It's beginning to look a lot like chaos

Is Nicole about to learn the truth from Leo? Is Sloan the luckiest schemer ever? Or is Eric about to learn the truth, too? Do Jada and Stephanie know they seemingly share an ex? Was Chad totally wrong-wrong? Was Stephanie totally right-right? Will Clyde die for Christmas? These questions and many others will be answered in the next edition of DAYS Two Scoops!

So, I recently fell ill with a head cold. I even took a rare sick day from work to swaddle myself in a comforter and partake in a pharmaceutical slumber. As background noise, I alternated between Hallmark Holiday movies and true crime docuseries. Now I definitely believe that I will find true love at Christmas, and then he'll murder me. That's kind of how I feel about DAYS right now -- I love you bunches, but you're killing me just a bit, too. But let's start with the good! The Hallmark of it all, if you will...

Seasonal music in the background? Check! Decorations? Check. Holiday kiosk in Horton Town Square? Check! Yes, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas in Salem, and let's be real, Jada wins everything so far.

Detective Hunter's not only a kickass lawperson who believes in love, but she also slays, um, sleighs? -- Christmas. Between her love for decorating (complete with remote-controlled lighting options, thankyouverymuch), and hankering for Hallmark holiday movies, too, I'd say she certifies as "Fresh!" on the "Alice Horton Holiday Goddess" scale.

Hmm. Maybe Nathan Horton could return and meet Jada. No offense, Rafe. I'm happy you're happy, Commish, but we need another doctor in town, and Jada needs a legit reason to get a personalized ornament on the tree. That seems like destiny for a woman coming back to her father's quaint-ish hometown who has a holiday-loving heart. Very Hallmarkian, but I digress.

Really, it's nothing personal to Rafe-a-Roni and Cheese. I'll even help find him a new girlfriend on the SalemSingles app. Unfortunately, right now, it's just five profiles, and they're all Melinda in different-colored Theresa wigs, but I'll make it up to him soon. You know, after I call Julie to preemptively get a namesake bulb for Jada in time for Christmas 2024. Again, I digress.

You might be wondering, we liked Nathan, but does Stephanie really need another ex in town? No, but think of the possibilities. If Philip or Jeremy come back, too, they could form a boy band called The Stephanexes. Doug and Julie could totally whip them into harmonizing shape by Christmas for a performance or two by the town square tree. Jada and I would love that. Let's make this happen.

Though, now it looks like Stephanie's ex IS also Jada's ex for realsies, and, well, Team DAYS has some 'splainin' to do.

I, for one, am eager to hear more about Jada's relationship with Everett, more so the ending of it. Determining that will surely explain more about his character. We know he's a romantic and likes to propose. We also know he's a little peculiar and seems a smidge shady.

Basically, if the marriage went south because of Everett's bad behavior, then I'm a little worried for Steph. If not, I'm sure they'll be happy together if he gives her that precious ring right away. Because, you know, "Everett wanted to marry her!" Sorry. You can't hear the sounds of my dramatic Stephanie-like stomping away after I screamed that which really emphasizes her struggles, though you probably heard my epic eyeroll after writing that.

Right now, we know Everett also lied to Stephanie. Shocker, but he IS in town to win her back. After delightedly salivating over how much Chad screwed up, he admitted that to the now single Mr. DiMera. I didn't see that coming. He was so subtle carrying around that engagement ring and still calling Steph his girlfriend.

Meanwhile, Salem's very own Gollum, Stephanie, IS really obsessed with getting a ring. She straight up needs to pick a lane. Is she mad at Chad for what he did, or is she mad he hasn't put a ring on it? I think this is a case where two things can be true at once, but the argument's devolvement into that ring thing again sort of energy-zapped my support of Team Steph.

All Chad's dumb decisions aside -- and let's not understate his betrayal and awful actions. They were wrong. He was wrong, but they're kind of fighting the same fight from different approaches. He's trying in the worst way possible to remove obstacles so they can be together. She's trying to move things along so they can be together in a legally wedded way but is disrespecting his boundaries in the process. It's not a winning relationship combo. At all.

I'm also still trying to pinpoint the moment Stephanie picked this approach. When did she start to believe, "I don't think the man I'm in a committed relationship with, who asked me to move in with him and his children is serious enough. I better lock this down with a ring." I'm not the most confident person ever, but I'd feel fairly darn sure of what I had if I were in Steph's shoes. They could have been Salem's version of Kurt and Goldie. Why screw that up for jewelry and paperwork?

Of course, the entire "they moved too quickly" aspect is certainly out there in the Salemverse now. It's been discussed, and Kate agreed. That's good enough for me. They did. They moved WAY too fast, but still, her competition is dead, and Chad's actions -- as stupid as they were (and I don't think jealousy is ever a good look) -- were kind of signals he's all in on Steph. He's basically screaming, "I want to be with you!" while she shouts simultaneously, "I want you to be with me!" Slow down and listen to each other, bozos.

Conversely, the fact that Stephanie gave Alex the key to give to Chad might prove Chad's point that The Stephanexes orbit too closely after breakup.

More food for thought, Stephanie didn't just disappear on Chad. She abruptly moved out on the children, too. For a woman who was in a rush to be their legal stepmother after marrying Chad, this was a bit, uh, classless and harsh. Those actions might be a sign she wasn't as ready for marriage and stepmotherhood for the long haul as she thought she was.

I think it might still be Thanksgiving Day in Salem, or maybe the next morning. She could have found them at the Horton home with Doug and Julie. A sit-down with them is needed, or does ignoring children make Stephanie the ultimate in Salem parenting? It's a fine line on soaps. I'm sure they'll show up as teens holding a grudge soon enough.

Ultimately, I like Chad. I like Stephanie. I want them both to be as happy as Jada and I are watching Hallmark holiday movies while sipping whiskey in a nicely decorated room.

LOOSE ENDS:

I know Chad did bad recently, but I'm here all damn day and twice on Saturdays to watch him drop sleazy Stefan with a, "You're right. I don't want to hear it. Not from you, and you knew Abby was mentally ill." Sure. Stefan claims it's his "greatest regret," but months of pursuing your mentally ill sister-in-law is a long time. You'd suspect at one point, he'd think, "Maybe this is a bad idea?" But nope. He remained a skeezy wig-obsessed rapist for months. Do better than "I feel real bad, Chad," Stefan. When Chad forgives you, I might consider it, but until then, I still think you're pretty busted, Stefan.

On an unrelated note, let's hope that Stefan doesn't cross paths with Theresa or Nurse Leona.

One, what a fun cameo it was having Jackie Cox back!? Darius Rose rocked their scenes. I think it really solidified how much Leo hurt them. It was on a much deeper level than two schemer pals whose scheme went wrong. I didn't realize that back when the double wedding went bust.

Two, I never thought I'd be Grinch heart-growing to Leo and Dimitri, but I'm loving them lately. They're breaking ground for couples. Usually, watching Salemites get together is the most interesting part. In this case, watching them be together is more enthralling. Of course, it doesn't hurt that mega talents Greg Rikaart and Peter Porte are helming the roles. There's that, too!

I love that Black Patch is on the case of "Maggie and The Greedy Not-So-Great Greek." For one, John and Steve are as sidesplitting as they are super at sleuthing. Like, that was some great detective-ing while day drinking. Then, they phoned Shane! Another win. Well, maybe not for Theresa...

Black Patch pretty much knows Shane and his team can take that blurry photo and make it clearer. What Shane will do with the info remains fuzzy. Will he turn in his daughter or pull another un-Shane-like move and believe a bogus tale she'll surely spin? I mean, I'm still a bit sore and shocked that he gave her Victor's briefcase. Like, very, very sore, and shocked. More on that in a few weeks, though.

Unless! It was Drew Donovan all along. Like most Salemites and maybe even a few Two Scoopers, Shane does have that doppelgnger who does the eviler tasks. If not, Black Patch's next assignment needs to be, "The Search for Shane and His Magical Missing Brain Cells."

To loop back, I hope that Konstantin's brief proposal of a green card marriage doesn't land with Maggie. We know she's smarter than this, even amid heartbreak. I also feel better knowing Black Patch and her loved ones have her back on this, but still, the fact that it was even brought up has me worried. Marrying a shady gent to keep him in the country seems much more of a classic Bonnie scheme, especially if she knows there'll be a payoff.

Speaking of classic Bonnie-like schemes, Theresa and Alex make me feel icky. They're sort of "you get what you get" and "neither is a prize." My only feels are for Justin, who suffered a loss. Sure, he'll get Alex back as his son someday, but he'll still be saddled with the chump. So, poor Justin.

Ashley Puzemis and Jamie Mann are funny and fascinating as Holly and Tate! Holly's like the amalgamation of the original three "Plastics," Regina George, Karen Smith, and Gretchen Wieners. And I mean that in the best way possible. Tate's charmingly clueless and totally led by his crush on Holly. Granted, he's proven he does have a backbone, it just quickly becomes mush when she easily convinces him to go along with her plans. For now, these two are amusing.

Okay. Let's get the obvious out of the way, though. Holly's plan is dumb. A "crash and burn" as Tater Tot hilariously stated. We all know this. I just hope it's played for more romcom to get her and Tate together, because I really don't want to see the destruction of Chanel and Johnny via a high schooler with a crush.

More so, there're some things Johnny and Chanel don't need in a storyline right now. One, a third, fourth, or fifth person. Been there. Done that. It's tiring.

Two, again, they don't need to be wading in the kiddie pool. Sure. Like Holly, a lot of us have daydreamed of dating some dashing older person full of charisma that makes us feel safe and cool, but unless the show goes total The Crush, I hope we see the end to this storyline soon. Johnny's been in love with Chanel for years. His underaged stepsister seems an unlikely object of his affections. And, you know, illegal. So, nope. Shut it down, Team DAYS.

I wish Ava would take her choice of dates more seriously than her pasta.

Foreshadow much!? From E.J. and Chad, to Stefan and Ava, to Lucas and, well, anybody who knows him, so many want Clyde dead. Will his murder be Salem's Christmas present this year?

Holy lucky schemers, Batman! Sloan should play dodgeball. She's a champ at evading obstacles being thrown her way. The universe really, REALLY loves Sloan, doesn't it?

Well. Maybe not that much. Armed with the truth and a golden ticket, Leo's at Nicole's door. He's been riding this conscience train lately, so we'll see how lucky Sloan really is on Monday!

My guess is that an Acme anvil will fall on Leo, or he'll suddenly get laryngitis and Charlie horses in all of his fingers so he can't speak or write the truth. That wouldn't shock me. Everything seems to come up rosy, um, Sloany, for the "Illegal Eagle," as Mr. Stark stated.

At least Roman is bonding with his grandson. There's that, right? Ugh. This storyline hurts my head, breaks my heart, and maddens my soul. Maybe we'll get a Christmas miracle, and it'll be over by then? Baby St. Jude, help us!

To end on a high note! Reason Number Infinity and One to Love Vivian: She won't help Stefan. Ha! I loved this.

HOT

Wow. Just wow. Ari Zucker. Dan Feuerriegel. What else can be said!? You saw their performances last week (and month...and this year). They're just amazing. A master's class in acting if there ever was one.

NOT

This "Preemptive NOT" is being repeated for the cheap seats in the back, Maggie marrying Konstantin so he can stay in the country is a big, large, huge, and gigantic "NO, NO!" Team DAYS. Just don't go there. Not even a little bit, and thank you.

LINE(S) OF THE WEEK

"Hey, genius, you're not helping your case, okay." Sloan to Leo

"Apparently, he's been stalking us." Dimitri on Darius

RANDOM THOUGHTS

If Rafe wants Jada to accept his offer to move in, he needs to lead with pictures of his bathroom. That tub is amazing! I'd get one of those bath pillows, a tub tray so I can work from home, and some Calgon to take me away -- and never leave.

Syd called Johnny! I'm anxious to catch up with her. When might this be happening, Team DAYS?

Um. The Bistro was closed for a few days because of "Kill Gil." Would anyone else be a little hesitant to eat seafood because of that, or am I worrying too much? Gil seemed much more focused on the smack, not the correct temperature to store salmon.

Like we wonder if Johnny knows about how he came to be, I wonder if Holly knows exactly how her Dr. Dude dad died.

I do feel a little bad wishing Jada would marry a Horton just to get on the tree when Rafe did this shorty a solid last week by messing with Ho-Hum. He really had Harris nervous there for a second. As my friend Joyce says when you pay her a compliment, "Go on." So, "Go on, Rafe!" keep messing with him.

I love that DAYS brings up tiramisu so much! It really is the best. Chanel needs to make a tiramisu-pastry hybrid. TiramiChanel.

I forget sometimes how far back Chad and Gabi go! He was a lanky hipster then, and Gabi Hernandez looked more like Gabriela Rodriguez than Camila Banus. Okay. Now I feel old.

Speaking of feeling old, Eric brought up his namesake. His Uncle Eric, Grandpa Shawn's brother. Not only do I remember this storyline, but I also brought up "Uncle Eric" in my audition piece. Ah, memories. But also, eww, Uncle Eric.

I love that Stephanie can say, "My uncle's a super spy!" and mean it.

Also, don't forget about your dad, Steph. He's surely super at spying, too.

Stefan stated that "Alamainia is half of the size of Mexico, but twice the fun." We need to spend more time there, especially with Vivian. Hint, hint, Team DAYS!

Dimitri is a lawyer, too! "Cambridge class of 2013," as Leo stated. This will make him popular in prison. He can help exonerate Gabi and get back in Stefan's good graces. Maybe.

Ha! I love that Rafe feels that Roman is judging his "walk of shame." I think he's projecting. Roman is more sex-positive than that. He's had his own one-night stands. Maybe even with one or two of Rafe's exes. But let's forget that again. Eek.

PARTING THOUGHTS

So, friends and fellow fans, that's it for December 11! Are you ready for the holidays in Salem!? I love this time of year with all the holiday traditions and excitement to see who might pop up at midnight on New Year's Eve. Plus, Laurisa and I get to share the Golden Donut and Alex North Memorial Awards, which turn 17 this year! She'll be back next week with another traditional Two Scoops, while I polish up the gold cyber statuettes and prepare the Stephanexes to put on a holiday performance. As always, thank you for reading, and, again, "That's a fact."

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