So small a wind

Everyone wants to believe in Big Scary Love. I know I do.

Everyone wants to believe in Big Scary Love. I know I do. We convince ourselves that the Big Scary Love of romance novels and chick flicks actually exists. We reach for the kind of bond that nothing can touch. We cling to a person that promises they would rather lose their life than lose us. We yearn for the kind of love where the only thing that genuinely matters to us is walking through this world with our beloved, and being connected to their soul. We make compromises because we think we owe Big Scary Love, and that it demands that we acknowledge it. We awaken with a smile on our face because we believe become convinced that we have discovered a secret that no one else knows. We live our lives as if our every dream is wrapped up in their existence.

But suddenly, and without warning, a small wind blows, and the Big Scary Love Shack collapses. It's very disappointing when you realize that the love you thought would endure Hurricane 5 force winds can instead be toppled by a small breeze. If so small a wind can knock over so great a love, we have to consider the possibility that perhaps it wasn't as strong as we imagined it to be.

Look at Emily and Nik, for instance. Emily believed in that sort of love. There love was so strong it could cure cancer - do you recall that scene a few years back where Nik was on one side of the wall of the hospital room and Em was on the other and he had his hand against the wall willing her to live from the other side and she actually dreamed the things he was saying? Ah! Powerful! But, a rape and a few months of jail time for Nik later, Emily realized she was a fool. Jax and Courtney thought they had found it, and fought Mike and Lady Jane declaring their eternal passion, but the small wind of a surrogacy gone awry blew by; and Poof, they had to snap out of it. Skye prayed she had found it with Luke, but after his marriage to Tracy and the knowledge that he's still pining for Laura, Skye decided to give Lorenzo a whirl. Lorenzo of course, is still wrapped up in the thought of Carly, while she can't loosen her grip on the idea of Big Scary Love with Sonny. They would all be so much happier if they could wrap their mind around the fact that the love they dream of is merely an illusion perpetrated by greeting card companies and the Harlequin Corporation. I mean, it would be cool if we could beam ourselves places like in Star Trek, too - but that's about as likely as Big Scary Love.

There are bastions of hope - Sam and Jason seem to be firmly entrenched in B.S.L., but with Robin back in the picture, will Sam's absolute devotion to Jason be any match for the righteous St. Robin and Jason's flashes of memory? Sam is real, flesh and blood. She has committed crimes, swindled people and been conniving. She also cares for a mentally challenged brother and wants to take in stray babies and raise them. She is good and bad. Sinner and saint entwined in one soul. Jason is a hit man with a heart of gold. They don't demand perfection of one another. Sam knows Jason kills people for a living and still accepts and loves him enough to have risked her life for him at least half a dozen times this week, even diving into a collapsing mountain and eventually being arrested for trying to go back in again. That's Big Scary Love in action.

We can't discuss Big Scary Love without throwing in Jason and Carly. They aren't lovers, but they love one another like nobody's business. The scene this week where Carly realizes that the only reason Jason was down in the tunnel when it collapsed was because he thought she was down there - and he said "I told you I'd always come for you." ..Jason had a memory loss and can't remember hardly anything, but he remembered THAT, well, dear readers, I am not ashamed to say I paused my Tivo and cried. That sort of bond is so rare, so sacred.

All that mush aside, let's change gears. Emily is a robot. Did you see the scene where she and Sonny are discussing Jason and Emily is very calmly reassuring Sonny that it's okay that Jason is dead, as he died doing what he wanted to do? Umm, I have seen Emily sobbing over very small winds, and then a Category 5 whammy wind comes along, like thinking her brother is dead and she can't shed a single tear? Or was she so worried about Sonny's fragile psyche, she is playing strong for him? At any rate, it was so Stepford of her not to cry over her brother that I wanted to lift up her hair and check for wires.

I think GH really struck gold in Laura Wright, and the "flashback" scenes where she has been interjected into some old GH history has been wonderful. Her scenes with Jason in the tunnel this week were so moving - I am delighted I can finally openly love Carly again.

I am glad they are putting Carly into some storylines with Luke and other Spencer's - it's about time they reconcile that family. In other Spencer news, Leslie (Great to see her, too) is fed up with Lulu and has dumped her at the Q doorstep to move in, and while Luke balked at having to play Dad, Liz and Lucky can barely feed Cameron, so Luke's going to have to step up. I loved Dillon's impassioned plea about a kid needing a father - he's such a great young actor, I wish he got more chances to showcase it. I'm looking forward to seeing the Luke and Lulu relationship grow. So, to recap, thumbs up for NuCarly and Nu-Lulu.

But, thumbs still way way way way way way down for Fake-Lecia. I felt so cheated when Robin came out of the tunnel and it wasn't Kristina Wagner there with Mac. If ABC isn't going to hire back Ms. Wagner, I wish they'd just send Felicia back to Texas to take care of her Grandma. I loathe the new chick simply because she isn't Kristina. She was on GH for more than 20 years, and they can't just ditch her and hire someone new and think the viewers will be fine with that - we are a loyal bunch, and we aren't okay with it. Even though you hid Felicia for a couple months hoping we'd forget it was a new actress. On the up side, Robin's return has been very well handled; they are mixing flashbacks in to bring newer viewers up to speed and to remind us old timers why we liked Robin in the first place. Next comes Noah Drake, and I am hoping this means we may actually get to see Bobbie someday soon.

Everyone is finally out of the tunnel, and getting medical care, except Manny who is out there somewhere with about 28 deadly injuries, but still hopping along taking hostages. And of course, poor Reese, who didn't make it out alive... Reese is an example of a character that started out promising, but the writer's ran out of ideas for her. She came on the scene as an FBI agent sent to help find Sonny and Carly's kids, but they fleshed her out and made her this rich character, with a powerful story as to why she spent her life in the FBI looking for missing kids - she had lost a child of her own and had devoted her life to finding other missing kids. But then, the writers switched gears and decided to "reveal" that she was secretly Carly's old presumed dead friend Charlotte, and it was all downhill from there. Such a shame, isn't it?

Another shame is Nik and Courtney. I seriously hate them together. Part of the reason is that I fully bought into Nik and Emily's Eternal Bond of Big Scary Love and the writers casually tossed that away over a puff of wind so small it wouldn't even move a daisy. That makes me angry. I'm still a sucker. I still want to root for that couple that has overcome 100 obstacles and still stays together. Nikolas and Emily were on that road for years, and now we are supposed to believe Nik loves Courtney and Emily means nothing to him? Would Wesley ditch Princess Buttercup? Would Harry ditch Sally? I sure hope not. Nik and Courtney - yuck. I can't even stand to look at the two of them, they disgust me.

As to love that stands the test of time, next Saturday will be mine and Jeff's 17th wedding anniversary. We have endured some Soap like category 5 winds and we're still together - maybe we should be a soap super couple. Of course, he's not a hit man or anything...

On another note, Rose Lawn seriously needs some new security. Manny can get in, Carly can get out, people come in and out of Carly's room at will and this is supposed to be a mental hospital? (Although, one of my astute readers pointed out that Rose Lawn looks a lot like Luke and Laura's old house where Mary May Ward once resided...) This problem was driven home when an entire team of hairdressers, make up artists and clothing gurus showed up to give Carly a makeover in her hospital room. And after her in room "Extreme Makeover" she sure looked lovely, didn't she? She's now sitting in Sonny's living room all glammed out with her kids, and we know he's going to drag her back to Rose Lawn by the hair, right? I hope she wises up and goes back to Lorenzo. Not that I don't love Sonny, but I just want Carly to actually be with a man who genuinely loves her and puts her best interest above everything. Heck, I think we all deserve to be loved that way. But is it possible? Does it exist? This is my week's poll - dear readers - is Big Scary Love still alive? Tell me stories. Give me examples. I really want to know.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Robin's drugs bring Jason's memories all the way back and he'll go looking for Keesha Ward? Will Helena decide she likes Emily better than Courtney after all now that Courtney isn't carrying Nik's baby? Will Lady Jane come and make peace with Courtney now that she is going to be a Grandma? Will Leslie Weber hit on Edward Q since she's free of Lulu and full of spare time? Will Michael run away to see Carly at the same time she runs away to see him and pass each other on the highway? Will Carly's calf muscles be Schwarzneggarean after walking the distance from Port Charles to Rose Lawn several times when Sonny had to take a train to get there?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

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