I'm no lady

For the Week of February 4, 2008
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I'm no lady
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With a hastily scribbled note on a cocktail napkin, Claudia Zacharra announced herself, and told us exactly who she wasn't.

With a hastily scribbled note on a cocktail napkin, Claudia Zacharra announced herself, and told us exactly who she wasn't. Okay, so she's no lady. But apparently she's a psychic as after her O.N.S. with Sonny; she could read into his soul and unraveled all his secrets. Maybe that's one of the by-products of his Magic Sperm.

When Sonny finds out he just bedded a Zacharra, I bet he won't be too pleased. Of course, his prim and proper Kate Howard is off confessing her Bensonhurst roots to Jax. She has finally realized that living a lie isn't particularly appealing, although she knows that to reveal that lie may cost her everything she has accomplished in life. It's no small choice she is making; it's the sort of choice that leaves people paralyzed in a state of limbo for years. Every time you think you've made your choice, the fear rises up and you see the worst case scenario unfold in your head and as a result - do nothing. But doing nothing isn't working for Kate anymore, she is a prisoner of her lie, caught between two realities and knowing she has to take a stand and pick one. But what will she choose after finding out Sonny slept with Claudia?

Hard to say. But many lies are rising to the surface this weekend, and with dire consequences. Liz blew Sam's cover and told Lucky about her part in baby Jake's kidnapping, as well as her role in Liz's thug encounter. Lucky let Sam know that he could not live with her lies and casually tossed her out of his house, where she ran smack dab into the Text Message Killer. Of course, with all that Everyday Heroes' training, she has been able to fend him off thus far, but only to run into the path of an oncoming car. There's your morality lesson for the week kids- if you lie and scheme and watch someone kidnap a baby, you will be hit by a car. HA!

The big mystery is who was driving the car that hit Sam? It could be almost anyone. Liz left the hospital half awake after a nightmare, probably hopped up on pain meds to rush to Jason. Carly left her appointment with Dr. Lee in tears, for a reason we are not yet privy to, but probably a "you can't get pregnant" or "you're still not pregnant." And our 3rd prime suspect, Monica, is driving around town guzzling booze from her flask. Some old GH character, I think it may have been Caesar Faison, used to have a cane that was filled with shot glasses. I thought that was so cool. If Monica ever sprains her ankle, she should look into one of those.

I think the cycle is now complete, AJ was an alcoholic, Alan was hooked on pills, Skye was an alcoholic, and now Monica is boozing it up. When Emily first came back to town they thought she was on pills, but really she had cancer. Jason is brain damaged, but never had a substance abuse problem, although his DNA doesn't bode well for his future.

Which one of our 3 distracted drivers plowed over Sam? No idea, but whoever it is, you can bet Momma Alexis is going to sue them.

I actually felt sorry for Sam this week- not that the things she did in the past weren't awful; they were. But all of us have made mistakes in our pasts that we wish we could escape, and the only way we can escape is when the people in our lives offer us a big dose of grace and forgiveness. I'm not a fan of "Tough Love" although I do accept the fact that some people need to hit bottom before they want to change. Sam DOES want to change, and is sorry for her actions and is asking forgiveness and everyone said No. That stinks. I am a big believer in 2nd chances, or 3rd chances, or 151st chances. Maybe because I have used up so many chances myself.

OTOH, if I were Liz, I wouldn't trust Sam with my baby either. As a parent, I know that if someone has ever hurt your child, you'd do anything to keep the person in question away from your kids for eternity. Lucky of course, had no idea that Jake shouldn't be left alone with Sam - he was not privy to Sam's prior dirty deeds. When he overheard Liz and Sam arguing in the hospital, he demanded Liz tell him what they were fighting about, and that secret finally coming to light set off a chain reaction that ended up with Sam rolling over the hood of a car. (Did anyone but me see an insect fall out of Liz's hair and onto her shoulder during their fight? HDTV is awesome.)

Coop got a second chance from Maxie after their unfortunate 'meet cute' as hostage and captor in the Metro Court, but sadly, his second chance did not result in a long and happy life of forgiven bliss. Coop put two and two together, and the REAL text message killer did him in. My guess is the ultra creepy and totally expendable character - "Busboy at Kelly's" - but hey, they had me thinking it was Coop for awhile, too - so I have been wrong before. Let's face it, being expendable doesn't mean anything these days -the characters I thought were solid and safe - like Georgie, Emily, Alan and Bobbie are vanishing, while the characters I think are expendable, like No Name Nurse, Leyla, and New Doctor Feel Good are getting air time. I just don't get it.

As to New Doc Ian Devlin, apparently he's an old frat brother of Patrick Drake - and the two of them are so proud of their list of conquests they can hardly resist bragging about it. What will Patrick do when he finally discovers that he is the father of Robin's baby? Will he embrace parenthood and Robin, or will he flee and take up practicing medicine in across the border in Toronto (a lovely city, BTW) to escape his parental responsibilities? Hey Patrick, that's what you get for participating in Grief Sex with a faulty condom.

An unlikely partnership formed this week between Spinelli and Maxie. Maxie is like Lucy Van Pelt from the Peanuts comic. "I'll give you 5 good reasons to help me." As she insisted that Spinelli help her prove that Coop is not the Text Message Killer. Spinelli is now the voice of reason on the show, the person with the kindest heart, a sense of fairness - a truly decent guy. He began by trying to convince Maxie to get help for her grief, to not try to deal with all these losses on her own. But after the tour of Georgie's bedroom - an incredibly poignant scene between Maxie and Spinelli -he agrees to help her find the real killer. (And unlike O.J., Spinelli will probably come through.)

Best comedy of the week- it's a tie between the scene with Alexis, Diane and Kate, as they advise her about Sonny, and the scene with Jax trying to convince Carly about the fertility doll ritual. (Side note to the GH Casting Crew- whoever is responsible for hiring the phenomenally talented Carolyn Hennesy as Diane should get a big fat raise.)

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Luke and Tracy end up living with Lucky as in Luke's trip to hell? Will Ric realize how comfortable flannel shirts are and refuse to practice law in suits when he gets home? Will Mac ever realize what a horrible cop he is as he never ever gets the right person? Will Trevor ever tire of playing puppet master to the Zacharra children and go get another mob client? Will Claudia end up pregnant from her One Night with Sonny? (It's happened before you know...) Will Lucky ever be lucky?

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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