Before the parade passes by

A frantic pace of shows last week left characters shuffling to get to their place in the storyline before the second act started. We'll try to slow things down and touch on it all in this week's Two Scoops.

I love Broadway shows. I have since I was a kid. See enough of them, and the cadence of the shows gets into you bones so much that you can sense when intermission is coming up. It's that point in the production when virtually the whole cast is on stage dancing, some character just brought up something mentioned in the first ten minutes of the show you'd completely forgotten, and you have that "how are we going to get out of this?" feeling.

DAYS might have been short a kickline, but the frantic pacing last week sure felt familiar.

In one area of the stage were the dueling baby mama dramas. Sarah's was the first, though it looks like Ron's not dealing with that one until later. This is very concerning. I don't like Sarah keeping the baby a secret from Eric. First, I'm not 100% convinced that kid is Eric's. The Rex/Sarah/Eric timeline is a little too close for comfort. Second, I have no idea why Sarah is keeping quiet at all. There's no reason Eric and Sarah couldn't co-parent their child together. I see nothing to suggest Nicole wouldn't be supportive of that, either! In fact, I think she'd actually grow to love the idea of Holly having a baby step-sibling.

Problem is, the longer Sarah keeps this from Eric, the crueler she'll look. It didn't help matters this week when both Nicole and Eric directly asked Sarah if she was pregnant, and Sarah didn't tell them. Sarah's not meaning to be malicious. But it's not going to look that way when it finally comes out. So, is there another reason Ron seems adamant to hold off on this reveal? Is Kristen's pregnancy doomed and thus he needs another baby around?

And here's the hottest take of the week -- a child that is heir to both the Kiriakis and DiMera thrones is crazy exciting. This is the kind of thing European empires were built upon. I just would have gone with Chad and Chelsea, not Kristen and Brady.

I should scold Sarah a bit for breaking doctor-patient confidentiality, but seriously, the more people who can surround Brady and not let Kristen get her hooks into him, the better. Nicole + Sarah is a righteous combo to have on your side. Brady needs all the help he can get. Kristen is delusional and dangerous. This baby only makes her level up in both departments.

Speaking of leveling up, I'm ready for Gabi to hand out reality checks like they're Costco samples. And I'm shoving three women to the front of her line.

First is Lani. I fist-pumped when Gabi heard Lani confess to shooting Stefan. One of two things is going to happen here, and I'm okay with either. A) Gabi's going to give Lani a taste of her own medicine and not let her explain the nuanced circumstances that went down, instead just blasting a watered-down version of the truth to anyone who will listen. B) Gabi's going to give Lani an undeserved but very necessary lesson in grace. Either way, Lani's been due for some humble pie.

Side note: I usually don't side with anyone over Abe, but Gabi shut him down hard by reminding him of how he felt when Theo was shot. Point, Gabi. (I still love you, Abe!)

Next up, Vivian. Somehow, Vivian has rationalized that leaving Salem is the best way to honor her son's sacrifice. Forget that this whole thing is her fault. If she'd just stayed in the hotel room like he told her to do in the first place, she never would have shot Kate and thus wouldn't be under any kind of arrest. She wouldn't have needed to pull a gun on a cop. And Stefan wouldn't have gotten shot trying to save her loony neck. Gabi has every right to throw the book at Vivian.

Finally, the most necessary karma candidate of them all is Julie. Gabi's probably going to make the heartbreaking call to donate Stefan's heart to save Julie's life. I honestly don't see Julie truly appreciating the depth of that sacrifice. To do so would mean that Julie would finally admit how horribly abusive Nick was to Gabi and acknowledge Julie's own part in assisting his reign of terror over Gabi and Will for so long. I would love to be wrong. Please, oh please, let me be wrong.

Someone else who was wrong? It wasn't a good week for Kayla! My exact notes were, "Kayla's going to have some 'splainin' to do about why she almost cut open a live woman and ripped out her heart." Ha! So, I was glad that Kate took her to task a bit. Sure, it was not done intentionally, but that was not your best look, Sweetness.

As for that nonsense about Kate and Kayla having a feud? That felt a lot like something slapped together as a flimsy excuse to mention Steve a few times. I'm not mad at that. I like Steve mentions. When he returns, he's going to have a lot to catch up on!

LOOSE ENDS: Rolf and Kate were very cordial toward each other. I didn't realize they were on such good terms.

It's clear that Jordan is not well. But what's Jordan's endgame here? Is she crazy just for the sake of being crazy? Is there some newly uncovered rich Irish nanny Ma Weston fortune, and Jordan's trying to get the other possible beneficiary thrown in jail?

So, if you're keeping track of it all, Jack had the worst kind of amnesia. You see, Will forgot everything about his life before he died. But when Will came back to life, he had relatively the same temperament. Jack not only forgot his past but also had his moral compass completely recalibrated. Now that his memories are back, he's also able to suddenly not be a power-grabbing opportunist with racist undertones. Cool. Sure. Why not?

Are we to assume the job Stefan had for Ben had something to do with getting the plane ready for Vivian? If not, there's some other storyline end out there.

Marlena was not thrilled to hear she's going to be a step-granny. She rightfully suggested Brady lawyer up and sue for full custody. Agreed. Listen to Marlena, Brady. She's the only person more tortured by Kristen than you, buddy!

Rafe's B.S.-o-meter has always been pretty well calibrated. I'll be disappointed if he doesn't see through Jordan soon.

Having said that, while I do think she had something to do with Ciara almost getting hit, Jordan didn't do it personally. Unless she got takeout, Jordan was home, stirring risotto. That is a high-maintenance dish!

Just to throw this in the rumor mill -- Kayla was the one who told Gabi it would be nearly impossible for her to have any more biological kids.

HOT: If* this really is the last we'll see of Stefan, I'll be most upset to lose Brandan Barash. You can't see me, but I'm standing up on my chair and waving my rally towel for the work this cat put in on this storyline. He came in with little notice and took over a hard role. Tyler Christopher did wonderful work where he could, but the character of Stefan was nothing more than a contrived and shallow plot point -- a grotesque speedbump crafted solely for Chabby to overcome.

Brandon had to make us care about Stefan. He had to make us see more than the slimy actions. And he had to do it while Stefan befriended a recovering serial killer and fell in love with the woman Stefan framed for murder. It's ludicrous that Brandon succeeded. Yet he infused a charm and honesty into Stefan. There was a vulnerability there and an earnest desire to better himself. Oh, and for good measure, Brandon went toe-to-toe with Lauren Koslow, played right along with Robin Strasser, and found a fire-and-ice chemistry with Camila Banus. This guy did the impossible. He's made me sad at the idea of Salem without Stefan. Cheers to you, Mr. Barash. Please don't be a stranger.

*He is a DiMera. And Dr. Rolf is still in town.

NOT: How is it that Xander is skilled enough to cover a hospital appointment/assault crime -- complete with anonymous donations, erased security footage, and deleted medical records -- yet he can't manage to keep his own mouth shut about Sarah's pregnancy? Every time he walks into a room, he nearly blurts it out! This dude deals in secrets. Come on, Xanimal. Hush!

LINE OF THE WEEK: Julie (to Doug): I know I'm loved. But most gloriously by you. Gloriously indeed! Oh, my goodness...when he started dancing with her wheelchair... These two are each other's best partners. Period. Those flashbacks were a love letter to the original soap power couple. Bill and Susan Hayes are a treat together.

EXCHANGE OF THE WEEK: Hope: "You made doughnuts? You were just held hostage...and almost died." Jennifer: "They have a special ingredient...book club" Hope: "Jennifer Rose Horton. I can't believe you made pot donuts."

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Rolf declaring himself "pro-life" might have low-key been the funniest thing that happened all week. The dude is the pro-est pro-life guy ever. He's anti-death!

I like that Ben calls Stefan "boss."

Working "all the days of our lives" into a prayer was a baller move, Eric. Respect.

It makes me smile every time someone in Salem mentions Stefano still being alive and out there on the run! The Phoenix never dying is a touching tribute to Joe Mascolo.

Is it too soon to ask Gabi if I can have that posh silver globe Stefan gave her? Right. Probably too soon. *Makes note for next month*

Ben accused Jordan of trying to send a message to him about how easy Ciara was to get to. My dude, she's been kidnapped multiple times in the past year. Getting to Ciara is a known easy task.

Leave it to Dr. Rolf to find the perfect "So Glad You Woke Up Before Your Organs Were Harvested" bouquet.

I really can't see why Brady didn't use protection with "Nicole." It's well-known fodder in Salem that Nicole (the actual one, not the " " one) can't carry a pregnancy to term. Brady was in the room with Nicole when she miscarried one of her children. Why on earth would he even risk putting her through that again?

Of course, Xander had to be told to fry bacon. You see, he's got that zero body fat thing going on and thus probably doesn't know the fine nectar from the gods that is bacon grease.

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