Salem is like a lockbox of chocolates...

Like a lockbox full of secrets, you never know what you're going to get in Salem these days! From crazy discoveries to crazy exes to bubble baths to big brats to "bitch, pleases!" -- anything and everything is on the trapézi. Even "Shane Donovan" returned! Let's grab some candy to curb our sweet teeth and pop a lock in this week's DAYS Two Scoops!

No matter what you celebrate or don't celebrate, there's one party-worthy absolute about the Easter season. That is, Reese's peanut butter eggs are superior to the cups. Why are they better? I don't know. It's probably a very science-y reason. Dr. Rolf is on the run, and Kayla's reading a lockbox full of secret papers, so they're too busy to explain. Some things just are. Don't challenge me on this. I've been hanging around the Chlomiester lately, and I'm not afraid to rage-scream, "I do hate you!" About that...

On one hand, a young child was brainwashed into becoming a big old Brat-O-Matic by her berserk mother. *Sad face* Lets take the tyke to see Gammy Mar Mar or Kimberly, who has a recent history treating programed weirdos. Oh! Better yet, let's ship her to Bayview Kids. That's a thing, right? Like Gap Kids. Maybe by the time Rachel's a teen, she and a Fountain of Youth-ed Auntie Megan can share a padded room and talk about boys they like who look like Bo. Nope. I'm not weirded out if you're not, Shawn-D.

On the other hand, Chloe pretty much blurted out what many were thinking. Is saying, "I do hate you," to a brainwashed brat the worst thing in the world? Eh. Rachey did ruin perfectly good stickers, so it's hard to tell. Plus, we never got ice cream and had to settle for Two Scoops instead. Nope. Mini Special K is not really winning any Little Miss Popularity Points.

Unrelated, if I can get a few volunteers to help me hoist Chloe up onto our shoulders while someone else pops the Champagne and gets her some peanut butter eggs, that would be appreciated. Oh! And if someone could be a dear and pick up the "I Do Hate You" shirts with Rachel's face on them from the T-Shirtery in Salem Place near the movie theater and Java Caf, that would also be appreciated. Thankyouverymuch.

What I can say for certain is that I recently watched the movie M3GAN. Dr. Rolf is a genius. I could totally see him building a perfect AI DiMera child. Start out with a satanic soaked cyborg mannequin. Add in a cup of Kristen. An ounce of "Essence of Stefano." A splash of Andre and some Megan for good measure. A lock or two of Peter's hair. And poof! "RACH3L."

Still, though. Brady should, like, really, really do something about Rachel. That tiny hot mess is only going to get messier over time, and nobody's got time for that. Not Chloe. Not anyone in Salem. Not a single person at Two Scoops Headquarters, and certainly not the ISA. So, yep, Brady, get your little bundle of brattiness into some therapy.

After all, Brady knows what utter crazy looks like. He's partnered with it. Slept with it. He's even been a bit cray himself at points. So, do your shorty a solid, Brady Black, and ship this petite psycho to see Kimberly.

Side note: I'm not sure if Kimmy is still at the ISA HQ or back in California. If Rachel ends up on the West Coast with the fam, and her brother Tater Tot is there, um, let's just, you know, be sure Spud Boy guards his ears at all times. If you know, you know. Eek.

To loop back to Ms. Hathway, Miranda Wilson continues to slay as mega mean girl Megan, and I'm a bit excited to see the DiMera sisters come face to face in Statesville. Also, Megan knew it was rude to stare, but her eyeing up Shawn-Douglas like an appetizer was uncomfortable. Miranda pulls off that crazy, cringy perfectly then can slip back into menacing the next second. I love this.

Also, Shawn-D and Andrew sharing a scene was surreal! Like, I remember them both being born! And now they're grown-up heroes themselves. Which leads me to beg Team DAYS, "More, please!" These two need to be front and center heading into DAYS60, and their sweethearts are siblings, Belle and Paul, who also need to spend more time together and on-screen. That's all perfect. "More, please!" indeed.

The only part of this saga I'm having a hard time enjoying is that Hope's hitched with a dud. There are a lot of former Salemites who could have gotten the "Bope" interloper role that would be far more exciting than Bargain Bin Aiden Shaw. It's cool that Team DAYS dug into the history books for a character, but when they randomly plucked "Harris," they could have put him back in favor of a Peter Blake, Aiden Shaw, or Jude St. Clair, to rehash a few.

Actually, Peter would have been perfect! Hope could have run into a "reformed" yet "brainwashed by his big sis Megan" Peter and had the same storyline. Added bonuses could have been best buddies and cousins Hope and Jennifer having a chat about Peter, as well as Hope interacting with Kimberly as she determined his sanity post electroshock. Kristen having an actual ally she's loyal to would have been nice, too. Not to mention, Petey could be a great adversary to Brady and Titan. Yeppers. This would have been much more interesting.

Another addition to the "Bope" storyline really should have been Xander. He is a Kiriakis heir with a secret love child on the way whose baby mama chose to keep quiet because she deemed the dad undesirable. Sound familiar?

Xander also used to be a DiMera hired hand, and he has a shifting moral compass. He wanted to follow in Victor's footsteps at one point, too. Having Xander as Bo's "Devil" and Kayla as his "Angel" would have been interesting as Bo navigates his newfound freedom. At the very least, it would have gotten Xanimal off Gwen Airlines and into something fresh with familial roots for a layover until Sarah delivers baby drama at his gates.

Still, we don't know how this saga will end or who will end up being part of it, but I do know Friday was a moment I've been waiting for -- Bo and Steve have come face to face! I. Love. This!

The "Bope" reunion will be the grand finale, of course, but these two besties reuniting make me Happy Dance, too. We had Bo and Hope's dance in heaven last summer. That held me over. It's been ages since we've seen Steve and Bo, so this was a biggie for me, as far as reunions go. I can't wait until Monday to see what happens next.

Also, I'm dying to know what's in the lockbox Kayla found! I absolutely adored her excitement over picking the lock. She was so proud of herself and knew the Patch Man would be, too. I can't wait for them to be reunited, as well, but I'm also super curious to know, as they say in SE7EN, "What's in the baaaaax? What's in the f---ing box!?"

LOOSE ENDS:

Oh, Melinda. Trask, Trask, Trask, Trask...Trask. Making faux sex noises while playing solitaire on a crush's bed in the name of "revenge" while he beds his beautiful beloved former bride is literally the adult version of doing the popular dude's homework so he can go to the big dance with the cool chick and still pass trigonometry. Have some self-respect, lady. If you want revenge on E.J. just lay back and watch his plans inevitably implode.

After Stefan one-upped E.J. and Nicole (whose plans were flimsy at best), Elvis J. one-upped Stefan by taking photos of his bro and Gabi in bed, which was definitely not Leo-levels of cringy or gross. Whoops. My bad. It was.

Honestly, there were a lot of dumb decisions there to go around. I normally enjoy the crew involved with this storyline, but I need more to keep me invested. The CEO of DiMera Enterprises is like Salem deaths at this point; both have a lot of hype around them, but the payoffs range somewhere around "Okay. Sure." to "Okay. Sure. Why not." Does it really matter anymore if the impact is so brief and underwhelming? At least the crew at Titan are working. Sorta...

Like many, Alex is working Auntie's nerves, and Maggie isn't having it. I love it when she schools him. Even when I don't fully side with her on an issue, seeing her send his smug down a peg or two is perfectly enjoyable.

Still, obtaining the Three Prisms would have been a big get for Titan. Maybe Mags could have explored a legit way to make that work. At the very least, she could have called Hope to tip her off that the Greek police officer is shady and found a lawful channel to obtain them. I respect and agree with her "By the Books" approach, but legally thinking outside the box is a great strategy, too. She and Alex need a mediator. I still think Kate should end up there for that role (as Philip's proxy). Ms. Roberts knows a thing or twelve about shade and strategic thinking.

Abe laid down the law about the new rules at the station. Rafe and Jada? That would be a big no-no. Naturally, Rafe and Jada got a little closer, in part thanks to Talia. This might be the most boring Romeo and Juliet re-do yet. Abe has a big heart. He's not going to stand in the way of true love, especially since he likes Rafe and Jada. I smell a Trask. As in, this will be a reason for Melinda's next outburst. Oh, joy.

I hate to think of Marcus' daughter being shady, but are we sure Talia's on the up and up? I'd check her magazines, that's all I'm saying. Sloan's guilt seems to be a red herring. Talia being the girlfriend of Sloan's brother who holds a grudge, too, and asked his partner to do some dirty work? Well, now, that I could believe. It would give her a great reason to be at the bakery, after all. Hmm.

I'm not sure what Wendy's wanting out of life at the moment. Part of the time, she seems insecure about men. Other times, she seems thrilled to be the center of attention, well, a love triangle...again. Nave or egomaniac? I'm not sure, and I'm not sure Wendy knows, either.

It's okay not to know what one wants. I even give her credit for keeping it real regarding her status with Johnny. Yes. It has been just a few dates (sorta). They haven't committed. Well. She hasn't. He seems fully on board, and it's not like the depths of his interest are a surprise party. I totally get his grief at the moment.

If Wendy wants to date multiple people with full transparency, that's fine, but I feel like she should be beyond that point with Johnny. Sure. They've only had said "few dates," but she's also had full access to the menu at "Chez John-Nay" for months, including a journey halfway around the world. From his bonehead ideas to chest hair jokes, she should have a clue by now. Ditch him or pick him, but don't play dumb. Still, I like Wendy, but last week was rough. Girlfriend needs a talk with Gabi, or better yet! Chloe. Chloe has oodles of great advice to give out.

Sorry, Wendy, but I enjoyed Tripp and Paulina's chat. They can both dish it out and have a hard time taking it, but there's heart there. They get one another. Again, "more, please."

I know it's only a quick plot point, but Paulina keeping her panic attacks from Abe didn't sit well with me. He gives so much to their relationship. She could at least give him transparency with her health, considering how he lost Lexie, and the daughter-not-daughter and other various secretive things she kept, uh, secret from him over the years, yet she pledged to be open and honest with him since. That's not working well. She might want to get Tripp to check on that for her, too. Still, it's her body and her choice. I respect that, too, but her attack happened in the middle of the square and she was treated by Talia, who's Jada's sister, and Jada works for Abe, well, this cat was not going to stay in the bag for long, anyway.

Have Leo and Li met? I feel like Li deserves Leo's lecherous Leo-ness as a punishment. And let's be honest, Leo borrowing Abigail's old "Gabby" wig wouldn't be the worst thing he's done, and Li isn't that proud anymore. So, these two might be a nice scheming duo.

In any event, has Leo heard of the Internet? There're tons of photos of guys without shirts on. Some even have their, um, hourglasses hanging out. *Gasp!*

Maybe La Lady Whistleblower should browse "Google" in privacy instead of "ogle and take pictures." It's not getting creepy, cringy, and exasperating. It's set up full, exasperating residency in Lower Creepy Cringeburgh. In fact, E.J. visited last week, looking for land.

Leo used to say to Sonny he doesn't have many friends. Well, this kind of behavior might be a major reason why. If Leo really wants change, he should look around Lower Creep Cringeburgh and see how low the population is and, more so, what the other residents are like. Methinks that town would make the public bathroom at the downtown bus station look like a vacation paradise. Be better, Leo (and E.J.). Gross is not a good look on any Salemite.

HOT

I adored Abe and Eric's conversation! First, any scenes with legends James Reynolds and Greg Vaughan are bound to be amazing. They were. Second, Abe not only emphasized Eric's questionable choices and changes in a tough-loving way, but he reminded him that they're family. He highlighted why Paulina is family, too. He stressed why Eric needs to rethink his late-in-life teenage angst. I loved all of this. While he remained a compassionate gentleman, Abe clearly got his message across. Form a line by Sweet Bits to sign the "Thank You, Abe!" card.

NOT

This is a "Dead Horse" NOT, but scenes feel wasted on Harris. Like a speed bump when things are cruising along nicely. I don't care if he's redeemed or not because he's only a "Bope" reunion away from being obsolete. At least it would have been fun to catch up with one of the other fellas discussed earlier.

LINE(S) OF THE WEEK

"Wait. That's still going on!?" Marlena on Eric and Sloan's forever-feeling fling

"Also, allow me just to point out that, um, there's a comma missing between 'over' and 'bitch,' you see? And I would just never make such punctuation travesty." Sloan to Paulina

"To quote my least favorite person, 'This isn't over -- comma -- bitch.'" Paulina to Sloan

"I know that! I was just being dramatic." Maggie to Alex

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Hearing Abe repeat, "This isn't over, bitch," kind of cracked me up.

Like Laurisa, I also love when Chanel learns crazy things about Salem. Her looks of "WTF!?" and "Seriously!?" say it all.

When Bargain Bin Aiden Shaw stated to Andrew that, "I'm not sure I can measure up to her late husband," did everyone else scream, "You can't!" at their screens, or was it just me?

I was expecting Alex to start singing "Tubthumping" while explaining his resilient nature to Maggie.

Speaking of songs, this Greek Island Adventure had better not end without at least one hit from Mama Mia!.

Reading Margaret Atwood in a bubble bath sounds like a perfect post-death day. Marlena is one lucky lady.

"Coconspirator with Benefits." The old "CWB." Ha!

I cracked up at Gabi's memories of the wine cellar. "Where Abigail and I drugged Gwen." Again, "Ha!"

Ms. Titan CEO's suit was fabulous! Kind of Maggie meets Annie Hall with a splash of Kate Roberts. Yep. Fab.

Chanel's outfit was also rocking last week!

Not only did Chanel look fierce last week, but it was fully fierce that she reminded Alex and Xander that Gwen can make up her own mind as to who she sleeps or doesn't sleep with. So much yes, Chanel! My hands hurt from clapping for you.

Marlena talking to Carrie made me miss her. She needs to make a visit soon. Austin, too! He's been a hoot the last few times we've seen him.

Um. Sami needs to come home, as well! Or "Jarlena" should take a vacay to visit her and Sydney. This reunion needs to happen. Beyond Salem 3, perhaps? More on that later!

I love Hope's love for desserts. She's always had a sweet tooth.

Rachel claimed she doesn't take bribes. We should all guess how long this will last. The winner gets an advanced "RACH3L.2" doll.

I wonder how Hattie Adams is doing!

Please, oh please, oh please, if Thomas Banks shows up, does that mean we get another Eileen cameo!?

The Set Crew is on fire! It's always impressive what they can do with a tight budget, but last week was wowing. Go, Team DAYS!

If the "Bope" Saga is tied up on DAYS proper, does that mean a possible Beyond Salem 3 will be an entirely new storyline, or just a new "Bope" adventure!? I wouldn't be disappointed if we caught up with the West Coast Salemites like Shane, Kimberly, Theresa, and even Tater Tot. Or go down to DC and see Frankie! Across the pond to see Chelsea and Max!? Hawaii to seek answers on missing Hortons? So many possibilities.

Aww! Chanel and I have a common catch phrase now. She stated, "Alex, shut up." Chanel and Tony best frands? Maybe. Just maybe.

PARTING THOUGHTS

So, friends and fellow fans, that's it for April 10! I'm hopping out of here to find some Easter candy sales. Laurisa will be back next week with a brimming basket full of Two Scoops. As always, thank you for reading, and "That's a fact." Tony

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