Baptism blanket bingo!

It's always a good idea to go to a party prepared with a "Salem Shindig Bingo Card." Mark off the spot if someone screams, "Stop!" Dot the spot when things stall for a lengthy flashback. Extremely dramatic worried looks, anyone? Cross it off! So, see how many "OMG moments" you can collect before screaming, "Bingo!" in this week's DAYS Two Scoops!

Who doesn't love a Salem shindig! It's exciting when a lot of characters come together to celebrate something that you know will end up failing spectacularly. Surprisingly, though, this one didn't. Mostly didn't. Eric and "kind of Sloan's but really Nicole's" bundle of, well, just a bundle still at this point was finally baptized. On the positive side, at least Jude's absorbent in the case of too much holy water dabbing, but I digress.

Welcome to the community, Hey Jude! There's an entire St. Luke's survival packet somewhere in your christening swag bag. When you're old enough in a few weeks or years, depending on your SORASing rate, we'll explain why every event there comes with a Ziplock baggie of snacks for long delays, the Tripp-sized hole in the stained-glass window, and the pamphlet on how to return wedding gifts for full store credit. That last one is probably the most important one.

On the topic of "importance," let's discuss some of the takeaways from the christening and reception. First and foremost, I don't think Jude's parents are Eric and Nicole. I believe his dad was a quilt and his mom was a comforter. That baby is all blanket. At this point, a cardboard cutout of the "Dancing Baby" from Ally McBeal would be more convincing. Again, I digress.

Next, are we sure that's Eric's old christening gown? I swear I've seen Sloan wear something similar. I mean that as a compliment! She's chic. She can pull off just about any look, well, except motherhood.

But really, now. I'm mad at Kayla for not showing up. She was the one who was supposed to tell Leo and John the christening was not about them. Alas, John brought the joint down, and Leo made it -- and stop me if you heard this one before -- all about him.

La Lady Leo brought the holy dip to a screeching halt. He had important things to say, like, um, he's covering the event for the social page of the Spectator. He also went on about loss and hope. He ended with the equivalent of jazz hands, announcing his status as Fairy Godfather. All this was to make him seem like he had a conscience for a fleeting moment, I believe. And to make Melinda and Sloan squirm. That's what I got from it.

The thing is, Leo can wax poetic all he wants. I do believe he cares for Jude on a Leo-deep level, which is likely somewhere between his facial moisturizer and his jacket made of dalmatian puppies. I also think he likes the idea of being a more decent version of himself, though he finds the work to actually do so too exhausting, so he gives up and applies more moisturizer before a snack and a nap.

That's all to say, until he's not one of the "Unholy Trinity" he is part of it. No excuse will excuse him. Not Holly's perceived hot messiness. Not his upbringing. And certainly not how sad he is over missing Dimitri and his magical penis. Dear Lady Whistleblower, fess up, or get off the baptismal font.

So, sans Leo's blabbering, the event took place! Jude's officially baptized. Eric's thrilled. Brady's thrilled. The Brady family are all thrilled. And Sloan's just ready to go home.

But first, the reception! Sorry, not sorry, Sloan. By the way, you look a little different. I can't put my finger on it. Anyway...

I've been annoyed all this time that the christening reception was scheduled to be at the DiMera mansion. Then it dawned on me. "Duh! It's a Salem shindig. It probably won't make it to a reception." Then I felt a little better until I was proven wrong. It did happen, and it was a mixed bag.

On one level, I loved that it was an event! More than three or four Salemites were there. It looked like a party. So did the baptism itself. It was great to see a gathering of familiar faces and ones we'll pretend are familiar.

I also enjoyed the chats and jabs at the reception. John's uncomfortableness about being there tracked. His brain was once on a disk in the basement. So, he and E.J. bickering was "right place, wrong time," but amusing, nonetheless. I also loved Marlena mic dropping E.J. with, "I think you know how he was going to finish." Sassy Doc slaps.

Of course, Nicole looked like she wanted to actually slap E.J. for provoking John. Karma stepped in, right, Elvis? Like, don't be an asshat to your former mother-in-law who you still have to spend the rest of the day with. That came back to bite him in the most awkward exchange later.

Roman's color commentary on Leo's arrival was also fun, and I enjoyed that he was the proud grandpa working the room. More Ro Ro is never a bad thing. It was lovely that Kate was by his -- nope.

No Kate at the christening was kind of jive. At least she's the best-dressed delivery person ever. There's that. It was just so odd that she showed up at the pub before and after the event. Kate would not miss a good party. Oh. There it is. "Good."

While the jabs and such were fun, the shindig was kind of a dud. All the exciting moments for everyone to pearl clutch to happened when most everyone had gone. Holly's young and tipsy. I forgive her rookie mistake of not making her confession the biggest spectacle she could. I don't want to say learn from Leo, but his performance at St. Luke's did get attention.

Right. Holly confessed to Nicole, E.J., and Brady after having confessed to Eric earlier. That Eric and Holly scene was great, amazingly acted, and his advice was delivered with such compassion and love. This is exactly why I hate the comments that "Eric's always wanted to be a father." He has been, folks. He has been.

Of course, we were cliffhung after Holly's living room admission, but I am thrilled that the truth is out there. It was past time. Will it set Tate free, or will Eej find a way to keep torturing our favorite little spud? Stay tuned!

LOOSE ENDS:

Mar's "Oh, Eric!" regarding him prioritizing Nicole over Sloan summed up his involvement in his relationship perfectly. When she added that he needed to "be sensitive to other people," I wanted to get her a gift card for the Blazer Barn. She so has his number. It was refreshing.

I was just wondering if Mar Mar was still shrinking Nicole and got my answer. Though Doc needs to put some elbow grease into this case and scrub out Nicole's case of the E.J.s. Treating Tate like a teen terror is not a good look for the fabulous Ms. Walker.

Was I the only one who thought Eric was talking to Sami when he was on the phone with Kayla, who was giving her regrets? I was so disappointed when I heard it was only Sweetness. No offense, Kay. I'll save you some petit fours for after your shift.

I guess we got our Sami update, after all, though. She's needed in parts unknown to support a friend whose husband died. I wonder if this is Jamie Caldwell!? I mean, Sami does have so many friends, it's hard to tell.

Belle not being at the christening was also not fun. She has been done so very dirty. Filthy, even. I don't like any of this for "Shelle."

Also, no regrets from Rex or Cassie!? They really drift into orbit when not needed for a storyline. Okay. I apologize for that one. Moving on...

Maggie's speech to John was lovely. It's lovely that she's proud of Konstantin. Her heart is big. Too big, perhaps. I know that she collects figurines, but I didn't realize she collects bull stuff, too. This current Greek imported kind is stinking up the mansion, Mags. You must smell it by now, right?

John's having all the feelings everywhere all at once, and I have compassion for the guy. Breakdowns aren't easy. Grief isn't easy. You don't get to control when and where you'll spontaneously start bawling. You're constantly on edge. Maybe even irritable. Okay. Definitely irritable. While the Catharina storyline isn't the most epic of John's journeys, it's simply the straw and he's the camel, and it's impressive that it took him this long to break.

From "the Pawn" to an Alamain to DiMera to Timmy Robicheaux's son and more, from faux priest to art thief to hero and, again, more, John has about a billion different lives of trauma rattling around in his mind that's literally been removed, replaced, scrambled, sauted, and stuffed back in. John's constants have been largely Stefano, Victor, Doc, and Steve. That's a mixed bag of blessings and curses.

I'm glad John's finally letting Marlena in, and I hope he lets his friends help, too. Roman and Steve are ready. I hope Timothy and Paul (even off-screen) are a big part of this. Having all those lives means John has a stadium full of various loved ones, too, not just ancient enemies. I'd even wager in her own weird way, Vivian would be there for him, too. His St. Luke's vow to Marlena that they'll get through it together is a start. I hope we get to witness John find his joy again, and that's a fact.

Wow, Harris is an a-hole. I mean, I'm generally Team Xanimal, but what Harris is doing to Mr. Cook is extremely dirty. I am convinced now more than ever that he's one of Clyde's coconspirators. There's something fishy about Ho-Hum that no amount of single malt is going to dissuade me from thinking otherwise. I mean. He can start with a glass to be polite, but I'm about to burgle that card from Konstantin and get John to clean his clock.

Have we done the "Who is Everett's father!?" guessing game in a minute? Part of me still believes that it could be Clyde Weston. A few "out there" thoughts I recently had were Aiden Jennings (who is from the Pacific Northwest) and former D.A. Charles Woods. The show likes to connect random Salemites. Making him the son of Charles would make him Chad's sort of stepbrother, as Charles was married to Chad's mother, Madeline Peterson-Woods. But that's probably not the case.

Aside from Clyde, I think he must be of Horton lineage. He is invested in their lives. He also had that evil smirk after Julie left him. There's something there. Perhaps he's either Nick's long-lost twin (I'm still floating that one), or the son of someone like Mike or Melissa. Or maybe he's another one of David's unknown children. That would certainly keep him orbiting Julie closely. Long shot, but could he be a descendant of Doug?

Meanwhile, Jada and Stephanie had a super awkward moment last week. To be honest, there were a lot of awkward ones, so it's hard to choose a, um, winner? This comes close, though.

I get that Jada is livid -- and she has every right to be angry -- but she took it out on the wrong person. Stephanie isn't perfect. She's given us all the reasons and a sunroof, too, to side-eye her at one point or another. All the same, Jada was, as Cher said in Clueless, "Way harsh, Tai." I hope calmer minds can prevail, they can compare notes, and their friendship can be repaired. Judging by Everett's creepy stares, they'll need each other at some point soon.

Y'all! The summer teen scene is going to be amazing. Ah-mazing, I tell you! We have this love quad full of lust, deception, and foolish games that only humans with developing brains would play, and -- oh, wait. I meant Kristen, Alex, Theresa, and Brady are acting like teens. Uff da.

Of the four, I'm giving Brady some grace. He's Roman approved, and, more so, he seems to be largely focused on seeing his daughter. You've met her. I can't answer the "Why!?" of that, but he loves that little AI beast. Sorry, RACH3L. Don't come for me in my sleep.

That leaves the trio who are trying my every nerve. There's so much dumb when it comes to Kristen, Alex, and Theresa. Like, they're making a similar plot on Saved by the Bell look sophisticated by comparison. Sometimes it's hard to fathom these are the same writers who penned that beautiful episode about the Hortons after the fire, or the scene between Brady and Roman this same week.

I don't know how Kristen and Theresa survived their take on one another. Like, aren't there lightning strikes for that type of hypocrisy. "Yeah, Kristen. Don't hurt the guy I'm trying to marry for his money and have been life-altering lying to since last year." "Bad Gwenresa! I raped Brady fair and square." So. Much. Dumb.

This may make me as crazy as Special K to think this way, but why isn't Kristen intervening to help her "Christopher"? Getting Tater Tot freed would be a fast track to Brady's good side. She has the means. She lives in the same house as Holly, and she's not above using a child to get what she wants.

I love Joey. That gift of beer steins and Seattle brew was hilariously him. That was the fun part. Alas, Tripp and Wendy continue to be the coffeehouse jazz of Salem couples. That is, not unpleasant, but hardly a bop.

Now, they've decided to "take their time." Whew! I was worried. Their fast pace of lulling me to sleep was way too much. Actually, the most exciting part of their conversation was when Tripp said, "One day at a time," and my mind immediately went to, "So, up on your feet. Up on your feet. Somewhere there's music playing. Don't you worry none. We'll just take it like it comes..."

HOTI loved Roman and Brady's heartfelt talk at the pub. Considering their long history, that's a watershed moment for them. Roman's encouragement and advice to simply "love your kids," was perfect. I adored that he brought up Kimberly and her gratefulness toward Brady. And the chef's kiss is when Ro Ro stated, "I'm very proud of the man you've become, Brady." Followed by a hug! The heartstrings were officially tugged, you two.

NOT"You're not always around, Brady." Really, Kristen!? Really? I can't.

Also, her comment about Brady's mouth and lips made me cringe. It's just gross. She's a rapist who's bragging about aggressively kissing someone who in no uncertain terms told her to bugger off. I'm starting a GoFundMe to buy Special K a better storyline.

LINE OF THE WEEK"We're the Hindenburg of relationships." Brady to Kristen

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I kind of wanted to see the little self-satisfied smile on Mar's face when she said to herself, "I'll wear the sparkly blazer to the christening. A bit of whimsey." Followed by a little chuckle. Indeed, Doc. Never change.

Did anyone else notice it was couples and "couples" Color Coordinating Day in Salem!? Theresa and Brady were in red. Kristen and Alex in black. Abe and Paulina matched in blues.

John's blue tie also matched the motif of the reception perfectly!

A general rule of thumb, Theresa, always bring cannoli. Always.

I've never felt as close to Brady as I do now, knowing that he sings the blues with fries and a soda. I'll get the next round, Brady Black!

I kind of lowkey loved John's "Batman voice" when he turned and said, "Thank you," to Konstantin.

I oddly miss Dimitri. He and Megan should return.

Brady's Godfather impression was fun.

I thought Jeannie-T snapping at Holly would have caused a bigger scene.

E.J.'s reaction behind Nicole's back when she stated that Eric would be sad if they weren't at the christening was hilarious. Oh, for sure. Eric would shed tears over an E.J. absence.

Is it just me, or does Sloan's apartment change a lot from week to week?

Brady is a comedian now. He stated that maybe the christening will be a "dawn of a new era of peace and harmony." Hilarious!

Tater Tot's journal is certainly going to come back into play again, right?

I can't believe Leo made it through the entire christening without a The Thorn Birds joke or innuendo.

PARTING THOUGHTSSo, friends and fellow fans, that's it for April 1. I'm not fooling when I say Laurisa is back next week with an all-new Two Scoops! As always, thank you for reading, and "That's a fact."

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