Strawberry shortcake, please

This week we learned all kinds of deep, dark secrets about our beloved characters in Port Charles.

This week we learned all kinds of deep, dark secrets about our beloved characters in Port Charles. For example, Sonny has a strawberry fetish that started in the third grade. It seems that Sonny went on a class field trip to a strawberry patch where he had spent hours on his knees picking strawberries for his mom. Adella had promised to bake him strawberry shortcake, so when a lazy kid tried to snatch the basket away, Sonny became enraged. After Sonny beat the tar out of the would-be strawberry thief, he discovered that the basket of strawberries had been crushed. Apparently, so had Sonny, because he grew up, became rich, and then arranged to have fresh strawberries delivered daily to his home.

I guess there won't be any blueberry pancakes for breakfast at Sonny's house any time soon.

Claire, now infected with Sonny's magic sperm, which seems to inspire blind devotion and considerably lowers IQ points, was completely mesmerized while he told his heartbreaking strawberry shortcake story. She realized that, even as a young lad of eight, Sonny had issues...err...fought for what he wanted.

I couldn't help but wonder if a part of Claire was considering opening a strawberry shortcake shop. After all, her career as a federal prosecutor is now a bust, since she told her bosses that there was a conflict of interest with any case involving mobster Sonny Corinthos. It's hard to be effective in your job if you can't go after the biggest criminal in Port Charles and on the east coast.

For reasons that I couldn't quite figure out, Claire felt the need to hotfoot it over to Johnny's to warn him not to bother Sonny, or she would re-open the Baker Street shooting case to charge Johnny with attempted murder. Guess she forgot that she recused herself from all of the cases involving Sonny. After she left Johnny's, Claire went over to Metro Court to let Carly know about her new relationship with Sonny. Carly laughed because she knows that Claire is nothing but a diversion from Sonny's obsession with Brenda.

Speaking of Brenda, we learned that Brenda suffers from horrific nightmares when she does photo shoots and deals with the press. I imagine that puts a huge crimp in her sleep patterns, since she's a world-famous supermodel. Jason, of course, could see how much this bothered Brenda, so he showed a smidgen of compassion by talking to Brenda until she fell asleep.

This revealed another deep, dark secret: Jason appeared to still have some unresolved issues about Elizabeth because the trip to Greece that he talked about, in such a melancholy tone, took place over a decade ago, when Jason had asked Elizabeth to run away with him. Elizabeth had declined because she had felt that Lucky had needed her more.

Slightly more disturbing than this revelation was the way that Jason watched Brenda as she slept. See Sam? This is why you should have gone to Rome!!! I'm pretty sure the writers were just messing with our heads, but it was an awfully strange scene. Especially coupled with Jason's amazing rescue of Brenda after the Balkan's thugs stormed Brenda's room like a stampede of elephants, threatened her for a few minutes while she screamed her head off, and then pumped her full of heroin.

They must have some very thick walls at that hotel and awesome maid service, because those dead thugs were disposed of quickly and not a drop of blood was seen on that sofa where Brenda was recovering.

It's also a good thing that Suzanne had a doctor on speed dial who was able to inject Brenda with something that countered the effects of the heroin within a relatively short time, thus sparing Brenda a trip to the hospital. Note to my family and friends: If thugs pump me full of heroin, please take me to the hospital where I can be hooked up to monitors while the drug leaves my system.

Moving on, Tracy confessed to Lulu that she was addicted to Luke, so perhaps it was best if Luke stayed away with Tracy's millions. I found the timing incredibly odd though, since Lucky Charms is in Ireland. Naturally, my mind immediately leapt to the possibility of Tracy being the Balkan.

I remembered that Tracy had once headed a mob family in New York City, so it isn't completely out of the realm of possibility. It would certainly explain how Dante had heard of the Balkan, since he was a New York City cop.

However, my money is on Lorenzo being the Balkan. If you don't like spoilers, please skip the next two paragraphs.

The Balkan is looking for his missing money. Lorenzo just recently had his fortune stolen when Jax and Skye flew to Italy to track down Lorenzo's accountant. Fast-forward to the present and we are back in Italy, the Balkan is looking for his money, and he thinks that Brenda has stolen it.

Why would the Balkan suspect Brenda of stealing the money? More importantly how would she be able to manage it? The answer is that Brenda must know the Balkan very well and, more importantly, have access to things like secret passwords to off-shore accounts.

I know Lorenzo was killed by Jason, but this is a soap opera, so real-life rules don't apply. For all we know, that was a body double. Lorenzo knew that Sonny and Jason were gunning for him, and there was all that confusion during the murder trial when even Jason questioned if he had really killed Lorenzo. To be fair, though, another popular opinion is that Valentin Cassadine is the Balkan. There is some merit to this theory because Valentin is from the Balkan region.

Time will tell who the Balkan is, so let's continue with the secrets.

I've always thought that Lulu had a desperate need to prove that she's a worthy Spencer. It's one of the reasons that she always seemed to go out of her way to look for trouble and found herself drawn to bad boys. However, this week, she admitted it to Dante. It was kind of sad how she confessed that she used to have backyard adventures pretending to be on the run with her family. It also explained why she felt that she was qualified to run, headfirst, into an international situation that involves Interpol.

By the way, did all of you catch that little nugget of information that Lulu dropped on the plane about her parents and Lucky having lived in Ireland before she was born? This conveniently explains why Lucky knows how to do such a smashing Irish accent that even the locals can't tell it isn't authentic. Having grown up in a bilingual family, I can assure you that natives always know when someone isn't a native.

Lulu obviously has visions of herself saving Lucky from the big bad Balkan and capturing the wanted felon, but the reality is that Dante was right: Lulu is more apt to get them all killed. This became clear by the way that Lulu waltzed into an Irish tavern, ordered a beer, and then asked if the bartender had ever heard of Ronan O'Reilly. It had all the subtly of an anvil dropping in the middle of the room...on a dancing leprechaun. It's a darn good thing that Lucky showed up when he did because Lulu and Dante made absolutely no effort to blend. They raised more questions than a round of Jeopardy.

I'm really not sure why the writers decided to stick Lulu and Dante in the middle of this storyline, but it seems so unnecessary, unless Dante turns out to be the Balkan.

The final secret that we learned this week was that Morgan has been harboring doubts about going through with the adoption. My heart bled for Morgan when he quietly suggested that they stop the adoption, since Carly and Jax had worked things out. In Morgan's mind, there was no need to hurt Sonny by moving forward with the adoption if Jax would once again be Morgan's stepfather. It bothered me that Carly, Jax, and Michael talked Morgan out of it.

I understand that they all want what is best for Morgan, but the adoption doesn't un-ring the Corinthos bell. Whether Jax adopts twelve-year-oldish Morgan or not, it will not change the fact that Morgan, Kristina, Dante, Michael, and, probably, some poor little urchin down the street are Sonny's kids. Sonny's enemies know this, and I seriously doubt that an adoption is going to deter anyone from using Morgan if someone decides to target Sonny through his kids.

However, what bothered me the most was how Jax, Carly, and even Michael downplayed Sonny's role in Morgan's life. Granted Sonny isn't the Father Knows Best type, but he was a very big part of Morgan's life for many years and clearly continues to be. Morgan loves his father, and that should be honored, not pushed aside for a "better" father. I understand Carly wanting Sonny to maintain his distance from Morgan, but I really don't think that she should have been pushing for this adoption. I hate how Carly continually tries to re-write history by having men adopt her kids.

Did she learn nothing from the AJ/Michael debacle?

Raise your hand if you want to smack Mac? I love him, I really do, but sometimes that man is obtuse. Patrick tells him that Robin and Emma are missing, and he responds by ranting at Patrick about leaving Robin alone. Even if he didn't believe Patrick's claims that Lisa was a lunatic, he should believe Robin.

I'm thrilled that Emma was found safe and sound. That little girl was absolutely adorable as her head swiveled between Jason Thompson and John York as their characters argued. She looked fascinated by their discussion. General Hospital has always been great at casting kids.

I would like to thank everyone for all of the kind and supportive emails. They meant the world to me. You truly are the most gracious and generous readers out there. Until next time, take care.