What you sippin' on that got you talkin' crazy?

Jordan Ridegway's back in Salem -- and crazy this time around! Plus, the Salem P.D. continue to do their best, which is the worst, and CINners finally have a chance rejoice. Well, maybe! Let's get a little nuts in this week's DAYS Two Scoops!

Call me crazy, but I learned a lot from watching DAYS last week! For instance, forget those pricey doomsday bunkers. Who needs an underground fortress when you can simply squat in a twice burnt-out cabin outside of Salem? Seriously. Two fires, and that dingy dwelling is going stronger than Jordan's sanity at the moment.

I've also learned that if you want to protect people from someone or something, don't go after the source. Just round up everyone for their own safekeeping. So, really, I should invite everyone who has a nut allergy to a warehouse and lock them in. I'd be protecting them from accidentally eating red and pink Valentine's Day peanut M&M's. Makes sense. And that totally doesn't mean more peanut M&M's for me *insert evil snickering* Thanks, Jordan! I'll get right on that.

Okay, so, really. Girlfriend is back in Salem after all this time, and she's a bit bent. I'm simultaneously loving this storyline and shaking my head. Ron Carlivati inspires that reaction a lot. And that's a compliment! He has a brilliant way of nudging fans to the brink of utter insanity then giving viewers a fantastic payoff. So, "Psycho Jordan, qu'est-ce que c'est?" Sure. I'll hop aboard that crazy train for now.

Truth is, I adore Chrishell Hartley, and I've been eager to catch up with Jordan for some time now. I'd always wondered how Tammy Sue reacted to Ben's crimes. Sure, we got the occasional and brief, "Jordan's doing well in New York!" updates, but that's about it. Now we know, she lost it hard at some point, too. That part I'm on the fence about...

Once upon a time, Jordan was Ben's rock. When things got ugly in Clyde Hollow, err, Poplar Bluff, Jordan was there for Ben. Heck, Jordan even got Clyde to back down on more than one occasion. She was a force and became more of one as time went on, despite her timid introduction to Salem. So how on earth did she become DAYS' cray-cray du jour?

While Jordan never really showed signs of insanity before (and it's jarring to see her like this now), I'm sure she was hit hard by Ben's actions, and perhaps his release from Bayview was a stressor that triggered them to return. Maybe? I don't know just yet, but it seems like that's where things are going. Again, maybe. I do know I'll need a good payoff for this storyline, as I enjoyed Jordan being the feisty protector and pillar of the Weston family. So, I'll continue putting my profiling skills that I acquired at Criminal Minds University to work and report back next week as we peek further into Jordan's psyche!

Meanwhile, Chrishell is nailing Jordan's newfound instability. She has the crazy eyes going and everything. She's committed to the role. I applaud that! Tammy Sue also found Nighttime Hope's lipstick, "Coo Coo Crimson." Oh! Maybe Hope could go into cosmetics once her time as commissioner tanks due to her abuse of the position. But I digress...

Again, still on the fence about "Crazy Jordan," so I came up with a few other baddies that could have been used in this storyline instead, which would have left Tammy Sue as the woman we knew. Eve has a reason to seek revenge against Ben (and that would get her away from the rinse and repeat of her vs. Jennifer). I'm sure Wendy had at least one loved one who didn't exactly like what Mr. Necktie Killer did to her. Xander once was smitten with Serena! He and Eric were in a love triangle with her in Africa. And a little Xanimal in a storyline is never a bad thing. Ever.

Also not a bad thing to incorporate into this storyline would be Victor! He loves his granddaughter. If he knew she was abducted (again), he should be all over it. Or at least Hope should be all over asking him for help. She's proven she's not above the law these days if it means getting what she wants, so why wouldn't she go to her former father-in-law who practically invented above the law? I'd love to see them together in a storyline again, and this one would work perfectly.

Though the fact that Hope hasn't thought about going to Victor makes me worry more about her state of mind. She still sees herself as the law and, perhaps, Victor as a criminal. While one can have good intentions (keeping their child safe, buying up all the peanut M&M's, etc.), they can also go too far. The Good-Intention Doer can snap like the perceived crazy person they're after (or eat too much chocolate, resulting in a stomachache). Hope is losing it as a result of her quest to "Keep Ciara safe." She's so far beyond thinking like a cop, she can't even see she's become a criminal, of sorts.

Heck, Hope even made Eli look better last week. Eli's right! Before searching Ben's room, a warrant should be in play. Eli wasted his breath telling J.J. that. He should have reminded his boss, Hope, instead. Commish Frowny Face ransacked Ben's room. Good grief. She makes it so hard to love her. I absolutely get Hope's concerns, but I absolutely-er get Ben's anger. The guy's just trying to find his ladylove but is finding himself making amends again. Let the guy go. He has a cop on his tail, which may ultimately turn out to be his alibi, and that would be funny for everyone but Hope. Anyway.

I'm also on Team Ben about Marlena. I'm mad at her, too. More so, for selfish reasons, as I loved the Ben/Mar Mar duo. I don't want them to break up. He needs a stable hand in his life, and she fit the bill nicely. Plus, I'm still getting used to Chad and Kate not on good terms. I can't handle much more. Apologize, Doc. Do it now.

All in all, Jordan's return boils down to being a "CIN" storyline -- and that's more than okay! The Robert Scott Wilson/Victoria Konefal combo is captivating. I mean, if you don't like or maybe get CIN, even a non-CINner had to swoon a little at Ben's dream about saving Ciara. Just a little. That was, well, swoontatsic.

Finally, somebody needs to check on Jordan's cat, Arthur. I'm worried about that furry four-legged fellow. Though I won't be surprised when Jordan pulls a page from Soap's playbook and starts carrying around a stuffed cat. Okay. The Major and Sigmund were hilarious. There's that. Jordan and Arthur might be, too.

LOOSE ENDS: Damn! While Diana Cooper isn't like the Diana Colville I remembered from DAYS gone by, Judith Chapman's performances alone are enough for me to forgo thoughts of Lady Di 1.0. Sans the Diana and Carrie stuff. They had a sweet relationship. It's a wonder Diana hasn't asked about her. Also, NuDi needs to meet the real Roman. Right, not the point...

Diana Cooper? Yes, please. There was a total mother/son version of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? playing out between Diana and Leo. Judith Chapman and Greg Rikaart just go there together. By "there," I mean they are not afraid to get downright ugly and cruel. It's all very soaptastic. More, please.

As for Leo, well, he murdered Papa Cooper. His dad. I mean, his dad? And by "murder," it could have been self-defense, as Papa Cooper seemed to be more like Clyde Weston or Duke Johnson than Tom Horton or John Black. That story remains murky, but one thing is clear -- he's not above a little matricide should Diana destroy his new life in Salem. I repeat, "Damn!"

Speaking of "I mean, his dad?" Oh, boy. If you need John, he'll be inside the hourglass, burying his head in the sand. He doesn't want to believe that Leo might be his son with Diana. Move over, Agent Black. I want in, too! While there would be a ton of drama if that were true, John having pop-up children is getting redundant. Not on a Stefano level, but close. If Leo is going to be the son of an ISA Agent, make him Shane Donovan's son. Okay. That's a stretch, but I just want to see Greg, Kassie DePaiva, and Jen Lilley playing siblings. Something tells me that would be magical. In any event, I have "It's a boy!" cigars on standby for John.

I didn't hate Chloe and Stefan's adventures last week. Soap gods help me, I didn't. I might even have liked them, and I hate myself for liking something that involves Stefan, as I am so far from forgiving that sleazeball, but I didn't desperately despise him for almost an entire week. Progress is good, right?

There's something to be said about simple scenes, and I enjoyed the ones between Tripp and Claire. Basically, they communicated like adults. They spoke the truth. That was refreshing.

If one were keeping score, though, Claire took the match early by blasting Tripp with the truth bomb of, "You didn't lose Ciara because of anything I did. You made that happen all on your own." She's right. She's not entirely innocent in the entangling of that saga, but she's not wrong. At all. Plus, Tripp and Ben could have been arrested. Claire's harshest punishment would be a Stephanie Tanner, "How rude!" Nope, Claire isn't so bad, after all, guys.

Maybe I'm cranky because I don't have a Valentine this year, but are the younger couples in Salem a bit boring lately? Lani and Eli continue to be a beautiful tranq dart to the head. J.J. and Haley's budding something-something sets off one warning sign after another. And Rex and Sarah? Well, bring a book to that party.

In addition to Rex and Sarah being a bit of a snooze at the moment, they're also super inconsiderate. I mean, come on, guys. You're sharing a place, and you leave your clothes all over the living room while you go "make love"!? Not cool. Thankfully, Eric put on his weirdo hat and didn't seem to mind...

Umm. Okay. Eric and Sarah have a connection. There's that, but they're a long way from a Brokeback Mountain/clothes sniffing/"I wish I knew how to quit you" type relationship. Dear Eric, put down the shirt. And maybe talk to your shrink mom about that.

HOT Yes, please. Ron Carlivati inked a new deal to continue as head writer! This "HOT" is sort of a congratulations to him/hurrah for fans. A real win/win extravaganza if there ever was one! So, Ron, thank you for your ongoing commitment to DAYS -- we're thrilled you're at the controls of this wonderful roller-coaster ride we call Salem. Cheers!

HOT AND NOT Casting Spoiler Discussed: I'm in denial about Billy Flynn leaving DAYS. I am. I really am. Kate Mansi and his last airdate was announced last week. Gulp. I can't. I knew Kate's return was a brief treat, so I was prepared for that, and I've said goodbye to her before, but never Billy. And I was rough on him at the beginning. This guy had to fill a Casey Deidrick-sized hole in my Chad-loving heart. And you know what? Billy did. He did about ten times over and counting. Billy's brilliance took the character from a hipster teen dad when last we saw Chad to an all-out, and standout, leading man, and the ride couldn't have been better. So, while I'll never be ready to wish him goodbye, I will always continue to wish him good luck. Mazel tov, Mr. Flynn.

NOT This is more of a major "DISAPPOINTMENT" than a "NOT," but I wish Stefan's current storyline would have played out last year. Like, I wish that so hard. It would have prevented so much unhappiness and nastiness and Stefan-rapeyness.

Plus, Stefan would have potentially fallen for a real woman -- not a wig and a prayer. Oh. Oh! And that "real woman," Chloe, is one of his mother's victims and all-out rivals. Chloe even canoodled with Quinn, Stefan's half-brother. See! Drama without wigs and rape. Alas, as Geoffrey Jellineck once said on an episode of Strangers with Candy, "If wishes and buts were clusters of nuts, we'd all have a bowl of granola!"

LINE OF THE WEEK Stefan (to Chloe): "I may have to give you an unfavorable Yelp review, but I'll live."

EXCHANGE(S) OF THE WEEK Diana: "I just felt really guilty when I realized I shot you. By accident." John: "You're not the only one who's put a bullet in me."

Julie: "Well, we decided to Netflix and, oh, chill. Isn't that what your generation calls it?" Abigail: "Uh. I -- yes. But I think it means something different than what you think it means.'" Julie: "No, darling. I know exactly what it means."

Roman: "Nobody sat you down and told you how not to get a woman pregnant?" John: "Apparently not."

Brady: "I hope you're pleased with yourself." Victor: "I could use another Scotch if you want to make yourself useful and pour me one."

RANDOM THOUGHTS It will never not make me happy to hear, "Stefano is very much alive."

Also, I'm sure Stefano would be a bit happy that his son is hanging around an opera singer.

On the topic of Stefan and Chloe, I remember them having a scene a year ago. I remember liking said scene. I also remember Laurisa reflected on a potential Stefan/Chloe pairing in the January 15, 2018, edition of Two Scoops, "Bless this mess." I know. I know. But I'm wishing for that year back, anyway.

In a Salem that's full of light blue rooms, similar hotel rooms, and rather generic bedrooms, I appreciate that Eric's apartment is decorated with personal touches! His African mementoes and photos are great. Funny, though, I didn't see an elephant statue around. I kid, I kid. No need to rehash that problematic pachyderm plotline.

It's weird when Eli says to J.J. "your family." Hey, Eli! You're his family, too. Though, given the complexity of Salem family trees and Eli's sometimes denseness, he gets a pass.

I did crack up when Ciara asked, "Is that a baby!?" That was unintentionally hilarious. It is, Ciara; you're not crazy, but Jordan is now, apparently.

I like that Haley calls Trask "Mel." It makes Melinda seem almost human-like. Almost.

Is anyone as eager as I am for a Diana and Victor scene!? That seems to have the makings of an epic showdown, given their history.

I also wouldn't mind a Jack and Diana scene, but, really, without his memories, that one wouldn't be as much fun. Plus, he might mistake her for his adoptive mother *wink*

I liked the yellow belt one of El Fideo's henchman was wearing! Though it was more like a yellow streak, as that dude bolted at the mention of Stefano's name. Which is as it should be.

Speaking of fashion, Kate's coat is tremendous, and Abigail's outfits are getting better and better each week since that gold disaster.

I feel like I should be mad at myself for liking the budding whatever it is between Hope and Ted, but I'm not. I kind of like them. They're certainly more interesting than playing it Safe for another year.

I kind of want to meet this Fran who runs the caf in the square! Is he/she that big of a jerk, or are employees just blowing off steam about their boss? In any event, Fran sounds better than the mean FroYo stand owner.

Did we ever learn who the young, eager Spectator intern was? If not Rory, maybe Claire's friend Henry could return! Or T/Tad. I miss him. And Will needs a friend.

I loved Stefan calling Eli and Lani "Crockett and Tubbs." Ha!

Yes! Lani needs to teach Eli about Miami Vice. Still, if Eli really wanted to create a Miami experience for Lani, shouldn't he have asked J.J. to pretend to be passed out so they could take selfies with him? That still gives me the creeps, Lanster.

I never noticed this before, but Chrishell Hartley reminds me of Julie Newmar.

Abigail said she checked every inch of the house. I hope that included the attic. It might be hereditary to hide there.

Rex's new "bro"-ish approach to life totally makes me think he'd be like Jon Hamm's character in Bridesmaids while "making love." You know. The stench of Axe body spray and a lot of self-congratulating. "Yeah! That was awesome, babe. Wasn't I awesome, babe!? Babe! Wasn't I perfect!? Yeah!" Ugh. Rex needs to go back to Chicago or whatever Real World hot tub he left before he returned to Salem.

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's it for the week of February 11. As Laurisa volunteered to go check on Arthur the Cat, I'm on deck next week, as well, as we waltz into Valentine's Day in Salem! And, "That's a fact!"

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