Countess Chocula

Was it just me, or did the lady Sonny dined with in Rome sound a lot like an old cape-wearing cereal commercial character?

Was it just me, or did the lady Sonny dined with in Rome sound a lot like an old cape-wearing cereal commercial character? That accent was unrecognizable. I couldn't decide if she was supposed to be Italian or Transylvanian.

Nonetheless, she provided a distraction for Sonny while he stalked Brenda. Dear readers, I didn't get that. Sonny had Brenda's phone number in his pocket, why didn't he just call? "Yo Brenda, I'm in Rome and thought we could have dinner." Not hard. People do that.

A couple of weeks ago one of my old flames was in San Diego and he called me and said, "Hey, I'm in town, let's have dinner." And we had dinner. That's what normal people do. But Soap people lurk in cafs with strangers who have indiscernible accents hoping their ex-lover will wander into the garden and they can pretend it's all a big coincidence.

You know why I love Brenda? She was SO excited about finding a ripe pear. I'm exactly like that. If I get a juicy peach at the Farmer's Market, I won't shut up about it all day. Finding good fruit is very exciting! But seriously -- Brenda is passionate, and not in a screeching way like Lulu and Carly, but in a sensual and beautiful way. I love Brenda's zest for life and positive outlook.

I also love the fact that Carly is so mad that Sonny went to find Brenda. Carly is clearly shaken and afraid she might lose both Jax and Sonny to Brenda's considerable charms. At times I really like Carly, but right now, I can't find a way to justify her behavior.

You see, I'm not much of a revenge person. I can understand Carly being angry with Lulu and Dante. I could even understand it if Carly cut them out of her life and said "I can't trust you two anymore, so we're done." But hiring Brook Lynn to sleep with Dante? That's a little too twisted. I hate to say it, but I almost felt sorry for Brook Lynn. When she was pouring her heart out confessing her sins to Lulu, I was rooting for her and for Lulu to believe her. Or, at least I was before Brooke tried to scam Edward. Then, not so much.

When Brook stumbled into Nikolas, soaking wet, she also stumbled into a chance to play Julia Roberts to Nikolas' Richard Gere and be his "beck and call girl" for a function.

Not that I'm judging, if Prince Nikolas had servants draw a bath for me and had his butler serve me tea and offered me money to attend a party with him, I would totally go. So if you thought I was looking down on Brook, you'd be wrong.

However, I feel totally fine about judging Lisa. She's either mentally unstable, manipulative and evil, or a maniacal sociopath. Maybe all of the above. But Patrick isn't blameless. No matter how crazy the writers make Lisa, I refuse to give Patrick a free pass -- he's still a cheater.

Many of you wrote to me about this storyline -- but the thing that struck me is that although you're mad about Patrick cheating -- most of my letters were NOT in defense of Robin. She's not getting a lot of sympathy in this -- it was more people mad at Lisa and Patrick or mad at Matt for believing Lisa, rather than people outright sympathizing with Robin.

Except for possibly my favorite comment of the week -- "Robin OMG, she should have backed over the B*tch and gotten Alexis to defend her." Funny.

Really, how good is Patrick in bed that the woman would throw herself in front of a moving vehicle to clear the path back to his bed? I hate how stupidly they write most of the women. Except Diane.

I guess getting hit by a car doesn't hurt as much as you might imagine, since Lisa was back to work doing surgery and boiling Emma's toys in a Bunsen Burner the very next day.

Sam is hobbling around Jason's apartment on her ill-timed sprained ankle and, just like Carly, worrying about Brenda's influence in Jason's life. Here's the thing -- Vanessa Marcil has chemistry with Maurice Benard and Ingo Rademacher and Steve Burton, so the writers could put all the names into a hat, pick one at random, and still have a good storyline.

And, since Brenda was Lois' BFF, maybe she could take Brook Lynn under her wing. Man I wish we could get Wally Kurth and Rena Sofer back and give Brook a big family reunion before Christmas.

Lucky needs a family reunion too. After his big adventure with Jason, Gimp-Sam, and the Lopez Brothers, Lucky is itching to take a walk on the wild side. He's worked hard all these years to keep the Luke in him buried, but Lucky has that restless Spencer DNA coursing through his veins, and the straight and narrow didn't really pay off for him. While I do NOT want Lucky to become part of the mob, I wouldn't mind if he continues to walk a little south of the law from time to time.

Michael and Kristina keep lamenting how much they don't want to go back to school, so I have to wonder -- where is this going? Are they going to get some hot home-school teacher? Are they going to go to public schools and not have to wear uniforms? I can't quite figure out how that plays into things. Of course, it might not play in at all and be meant merely to attract the kids who start back to school next week when they see TV kids who don't want to go back to school either.

Readers, is it just me, or are the rest of you tired of seeing Olivia cry? Geez, give her a new love interest. Let her steal Coleman from Kate or catch Steven Weber after a lonely day at the hospital. But having her fret and worry and cry over Johnny for weeks is getting kind of old. She's too vibrant a character to box her in that way. Olivia's appeal is that she's always been strong, so it troubles me that the writers have opted to make her look weak.

And we can't forget Claire Walsh in that category either. Claire talks a good game, but when no one is looking, she's mooning over Sonny. Sonny should offer her a dose of his magic sperm right now; maybe she'd look harder to find where Ronnie ditched Johnnie's gun. She came to Port Charles as a strong, determined woman, but after a few kisses and some shared pasta with Sonny, she can barely force herself to do her job. Oh brother. I bet thugs wished we were that dumb.

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What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Sam think to sleep on the couch so Jason doesn't have to keep hauling her up and down the stairs? Will Spinelli ever come back from buying BBQ chips? Will Murphy win a posthumous Oscar now for the bad movie he made out of pity? Will Franco be mad that someone else is getting credit for the freaky things happening around Brenda Barrett? Will Maxie pull Lisa's hair when she sees her? Will Emma wonder why Aunt Lisa didn't come and take her for ice cream this week?

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