We gather together to give thanks and nitpick

Some things never change -- and that's necessarily a bad thing. Thanksgiving is a special time in Port Charles with annual dates, bickering, and pizza. That reminds our Two Scooper of something important: Never invite Jason Morgan to a meal!

Happy Thanksgiving, Scoopers! It's time to count our blessings. Let's start with the fact that General Hospital is still on the air. In an era when legendary shows, such as Guiding Light, As the World Turns, All My Children, and One Life to Live were cancelled, the fact that GH is still here makes me giddy.

For years, the Thanksgiving episode has been one of my favorites of the year, because it usually includes the Quartermaines bickering, ruining dinner, and ordering pizza; Mac and Alexis interacting in their annual set-up date; and the Corinthos clan noshing on Sonny's goodies. Not so much this year yet. Perhaps on Monday, we'll get to see some families giving thanks and enjoying the holiday. I'm an optimist, so I choose to believe. Meanwhile, remind me never to invite Jason Morgan to Thanksgiving dinner or hum scarcely a note of "We Gather Together" in his presence. He ruined a perfectly good turkey, and my great expectations for a real Quartermaine holiday.

Yes, I know Jason's dealing with some horrific mental torture, courtesy of bad-guy Franco. But it was the Quartermaines turkey dinner, damn it! The first one we've seen there in years. If Jason's tantrum didn't land him a place on Santa's naughty list, it absolutely landed him a place on mine. Was that outburst due to a complication from Jason's brain surgery? Or is Jason slowly morphing into Sonny Corinthos, the poster boy for violent tantrums? Edward, hide the barware. Quickly, because nothing says, "I'm emotionally volatile," like tossing a scotch decanter across the room. I think Jason should have picked up a pamphlet on anger management meetings, too, when he picked up those sexual assault pamphlets at the hospital.

When Monica invited Jason and Sam to dinner, I was hoping that just once the Qs would actually make it to the dinner table. Yes, I expected the humorous bickering, cruel put-downs, and biting one-liners. But, I was hoping that Alan's ghost might pop up, that Jason would bond with his mama and his grandfather, and that Michael would realize that the Quartermaines are actually very cool. As you know, it didn't turn out that way. On Monday, I'd like to see Luke show up for dinner, Jason apologize and spring for the pizza, and Mac and Alexis have their annual holiday date. Yeah, I've probably got a better chance at Carly remaining celibate than that happening.

But this is supposed to be a column where I count my soapy blessings. So, that brings me to Johnny and Anthony. These two make me laugh every time they're on the screen. And as much as I dislike new cop Deloris, Johnny getting his flirt on with her suddenly made her interesting. Or it could have been that melody she tapped out on his piano, just before Johnny came into the room shirtless. Her tough girl act was softened by just those few notes.

I'm also thankful for any scene between Luke and Tracy. Their chemistry is as combustible as their personalities. I'm anxiously waiting for a reconciliation. And I can't forget my beloved Diane and Alexis. Their friendship is a blessing on daytime, a genre that usually focuses more on women bickering over men, rather than bonding about fashion.

We have been blessed with such a wonderful cast on this show, Scoopers. Many of them, we've watched for decades. So, despite my gratitude, I'm also sad at the news that broke this week. Both Kimberly McCullough and Jonathan Jackson are leaving. This comes on the heel of the loss of Ingo Rademacher and Tyler Christopher, earlier this year.

I know the show can't control individual actors' choices, so I can't blame management when someone wants to leave -- at least not most of the time. I can usually only blame management when they fire a cast member that fans love. (Bring back Jax and Nikolas!) Recasts are tough to take, when viewers have watched an actor grow up in the part, as we did with Robin and Lucky. We've had several Lucky recasts -- each great, so I don't see that being an issue. But I'm not sure if a Robin recast would work. What do you think?

Now that I've given thanks, I must nitpick a little. (I think I could be an honorary Quartermaine!) First, I absolutely hate what Lulu has turned into these days. This girl is the offspring of Luke and Laura! She should be one of daytime's most interesting characters, but she's evolved into a judgmental harpy.

Can someone please get Dante some Kevlar for Christmas? The way he's going, he's not going to make it to New Year's. I'm not sure what happened this week, but he's now lying in an alley again, unconscious. Poor Lulu. She's never going to wear that engagement ring now.

I guess I'm thankful that Sonny and Brenda are divorced. I just wish I could mind-wipe their entire saga this past year. I was a little shocked that Sonny invited his ex-fiance on the trip to divorce his current wife. That was tacky. Not as tacky as giving Kate a red bikini to wear on the trip, though. (I'm sure Sonny and Brenda fans were a little miffed at that, considering Brenda's famous red bikini scenes with Sonny in Puerto Rico back in the '90s.) But then this is Sonny. He rarely wastes time moving from woman to woman. Those of you who are good at math, did Sonny and Brenda's marriage last as long as Kim Kardashian's? Curious minds want to know.

Finally, I'm thankful that I don't live in Port Charles. The violent crime rate there is astronomical. Plus, the hospital constantly gives incorrect lab results and hires strange doctors with sordid pasts. The newest one has an aversion to paperwork and likes to roam the halls in a clown costume. She seems cool though, so I'm hoping she doesn't turn out as crazy as her look-alike, Lisa, who was just found floating in the harbor.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Thank you all for your support, for reading my column, and for writing in to share your thoughts, especially those who followed me here from As the World Turns Two Scoops and had never before watched General Hospital. I am truly blessed.

(Kate walks in on Matt, in his underwear, kissing Maxie in the Crimson office.)Kate: "Excuse me; I'm going to go wash my eyes out with bleach."Matt: (Sarcastically, to Maxie) "She totally wants me."

(Sonny knocks on rival Johnny's door on Thanksgiving.)Johnny: "Hey, I'm sorry. I just bought my cookies from the girl down the hall."Sonny: "No, I just wanna talk a little turkey, Johnny." Johnny: "On Thanksgiving?" Sonny: "You should be thankful you're still breathing."Johnny: (Later, after Sonny threatens Johnny) "So what happens now? I assume the position, and you hang me over my balcony again?

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Sam's alleged rape storyline left many of you seething. Here's a sample of what Two Scoops readers are saying:
• I sincerely hope GH is not going to do another rape storyline. I stopped watching GH for several months after Michael's rape. With all the violence on this show, his rape was just too much to watch. I started watching it again, mainly because of Jonathan Jackson, but now it appears they're going to throw another rape storyline at us. I'll hold on for a while, in case it is a sham, like you suggested it might me, but if it turns out to be true and Sam ends up pregnant by Franco, I'll never watch GH again. I'm barely hanging on now because: I hate the latest storyline of Lucky in Ireland; Carly has gotten on my last nerve and I pretty much fast forward her scenes -- same with Lulu; I agree that the newest doctor is a clone of crazy Lisa -- been there, done that. With four soaps being canceled, I don't understand why GH is putting out the material they are. They could easily be next on the chopping block if they're not careful. Thanks for listening. --- Pam

• I agree with you Jennifer that whole thing with Franco was really distressing and disturbing. Sometimes soaps make you uncomfortable to get you thinking about something significant but this was just uncomfortable in an icky way. I would rather see a mob shoot out every day of the week. Does Garin Wolf not see what we can see a baby daddy drama coming a mile away? So lame. I was very, very disturbed by the rape thing. Why didn't they go to the hospital and get a rape kit? Sam said she wanted to go shower. That is exactly what you are NOT supposed to do when you are raped. They had an opportunity here to do a little PSA and they blew it. I don't even want to watch anymore and I have been watching GH since the 1970s. ----- Melanie

• New writer, same old bull? Crazy ex-girlfriend Patrick, crazy ex-girlfriend Steve. BORING! Why is it the fans always seem to have all the good ideas and the actual writers phone it in? Don't you think that since GH's future is on the line that they would write really good stories to keep the fans and MAYBE increase ratings? If the writing on the wall in permanent ink, go crazy and really give long time fans amazing story lines as a farewell gift for our loyalty. Here is yet another great idea for Garin and his crew: Have a story where Robin is arrested for the murder of Lisa Niles. Have her dad, Robert Scorpio come to town to clear her name. In the mean time, Robert is working under cover for the WSB and discovers his brother Mac is a dirty cop. Robert has no choice to bring down his own brother. This turns Maxie against Robert. Maxie calls her dad Frisco to come home right away; she needs him. Frisco is on a case, where he is investigating Luke for diamonds that he bought from the Aztec Princess. (What, Frisco's wife is fencing diamonds?) See, this idea took me five minutes. Come on people, quit being so damn lazy! ---- Timmy

• I am tired of soaps, and GH is a particularly bad offender in this regard, not paying any attention to the times we live in as far as technology, medical knowledge, and what the viewers themselves are aware of as regards the first two. GH acts as though it's still the 1950's both in their misogynistic treatment of women and in their continuing to ignore factual realities. It's these aspects of the show which make it so I can't get invested in the Jasam/Franco storyline because I am tired of the GH victimization of women and glorification of men at their expense. Also, the entire storyline concerning the parentage of Sam's putative child shouldn't even exist as written for two reasons.

  1. Sam can get a morning after pill at any pharmacy WITHOUT a prescription and regardless whether or not she reported the rape or was examined, this step absolutely should have been taken. The fact that it wasn't indicates to me how little respect they have for their viewers who are modern day women and aware of this piece of information. The writers couldn't have Sam do this reasonable and sensible and LOGICAL action because it would derail this pointless and flimsy storyline about a psychopath's infatuation with a hit man.

  2. When Sam does inevitably show up pregnant, the DNA tests performed are sure to get switched because that has become a GH hackneyed standard. I have no interest in watching something play out on my screen that just occurred last year with Helena and Aidan's test results. Originality and creativity seem to have been banned within the GH writing staff. ---- Susan