You cannot make an omelet without breaking eggs

Be it burned steak, saucy soupy pasta, or muffins and crispy potatoes, DAYS is setting the table for a big event next week! But the main course remains a mystery Salemites are grilling each other in an attempt to solve like a giant game of Clue. Who is the One-Hundred-Dollar Woman, and who overcooked Ted Laurent!? Plus, we were even served a side of Justin and Adrienne. Woot! Let's feed our appetite for everything DAYS in this week's Two Scoops!

DAYS is getting rather delicious! I love that the investigation into Ted's murder is creating a melting pot that nearly everyone in Salem is throwing something into. From amateur sleuths like Will and Sonny to seasoned private investigators like John and Hope to top-ish cops like Rafe to hired-hand Ben and Scrappy-Doo tagalong Ciara, well, everyone's on the hunt for a killer and the mystery woman who may lead them to him. Or her. Cue Rihanna. This storyline is an epic umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh one, and it's about to start storming next Thursday!

That's right. It's almost here! John and Marlena's anniversary party. Again. I think it's sweet that they're doing that for one another, but am I the only one who swears they have some sort of celebration of their love every other week? Does Hallmark even carry a card for a would-be thirty-year anniversary/it's been a year since you were gunned down in the town square at our umpteenth wedding? Maybe they're between the "Congratulations on knowing who the father of your baby is!" and "Welcome back from the dead!" greetings at Celeste's Curious Cards and Other Oddities at Salem Place. Oh, Salem Place. How I miss you. Anyway...

It's bound to be a big Salem event. Everyone's on the guest list. Guest lists. John and Mar each have one, and poor Chloe must work out the details. Then again, she has the time. Though something tells me that Laurisa and I weren't invited. Again. I mean, you make one little crack about Marlena's love for wearing gloves in a Two Scoops column ten years ago, and you get blacklisted from all the fun times. But I digress.

Any big event in Salem is bound to get messy. Even if I have to peer through the window and sip my celebratory Champagne out of a well-cleaned-out urn that Anna gave me, I will be there. And so will Kristen, I'm sure.

As it were, Marlena went to visit "Nicole." Nicole is Kristen. That went about as well as could be expected. It boils down to whatever face Kristen is wearing, she wants Marlena dead and Brady in her bed. She got the latter again this week. Ick. No. Kristen bedding Brady under these false pretenses is just all shades of wrong. Like, Nighttime Hope's dark red lipstick wrong. No. No. Shut it down.

For his part, Brady believes he's bedding Nicole but can't get Kristen out of his head. Or the scar tissue on Nicole's shoulder. I really think, at this point, Brady needs to spend more time in a cold shower. Err. I mean with John. John seems to be connecting a lot of dots, especially with Hope's help and Xander's cooperation. By "cooperation," I mean Xander cut a deal to get himself out of trouble. Though I strongly suspect that a lot of what's happening here is being played off-screen, and we'll get some awesome Ocean's Eleven-style explanation down the road. Flashbacks to said dots being made into a picture of Kristen one can color and give to Marlena as an anniversary present. Ah, Mar.

So, in the meantime, Salem's also cookin' up a little crazy in the form of Anna DiMera. I. Love. Her. Leann Hunley commits to the role. She's fierce. She'll tackle Anna's wackiness head-on. After slapping Tony not once, not twice, but three times, Anna decided she's done waiting for him to ditch Nicole. Anna exclaimed she's re-marrying Roman. Ha! The look on Roman's face was priceless.

Of course, I'm not worried about Anna and Tony reuniting. They will. They have to! But, like any good omelet, you have to get messy and break some eggs. Right now, there's eggshells (and latex faces and wigs) all over the floor. Tony and Anna are a miserable mess, Roman is dumbfounded, half of Salem is looking for a mystery woman who's posing as another woman who knows who the killer is, and we got cliffhung as Gabi accidently exposed Kristen. Yep! This kitchen is messy, and things are boiling over, surely to be served at John and Marlena's six-month/thirty-year/quarter anniversary of their third marriage anniversary-anniversary party.

LOOSE ENDS: Breaking news! Eric Brady smiled last week. No! I'm not joking. That happened. For real. When asked for a comment, everybody said, "That won't last long." So, there's that.

In other news, Mr. Shin saddled up to Kate and suggested that she might get his final-final-for-real-final rose to run DiMera Enterprises. Kate back in charge? Yes, please.

Isn't Haley's new sedative storyline a bit on the nose? I mean, bring a book to that party. More on that later, though.

Julie needs to be a little more open with her feelings. I don't think Eli and Lani fully understood her hurt over hearing about their engagement from Abe. That's fair. If two detectives can't track down his -- stop, Tony. Be nice -- I'm going to go with "not shy" in lieu of "loudly opinionated and hard to miss" grandmother, maybe they're in the wrong field. Anywho. Julie is happy now. She gets to throw them a party. And you will be there. She will make you come. Do not cross her, and bring whatever gift she tells you to bring. Oh, and enjoy the celebration (or else)!

Speaking of opinionated people, Melinda Trask is back in the district attorney's seat. She also got a raise. Because if there is anyone who is amazing at their job, should be rehired, and deserves a raise, it's Melinda. Totally. It's Melinda. Ouch. I think I broke something using all that sarcasm. Moving on...

There are reasonable doubts that Justin might not be "the best" lawyer in town, but he's surely the best at detecting when someone dials the Lie-O-Matic Machine up to an eleven. And that "someone" was Eve. I know. I know. I know. You're shocked. Eve lied. Yep. She did. She claimed she was raped by Jack. Justin 1-800-QUICKLY shut her down. Thank you, Soap Gods. Thank you, Justin McDelicious Dimples. That was some noise that never needs to be made again. Ever. The manure in which Eve will dirty her hands for revenge knows no bounds.

So. Of course. Legal Eagle Justin then took Eve's case. Ooph. So close, yet so far away, Justin. Have fun bunking with Uncle Vic in the guest room next time Maggie kicks him out. Which should be sometime soon.

Sweetness misses the Patch Man. Kayla said that Tripp misses Steve, too. That's nice. Remember Joey? I bet that loveable doofus misses his dad the most. While Sunroof Stephanie is out in Seattle, surely making great choices, as always, Joey's all alone in the joint. Alone sans his new -- let's say -- "friends." Life can't be fun on the inside for a pretty but rather dim and gullible youngster like Joey. Poor guy.

So, if Steve is off finding a way to clear Jo Jo's name by like, say, tracking down someone with the initials "A.V." as written on a mad scientist's laboratory door, well, good. I hope "A.V." is alive and "T.B." is free to return to DAYS for a redo of the part. So much to hope for!

Alas, Kayla is losing hope that Steve will return. She's sick of limbo. I get that. And I don't. On one hand, sure. That's frustrating. On the other hand, didn't she kind of wait for him for a decade or so? If she wants to get him home a little quicker, she should ask out Dr. Henry Shah. That guy seems to be a beacon for estranged lovers to reunite in front of him. Sorry, Henry. There's always the Salem Singles app.

HOT Thaao Penghlis and Leann Hunley's charm knows no bounds! I adore them. I also remember them from their first stint on DAYS, and watching them pick up where they left off after decades apart is amazing. So, let's clean out that martini urn and toast to Thaao and Leann -- reunited, and it feels so good!

NOT Oh, boy. Haley said, "I'm not alone. You know why? I've got these pills..." This has the making of an After School Special meets Jessie "So Excited" Spano. I'm not so excited. Shut. It. Down.

LINE OF THE WEEK Adrienne (to Eve): "Hush. Your mouth."

TRUE 'DAT LINE(S) OF THE WEEK Julie (to Melinda regarding her warped mother/daughter/sister relationship with Haley): "You'd be surprised how clearly I understand the situation."

RANDOM THOUGHTS Anna asked Roman, "Is it too early for a martini?" She should have asked Ms. Roberts. Oh, snap. Mrs. DiMera. Ten out of ten Kates will tell you, "Never." Cheers, Anna.

Hope totally needs to stay in the private investigator business. She's done it before. And she can partner up with John (and Steve) permanently. I'm already thinking they could rebrand as "Fancy Black Patch!"

Ben's "I have a mystery to solve!" declaration was one part adorkable and one part, "Oh, buddy."

Rafe for the win! He told Stefan that he and Gabi need to grow up, let go of things, and be their version of happy together. Rafe's not wrong.

I legit screamed, "Adrienne!" and clapped when I saw Judi Evans. It's been so long since she's been on-screen. Or feels like it. Point -- we need more Adrienne (and Justin).

Xander's reaction to seeing Will and Sonny was priceless. "Oh. It's you two." Never change, Xanimal.

I enjoy that Ciara isn't even a bit intimidated by Stefan. Then again, she knows she's a real-life woman. She will be safe.

I laughed out loud at Anna's lost-appetite appetite. I suspect I'd do the same. I mean, muffins and potatoes. Yes, please.

NBC.com should publish Jennifer's columns like they used to do with Will's. I am sure they would be a riot.

Even via flashback, Kristen's response to murder is hilarious. "Well, I don't want to..." I say the same about taking out the trash.

Haley said that the Patch Man "rocked that bad boy thing." Oh, lady. You have no idea! I can't wait for Steve, his patch, and his harmonica to return. Get in line, Sweetness, as I'll be the first to welcome him home.

Roman's facial expressions in response to Anna's, well, Annaness are amazing.

John has started to use the nickname "Partner" a little too freely these days. Abe was the O.G. then semi-recently Steve and now Hope. Not everyone wants to be your partner, John. We still remember what you did to the last one. Eek.

Deidre Hall really is the best! Funny Marlena is everything. I loved how Doc responded, "She was not receptive," when Anna expressed hope that Mar Mar could get through to "Nicole." Ha. Just Ha!

Tony's green tie and suit was great. He always did have a flair for fashion. I remember him wearing an ascot or two back in the day, as well. So chic, Count DiMera.

Speaking of green and fashion, Sarah's jumpsuit was straight up Charlie's Angels-ish, and she looked a little Jaclyn Smith in it. Hat tip, Sarah.

J.J.'s current hairstyle makes me wonder if he joined a boy band. That's not a complaint. Just an observation.

Ben's dwelling is becoming a little less "I-Spy Treasure Hunt" and more Phantom of the Opera's lair. That's not a complaint, either.

Yep! Ciara certainly inherited Hope's culinary genes. Or lack thereof. See, Uncle Roman was right. She should have picked up more shifts at the pub, and she'd know how to cook. That Roman. Always right.

John and Hope are much more fun to watch together when there's not a submarine involved. *shudders* Sorry.

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's it for August 19! Laurisa is back next while I track down Dr. Rolf and persuade him to make her and me some masks so we can sneak into La Jarlena Extravaganza du Jour dressed as Eugene and Calliope! And, "That's a fact!"

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