Dawn of Drew — Weeping Willow's One-Woman Cult: General Hospital Two Scoops for the week of April 7

General Hospital's Willow has never been happier — and we have never been more disgusted. Soaps' Most Delusional Character certainly won't be happy forever. In fact, perhaps she'll be crying in her cornflakes by May sweeps if Nina and Carly have their way. Then, we will have Weeping Willow all over again, and it couldn't happen to a dumber girl.

The Cult of Drew is coming for you

That should have been a warning sign for Willow the moment Drew oddly decided to make the girl who refused to treat her cancer the poster child for cancer treatment. After Willow, a medical professional, was stunned when the cancer she refused to treat had progressed to stage 4, we just scratched our heads when Drew asked her to be a cancer treatment spokesperson, but we went with it. So did Willow, and it was downhill from there. Willow eventually entered the Cult of Drew, and so far, there's been no way out.

Not that people haven't tried their hardest. From Chase and Sasha to Nina and Carly, Willow listens to nobody and is still convinced that Drew saved her life when she had cancer. Let's make this clear for the umpteenth time. Drew did not save Willow's life. He didn't even save Liesl's life, the woman whose bone marrow Willow didn't even deserve. Drew stood around and did nothing. Then, he got knocked upside the head and was lying on the ground when Sasha's mama swooped in and rescued Liesl from Victor. All Drew did was accompany Liesl on the plane home from Greenland. (Yes, never forget that Port Charles' very own smarmy politician spent time in Greenland.)

Some fans think that Willow will break free when she hears how despicably Drew speaks to Portia or when she learns that he was also sleeping with Nina while pursuing her, but we doubt it. It seems that no matter how many vile things Drew says or does, Willow still thinks he walks on water. If Drew tells Willow it's raining outside when it's sunny and dry and she is standing in the open air, she will believe him. That's the true mark of a cult member. Everything their leader says is gospel, even if your eyes and ears see and hear something else.

Kristina, are you serious?!?!? (You, too, Lucky)

Remember that other member of Dawn of Day who Jason had to steal right out of the Dawn of Day house in the middle of the night so that Willow — that's right, Willow — could help deprogram her at one of Sonny's safe houses. It turns out that she never recovered from the Cult of Shiloh either. She may or may not be even nuttier than Willow. The jury is still out on that one, but at least her attorney mother already kinda knows the verdict.

This crazy young woman seems to think that if she just brings Elizabeth flowers, then everything is a-okay. She can go enjoy a nice salad while having a leisurely lunch with her dad while still blaming Ava for every problem she has in life. She had a brief moment of wanting to confess, but nahhhh... So what if she cut the brakes on Ric's car thinking it was Ava's car, and Ric and Elizabeth nearly died? As long as nobody knows and nobody died, it's all good. That's pretty much Lucky's line of thinking. Kristina is a good person in Lucky's eyes, and it's not like the love of his life and mother of his son is dead or in a coma or something. So, no harm, no foul. GH has pretty much ruined any goodwill longtime fans have had toward Lucky and the prospect of his reunion with Elizabeth. No, Lucky is not the man for Liz. Some of us already knew that, but Lucky proved it this week.

Alexis' no-good, terrible, bad day

Alexis was smiling. Alexis was humming. Alexis even went to the gym, and Diane was sure someone had taken over her BFF's body. "Is this you in a good mood?" she asked. And with good reason. Since when is Soaps' Most Neurotic Character ever in a good mood? This week! But then, along came Ava.

Ava took immense pleasure in ruining it all by telling her what Kristina did, but Ava's plan may have backfired on her. Rather than Alexis immediately agreeing to hand Ava some Cassadine cash, she told Ava to kick rocks. Then, she went to Diane for help, and Diane told her to do what fans have been screaming for since Kristina went out the window last summer. Commit your unbelievably unhinged daughter, Alexis. Stop rescuing her, stop coddling her. And stop pretending there is nothing wrong with her. Your daughter was in a cult, for pity's sake, and still never got the therapy she needed. For that matter, neither did Willow. Perhaps they should compare notes.

Natalia's backstory, aka, things that make us go hmmm...

Welp, Natalia and Sonny are over. But, to paraphrase Friends' Ross Gellar, when were they ever under? Sonny ended things this week, but what was there to end? If anyone knows, tell us.

We also don't understand how Marco is Natalia's son when her son used to be named Eloy. Remember that musician's son who wasn't using his talents and refused to speak to her? His name was ELOY, NOT MARCO! She never mentioned another son. She also didn't seem to be telling Sonny the truth when she said that she was only married to Sidwell briefly and the split when Marco was a baby. Sidwell insinuated that they had a long marriage, and she blew up their family. So, which is it? Hopefully, GH tells us, but we can see them not doing that at all in the land of dropped and changed plots.

Brook Lynn, hand over your husband

We are still in awe of Harrison Chase. How does a soap man like this even exist? He is kind, understanding, and supportive, and he gets it when his wife reveals a secret from her past that he didn't need to know about until then. That just doesn't happen on soaps. Ever. So, we want Brook Lynn to do the right thing and let all of us have him. Girl code, k?

Secret agent girl

Joss is a secret agent now with her very own super secret assignment. It's so secret that even Josslyn doesn't know what it is. (Is that how this works? We've never been a super spy before.) Who doesn't feel like Joss isn't a female version of Peter Parker, and Jack is Tony Stark? Trina can be Peter's BFF Ned, the one person who knows the superhero's secret while helping out on all assignments.

However, we think Emma is going to learn what Joss is up to long before Trina. Perhaps Emma is also a WSB agent... Hmmm....

Strangest moment of the week

Ok, so we saw Carly go full Carly on Willow, something we knew she could do without any prompting from Jack. And yet, she needed prompting from Jack. Since when is Carly some demure damsel who needs a man's advice to tell her to get loud? There may not be a louder character on soaps. Carly's shouting nature is infamous! When Jack gave her a pep talk on how to be nasty and assertive and she seemed unsure, we wondered if we'd entered the Twilight Zone.

Port Charles odds and ends

Our biggest gripe of the week? Tracy wasn't on enough. We only had one day of Tracy when we needed all five. This is Tracy's soap, and we just live here.

OMG, Lulu, just tell Dante you still love him! OMG, Dante, just tell Lulu that you know that she still loves you cause Maxie has a big mouth. There. Problem solved. Sheesh.

Emma has always been more like Anna than she was Robin and Patrick. It was nice to see GH acknowledge that while also having Emma admit it. Remember when she went on a caper with Robert and Anna when she was an adolescent? She was more successful than her grandparents, so we knew what was to come one day.

Jason and Sasha are kinda sweet together. They are just not sweet in a romantic way. We don't see how anyone in Port Charles can buy that they had a one-night stand. But guess we just gotta suspend our disbelief here with the rest of the town until Michael returns, ready to claim ALL his kids.

Till next week, when hopefully, Kristina will be in Ferncliff. No doubt, Willow will still be in the Dawn of Drew house.

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