F This! The freaks, the fake, and the fabulous; Days of our Lives Two Scoops for September 2, 2024

First things first. Dirty Doctor Greene does not deserve that apple fritter. I love fall flavors, and I’m not conspiring against Chad. So, I should get the fritter. Okay. I’ll even split it with my pal Chad. I’m fretting that he’ll need all the fritters once this “Abigail” cat is out of the bag. Doc “Three E” Greene really should be ashamed of himself. He’s not. Like me, though. I’m not ashamed to declare I’ve already had an iced pumpkin latte.

I’m also not ashamed to admit that I’m enjoying this storyline. Billy Flynn is always brilliant, and AnnaLynne McCord is amazing. Her performances are captivating and rather charming. We know that “Fibigail” has a little smidge of a conscience and feels somewhat bad for what they’re doing to Chad (and the kids). There’s that.

I also love the humor AnnaLynne injects when “Fabs” (Fake Abs) is learning more about Abigail’s life and that of the DiMeras. She nails the “WTF!?” responses rather perfectly. It reminds me of when Chanel was catching up on Salem Life. Oh, “Faux Abs,” just wait until you hear about Satan and the Island of Melaswen!

Well, even a broken clock is still right twice a day. Kristen made a point about Brady, which we’ll get to in a bit, and she seems to be right about “Abigail.” She told Chad to watch his back. One, I enjoy Billy Flynn and Stacy Haiduk’s interactions. Kristen is a special brand of psycho, but she does love Chad in her own Kristen way.

More so, I adore that Kristen called this out. In a Salem where Kooky Connie is playing a seasoned schemer like Gabi, it’s refreshing to see shady spot shady. I hope that Kristen keeps an eye on “Abigail.” Special K needs some good karma points.

As for the “motive,” I need more to go on. Doc Greene, err, Doc Scheme and “Fabs” have something up their sleeves. He seems more into it than she does. Well, at the very least, she seems to feel somewhat bad. Again, there’s that.

We’ve learned that Mark’s parents are dead. Though I knew Doc Scheme played a large part in his siblings’ lives, this confused me because I thought Aaron mentioned his parents having a barbeque at the beginning of the summer. Then again, Salem is an ever-changing community. Thomas was ten a few weeks ago, and he’s nine now but should be eight. So, things change.

I highly suspect this vendetta Mark has against Chad or someone close to Chadwick, stems from the parents’ deaths. Maybe. Though I also suspect a huge helping of history rewrite is going to be slathered on this storyline to make it work.

So, how is this related to Chad? Is “Fabs” a made-over Mia McCormick? Is the Greene family related to Madeline Peterson-Woods or her widower, ex-D.A. Dirty Chuckie Woods? We can’t rule out that Gwen’s involved, right? This storyline is definitely a mystery, and that’s never a bad thing, especially when characters aren’t being dumbed down like in other storylines…

Oh, hey there, Gabi. I didn’t see you there under E.J. Oof. The fact that Connie is conning her hurts. Like, Yo Gabba Gabs. You were schooled in scheming by Thee Kate Roberts and Sami Brady. They didn’t teach the master’s program in plotting. They created it. And now, they’re threatening to come and snatch your degree away. Oh, maybe that’s what brings Sami back to Salem! But I digress.

I just hate that Gabi is being played for a fool by a, well, fool. To make things worse, Gabi had to be nudged by Connie to strike out against Stefan and sleep with someone else. Revenge is Gabi’s style, but I don’t think this brand of it is a very chic look for her.

Gabi and E.J., uh, plotting is a little gah. It’ll surely stick it to Stefan, but when you remember that Eej was Will’s stepfather and Gabi is Will’s baby mama there’s just some soap math there that makes me feel uncomfortable. Everyone’s legally above board, but, again, gah.

Meanwhile, everyone is finding out tidbits about Connie. Dots are connecting about this dangerous derp. Ava has a lot of intel, and she finally shared some with Stefan. Kristen is curious. Melinda straight-up knows the truth (and I hope she lives to tell it). Stephanie is bound to meet her soon and draw some conclusions. And if we get Jada involved, I have no doubt Connie will be in Bayview sooner rather than later. At least, I hope.

And let’s do a victory lap for the awesomeness that is Jada! She’s just made of win left and right. I was proud that she let herself be vulnerable with Stephanie. Her love for Rafe is making me root for them so hard. And not only did she call out Salemites who needed it (hi, Kristen), but I also loved that she kept shutting down Xander with logic and compassion. Elia Cantu and Paul Telfer were terrific in those scenes.

Also, how super, splendid, and downright sensational were Suzanne Rogers and Linsey Godfrey last week!? Well. Every week, really, but especially in the scene where Maggie recalled losing her parents and ability to walk. It was both heartbreaking and uplifting. That’s a special blend that Suzanne does so wonderfully.

Then, if Suzanne and Linsey weren’t spectacular enough, in came Ashley Puzemis for the terrific trifecta. Words weren’t even needed some of the time. The tension in that room was palatable. Ashley amazed as Holly concluded about the missing keys, while Maggie and Sarah stayed silently knowing. When Holly started to blame herself, it was again heartbreaking. I loved Sarah’s rallying speech to her niece. If anyone ever asks why you watch DAYS, Tuesday’s episode can be slid across the table, and they can watch for themselves in awe.

And then we have Brady. Oh, Brady Black. Kristen’s special brand of help is self-serving, no doubt, but when she makes a point, you know you’ve hit rock bottom on your fall off the wagon. She told him, “Get sober and pull your life together.” That. Do that, Brady.

Of course, Kristen also said, “What’s done is done,” and pretty much told him to stay silent regarding striking Sarah. Not cool. With Special K, you win some and you lose more, but I digress again.

While I’d like to think Kristen is doing this out of love for her daughter, I also can’t stop laughing at that thought. She’s clearly doing this to lord over Brady later. I think she might also think she’ll score some points to win him back. I really can’t wish her luck in her quest because a victory for Kristen is a defeat for all of us these days.

Still, how mesmerizing was that scene between Brady and Justin!? There need to be more Eric Martsolf and Wally Kurth scenes. They’re just too amazing to be sparse scene partners.

Clearly, we know that Fiona is the one and only to blame, but I do enjoy the far-reaching impact this has on Salem. From Jada to E.J. to Paul and “Jarlena,” what happened to Sarah is reaching nearly every Salemite. Though I’m waiting for the moment Fiona is talking to her bestie, Li'l Vic, and doesn’t realize the baby monitor is on. That’s how she’s going to go down, right? Stay tuned!

LOOSE ENDS:

I still stand firm on the side of Sophia regarding Holly doing her dirty pre-prom. Now, Sophia is doing Holly and herself fifty shades of filthy. Gurl, no. Respect yourself and move on. Sophia’s like Connie Junior. She has a crush and it’s turning into The Crush. Senior and Junior could learn something from Jan Spears. She did “crazy in love” with panache…and a love cage. Now that’s sinister with style, ladies.

I enjoyed that Holly had faith in Tater Tot. She knew the spud wouldn’t cheat on her. It’s refreshing when couples have clear communication and trust. I also applaud Holly for not perpetuating the lies when she and Tate were caught by Brady. That was also so very refreshing. Go, Holly!

Extra Scoops

HOT

Season SIXTY! Cheers to that, Team DAYS. Cheers. To. That! May this begin the run of another sixty plus.

NOT

Salemites. C’mon. Let’s keep talking aloud to oneself at a minimum. I know it’s a convenient plot device, but it’s like you all want to get caught.

LINE(S) OF THE WEEK

“Every time I meet someone else in this family, I feel like I owe them an apology." “Abigail” to Gabi

“So. Know any good jokes? Besides this.” Melinda to Cardboard Cutout Li

EXCHANGE OF THE WEEK

“She sounds like a delightful person.” “Abigail,” about Kristen

“She’s not.” Chad

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Damn it, DAYS! When do we get invited to one of John and Timothy’s game days!? This much joy needs to be witnessed. You know they videochat Paul in, and there’s just an abundance of giddy laughter.

Speaking of catch-ups, isn’t it time we did so with Melissa Horton? This would be a great time for her to visit her sister Sarah. Or for Dr. Nathan Horton to give a second opinion to his auntie. Maybe even Melanie could come see her aunt, too.

I love how smart Thomas is. A Chad and Thomas scene is always good for the soul. They’re adorable together.

Ava made a great point when she told Kristen, “You made a choice.”

“They’re no one’s thing.” Stephanie to Leo regarding funerals. I’m not going to lie. I cheered when she said this. Nobody likes them, but one must do what one must do to honor a loved one.

E.J.’s delight in Stefan’s misery is always rather hilarious. I adore the Dan Feuerriegel and Brandon Barash combo.

Connie can soundproof a room that quickly? Maybe she can do it all.

Maggie’s “grieving, scared, and angry” speech will go down in DAYS history. Epic. Just epic. Suzanne Rogers, we adore you!

PARTING THOUGHTS

So, friends and fellow fans, that’s it for September 2. Laurisa will be back next week! As always, thank you for reading, and “That’s a fact.”