Tears in my cake

It was a rather bittersweet anniversary week in Salem. Li's "dead." Gabi's a gone girl. So is Belle. Nicole, the baby, Dimitri, and Leo all might be goners, too. Somebody better grab more cake because we'll need to eat our feelings in this week's delicious yet possibly doomed DAYS Two Scoops!

Another year of "Salem Life" has passed, bringing us to 58 and counting. While Team DAYS didn't exactly roll out all the stops for the celebration (not even a flashback, Doug and Julie or Tony and Anna!?), we had some fun and cake and scones and snackery. I think they're saving it all up for the big 6-0! I can't blame them. I'm looking forward to that, too!

Though, the more I think of it, gifts were actually taken away from us this anniversary week. We lost legends Martha Madison and Camila Banus. Thursday was their last episode (for now, fingers and everything else crossed).

Although I'm surely sad to see them go, I can only hope they know how much their brilliant performances and general fabulousness have meant to me over the years. I will miss them both dearly and wish that if they return to DAYS, it'll be a much happier, healthier working environment for them both. They are the best and deserve the best.

Meanwhile, Belle and Gabi's departures were a little less than "the best." By "little" I mean "a lot." And they were tethered together. Belle's on Gabi's case. While Mrs. Hernandez-DiMera lingers in Statesville, barrister Black will be working to free her. So, yep. Basically, this November Sweeps-worthy storyline will play out off-screen. It totally makes sense in the fact that it doesn't. At all.

Just for the record, I would watch Belle investigating Gabi's case while bantering with E.J. and getting help from the fantastic Detective Hunter and Black Patch any day of the week. Like, all the days of the week. That sounds SO much more entertaining than some other storylines we're left with or, you know, this one playing out off-screen. But I digress (for now).

After last week, I think Li is "Salem dead," and Stefan knows this...and is setting up his wife! Stefan and Li are likely to agree on two things. One, Gabi is the greatest until she isn't. Two, revenge on Gabi is a must. I think that's what they're doing. Revenging. Together. A win-win for two losers.

Oh, Stefan and Li with a side hustle of Dr. Willy Helm Rolf throwing down some beats with a little injection of "Make Li Appear Dead." He and his submarine were in town at the time of the murder. The "murder." Unless it's an oopsy by one of Clyde's henchmen who were after Tripp, I suspect Doctor Ro had something to do with it. He and Li have a past, after all. If for no other reason, maybe Rolfie just needed some parts for his latest project, and Li fit the bill. We had "Essence of Stefano," he wanted a baby Stefaclone, and now maybe he's working on Stefanostein. Frankano? Either way, you never know with Dr. Rolf.

You see, if Li were to appear dead, he would be a free man. Free from facing charges. Free from the fearsome patriarchy. And his "death" would free him to find the first love of his life, the gal he had the epiphany about with Doc Mar Mar a few weeks back. Stefan would support a "No Li Zone" in Salem, especially with Li's stocks in hand (and out of Gabi's).

In return, Li plays dead so Stefan can live as DiMera Emperor Supreme. He'd also avenge his mother this way because of the turrible way his wicked wife treated her. Hurting your hubby is one thing, but messing with his mama? Not cool, Yo Gabba Gabs. Even worse, I might end up agreeing with Stefan if he did this as vengeance for Viv. This is some fifth level of Soap Hell stuff for me. Again, not cool. Not cool one bit.

Furthermore, a few months back, Vivian and Bonnie established that Madame still has connections on the inside. Statesville is bound to be worse this time around for Gabi because of this. No toilet wine for you, Mrs. DiMera! See. Everyone would have Gabs right where they want her.

More proof? Stefan was way too calm when he discovered Gabi...with the knife...in the living room. He or Rolf could have texted her to come there. Sure. Sure. He had that Scrappy-Doo outburst at the police station and said the things you're supposed to say when a "loved one" is going away, but was he sad that he lost Gabi OR simply sad he lost something to E.J.? That's a chin-scratcher.

One thing is clear. Wendy is a trooper. While she was chatting with Tripp on Thursday, she was literally standing on (or closely near) the spot where Li was stabbed the day before. I don't even think I could set foot back in that apartment, let alone sip some lovely tea when the carpet cleaner that removed my brother's bloodstain isn't even completely dry yet.

Meanwhile, I wish I had a dollar for every time I stated with determination, "I'm not missing that submarine!" Seriously, though, while the anniversary episode might not have been the most exciting celebration of the show, DAYS delivered the Friday cliffhanger like a mic drop. THAT is how you do it, please and thank you.

I mean, you know nothing good is ever going to happen when characters are in a car, and that theory proved correct. Speeding to get to Dr. Rolf's submarine (as one does), Dimitri veered into Nicole's lane and *insert screams and crash sounds!* It was all horrific and well played.

Though Dimitri (if he survives) is officially on my list. I'm as disappointed in him as his mother, Megan Thee DiMera. Not only did he lay hands on Jada, which is a magical peen-sized "Oh, Hell No!" in my book, but he also ruined Nicole's day. She's a newlywed and mother-to-be, and she was having a fierce hair and outfit day. He went and wrecked all of that. Like what Gabs did to Viv, not cool, DVL. Not cool at all.

Though if we're on the topic of "nothing good" and "not cool," we must address the opposite. That is the goodness and coolness of John and Marlena. As Eric and Brady were up to their necks in glue sticks and felt to make that family tree, "Jarlena" were celebrating their love. The juxtaposition of "Jarlena" versus their losers in love sons was so vast and clear last week. I'm starting to wonder if true love and romance is doomed for the children of vets' generation, or are Eric and Brady experiencing normal soap love pains?

While schemer Sloan deserves a place in Soap Hell for her sins (and those sins yet to come), two things can be true at the same time. This time it's: Sloan is terrible, and Eric's being terrible to her (and himself) for going through with the wedding and adoption. She's his "You'll Do" gal. Instead of butterflies for her, he has moths. Eh. They'll do, too. Want better for both of you, my man.

Welp. At least he admitted the truth to Nicole that he still has feelings for her and that he only married Sloany Baloney because Ms. Walker waltzed down the aisle with Eej. It was "tough" for him, you guys. You know what's tougher? A lifetime full of regrets. There's that nugget, right? Oof. If Eric and Sloan make it a year, I hope for his sake they sell a "You Were My Second Choice! Happy First Anniversary!" card at Ye Old Card Shoppery in the Square.

I say this with love, but, like Eric, Brady is a walking red flag for future lovers, too. Sure. He looks like Eric Martsolf, but Monsieur Noir has more baggage than the Salem International Airport. Just ask the "love of his life." All of them. In fairness, it's not always Brady's fault, especially in the cases of Kristen and Theresa, but all his relationships have a common denominator, and in this case, that "X" equals "Brady."

So! Since Tate is working at the pub and Kate's planted there for gossip sessions, this would be a great time for Roman to pitch in at Black Patch while John teaches Eric and Brady about romance. As a romantic partner, John is the perfect mix of dashing, attentive, and Austin Powers. I mean that in all the best, most lovable ways possible. Listen to John, kids, and "That's a fact."

LOOSE ENDS:

Congratulations, Mayor Price-Carver! Auntie P was elected to the position. In your face, Clint!

Still, I wouldn't mind seeing Clint back in a supporting baddie role. Grayson Berry is great, in general, and particularly at putting the "narsty" in "Narcissistic." And if I'm being honest, seeing Paulina trounce terrible Salemites is sort of my new favorite pastime. All together now, "Hhhiii, Melinda."

Seriously, though, it sucked to be Melinda on Tuesday. Well. Most days lately, but I digress, again. Her misery was fun to watch as both Paulina and Wendy took her down a few notches. And it seems like Mel's setting herself up to do the rest of the work of taking herself down. So many bad choices lately, and it looks like there will be more to come. Um. On second thought, scratch the "lately." She has a history of horrible ideas.

Also, a big congratulations to Eej! Not only is he a newlywed father-to-be, but he's also Salem's new district attorney. "Because that makes sense!" screamed nobody. It's like putting the Cookie Monster in charge of all those missing cookie cases. His briefcase will be brimming with crumbs collected as evidence, but at least the DiMera fireplace will be cozy this season. I love it, nonetheless. It falls squarely under, "Sure! Why not."

More so, I loved Paulina's reasoning for giving E.J. the job. They're family. They help each other. It's also a nice nod to Lexie, too, really, but who needs that much reasoning.

E.J. is elated to stick it to "Stabi." Kind of can't blame him. Maybe Brady can hold his briefcase while Elvis is avenging. That sad sack really does need something to do. Even his stint as Eric's best man was simply because he was home at the time. He's always home, like a grumpy cat who can't fit through the kitty door anymore. You're harshing Jarlena's vibes, Brady. Go out. Live a little.

Everett brings with him a lot of mystery. Was he really in a coma? Is he as nice as he appears? Did nobody love him enough to check on him? How bad was the paper where he worked in Seattle that they didn't investigate a missing investigative reporter? But! There is another biggie (if he's telling the truth). That is, "Who hit him!?" I suspect there's another Salem connection to be had with Sir Lynch, and maybe that will lead to the culprit.

My guess as to who coma-ed Everett would be Joey. Not in a malicious way, but you've met the guy. He's, um, special. And rather dopey. I assume that if he even has his driver's license, he operates his vehicle a lot like Cher from Clueless. I could hear him quipping, "I totally paused." Aww. Joe. Gotta love the guy.

Oh, Stephanie. Leo is going to love that you're making Lady Whistleblower a "folk hero." The rest of us? Well. We watch the show. Do what you gotta do, lady, and good luck with all of that.

Maggie is into Hummel figurines and other assorted bric-a-brac. Methinks she could spot the difference between an antique lace tablecloth and a modern knockoff. I'll give her a pass because her grief goggles are probably smudged from all her tears, but I love that Steve won't give Konstantine a pass for being cheap or, more so, a shady son of a sklos. A case for Black Patch!? Yes, please.

Sarah needs a good friend to explain life to her when she contracts a case of the stupids. Like, she set the wheels in motion to seek full custody of Vicki Margs. I respect her reasons and choice. Now Xander's playing her game. He's following her rules. Is he supposed to go to court, unprepared, and just be willing to do what she wants, and she might reward him with another kiss attempt?

Xander's made suggestions for softer negotiations, over a lovely cup of tea, even, and when Sarah hears what he planned to do before said softer suggestions were suggested, she flips out, and the cycle starts again. Her inability to see that Xanimal was preparing his case -- EXACTLY like she was when she asked Kayla for a job, for example -- is baffling. This is the second time in a few weeks this has happened. Sarah, listen up. As Susan Powter used to screech, "Stop the Insanity!" Have some tea. Grab a scone, too. Chillax and co-parent, please.

HOT

A few more thunderous cyber cheers to Martha Madison and Camila Banus! DAYS turned 58 last week (cheers again to that, too), and the two of them were huge contributors to the show's success. From Belle's "Last Blast" legacy to Gabi's "DAYSaster" and beyond, both characters were dynamic and compelling, and couldn't have been helmed by two more amazing actors. Best of luck, ladies -- you are loved, you will be missed, and I look forward to the next chapters of your bright futures. Until we meet again, cheers!

NOT

Love him as I do, was I the only one wincing and screaming at my screen, "No, Chad. No! Stop talking. Please!" I know he and Steph are not in a good place right now (and they both can be credited with some of the blame), but they don't have to drag us down with them. So very uncomfortable.

LINE(S) OF THE WEEK

"Girl, please. Do not waste my time." Paulina to Melinda

"I don't know. Does anybody really need to have Kristen and Theresa on the tree? I didn't think so." Brady to John and Marlena

"I'm on the side of people who don't want to be shot!" Leo to Dimitri and Jada

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Also "HOT," I adored that we got one more Rafe and Gabi scene. Galen Gering and Camila have such spectacular sibling chemistry. I'm glad we got a last taste of it. I suspect a lot of those tears were real sadness. I know mine were!

Score one for Dimitri! He got to incorporate "...the days of our lives" in a sassy comeback. Well played, sir. You did better than at both weddings a few weeks ago. Not even one "... all the days of our lives" was uttered. For shame.

It amuses me that Mr. Shin calls Tripp "Wendy's young man." Though it makes me wonder what he called Gabi when she was with Li. I'm guessing some "not safe for work" adjectives, and if he didn't then, he certainly will now.

I hope the leaves on that family tree are only Velcroed on. You know. "Salem Life" and all.

I wonder if Eric and Sloan's studio will get the same type of growth spurt that Eli and Lani's place did once they had Jules and Carver!?

Am I the only one who wants to know which prisoner Jada was transferring to Statesville? I feel like there's a story there.

I want to meet Leo's therapist, Joanne. She must be something special to treat that much, uh, Leo-ness. And does Marlena know she has counseling competition? I'm sensing a Squad War is about to break out. TeamJo or TeamMar!?

Okay. Now I actually want to see Nicole call Susan "Mama Banks" to her face. That sounds funny...for us. For Nicole, maybe not so much.

Susan sent a fruit basket! I love this. Though I kind of thought she'd be more like Jerri Blank and into "Hot Fruit." If you know, you know.

I agree with Marlena! Freezer box cakes are great. The Pepperidge Farm ones, especially. Forget spilling tea with Kate at the pub, Doc, let's bond over a coconut layer cake and coming up with nicknames for Kristen.

Speaking of gooey goodness, if Li isn't having his portion of the lava cake from the Bistro, Wendy and Tripp are welcome to bring it to the Two Scoops offices off the square. If they pick up a little FroYo to go with it, even better. No pressure. Just don't dillydally with the frozen dessert.

PARTING THOUGHTS

So, friends and fellow fans, that's it for November 13! I'm off to Sweet Bits, so Laurisa will be back next week with a November Sweeps-sized Two Scoops and hopefully some good news on Nicole and the baby! Cake-worthy good news? Maybe. Just maybe. As always, thank you for reading, and, again, "That's a fact."

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