If I could fall into the sky

The ring tone on my cell phone is A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton. But really, it should be the ring tone on Courtney's phone.

The ring tone on my cell phone is A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton. But really, it should be the ring tone on Courtney's phone. Last week I suggested that she go for it with Jax and many of you were peeved at me for saying so, because she still loves Jason. Well, of course she still loves Jason. I love Jason, too. If Jason existed in real life, wouldn't we all want him in our lives? He's a wonderful, honest, and incredibly loyal friend. Not to mention gorgeous. But let's remember his one fatal flaw - HE KILLS PEOPLE FOR A LIVING.

Love, as much as we wish it did, does not solve everything else. You can love someone with everything you are. You can offer someone your heart, mind, and body and be willing to move Heaven and Earth in the name of your love for them and still come to roadblocks and obstacles that all that love can't seem to overcome. You can love someone with an ache so great you can barely breathe, and still find yourself unable to make a way to be together. It happens every day. Courtney and Jason absolutely love each other, no doubt. But he can't stop being who he is (or won't) and Courtney can't accept him as he is and cannot live with what he does for a living. (And can you blame her?)

Jason's plea to Courtney to stop giving him updates made me cry. He begs her- "Please, stop telling me what you are or are not doing with Jax." And it isn't because he's jealous of Jax, it's because he adores her and longs to be near her and the thought of her in someone else's arms when he knows that she belongs with him is just too much to bear. It's not that he doesn't want to see Courtney happy; it's not that he begrudges her moving on; it's just that he can't WATCH. If you're in love with someone, if your whole life revolves around their comings and goings, if your very existence is wrapped up in the next time you hear their voice, if you are just waiting for the next time you bump into them - then watching them giggling in the arms of someone else is just too much to endure. It's like being stabbed with hundreds of knives all at once, right in the heart.

So, have I changed my mind? No. Do I believe Jason and Courtney love each other? Yes. But, Courtney and Jason can't seem to find a way to make it work. I want her to be happy, and I would encourage her to move forward with Jax. UNLESS, (and this is important) by some MIRACLE, the man she actually should be with decides to CHANGE. And YES, it is Jason's decision. He has to decide that he wants a life with Courtney more than his life of crime. He has to count the costs and look Courtney dead in the eye and say "I choose you." Jason has ask himself "Would I rather live my life without Courtney and be able to have the freedom to keep shooting at people every other day, or stop this dangerous and violent lifestyle so I can share my life with the only woman I truly love?" and until he answers that question for himself and makes a choice, they are at an impasse. He can't ask Courtney to choose him until he is willing to make himself a real choice. Period. Until Jason snaps out of it, I am afraid we will have to endure Courtney's boring sex dreams about Jax which are worse than the ones I had in 6th grade over David Cassidy and Adam West's Batman.

In happier love news, Nikolas got his memory back and finally knows who he is and who Emily is to him. Of course Helena, menace of the universe has them both drugged, in straight jackets, locked in a mental hospital under heavy guards ... Oh wait! They escaped all that! (Forget what I said in the last rant about Love not being able to solve all the problems.) Nik and Em's Big Scary Love somehow was stronger than mind altering medication, physical restraints, and many large men in white nurses uniforms who were not drugged, but Nik and Em are the heroes so we knew they'd escape. Being half drugged they have run off to hide in the exact spot where Helena caught Nik in the first place - I'm sure she won't go back to the Q boathouse looking for them. HAHAHAHA! Of course it will be the first place she looks. And who knew Emily was so crafty with disguises? She did that Superman/Clark Kent thing with the big dorky glasses and changing the part on her hair. But wait! She was even craftier! She didn't part her hair at all, she just brushed it all down in her face like Cousin It! That should fool everyone, huh?

Sam is trying to fool everyone, too, is she wearing a dress or a top? And, I must give credit where credit is due, that question was not from my imagination, but alert and clever reader RicK Epps. Good question though... Is she just putting pants on under her dresses, as her legs get cold in the A/C in the penthouse, or is she just buying really, really, really, long tops? She does magically have a baby-shaped stomach now though, and last week she wasn't even showing until about Thursday, and now this week, she has a definite bulge. I am guessing by next week she will have to do that pushing up on the back of the couch and wobbling knee thing to stand up. They should have just shot Skye's body when she was pregnant for real and superimposed Sam's head on it. But no, Sam and Skye don't share wardrobe sensibilities now do they? I mean first of all, Skye's hair is always combed.

But, Skye has never slept with Sonny, so we know her baby wasn't his, at least. Sonny is getting pretty surly and territorial with Jason. I saw it this week in his interactions with both Sam and Carly. It appears that Sonny is getting downright jealous of Jason's influence over his women. And to Sonny they ARE his women. I might go so far as to say Sonny is only encouraging Carly to find her real father because he heard Jason advise her against it. And of course, there are the plans Sonny made for Sam and her baby in case he gets killed or arrested and his reluctance to tell Jason details of where said house may be. Jason pointed out that he knew where Carly and the kids would be, but that didn't prompt Sonny to give Jason any further info. Sonny is just SO afraid some sperm of his might get away from his mind-numbing control. I can hardly wait until he finds out he already HAS a daughter. And isn't that little Kristina the cutest baby girl on soaps since Lulu was her age?

One cute little girl is about to vanish - Sage - she's a goner. And it has nothing to do with their corny Ouija Board Sance... I had a Ouija Board when I was a kid and my girlfriends and I had it spell out cuss words at slumber parties. There must have been some foul-mouthed ghosts in Stow, Ohio. (Which is one of the many reasons I fled to California when I grew up.) Helena wanted Emily dead, and sent someone to kill her... Emily and Sage must look a lot alike to... someone. But who? Let's see, we have Faith and Justus doing it in the Q freezer (They are having Ice sex? Brrr. Remember that scene in Christmas Story where the kids tongue gets stuck to the flagpole... need I say more? OUCH.) Besides, everyone knows when Faith really wants to kill someone she slides on her poison ring. Of course, we have the seriously lunatic Heather also in the house, and Helena is soon to be lurking about to track down Nik - so this should be a great murder mystery since all the true lunatics in town all happen to be at the Quartermaine Estate on the same night.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Carly have to turn a few tricks of her own to get her Mom's old Johns to talk? Will we stopped being stunned that Bobbie actually got some scenes with lines this week and got a chance to actually ACT? Will we have to reflect on the anniversary of Courtney's miscarriage every year? I hope not. I'd rather remember BJ and Stone, and Lila, if anyone is taking tally. Will soap characters ever stop doing truly stupid things like leaving their 20 year old diaries from when they were a hooker lying around where anyone could find and walk off with it? Will Mike ever go back to gambling and stop stalking his daughter? Will Shadybrook ever actually examine a patient to find out if they are really crazy before admitting them? Will Jax ever get tired of waiting for Courtney and realize that he is a sexy single billionaire and find the other 800 women in Port Charles who WILL sleep with him?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, so I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

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