud nine, Lucky is relieved, Laura is overjoyed...and Dante? He's bewildered.

Fancy seeing you here

Although Lulu's (Alexa Havins) recovery has been the most comical miracle we've seen on soaps in a hot minute, the speed was well worth it. Sure, we complained for the first two weeks, but now we realize that Lulu is a lot more fun running around Port Charles as if she only had a hangnail for the last four years than she is lingering in a hospital bed without any action.

Rocco (Finn Carr) could barely believe his eyes when his mother appeared before him in the Quartermaine foyer, and Lulu could hardly believe her eyes and ears when she saw her son was taller than her and heard his deep teenage voice. It finally hit her that she had been in a coma a whole lot longer than a few days, but she took learning she'd been out for the last four years in stride.

Dante (Dominic Zamprogna) also couldn't believe his eyes when he opened the front door and Lulu and Rocco were just standing there as if no time had passed. Dante was as Dante as he could get. The character who spends his life taking the insanity of being a soap character in stride day after day took Lulu's great awakening with the same stride. "Yep, Lulu is here. Just pile it on," was everything the look on Dante's face said. And it was perfect.

Who really wanted to see Dante smile with unbridled joy when he just buried Sam (Kelly Monaco) the day before and couldn't imagine what to do with his life without her? That would have been as bizarre as Lulu's quick recovery and a lot harder to swallow. Of course, Dante was happy to see Lulu, but as he explained to Sonny (Maurice Benard) and Cody (Josh Kelly), her return to the land of the living doesn't negate the fact that Sam is dead. And nobody understands that better than Danny.

A gut punch for Danny

Kudos to GH for remembering the other kids affected by Lulu's emergence from her coma. Never forget that Sam is now dead because she was trying to give Lulu life. The day before (in Port Charles time), Rocco spoke of how jealous he was of Scout (Cosette Abinante) and Danny having their mom while he was without his for four long years. Now, the roles are reversed, and Danny knows it.

Yes, Danny is thrilled for her "brother" but what about him? Why doesn't he have a mom? That's something Jason (Steve Burton) and Carly (Laura Wright) could not answer, but it was a natural question and added some reality to this otherwise unrealistic story that has us enthralled anyway.

Guess who's dead, Lulu?

At least nobody at the Quartermaine mansion wanted to overwhelm Lulu with everything she'd missed the last four years. Nope, that was left up to her dunderhead of a brother. Lucky (Jonathan Jackson) is clearly an emotionally stunted manchild who can't stick around for his own kid or stay in one place for more than three minutes, so why wouldn't he think nothing of slamming Lulu with some cold, hard truths within five minutes of her walking into Laura's (Genie Francis) apartment.

Dad? Dead. Spencer? Yep, pretty dead. Sam? Also dead. Oh, and after she gave you part of her liver. Nikolas? He's in jail. At least he didn't tell her about dear Aunt Bobbie, who died at the start of the year.

While Lulu's reunion with Laura was everything we hoped it would be on an emotional level, having her be the last loved one to see Lulu this week was certainly a choice. She tried to go easy on Lulu, unlike her dumb son, but was forced to tell her that Charlotte was kinda-sorta missing. Then, Kevin (Jon Lindstrom) walked in for perhaps the most amusing Lulu reunion of the week.

Kevin breezed in the front door and greeted his stepdaughter as if she was an acquaintance who had just flown in on the red eye after a few years overseas. He gave her a quick hug, cracked a few jokes, and then breezed out of the room. Um...ok.

Guess what, General Hospital fans? Drew is still ewwww

Can we even be a GH fan anymore without wanting to see Jason clock Drew (Cameron Mathison) straight across the face again? This imposter character is nothing like the Drew Cain/Quartermaine whose plane went down over Afghanistan. He isn't kind. He isn't selfless. He is selfish, pathetic, resentful, mean, and oh-so-much ewwww.

Remember how he cared so much about his daughter in 2023 that he volunteered to go to prison for Carly because at least Scout had Sam, and Donna needed Carly more than Scout needed him? Well, now Scout needs him. And she needs her brother and the boy she thinks of as a brother. Does Drew care? Of course not.

Drew is too busy being angry at Jason for punching him. Never mind that Jason took action because Drew slept with Michael's (Chad Duell) wife. If Carly knew that, she certainly wouldn't have encouraged the brothers to get along. Instead, she would have taken a swing at Drew herself, and we still fully expect that to happen. We also can't wait.

But back to that rat known as Drew. If Carly hadn't mysteriously talked sense (how often does that happen?), Drew would have taken off with Scout rather than live in the same mansion with his brother. By the way, where did Carly even come from, and why does she always seem to appear out of nowhere to lecture anyone willing to listen?

Shut up, Kristina

Ava (Maura West) didn't push Kristina (Kate Mansi) out a window. The dummy tripped over a duffle bag and tragically lost the child she planned to steal from her sister and said child's biological father. Listening to her drone on for months about "my baby" after she practically forced Molly (Kristen Vaganos) and TJ to make her a surrogate has been as torturous for us as it has been for poor Molly and TJ (Tajh Bellow).

Kristina is one of those people who knows deep down in their soul that they screwed up but will double and triple down till the end of their days rather than admit it. No mea culpas for Kristina, right? Either everyone sees things her way, or they are persona non grata for Kristina. Kristina was annoying enough when she begged and pleaded to become pregnant. Now, the character has practically been ruined, and we are not at all amused. If she is about to enter her mafia vengeance era, we are not here for it. Can't she just go back to bartending and be quiet? At least her fall out the window and into the pool gave us a gift...

Ric and Ava FOREVA!!!

Can we keep Rick Hearst until the end of time and make Ric and Ava the elegant and angry power couple of Port Charles who take no prisoners and keep us riveted for the rest of our soap-watching days? Yes? No? Maybe? Please and thank you?

A not-so-jolly time for Tolly

Molly and TJ broke up this week. Who couldn't see that coming from a mile away for months? While the scenes were sad, the results were necessary. Molly and TJ have never been with anyone but each other, which made them extremely boring characters for a very long time. In fact, they were peripheral characters for years, but now we will get to see them have lives outside of each other, and we can't wait.

We already know that Molly and TJ have chemistry with others. We were intrigued by TJ's friendship with Willow that went nowhere fast. And Molly? Put her with Isaiah (Sawandi Wilson) or Dex (Evan Hofer). Either one will do and Molly is much more suitable for Dex than Josslyn (Eden McCoy), who still looks like she can be his kid sister and not his girlfriend.

Will Anna bring back Vanna?

Please never let Anna (Finola Hughes) kiss Jason again, GH. Have her bring Valentin home and kiss him. She should never kiss a man her daughter kissed cause that's as ewww as Drew and and Willow (Katelyn MacMullen).

But Anna, this is your fault. You sent Valentin (James Patrick Stuart) away. You had him take Charlotte (Scarlett Fernandez). And you better find him on your own. Leave Jason alone to be a father to his son rather than running around trying to bring Lulu back her daughter. Anna is a grown woman and can handle these things. Why does she now call Jason with every little problem she encounters?

We want Valentin home so he and Anna can have a few good cries together before retiring to the bedroom. Can we put that on our Christmas wish list?

Til next week when the Quartermaines celebrate Christmas early because they apparently forgot to celebrate Thanksgiving. Pizza instead of ham? Hmmm...

Catch all-new episodes of General Hospital weekdays on ABC and Hulu.