The Marlena who laughs

Satan's having a hell of a time in Salem! It's a harrowing hoot. Though not everyone is laughing, as Abe's anxious loved ones are downright horrified as they await his fate. Let's chuckle and cry in this week's devilish DAYS Two Scoops!

Break out your Union Jack miniskirts and get ready to sing "2 Become 1" Spice Girls-style because Satan and Mar-Mar have "officially" updated their status to "In a relationship." Sure, it's complicated, but she's legit repossessed again, and that's no laughing matter. Well. Except, it is. Doc-Devil is a deliciously diabolical hoot. I cannot not laugh along with BeelzeDoc, heaven help me.

Still, the Possession: Part Deux is like pineapple on pizza. It's not for everyone. There's rarely an in-between. Me? I enjoy this storyline and pineapple on pizza. So, eating pizza with pineapple while watching DAYS!? Don't mind if I do. This storyline is about indulgence, after all.

Though I shouldn't eat or drink while watching DAYS right now. I don't want to risk spitting out something if I burst into laughter. That can happen at any moment, and that's all due to Deidre Hall. She's a riot. You can tell she's having a hell of a time playing Marlena, and that's amazing. After the past few years in the real world, everyone deserves some merriment. And I'll giddily and gladly go along for the ride with the epic Ms. Hall.

Like, seriously, I can't. I can't take Marlena in sunglasses. I crack up every time. It's so ridiculously right on. The little smirks and pursed lips because the devil can barely contain its glee are masterfully nuanced by Deidre, too. Her commitment to the dual roles is delightful. So, let's talk about this sassy pants Satan some more...

After Lucifer latched onto Mar's digital devices and read Johnny's script, it became official -- flickering lights, flying papers, fluttering drapes, and all. Mar might need a new white noise machine, though. It was smoking. But that is not the point. The vintage flashbacks of the Possession storyline were also a trip. I especially loved Marlena's "Rocky victory pose" in front of a burning St. Luke's. Along with the levitation, that was another iconic scene from the original run.

So, Marlena's repossessed in the sassiest, most sarcastic way possible (and I love every second of it, sorry-not-sorry, John). John "I'll Offer Mimosas But Not Deliver" Black got the freaky 4-1-1 by the end of the week. And with promises of a showdown between two old foes, we were left cliffhung! Damn it, devil. I can't wait until Monday.

Since we must wait, though, let's hand out some more praise for this storyline. I enjoy the multigenerational aspect of it all. Characters range from 96-year-old Doug to (literally) the unborn. That's pretty amazing!

I also support the strength Salemites are showing because of the predicaments they're being placed in. Eli standing up for his grandmother was awesome, and I loved John having Julie's back. Yet Julie can certainly stand her own ground. Like, Julie versus Satan reminded me of a reality show smackdown or a showdown between "a Karen" and a spirited store manager -- it's not going to be pretty or quiet, but it'll be entertaining. And if I had to guess a winner, well, let's say Satan has been shown to the curb before, while Julie's like Salem's Cher and isn't going anywhere. Thankfully!

John doing the detective legwork and connecting the devilish dots is a great part of this storyline, too. He is still and always will be a hero. The fact that he hasn't shared his hunches with anyone but Abe, who's sadly unavailable at the moment, has me worried, though. Should Satan do something sinister to Agent Black, who else in Salem can stop the devil!?

All of those aspects, of course, add on to the umbrella-ness of the storyline. Storylines! Overlapping with "The Repossession," there's Paulina's secret, (now) Abe's shooting, Johnny's film, and "CIN" having a lot of sex. When Ciara starts at Titan again, that also loops in that crowd. So, really, all of Salem is up against Satan -- again!

Okay, I could go on praising this storyline. I also could honestly clap until my hands hurt from applauding the entire cast right now. From Deidre to Susan Seaforth Hayes to Drake, Lamon, Mary Beth, Raven, and everyone in between, I can't send enough love their way. So, I'll cyberly shout an earnest, "Bravo, Team DAYS. Bravo!"

Even a broken clock is right twice a day, so Gwen, step up and receive your prize -- a day-old Danish from Sweet Bits and a decade-expired coupon to the Java Caf, which may or may not be out of business. Either way, Gwen, you win! All my Two Scoops about the Big Bon Bon can be unequivocally summed up by Ms. Rizczech. She said, with deep levels of exasperation, "Oh, God. I don't know how much more of this I can take." Yep. THAT!

Happy "Chabby" makes me, well, happy. It's pleasant to watch them work together. When lit, they're a great duo. Also, happiness-inducing is Abs using her investigator roots to dig into to Gwen's suspicious story. Go, Abigail, go!

"I'll Call Ahead To Have A Dry Martini Ready For You" E.J. is much more endearing than Pouty Face Eej. Still, I think Nicole should pour that drink into a travel mug and go home. Reheating Chinese sounds better than reheating "E-Cole." It's not that they don't have their charm, but their likelihood to become a successful sequel isn't so, um, likely. So, is it worth the martinis in the meantime?

Though, if Elvis Jr. needs a dining companion or two, maybe he could call Tony and Anna. The world always needs more of their marvelousness, and he'd been Marshmallow Headed for so long, I'm sure they're not done catching up yet. So, wins all around.

In other Relationship Repeat News, Kate admitted she's afraid to mess up with Roman again-again. That's fair. She likely will. Still, Roman knows and accepts this. That's a plus. Game on, then?

I couldn't get enough Kate last week! She. Cracked. Me. Up. Only the brilliant Lauren Koslow could create such depth in a character that can simultaneously tell a tale of how deeply Kate loves her children yet isn't afraid to raze them with some tough love. Perhaps, exceedingly tough love. So, can we please get a one-off streaming special of Kate and her grown children in a group family therapy session run by sassy Satanic Doc Evans!? That would be amazing, please and thank you.

While Vic and Melinda were an entertaining, snark-filled combo, a Victor and Steve scene!? Yes, please! It was such a great, vet-filled throwback. Steve has grown so much since his days as a thuggish henchman. More so, Victor is giving the Patch Man exactly what he needs right now -- a storyline! Steve even got assistance from his Sweetness in tracking down Kristen. Still, I wouldn't be upset if he looped in Billie Reed, too, as she was the last one to see Ms. DiMera somewhere beyond Salem. Ultimately, more Steve doing detective work? I repeat, "Yes, please."

Yes! I totally support Ciara and Gabi working together. They'd make a fierce, fashionable duo that I suspect Victor would support. Heck, Gabs would probably get up the Titan ladder quicker with Ciara on her side than Jake. So, let's end this little tiff between Phil and Gabi. If Victor's done with Steve, I'll bring him some spanakopita and open with a few Bonnie jokes, and I'm sure he'll agree in no time. And you're welcome, Gabi.

My tremendously talented Two Scooping partner, Laurisa, made a brilliant observation in last week's column! Well, she made more than one, but here's the specific point I'm talking about, "Still, I can't help but notice that the same week Cin tried to make a baby, Chabby also got reacquainted in the biblical sense." Again, brilliant! Which makes me want to throw Eli and Lani's name into the baby-making ring, as well. After some key lime pie, they made whoopie, too. So, are we pluralizing it to a Rosemary's Babies storyline, or will the Satanic stork just stop at one of Salem's cribs? And if so, which one!? Hmm!

My feelings about Abe's shooting? I'll let Rafe take this one. "You need to know Abe is not only my friend and mentor, but he is one of the best men I've ever known, and if you are responsible for this, I'm not going to rest until you pay."

Sure. We know Jake didn't shoot Abe himself, but that man-child shouldn't have been walking around Salem with a gun in the first place. Little did creeptastic Carmine know he could have distracted Jake with a muffin and run away without incident. I'm too worried about Abe to completely come down on Jake at the moment, but, like Rafe warned, let's just say I know someone who would have a helluva time torturing Jake and wouldn't need to take her sunglasses off to do it. But I digress.

I'm such a softy when it comes to Abe! James Reynolds is such an inspiring actor and all-around great guy that it's impossible not to be always on Team Abe. He draws viewers in with inherent warmth and charisma. Which means Abe must be okay, right!?

As the calls came in that he was shot, I totally started to mist up. I think a lot of us know the feeling of such calls too well. That gut-punched, "This isn't real," everything fades into the fogginess of it all feeling. It was perfectly portrayed on-screen. Now, gulp, we just must wait to see if Doctor Sweetness can save our Abe! I repeat, "Gulp!"

Still, there's one bloody question that remains. That is, actual blood. Kayla stated that Abe has lost a lot of it. He'll need some. Paulina almost told Lani that she's not Abe's daughter. We've all passed Soap Opera 101. We can guess what this means. Will a possible need for blood be the bearer of bad news to the Carver family!? It's surely an easy swing and a soap staple. Even if this isn't the case, I hope Abe's literally shattered heart can hold together once that bloodline bullet is fired. Poor Abe. We'll be saddled up next to Julie and company praying for you, Mr. Mayor!

HOT It's been said before, but bears repeating -- Lauren Koslow is flawlessly fabulous. Waiter! Get this lady a cocktail, and let's toast to The Divine Miss K.

NOT Brady should never speak of Chloe's "Philip Cycle" when he's in her rotation of dubious decisions, as well. All three are middle-aged, not middle school. They all deserve better. This triangle needs to go the way of the dodo birds and Don Craig. Buh-bye.

Though, Kate said it better than I can...

LINE OF THE WEEK Kate (to Philip on his Chloe problems): "Honey. It gets boring. You've been doing this since you were in high school. At least then, you were an adolescent who was age-appropriate to be mooning around like Hamlet on downers. This is just...sad."

All the high-fives in Two Scoops Land need to go to Tripp until his hands sting! Well. Not too sting-y. He has that, you know, saving lives thingy to worry about and may need feeling in said hands. Anyway. I absolutely appreciated his jabs at Johnny. Perfectly played, Doctor-to-Be Johnson.

Paulina's "Three [tush] pats then sway" reminds me of Legally Blonde's "bend and snap."

Every time Roman and Lucas share a scene, my first thought is that one of them is seeing the Ghost of Christmas Past and the other one the Future Phantasm version.

Is everyone else ready for a storyline where Private Investigator Steve teams up with his bro, Investigator Reporter Extraordinaire Jack, and they set out to find their not-so-dead sister, Adrienne, or is it just me? I really need this wish to be granted. Not only for my sanity, which Bonnie is stealing, but for Justin. He needs this, too, even though he may not admit it.

"Punchable face." Ha! Kate's take on Brady was as sidesplitting as it was savage.

Raise your hand if you don't want to be in Nurse Kessler's shoes! She was caught between Julie and Satan Fun Marlena. That's not a place for the weak of heart.

Wally Kurth and Paul Telfer have such fun cousin chemistry!

Also, I'll take two helpings of Justin and Xander banter, but pass on the side of Philip and Brady, please.

If Johnny has a similar bionic eye like Steve had, I'm surprised E.J. didn't just use that app to control his son to become his "Mini Me" instead of deciding to act in his movie.

Shawn and Belle are in Joburg visiting Claire! I'm jealous. I miss Claire Bear.

I know they're typically hospitable, but would "Jarlena" love Chloe to stay with them? I feel "love" is a strong word in this case. More like, "be fine with it," perhaps.

I enjoyed Allie's festive sweater.

Also, fashion points to Kayla! That green dress was on-point.

About that broken clock theory I mentioned above. Bonnie herself got one, too. She lamented, "You don't want to have anything in common with me." True. Very true.

Sure, Sweetness was a bit over the top in her faux drunkenness, but she's a doctor, not an actor, though she totally proved to be a smooth operator when she snarked at E.J., "You brainwashed my husband!"

Victor is always good for the soul. He called Bonnie "the abominable widow Lockhart." Ha! Just, "Ha!"

Hilarity points to Officer Krupke for shutting down Xander by stating, "Not you, beefcake." Gee, that was funny, Mr. Po-Po.

I'll buy Kate as many drinks as she'd like if she lets me borrow, "Because that's me, okay." Granted, I could never pull it off with as much flair and confidence. Delusion? Nah. Confidence. You go, Ms. Roberts!

"I guess I got off easy when he goosed my caboose." I love Paulina. She's hilarious.

If key lime pie for dinner and breakfast along with a sensible lunch is the newest dieting craze, I'm with Eli.

Confession time! There's something about Salem's Satan voice that reminds me of the way the devil's depicted on South Park. That makes me really want BeelzeDoc to perform "Christmas Time in Hell" should it still be around for the holiday season. Ein Tannenbaum!

As Laurisa wondered and I totally agree, "When was Tripp a Boy Scout? Wasn't he pickpocketing people in a diner and such as a kid?" Yeah. About that!?

Still, Tripp's forgiven for any youthful indiscretions not only for the above mentioned taking down Johnny a few pegs thingy AND not only for saving Henry's favorite baby blanket but stitching his initials into it, too. *Swoon* If Allie doesn't say she loves him soon, I'm pretty sure there's a long line of people who would. They can assemble after he's, you know, done saving lives and, probably, volunteering to pet unadopted puppies, helping the elderly across the square with their groceries, getting Kate a drink, and such.

PARTING THOUGHTS

So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's it for October 25. I'm off to purchase bite-sized candies and snag some shades so I can be like Mar, as well as steady my nerves for all the things that will go bump in the night. What will be the scariest thing in Salem this Halloween? Laurisa will answer that (and more) in next week's Two Spooks! As always, thank you for reading, and "That's a fact."

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