Here come da judgments!?

Judgmental Salemites? You bet your sweet bippy! Sami was skewered by her siblings but fired shots back. Imaginary Paige gave Eve plenty to ponder. Eduardo weighed in on Gabi's life. And an actual judge made a ruling! So, break out the side-eye, as it's time to get sassy and all judgy in this week's DAYS Two Scoops!

I'll just go on and say it. Damn, DAYS! The show was not fooling around last week. Even the parts that were rather silly had some seriousness to them. Thankfully, there were some funnier moments that brightened things up, otherwise this Two Scooper would be binge-eating baskets of French fries at the Brady Pub while boohooing to Roman. I still might, depending on how this column turns out. Okay. Let's be real. I'm getting those fries, but I digress.

In addition to the "Damn!" moments, there were also a lot of judgments being slung around Salem. Shockingly, though, Julie was nowhere in sight. No, I'm serious. In fact, I'm going to check on her after Two Scoops as there must be an extra special reason that she missed the chance to criticize citizens. Although...

It would have been fun to sit in the bistro's balcony with Jules and let her rip on those walking past. She'd be all, "Lousy tipper," while pointing at one, "Wears too much makeup," as she points to another, and a big eye roll as she shades, "THAT ONE is friends with Guh-briella!" Yep. Julie needs in on this. Alas, I'm in it alone and will have to do my best to snappily judge Salemites on how they rolled last week. Let's start with the easiest target...

That's Sami. Unsurprisingly, she got shaded from every side, even a professional judge! Oh, she deserved plenty of it, but not all of said shade should have been showered upon Sami, as Nicole and even Eric earned some side-eye and a few "Reallys!?!" Their somewhat hypocritical halos aren't particularly looking that polished lately, but let's go back to Sami first.

When Mrs. DiMera couldn't bring down Nicole by sharing the Sydnapping saga, she dropped the Dirty D Bomb. That is, Nicole killed Deimos! Like I said, "Damn!" Sami once again proved she'll go big before she considers going home.

I'd actually say on the Sami Scale of Scandalous Shocking Shockers, this ranks fairly high. It basically almost burned her enemy to the ground, and she totally betrayed her brother at the same time. A twofer. Certainly, it's much bigger than "Sami yells at John," especially when considering she once dressed up like a man and parachuted into a war zone. Even Marlena let the yelling thingy slide. Belle? Not so much, but I'll take any chance I can get to watch Alison Sweeney and Martha Madison throw some sisterly shade at one another. Those two have such sensational chemistry!

Sami's other sibling, you know, the twin, wasn't at all pleased with his sister, either. In fact, Eric is a little, say, mad at the moment. I can't blame the guy, but I also don't feel that sorry for him. Hypocrisy and sympathy kind of negate each other, at times leaving me feeling "Well, you're an honorable dude, but you did hitch your wagon to a sometimes-shady star." That "sometimes-shady star" being Nicole, whom I love, but she is a piece of work, too. We'll get back to that.

I'm also trying to piece together Eric's hierarchy. I think Sacred Confessions are number one, as he got on Nicole about that. After Sacred Confessions, I think it's Nicole, God, the rest of the family, Science, Truth, Justice, and the American Way? Wait. I think those last three belong to Superman. Damn.

In any event, Eric's ethics seemed to fluctuate. Earlier, ex-padre preached to Nicole and Belle, "We're not doctors, so we need to stop speculating and stop pointing fingers and stop blaming Sami for all the ills of the world." And then later, he lied in court when Sami announced his wife was a murderer. Stand by your wife -- right on, Eric. I get it. I can't judge him too harshly for that, and Nicole kind of did a public service by stabbing Dirty D, but at the end of the day, a lie is a lie is a lie, and I can welcome Eric to the dodgier side of the gene pool. Marlena will be so disappointed. Well, in Sami. She'll get the blame for Eric's decisions, I'm sure.

This would have been much more interesting if it were Eric versus Carrie or Belle. Who would Mar side with? I think Carrie over Eric, but Eric over Belle, as 'Tink is more of John's favorite. I could be wrong, and I'm getting distracted.

Yeah, Nicole, confessions are private! She knew exactly what she was doing to stir up trouble. I'm glad Eric called her on that, but, really, at this point, it's sort of like who is the least-worst person to get this baby? I say play "Hot Potato" with Baby Boy Horton. The judge could play some music while every interested party gathers in a circle, and the last one standing gets custody. What? It's Salem. That newborn will be a teen by next spring, ready to make mistakes of his own, and he'll need someone to blame. Again, I digress...

I enjoyed the courtroom scenes. First, win! We actually saw the scenes, not just characters chatting outside the courtroom doors about what happened moments earlier. They were really inside. Well, it was more like a hearing room, but there was like a judge and everything. So, win.

Then we got to witness Sami go all Legally Blonde. That was hilarious. Absurd, but hilarious. I loved her bickering with Justin. I also loved that Justin still shone as a gentleman and a lawyer by trying to legally steer Sami in the right direction, despite her stubborn, snippy, all-out Saminess toward him. I wouldn't mind seeing more of their dynamics.

Plus, the judge was great! Love. Her. It's like she and Sami have known each other for years. Her honor said things like, "Legally and personally, you're on very thin ice right now," and "I want you to use this time to grow up." Is the judge a Brady family member we don't know about? She sort of threw the shade like she is, but at least has legal legs to stand on.

Ultimately, the game is still on. Sami isn't backing down, and neither are Nicole and Eric. And by game, I mean "searching for a peaceful resolution to homing Baby Boy Horton," of course. Nobody is out to win-win, but, you know, both ladies would like to win the search for a peaceful homing of Baby Boy Horton. Just saying. Ding, ding. Let's get round two started already.

LOOSE ENDS: Sami said she secretly named the baby. Sure, she probably was lying to cover her tracks, but I think she has something up her sleeve. I want in on this, Mrs. DiMera. I'm even willing to play Sami style. If she doesn't divulge that secret baby name, I'll tell everyone what she did last spring, and because it's Sami, you know she did something that she doesn't want divulged. On a happier note, at least nobody is calling him "Pocket." There's that.

Imaginary Paige was awesome! She pretty much spoke for the audience. In addition to asking, "What has Ciara done to Eve?" all of Paige's reasonings were spot-on. She even mic dropped her mama with a blunt, "All I can do is pray for your soul." Boom. She out. Paige might have been meek at times in life, but in death, she's crushing it.

Also awesome were Hope and Eve's scenes. Aside from being perfectly performed by two of the best in the business, Hope's level of compassion, especially under the duress she's facing, was inspiring. When she brought up Zach, it was a game-changer. Her speech of utter despair and wanting those who caused her pain to feel as bad spoke volumes. Maybe if Eve gets the Bayview treatment, she and Hope could turn out to be friends who can speak like that more often. Maybe. In the meantime...

Eve. Eve, Eve, Eve, Eve...Eve. Well. At least she became somewhat lucid in the end, apologized-ish, and hoped that Ciara is okay. Yep. Yeppers. There's that. No. I'll do it. I'll get the "Too Little, Too Late" file from the drawer. It's where I keep the Scotch, anyway. I think we need both right now.

Look. This storyline was filled with brilliant performances from each and every actor involved. The fact that it's been scary and soul-crushing and cringe-worthy is actually a testament to their talents, but man, this has been depressing. And now, Ciara is missing. Ouch. Well. We'll have to stand by Hope and help her find the new Mrs. Weston next week. After said Scotch and French fries are consumed. What? We need sustenance.

Hope is normally such a stoic character that we don't often witness her breaking down, but, damn, when she does, Kristian Alfonso crushes the performances. Each time Hope cries like that, I just want to offer her a hankie and a hug. Plus, I'm reminded of Hope's gut-wrenching reaction to Zach's death, and I just want to start sobbing myself. Cheer up, Fancy Face, we'll find Ciara. Again, after the fries and drinks. Just to be clear.

At one point, she said to Nicole, "Oh, my God! Seriously!?" Yep. There was a lot of that going around last week. Like, for example, Rafe and Gabi's exit storyline.

I was just saying to someone the other day that when I think of "trustworthy," the first two ding-dongs who come to mind are Eduardo and Dario. They'd never pull a fast one on anyone. Anyone, I tell you. They're like the paragons of virtue with all their assassin-ing and great life choices. I'd totally believe either one of them if they broke into my house and strong-armed me into leaving my life behind. Totally.

Which leads us to wonder, just who are these latest nameless big baddies? The last random group that was heralded as this horrible was the opera loving El Noodle's cartel. He was special. So, if it's someone comparable, get the Chlomeister up in there. Ms. Lane will shiv the sons-of-a-B in the back, and then we'll all go to lunch at the pub. Plus, we haven't seen Roman in a minute, and I still want those fries. Problem solved.

But, oh, sweet Salem! If there ever was a lie to believe, it's that Mama Hernandez is afflicted with some malady. From Martin's syndrome to Greyscale to MacGregor's syndrome, Adriana was always stricken with some sickness until she finally appeared in 2016. I don't like lying about people's health, though. It's putting bad juju out there, and, let's be real, Mama H doesn't need any help courting illness.

Hope asked of Rafe, "Do you think we can pull it off?" Okay. Even as a non-"Rope" fan, that was adorable. Actually, I'll say this. Rafe and Hope aren't my first ship for either character, but Galen Gering and Kristian Alfonso do have some crackling chemistry. I see Rafe and Hope more as kickass police partners and friends yet understand why they're popular as a couple, too, especially as their goodbyes even tugged at my frigid heartstrings.

Remember that "Damn!" from earlier? Let's just repeat that again as Gabi totally Harry and the Hendersons-ed Jake. She had to break his heart to keep him safe from those really, really, really real bad guys, you guys. They're dangerous. If you haven't heard.

While I do like Jake, and I'm sincere about that, and I did think it was sweet that he wanted to accompany Gabi and be her rock, there was a little ick element to it, as he had just cheated on his girlfriend, dumped her -- which you read correctly, she did not dump him. He dumped her -- and he's willing to run away with Gabs. I want to see more of Jake and Gabi's growing "getting each other," but this timeout might be a good thing. Absence and fonder hearts and all.

Yet, let's be clear. Jake did Gwen wrong. There's no doubt about that. Still, Gwen did herself even wrong-er. She threw herself on Jake again and basically suggested they sweep things under the rug. Oh, sweetie, no. Just no. I'm going to write "Dignity" on a piece of paper and slowly slide it toward Gwen. Hopefully, she'll look that up in her Funk & Wagnalls.

In breaking medical news, it's been confirmed by local doctor of all trades, Mar Mar Evans, that Sami's Sami-ness does not cause aneurysms to rupture. Not even in the slightest. Stay tuned for a more sciencey explanation next on Three Scoops.

HOT While Sami and Justin made my week brighter with their bantering, my heart always warms from a Chad and "Wilson" scene! I'm glad time was carved out for these three besties to say goodbye to one another. And they came complete with the Chad forehead kiss. Warm and fuzzies, you win!

NOT While watching the A-plus talents of A Martinez is always a pleasure, and simply seeing him makes my Santa Barbara-loving heart skip a beat, the entire speed with which Rafe and Gabi were ushered out of Salem, as well as the reasoning, were redonkulous. It was like if Eduardo talked fast enough while sounding angry and panicked and making roaring monster sounds, everyone would be so confused and scared that we'd just let him usher Rafe and Gabi out of town without many questions. Roar! Boo! Ahh! Stop it, Eddie. No. Bad dad. Bad, bad dad. On the topic of the Father of the Year, he also said, "Speaking of criminally inclined, how's your sister doing?" Really, Eddie? Really!? He hasn't been out of jail a year and is already ruining his family's lives, but he's throwing shade at Yo Gabba Gabi? No, sir. You do not get to do that.

LINE OF THE WEEK Justin (to Sami): "Wait. Why am I trying to reason with you?"

EXCHANGE(S) OF THE WEEK Justin: "You need an experienced lawyer." Sami: "I don't know. I've been on trial loads of times, so I think I have plenty of experience, and, frankly, you're a lawyer, so it can't be that hard. Justin: "Your honor, I object." Sami: "I object back!"

RANDOM THOUGHTS Drats! I'm always saddened when Kassie DePaiva leaves. She's the best! I know Eve can be the worst, but what Kassie does with the role is always magic.

Belle's short scene reflecting on Claire's chaotic childhood and the ramifications that it could have had on her adult life were powerful and perfectly portrayed by Martha Madison.

Did everyone follow the DAYS drinking game rules and do a shot when Eric scolded Sami and Nicole with, "Sami. Nicole. Don't do what you always do."

My first thought after watching Tuesday's episode was, "Well. Robert Scott Wilson just won himself an Emmy." His performances are just wowing. Just, wow!

When Sami starts a conversation with, "You and I should have a little talk," it's never, ever a good sign for the other person.

Also, Justin needs to start checking his review mirror. When Sami warns, "That is a terrible thing to say to me," it's basically a declaration of war.

Those flashbacks of Paige's death were disturbing, but I liked that the same sets were used. That was creeptastic.

The scenes in which Jake poured out his heart to Gabi, but she had her back turned toward him and we saw her pained reactions were awesomely acted and shot.

It was a nice treat to see True O'Brien! She's kind of the queen of DAYS cameos. I'm still applauding her first one on Halloween a few years back, and she certainly gets a standing ovation for this one.

Ha! Eve. Even when cornered, she can be funny. She asked Hope, "Do they let you wear your tiara to work?"

Another "Ha!" was Gwen's zinger, "Oh, and instead you nailed her," followed by the clapping. Crude, but effective.

Did anyone else scream, "Run, Ciara!" more than once, or was that just me? I especially screamed that after she mentioned, "Alarms are going off here."

I think we've all been ignoring a big fact here. That is, Paige had a private bathroom in her dorm room. Lucky gal! No shower shoes or carting around an overflowing caddy for her.

Isn't it time for a Tony and Anna visit?

While Hope did eventually show up there, and I know Eve had to have time for her heart-to-heart with Paige, wouldn't her dead daughter's gravesite be under surveillance as a probable place Eve would visit? Wait. Salem P.D. Never the mind.

I mean this in the best way possible, but I feel like Vincent is DAYS' version of the "Thin Man" from Charlie's Angels. That sly kind of terrifying figure who slinks in and out of the story.

I'm jealous of Gwen! She got to throw vases. That's very Soap 101 but still looks like fun therapy.

I chuckled when Eduardo said, "Well. Yeah. That's a bad look."

Speaking of Sunset Beach, DAYS should track down Dominique Jennings (ex-Virginia Harrison) and create a role for her. Based on her acting chops, she could be a great rival for someone like Kate and a great love interest for Abe. Both? Maybe. Just maybe.

Update! "Sydney's practically grown up." And that's all we got for now.

Roman needs to make a cameo and straighten all these fools out.

Whoops. Sometimes I forget that Paige is half-siblings with Rafe, Gabi, and Dario. It might have been interesting to see the dynamics of their relationships had she not died. Would Gabi hate not being the youngest and Rafe's favorite? Hmm.

Sami said that Taylor wants nothing to do with Nicole. Is that some sort of sad punishment or predicament? Is it?

Sami mentioned the Martin House. It's still in existence! Good. Though I wonder who's living there now. It might be vacant, as I'm sure Deimos is haunting it, as you know that Dumpster fire would do something like that. Will we ever rest in peace from that piece of...?

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's it for August 31! I'm off to finally get those Brady Pub fries and check in on Julie -- probably in that order -- so Laurisa will be back with an all new Two Scoops next week! As always, thank you for reading, and "That's a fact."

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