Do you hear what I hear?

Salemites say the darnedest things! Some right-on-the-nose residents dropped truth bombs. A few natives sounded nuts. Other townies tried our patience. And several citizens simply made one's head want to explode. Let's gather round, grab something warm to sip on, and spill some tea on what Salemites were talking about in this week's DAYS' Two Scoops!

Some of the most rewarding moments of watching any show are when a character speaks for the audience. When done right, it's not a hammy stage wink for the crowd but a rallying call for us to reply, "Damn right!" I had several of those "damn" moments while watching DAYS last week. Of course, I also had some moments of sheer screaming at my screen. I don't even know how many times I exclaimed, "Seriously, Lani, have you lost your damn mind!?" But I'm taking a deep, calming breath, and we'll start in a happier place...

I need some volunteers, friends, and fellow DAYS fans. I alone cannot hoist the several Salemites that need to be elevated to heroes on my shoulders alone. First up, applause, applause, Mr. John Black. That is how you take responsibility. His entire "Weighing out consequences" speech was great and extremely woke. In fact, I enjoyed the entire conversation between John, Belle, and Mar Mar. It was very frank, and, these days, frank is fantastic.

Lucas literally summed up my entire take on any and all things Allie and Tripp. The good Reverend Horton preached to Steve, "There are no winners here." Oh, Lucas. You speak so much damn truth, my good sir. This storyline has had me jumpier than Rafe around a cupcake. Don't get me wrong. The acting is amazing, and Ava's back (woot!). There's that. But this storyline -- good grief! It's a hot mess that needs to pick up the pace all the way to the "It's Over!" bin. I just want to burrito myself into a safety blanket and scream into a pillow until then. Please send Li Shin to get me when it's done. Thank you.

If Lucas summed up that storyline, then Eli surely encapsulated my embitterment over Lani. An enraged, exasperated Eli exclaimed, "Oh, my God, would you just stop about Kristen!?" That. THAT. Just that. Please and thank you, just that, Lani. Stop. It.

Also, shut up and think, Lani. She fumed that she can't trust her dad, either, as Abe aligned himself with Eli. Umm. Yeah. Abe is one of the most adored and respected men in Salem. Hell -- the entire DAYS universe. If Abe is on any side other than yours, you're probably wrong. Lani. You're wrong. Shut up.

Of course, Lani kept going. She tried to play the victim and complain, "You're yelling at me when I'm eight months pregnant?" One, what happened to all the times Lani said pregnancy doesn't make her fragile, and she scolded others for treating her so? I miss that tough lady. Two, Eli yelling at Lani while she's pregnant is probably the only thing he's guilty of. Try to make that one stick, Lanister. Three, don't yell at him, and he won't yell at you. Simple.

Ultimately, Lani, stop! Shut up. And look through this scrapbook I made you. It's filled with all of your awesome detective and "Girl Power!" moments as well as testimonials from people that Kristen hurt, including screengrabs from the time she drugged and raped a priest. You're better than the current you. So, shhh! Read, relax, and come back when you're not so super exhaustingly infuriating.

Okay. Right. Deep, calming breaths. And let's return to a happier place.

Rafe and Gabi are back (and so is Chloe, but more on that later)! I love these returns. 'Tis the season to celebrate with old friends. Still, they're not so in love with being back in Salem...

Rafe heard an earful from Roman. It was mostly Ro delivering bad and worse news as Rafe learned about Hope and Ciara. I feel bad for Rafeosaurus. He just killed and jailed a bunch of baddies to return to the woman and stepchild he loved, and boom (literally in Ciara's case), no kid, no woman. Let's do him a solid and keep Bonnie away from him. The last thing the poor guy needs it that blitzed wackadoo rubbing up on him.

Gabi's return to Salem didn't start off splendidly, either. You know, I like Gabi and Jake, but you snooze, you lose. It sucks to suck and all that. Sorry, Gabs. I'm sure she and Jake will rekindle things eventually. I just don't want things to get too ugly between Yo Gabba Gabi and Kate until they do. Like Gabi, I've always enjoyed the mother/daughter connection between them. Umm. Maybe, more like Sith Lord/Apprentice situation. Tomayto, tomahto, you know.

Now, we know Gabi wants him back, but did you believe what you heard from Jake? That he genuinely cares for Kate, and he's over what something-something he shared with Gabi? I think the first is true, and the latter is wishful thinking. Jake wouldn't have been so upset to see her had his feelings truly gone the way of the dodo. Gulp. This is going to get ugly, and I'm sure Gwen will be right there sprinkling extra spite on it and dashing some extra deviousness along the way.

When the wayward siblings reunited, I adored Rafe and Gabi's non-talk about their feelings. Not only was it a touching sibling moment, but they get points for the entire "Respect that, please" aspect of things. Clear communication and respect. It's such a wonderful thing.

In the meantime, Gabi's going to Arizona for a visit but said, "Salem hasn't seen the last of me." One, good! Two, now go see your daughter already! I was a shade surprised Ari Grace wasn't her first stop, but Gabi did live with Brady for a while at the Kiriakis mansion, so maybe she learned some parenting, uh, behaviors from him. Quick Brady -- where's Tate. Wait. Brady would probably one-up me Drax-style and ask, "Who's Tate?" Go visit your son, man.

Finally, congratulations to Salem's latest couple, Claire and Charlie! They had a chat about their relationship status. Per them, "It's official. We're doing this!" The entire thing was as cute and sweet as it was super awkward. Most importantly, they were honest with one another. Claire got the ball rolling by confessing she was scared, in general, and specifically scared to repeat her rather sordid history (obsession and losing herself). I admired Claire's candor. Charlie came clean that he was scared, too. As far as communication goes, these two are doing it. Mostly...

My Spidey Senses are tingly about "Clairlie." Or is it "Chare?" I don't know. Regardless, happy couples in Salem have a short shelf life, and I'm sensing Charlie may not be so in charge of his emotions. He seems to have an adverse reaction to other men in Claire's orbit.

Claire stating that Ben gave her the necklace didn't help, either. She's not wrong, per se, nor did she do anything wrong, but we were there when she asked Ben if she could have the necklace, as it was part of a set that belonged to Pop-Pop's mother. I'll assume Great-Great Gam-Gam? Anyway...

Claire Bear kept declaring Ben gave it to her. Technically, yes, he gave it to her, but only after she asked to have it as he said she could take some of Ciara's stuff. The way it's phrased just seemed like chumming the water for Charlie's crazy green-eyed monster as I began to hear the slow building of the Jaws theme when she stated that in front of him. Then again, I might be overreacting. Ben looks like Robert Scott Wilson. If my significant other got jewelry from him, I'd probably be a little jelly, too. In any event, I'm keeping my eye on Charlie. If he hurts Claire Bear, I'll call Pop-Pop myself, and that'll be that.

Then again, Charlie might not survive the stress of being caught with his pants down by Philip. Ye Dimpled One knows Charlie was spying for Xander. He didn't fire or kill the intern but is using him as a pawn against Xander. I'm not sure Charlie will align with Philip in the end, though. He seems to like the Xanimal. I'm sensing double agent. Or is it triple agent? The degree of agency aside, the fact that Charlie's even remotely keeping it together makes me believe he's hiding a dark, stronger side under the surface.

Wait! Charlie's basically the Gwen of the Kiriakis clan. He's immersed himself in the family. Does he have a secret agenda, too? Something more sinister than craving a cushy job and Claire? Hmm.

LOOSE ENDS: From what I've already heard, I'm one thousand and ten percent in on this holiday concert event thingy. Yes, please. I'm officially calling it Titan Industries Presents: Sarah and Philip's Holly Jolly Holiday Jamboree. Done. Since it's a seasonal shindig, I'll literally come with bells on. I'm saving a seat beside me for Laurisa, as I think she'd be all aboard, too. Oh, and Maggie! She will flip for it.

So, Melissa's name was already thrown out there. Maybe she and Sarah could do a rendition of "Sisters" from White Christmas. Though Sarah and Noelle doing it might be more entertaining. Snap. But I digress...

Hello! Crooner Chloe is back in town. Doug needs to serenade us with some "Silver Bells" and such. I've heard Brady has a lovely voice. Something tells me Claire might be ready to retake the stage. And maybe some old faces could return, too? Can Liz Chandler join in? I heard that Jeannie Theresa can sing, too. Philip and Sarah -- just make this happen, okay? Everyone needs this joy right now. Don't disappoint.

To make it happen, though, Sarah and Xander have to keep pretending to be broken up. I think things will be okay. Phil is eating up this Sweet Valley High scheme, and I'm cracking up at sleuths Sarah and Xander. They make a charming team. Though they may need to get Maggie an Edible Arrangement for the stress they've caused her.

Chloe's back! I. Love. This. Right now is such a great time to see familiar faces. Nicole, Brady, and Philip think so, too. And she returns just as Philip lamented that it's time for him to get over any lingering feelings for Belle. Yes. Please do that, Dimples. Maybe Chloe can help!

Shut the door, Shawn-Douglas! You cannot leave Salem. You need to be the commissioner. It's "Bope" destiny. Plus, uh, Claire needs you, and you need to remarry Belle, and there's that long list of chores around your mom's house you promised her you'd do that may look like it was written in my handwriting, but I assure you, it was Hope's. So, see. Shawn and Belle can't leave. They're super cute, funny, and much needed in Salem. I mean, how adorable was Shawn joking with Belle about being a married man!?

Good lord. Jen and Bonnie bonding. Who the hell let that happen!? Ugh. I miss Hope.

While I am over most things Allie and Tripp, the thought of Sami vs. Ava with a side of Kristen and Nicole might be entertaining if they move away from the source material quickly enough and turn it into a turf war or something smarter than that. It could be a battle of the ages, really. Sami is a DiMera. So is Kristen, who's attached to a Kiriakis. Yet Kristen is also aligned with gal pal Ava (jealous, Lani?). Nicole was also Ava's friend once upon a time and is now a glorified babysitter for Sami's daughter and grandson. So, lots of entanglements and bad blood there. This could be explosive.

Speaking of Ava, can we just give all the snaps in the world to Tamara Braun? She's amazing, and her powerful portrayal gives validity to the Vitali family. DAYS has tried over the years to create another fierce force like the DiMera or Kiriakis families, but most have fallen way short. Not the Vitalis. That's due to Tamara. Again, all the snaps in the world!

Kristen's simple one-word "Boss" comeback to Xander was pure badass. Yes, honey. She's still in there! A venomous Kristen is much more interesting than all this reformed sinner, Kumbaya nonsense she's been saddled with. These visits from Ava and Xander are the best things to happen to the character in a long, long time. I'm glad she's getting her sinister back during her stay at Statesville, as something tells me she'll go full blown sinner again once sprung. Maybe finding Brady in bed with one of her besties or one of his old flames? He doesn't last long without some lovin'. This writing seems to be on the wall. It's just the who he will cheat with aspect that will determine how nuclear Kristen becomes. I'm ready for this.

I'm looping back to this -- Charlie has immersed himself in all things Kiriakis much like Gwen has done with the DiMera and Deveraux families. Do these two have a connection? Ron loves himself an umbrella storyline. Could Gwen and Charlie be related, and does their family have some irks with both the Kiriakis and DiMera families? Maybe Lawrence Alamain had some kids we didn't know about, and Vivian is grooming them to destroy the lives of her enemies from the inside out? Other notable nefarious families have hated them both over the years, too. Do Gwen and Charlie belong to one? I repeat, "Hmm!"

HOT Seriously, I just want to rewrite "Ninja Rap" from the not-so-critically acclaimed original soundtrack to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze into "Eli Rap," and do my best Vanilla Ice: "Go Eli, Go Eli, GO: Go Eli, Go Eli, GO!" I. Love. Eli. Grant. Over the past few months, he's skyrocketed to secure a spot amongst my Favorite Things 2020. I adore that he'll do anything for his wife, except be her doormat and encourage her crazy. But if you don't believe me, here are some of Mr. Grant's greatest hits last week: "I wasn't wrong then, and I'm not wrong now. You are." "I'm sick and tired of you throwing that in my face." And once again, for the cheap seats in the back, "Oh, my God, would you just stop about Kristen!?"

NOT Jan Spears is in a coma again AND Shawn-Douglas is spouting this nonsense about leaving Salem because he and Belle have some so-called life in Hong Kong where they've been living for years. Nope. I refuse. I need Jan to wake up and "Shelle" to stay put. Quick, someone get Dr. Rolf out of Statesville and over to the coma ward while I set up Jan's "Love Cage" around Hope's house so we can keep Shawn and Belle in Salem. This plan will surely work.

LINE OF THE WEEK Ava (to Tripp): "One thing that you'll learn about me, my darling, is that I am more of an Old Testament kind of gal."

RANDOM THOUGHTS Lucas calling his grandson by his first and middle name is adorable. He's so proud! Though that makes me nervous. Outcomes aren't always opportune when Lucas loves hard. C'mon, DAYSverse. Give this guy a solid win.

Angela Band Camp. Ha!

Now that Jan is in a coma, Claire needs more friends. In addition to spending more time with Allie, I vote for Henry, one of the O.G. members of her high school crew. Old, friendly faces are always welcomed, and Salem's LGBTQ+ representation could use some sprucing up. Come home for the holidays, Henry -- help make the yuletide gayer, and give Claire a pal that isn't her widowed uncle via marriage.

I'm super sick of Steve and Kayla fighting, but I'm standing to applaud Stephen Nichols and Mary Beth Evans! Their scenes at the end of the week in which Steve and Kayla discussed Tripp moving out were gut-wrenching and beautifully acted. There is a reason Stephen and Mary Beth are considered legends, and those scenes are exactly why.

The picture becomes clearer and clearer each week as to why Philip isn't the best businessman ever. Example. He got to his office then decided to go downstairs for coffee. Did you parachute onto the roof, Phil? Did you descend from a hot air balloon onto the terrace? Did you bungee jump onto the balcony? Nope. He probably came from downstairs...where the coffee shop is. Oh, Phil. This is why you're a co-CEO. Be smarter.

Allie somewhat navely believing she'd get the gun back from Ava because she said it was her grandma's was kind of hilarious.

Sometimes, you can't unhear things, and oh, my dear, Chlomeister. No, girl. No. Her line about Brady being "man enough" was so super cringy, it should have come with a warning.

Where exactly was Patchy Claus putting up Christmas lights? Don't they live in a townhouse, which is more like a luxury apartment, as townhouses are usually multi-floors and not apartment-like. I dunno. Salem's definition of "townhouse" is unlike any I've ever heard.

Honestly, though, does anyone else feel that if you ask Brady how Tater Tot is doing, he'd reply with a confused, "Who?" Thank goodness that spud has Kiriakis and Donovan money. He'll need it for therapy to deal with his daddy issues, and his little sister if she's truly as much like Kristen as Brady said.

In "Too Cute" News, John and Marlena's "My Bright Spot" moment was so much sweeter than the entire episode of their anniversary of their anniversary of their anniversary's anniversary's third anniversary of their anniversary jibber jabber. Less is more sometimes, Jarlena. Just saying.

Speaking of John, maybe he can share a cell with Kristen. Ha!

Actually, John in jail having to fend off several of the surly Salemites he sent there would be intense. Usually, it's a prison break. This would flip the script.

I love that Salem is already decorated for the holidays! Anything merry and bright is much needed right now. I'm a fan. A-plus, Team DAYS!

If Hope has time to phone Shawn from time to time and text him regularly, why don't more Salemites reach out? I'm sure she'd enjoy hearing from Rafe, Abe, and many others. So, come on, guys. Reach out, reach out and touch someone.

I loved the centerpieces at Julie's Place. Simple, but elegant. I may need to recreate some of those.

The jaunty holiday music playing while Lucas and Steve started to fight was weird, right?

Ava saying "By the grace of God and Rolf" kind of cracked me up.

I loved Nicole's dress. And that she spent an entire series of scenes and didn't act all nosey neighbor. Cheers to progress!

While Sami-bashing is generally tedious when it comes to Allie, I did laugh when she said to Lucas, "A handful!? She's a tsunami!"

Mama Hernandez is setting up for Christmas! I love that. Though who wants to place bets now that ailment-prone Adriana won't make it through all the days of the advent calendar unscathed? Oh. Oh! We can make this a game. Quick! Everyone pick a date and disorder. Whoever selects the winning combo gets one of Brady's blazers, a gun from Kate, some leftover Stefano essence, a few slightly smoothied shirts, and a gift card to the Salem Place eateries, which, yes, have all mostly gone out of business, but nostalgia never dies, so bon apptit. For the record, jot me down for partial mummification via the cursed Rosario Jewels on December 15. Good luck, players! And, well, you know, Adriana, too.

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's it for December 7! I can't believe it, but here we are -- my last regularly scheduled column of 2020. This year. Wowza. It flew and crawled at the same exact time. And while I'm not exactly sad to show it the door, there is still some fun to be had. Laurisa returns next week with a new Two Scoops and then we spend the rest of the month teaming up to celebrate all things DAYS during the Fourteenth Annual Golden Donut and Alex North Memorial Awards! Between handing out those shiny cyber statuettes and the Horton ornaments, the reading of the Christmas story, and, guessing who will crash the New Year's Eve party at midnight, well, this might very well be my favorite time of the year in Salem, USA. So, let's all stay safe this season so we can party together for years to come! Deal? As always, thank you for reading, and "That's a fact."

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