She's b-a-a-a-a-ck

The one and only Helena Cassadine took control of the spiffy new monitors and broadcast a welcome message to the staff with that special blend of pure evil and pure sugar that only Helena can pull off.

The new and improved high-tech General Hospital opened for business, but there was a ghost in the machinery. The one and only Helena Cassadine took control of the spiffy new monitors and broadcast a welcome message to the staff with that special blend of pure evil and pure sugar that only Helena can pull off. We've needed a good villain and no one fits the bill like Constance Towers creepy but elegant Helena.

Villains come in many forms, Claudia has done villainous things, but she has a vulnerable side. Ric has been a villain, but he has Mommy issues and a vendetta. Helena on the other hand is just maniacal and evil. We don't know why. We never see her soft side. She just likes doing creepy things. She is over the top delicious.

I am anxious to see what Helena has up her sleeve, but I know one thing for sure: Nothing can top the time we discovered that Helena had a secret underground laboratory beneath GH where her presumed dead son Stavros was frozen for years before she defrosted him. Second to that was the time she kidnapped Lucky and "erased" Elizabeth from his brain.

When Helena walks on screen, I set aside all expectations of normality and just dig in deep to my "suspension of disbelief" mode. Helena does crazy things which make no sense and can't be rationally explained. But so what? She is magically Soap-a-licious.

I am aligning myself with Alexis' theory this week. If an identical look-alike for Emily showed up in Port Charles around the same time Helena appeared there *must* be some connection. What is Helena up to? What is so special about the painting she is trying to get her hands on? Is it the painting of a young sultry Helena that Luke used to hang over the bar at his jazz club? Hard to say, but I am anxious to find out. Since Rebecca was sassy with Helena, she will either end up dead, or is in cahoots with her, Those are the only two options.

And if one villain back in town wasn't enough, Jerry Jacks is back in Port Charles and on the loose wreaking havoc all over town. For a guy who is supposed to be dead, and a wanted criminal, Jerry really isn't trying to keep a low profile.

Jerry was wandering around on the docks waiting to harass Claudia. Jerry was waiting for Ric in his suite, so presumably he had to walk past doormen or people in the hallway. And, Jerry also took a spin upstate to sit by Michael's bedside. You know the same bedside where Claudia had pretend she was Monica Quartermaine to get in. And yet, there was Jerry. Did he pretend he was Edward? He should have gone back to the doctor who gave him his second face and asked if he could get a third.

There are holes in the plot, but I don't care right now. It's good that Jerry and Helena are in town to stir up trouble for May Sweeps. I can't speak for anyone else, but I needed a distraction from the storylines that make me want to throw things at the TV.

For instance, Robin and her PPD. Robin is a woman who is HIV positive. She has been on a drug protocol for years; pills have kept her healthy and alive. So having Robin reject meds now as if she's so Organic the thought of taking a pill is completely foreign to her doesn't ring true. She takes a fistful of pills every day for her HIV. They have made a little progress; Patrick finally called her out on her exploits in Rochester.

As much as I have been whining about the endless and painful nature of this storyline, I would be remiss if I don't acknowledge Jason Thompson's deeply moving portrayal of a man dealing with a wife who is out of control. He's doing a brilliant job. And in truth, so is Kimberly McCullough. That's why we want to strangle her because she's doing such a good job playing an irritating, selfish, whiny, hormonally challenged woman.

I bet Patrick wishes he would not have fought so hard to get Robin to admit he was the father of her baby. It's a good thing he did though, because if Emma didn't have her Daddy, I predict she'd still be in her stroller parked under the coat rack at Kelly's diner.

My fear is that since Carly is pregnant again, as soon as Robin gets over her PPD, the writers will give Carly PPD again with her new baby. That way the writers can just give Jax the scripts from Patrick and have him change the names when he has to stay up all night with the baby while Carly goes to Rochester. At least Carly would come up with a better cover name than Nancy Green. But instead, I think they are going to give Carly the old scripts from Courtney when she decided to carry her baby even at great risk to herself.

I want Carly to be pregnant. I want her to carry the baby full term. I want it to have only one head, and all 10 toes and fingers. I want Jax to finally get the baby he has wanted for years. If this was a drive thru, I would pull up to the window and say "I'd like one Super Happy Ending with a Diet Coke, please." We'll see what I actually get when I pull up to the window.

One of our only other happy couples has evaporated. Spinelli called Maxie by her actual name, and I think it hurt me as much as it hurt Maxie. She might have done irreparable damage this time. If nothing else, she is responsible for making our innocent Spinelli a bit more jaded and that's truly sad.

I've been digging around in my past lately, and I think that's what we miss most as adults. That sheer exuberant joy that always innocently expects the best to happen because it always has. Until the first time that it doesn't, and then we realize we are mortal, flesh and blood and from that moment on, we expect the worst case scenario instead of the best.

Spinelli knew Maxie's flaws; he knew she was selfish, he even knew she was attracted to Johnny. But when he heard her vow to get even with Lulu and spotted her kissing Johnny on the docks shortly thereafter, he had to look at her in an honest light and it broke his heart. And in turn, it broke my heart.

Lulu has taken a more practical approach to her war with Maxie, she divvied up the apartment into halves and shoved all Maxie's belongings onto her side of the room. When I was in college, I lived in a house with 4 other girls and that same fight happened every day. My roommates would buy a dozen eggs and wrote their names on a few with a crayon. Every day there was some battle like "Who made an omelet this morning? There are two Maxie eggs and on Lulu egg missing!" Trust me; if Maxie and Lulu continue to be roommates, it's going to get ugly in that apartment.

Johnny isn't thinking about Lulu right now, he is merely focused on keeping his sister alive. It struck me this week how calm Claudia was with the concept of dying. She was so matter of fact "Well, I gambled and now it's all falling down around me, when I am dead promise you won't go after Sonny." I guess if your Dad is a psycho mob boss who has threatened to kill you every day of your life, you get used to the thought?

But, Claudia has one trick left in her magic bag, a pregnancy test. I bet the local drugstore thinks the economic stimulus checks have cleared since they had a big rush on pregnancy tests this past week. Unlike Carly, Claudia doesn't have a sweet friend like Olivia or Jason to hold her hand while she took the test. But Claudia was smiling Friday when she looked at the stick, so maybe Jax and Sonny's babies will be born on the same day. I wonder if they make black leather maternity clothes.

Jerry promised Claudia he would keep quiet about her role in Michael's shooting for the time being. (Translates, "Jerry will be blackmailing Claudia well into her new baby's high school years.") My guess is that Jerry or Claudia are going to manufacture evidence about Ric being involved and get poor Ric killed. Or he will flee town running for his life. Since Rick Hearst was taken off contract now, they have to come up with some reason for him to vanish.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will 10 more people say how much Ethan reminds them of Luke? Will the Haunted Star ask for a government bailout? Will Spinelli pursue Winifred since Maxie is no longer worthy of the Jackal? Will Carly get a second opinion about her supposed blood disorder since Dr. Lee is really just a drunken sex addict in a lab coat? Will NuMichael have red hair, or will we be expected to believe he aged six year AND turned blonde while in rehab?