Everybody putcha glasses up and drink to that

Cheers to the freakin' week's end! Some Salemites drowned their sorrows while others celebrated scandalous victories. Plus, you didn't drink too much -- "Nicole" is really Kristen! Let's (responsibly) tie one on in this week's DAYS Two Scoops!

Claire's cup of crazy is overflowing! I know she's wrong (and really does need help), but Olivia Rose Keegan is crushing said craziness so stupendously, I'm completely glued to the screen. She's balancing unstable and vulnerable very well. It's almost pitiful how far Claire has fallen into the abyss. She used to be the champion of her friends, and now she's stuck in a rapidly circling vortex of self-loathing and rage. Oh, honey. Tripp is not worth it.

Find your voice again and crank out some Alanis-esque tunes. You'll profit, and the world will be left wondering if you wrote those lyrics about Tripp or Joey from Full House. Speaking of Joey, I wish that our Joey (Johnson), Theo, Henry, and Ciara could team up to pull Claire out of it like she went to bat for them back in the day. In the meantime, carry on, Cray Cray Claire. Carry on. Well, carry on, but maybe put down the lighter.

Meanwhile, at the Hernandez house, Ciara took a shot of awesome! Her shutting down Lani was everything. I was cheering when C-Dawg said, "I'm sorry, but why exactly is Lani a part of this discussion!?" Word! That's a very valid question, Ciara. Very valid. The answer is simple. She shouldn't be. Lani's intensions might have started out honorably, but they're becoming self-serving, and she's on a straight path to Obsession City. Shut her down, Ciara. Shut her down.

Over at the pub, Hope and Jen drowned their sorrows with a few glasses of wine. Wait. Is Jenny Bear supposed to be drinking? I thought she was on the wagon after her episode with an addiction to pills a few years ago. Anyway...

As promised, Jack de-commissionered Hope. I'm on board with this. Hope needs to move on to bigger and better, and we need a better version of Hope back. I consider her loss a potential win. I'd rather see a civilian Hope (or Black Patch Agent Brady) doing things to help her loved ones (kind of like when Alice broke Roman out of jail) rather than Commissioner Brady breaking rules to suit her personal agenda. Hero not hypocrite is a much fancier-faced look for Hope. And Jennifer appreciated Hope's help already! Sure, technically, Hope was still commish at that point, but it's like taking a long lunch on your last day of a job. What are they going to do, fire you?

A jolly Jack and Eve didn't have much time for toasting, however, as they immediately got to work once he was sworn in. He fired Hope and hired Eve as the new commissioner. Umm. Okay. "That makes total sense," said nobody. Sure, it's an "administrative role," but as Jennifer said of Eve, "She's more likely to commit a crime than stop one." Truth, Jenny Bear.

Though, Hope mentioned the inmates are now running the asylum. True, but crazy can smell crazy. Maybe that'll work in Eve's favor? Maybe. I dunno. This has bad idea (but potentially wicked drama) written all over it. Plus, unlike Hope, Eve doesn't pretend to stand on a moral high ground. Eve will most likely abuse the position, for sure, but that's expected. I also expect skeletons to fall from closets and Eve's tenure to be a short one.

At the Salem Inn, Xander and Nicole celebrated the ongoing success of their shenanigans by swigging Champagne. Hold up! Did I say, "Nicole?" I meant Kristen. As in Kristen "The New Phoenix" DiMera! She was just wearing a "Nicole" mask all this time. Of course, she was. Why not? It's absurd, sure, but I'll see that absurdity and raise it a demonic possession and two "aliens" in silver lam undies. Nope. DAYS is no stranger to silliness. So, I repeat, "Why not?" Most of us kind of -- by "kind of," I mean totally -- suspected "Nicole" might be Kristen all along.

And Kristen's reason for doing all this? Brady, of course. You don't say. That man must serve one amazing milkshake. It brings all the girls to the yard, and then they go crazy for another taste. Still, you can't say she's not committed to her cause. This will go down a lot easier, though, if she reworks Meghan Trainor's song into, "I'm all 'bout that Brady, 'bout that Brady, no Eric...," and performs it at the open mic night at Doug's Place that Laurisa and I have been lobbying for. I digress. So, yep. Kristen is back. There's that.

The big question remains -- what happened to the real Nicole!? I don't in any way, shape, or form believe she died in that explosion. Is she recovering in yet another DiMera safehouse? Were Kristen and Xander compassionate enough to send Holly to stay with her? Yep. There are so many questions that need to be answered, and, in the end, we better get our real Nicole back. Oh, oh. The fiery, hellcat Nicole. Not the weepy, declawed Dr. Dan Nicole-bot. Please, and thank you.

Over at Casa de Kiriakis, sadly, Maggie found the mini bar. I feel horrible for her. She's cracked. She's a crumbling pillar. She feels that she's lost everything -- Victor, Holly, and her figurines. Conversely, I'm shocked Summer the Bummer didn't cause her to fall off the wagon years ago, as I slung a few back to forget that hot mess, but, again, I digress. Maggie is in a bad place. And that's kind of terrific, as it's giving Suzanne Rogers meaty material to work with again. Suzanne's performances are soul-crushing. I just wanted to give Maggie a hug and tell her everything will be okay.

Fortunately, Brady was there for Maggie. I mean, Eric Martsolf, amIright!? He needs to submit those scenes for Best Supporting Actor consideration at the 2020 Emmys. They were compelling. Brady was so present with Maggie. The depths of how much Brady loves her were effortlessly expressed by Martsolf. It was a superbly genuine scene. We haven't seen this version of Brady in such a long time, and, you know what? I kind of get Kristen's obsession a little more now. *Swoon*

LOOSE ENDS: Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes! J.J. mentioned that he's contacting Rory! I love that silly stoner. Bring. It. On. This might be the best part of this storyline so far. Or just the best part period. Viva la Rory!

Snap! John's on the case to find Dr. Rolf's diary. This storyline is doing well for incorporating a large part of the cast, especially if it leads him to the mayor's mansion.

I was all about the touching scene between Rafe and Ciara. He's always been top notch in the stepfather department. It was sweet that he reminded her that they will always be family. I respect that.

Rafe was much too kind to Lani. He needs to wake up and smell the crazy that's brewing. Even Agent Smith gave Lani the side-eye a few weeks back upon hearing Lani talk about David. And Rafe now knows she lied to Ciara. Come on, Raferoni! You're better than this. Kick Lani to the curb and let Ciara watch the baby. She was once a sitter for Thomas. She knows what she's doing. Though, sorry for the Ciara-infatuated-with-Chad era flashbacks. *shudder*

Kate and Gabi are friends again! I'm okay with that. They're diabolically enjoyable. Though I'm still not settled with Gabi's shift from "revenge" to "I want all the monies and powers in *dramatic whisper* the world." Maybe if she would follow up Kristen's performance of "All About That Brady" with a rendition of "Material Girl," it would ease the change. Plus, Camila Banus would totally have fun rocking a pink pencil dress with matching opera gloves and tons of bling.

Busted! Kate and Gabi's first act of their re-partnership was to arrange for Chloe to find Yo Gabba Gabi and Stefan in bed together. It worked. Though I think the Chlomeister was more appalled than shocked. She seemed to suspect a little something-something was going on before. While I get her case of the icks upon walking in on them, it's not like she and Stefan were in a relationship. He laid some smitten groundwork, which I think she was flattered by, but his libido lost him Chloe. I consider that a bullet dodged for her.

Jack's mantra lately seems to be, "I know what I'm doing." Hmm. Does he? I mean, does he!? Jack is one of DAYS's best "gray" characters. One of his schticks has always been struggling to embrace happiness due to his past misdeeds. Not feeling worthy and all. So, part of me believes he's reluctant to accept the love his family wants to shower him with and is avoiding steps that may help him recover.

The other part of me thinks this is some sort of elaborate ruse. Matthew Ashford plays things close to the cuff. It's hard to tell, though; could Jack have caught on to Eve's deception earlier and is waiting for the right time to strike? More so, waiting to get that diary back? Vintage Jack was a sneaky son of a serial killer with more issues than The Spectator. He knows how to scheme. Again, "Hmm..."

HOT Was Doug's little dance followed by him stating, "I'm a very loveable guy," the most adorable thing ever or what!? Bill and Susan Hayes are simply a delight. And as always, Doug's right. He is a very loveable guy.

NOT Oh, Victor. While I love his snarky working relationship with Kate, he needs to wake up and smell the deteriorating "Magic." He should be glued to Maggie's side right now, and the excuses for having him not be are a little weak sauce. It's also a little odd that he isn't more broken up about Holly. He loved himself some Dr. Godson. Nope. I'm not thrilled with the tycoon at the moment. More so, I'm unhappy with the shoehorning him into looking mega uncaring toward Maggie merely to further cement her leap off the wagon aspect. Losing her grandchild would have been reason enough. #BringBackTheMagic

LINE(S) OF THE WEEK: Victor: "If you put Nicole and Xander in a room in a bare-knuckle fight to the death, Nicole would be home by cocktail time."

Claire (to Eve): "I get very, very angry, and you know what happens when I get very, very angry, right?"

META LINE OF THE WEEK: Nicole (to Xander): "Do you have any idea how exhausting all that weeping and gnashing of teeth was? What!? I don't deserve a little comic relief?"

TRUE 'DAT LINE OF THE WEEK: Maggie (to Kate on Rex and Sarah): "Unfortunately. Unfortunately. The worst mistake my daughter has ever made. I really don't know what happened to her self-respect, frankly, tolerating your son's horrible behavior."

RANDOM THOUGHTS Well, Maggie might have hit the nail on the head as far as Rex not deserving Sarah, but at this point, Rex is the one being duped. Dump him, Sarah. Set both of you free. Plus, I'll take you to happy hour and find you a new, single, and emotionally available guy. That might be like hunting for a unicorn in Salem, but I share Kate's tenacity for getting jobs done.

If J.J. and Haley need a job in Canada, there's a neglected hardware store that could use a hand or two. Plus, that area would be the safest place for them to hide. Remember dingbat Hillary? She's the law in those parts. She couldn't catch a cold. J.J. and Haley will be fine. Totally fine. Well. Maybe. Haley should watch out for Scooter of the North. That man was atrocious.

Eve and Eli might be my new favorite workplace rivalry. Kassie DePaiva and Lamon Archey worked well together and were all shades of snarky. Loved. It.

I totally forgot Rex was Dr. Rolf's protg! This will be fun to reexplore. Just keep him away from earthquake machines.

Marlena should totally become a cat mom! Heck, maybe she could foster Jordan's furry pal, Arthur. She might even consider hiring Lani to walk the cat, because a cat on a leash will work out just about as well as Lani as a caregiver. It's all one big YouTube debacle waiting to happen.

I strongly believe the disguises that J.J. and Haley were wearing belong to Doug and Julie as part of a Monte Carlo night on a cruise.

I cracked up when Gabi asked Kate if she disapproved of her tearing apart Stefan and Chloe, and she dismissively said, "Eh. It's Chloe." As in, "Go for it. I don't care."

Paul Telfer's misty puppy dog eyes gave me the giggles during his scenes with Rex.

I'll have to give it up further to the incomparable Arianne Zucker, as she's been rocking the subtleties of the role, even mimicking some of Stacy Haiduk's movements. She's totally believable as Kristen pretending to be Nicole, and you can tell Ari is having a blast with the material. Bonus, Paul Telfer and Ari are devilishly delicious together (and he's amazing with Stacy, too). It's a performance win/win/win for us all.

Jennifer's truth bombs then dropping the mic with Jack are amazing! #TeamJennyBear

Though he didn't name drop, J.J. mentioned Peter Blake and that Peter is still alive! Yes, please. I think it's time he returned to Salem, too. I always liked the sibling dynamics between him and Kristen.

I wonder which Salemite will get the Scooby-Doo moment of honor of pulling off Kristen's Nicole mask and exclaiming, "Zoinks! If it isn't our old friend Kristen DiMera! Well, gang, I guess that wraps up the mystery."

I forgot that Holly's middle name is Fay! That just makes me wish more that Fay Walker is behind a door in a safehouse somewhere. Bringing back Valerie Wildman as Fay now that Abe is single wouldn't be such a bad thing. That's all I'm saying.

Ha! Someone said they spotted J.J. and Haley boarding a UFO. Oh, silly Salemite. That's how you arrive in Salem. Right, Rex?

Oh, please. Will shouldn't feel that bad. I yell at Marlena all the time, and we're still simpatico.

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's it for the week of May 27! Next week is our final one of May Sweeps and Laurisa will be back with a big old broom to swoosh it out of Salem. Unless it's not really Laurisa, and it's me in a mask. *insert evil laughter* You never know. And, "That's a fact!"

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