How did Al Barile and Nancy Barile meet? SSD band guitarist’s wife pays tribute as he dies at 63

Al Barile, the legendary guitarist and founding member of the Boston hardcore band SSD (Society System Decontrol), died at 63 and left behind a legacy that helped shape both the sound and the ethics of American hardcore punk.

2 days ago, he posted on Instagram, saying that this could be his last post.

In addition to his contributions to music, the most moving part of his life may have been the decades-long relationship he had with Nancy Barile — a love story set during the apex of the punk movement.

Their fateful first meeting in Staten Island, New York, was a connection that would not only withstand the severity of the hardcore scene but that flourished within its confines. Nancy Petriello (who would later become Nancy Barile) met Al Barile in Staten Island during the early 1980s.

At the time, both were already immersed in the hardcore punk scene — Al in Boston, where SSD was gaining traction for its straight-edge ethos, and Nancy in Philadelphia, where she was booking shows and supporting bands in the DIY underground. Their first meeting was brief, and the two lost contact shortly afterward. But destiny and music would soon again bond them together.

A Chance Encounter in Staten Island

From the first ignite, through joint shows and record store meetups, their connection kept taking root until it grew into a long-time partnership, activism, and common music love. Their first meeting was short, and the duo lost contact right away. However, destiny — and music — would later make them find each other again.

Meeting Again in the Hardcore Capital

Just a few weeks after the initial meet, Nancy decided to approach Al for a hardcore show that would bring MDC to the iconic 171A venue in New York City. They arranged to meet on St. Mark’s Place, maybe at Bleeker Bob’s, the legendary record store that was a rendezvous for many punks, musicians, and misfits.

That one evening changed the course of everything. Engulfed in the noise, the sweat, and the pulse of a scene in progress, Al and Nancy started up a relationship centered around the same set of ideas — one, which spanned over four decades, will go on indefinitely.

Two Lives Entwined by Music and Purpose

Al was involved in hardcore music on the East Coast, playing in the band SSD, while Nancy was documenting the movement and, among other things, organizing shows and young artists. She was very much into feminism, protest, and DIY ethics, which were all at the core of Al's music philosophy.

They were in different cities, but still, they weren't apart, their bond was even deeper. Simply, they were married and made their home stay — a place of peace that was established (they built) through music, fights for people’s rights, and mutual respect among family members.

Keeping the Connection with Punk History

Nancy was an educator and wrote a book over the years, titled I’m Not Holding Your Coat, where she narrated how punk changed her life and her romance with Al. The couple did numerous interviews where they shared their knowledge on the history of SSD and the early hardcore scene.

The two not only collected the past but also saved the future. They decided to arrange their collections, as well as save those important recordings without ever compromising the original hardcore concept and spirt's rawness. Al’s realness, the focus of the product, and non-concession became the pattern that was seen in the behavior of the punk fans and the musicians.

Nancy’s Public tribute to Al

When Al Barile passed away, Nancy published an emotional message on the Instagram platform, recounting the memories they shared together.

There, she said that the start was very happy, and they used to discuss music till late at night and that Al was still loyal to his principles. She lauded not only his contributions to music but also the person — he was caring, active, and very honest (gently, he was).

"There was always a story. We loved each other unbelievably, and my heart is crushed into a million pieces."

The message reached so many, beyond a certain place at the scene, that it touched everyone who knew the music was the bonding thing and life’s purpose.

An Everlasting Romantic Tale Rooted in the Hardcore Subculture

Not merely a side note but a full-fledged story that has become one of the most remarkable in the history of punk – it is a conviction that love can survive in a world of noise, that two can come together in a movement built on rebelliousness, and that shared morals can anchor a union for the years to come.

While the hardcore community loses one of its pioneers, it inherently cherishes the affectionate, everlasting relationship that defined Al and Nancy’s lives – one that was nourished by music, put to a hard test by time, and eventually confirmed by the loyalty that never grew weaker.