My baby's got a secret

Will Paul find out about Wilson? Is that baby really Bonnie's? Is Marlena's DNR a fake? Let's discuss all the secrets in this week's Two Scoops.

Every now and then, soaps tackle real-world issues. I always brace myself when that happens. Since soaps exist in a world of heightened make-believe, they don't always do justice to real-world topics. This is no fault of the actors, nor really the writers. But sometimes, soaps aren't the best vessel for messages.

Despite Martha Madison, Greg Vaughan, Drake Hogestyn, and the rest doing werk in this storyline, this whole DNR thing edges closer to that category of important storylines soaps can't pull off. I've worked in the health care field. I know the importance of having a living will and, more importantly, communicating your wishes to your loved ones. I needed Kayla to tell Belle how important it is for people to have these documents. Instead, I'm pretty sure John likened it to a death sentence, which is a dangerous real-life message to send.

It is, however, the exact right soap message to send.

Why would anyone on a soap have a document that prohibits "any extraordinary measures" being used to keep them alive? If I was Marlena, after Will came back from the dead, I'd call up my lawyer to have the exact opposite of a DNR in place. Shoot me up with all the magic juice, people! There's a chance I might come back from my coma with a new face? Write that into there too! There's a good chance it's a lot better than the one I have now! People can bounce after falling multiple stories out of windows? Let me in on some of that action! A DNR is quite possibly the most useless document to have on a soap. I mean, besides a death certificate... or marriage license... or DNA result....Okay, well it's in the top five, at least!

John shares my opinion, as he was having none of that document. Belle was an unnecessary hot piece of nasty to Sami when Marlena got shot, so I'm not opposed to karma taking swings at Tink. That karma came in the form of John telling his beloved favorite child, "I'm so disappointed in you," with his serious spy-face. Agreed, John Black. I am too.

I'm not disappointed in Belle's morals. It's actually refreshing to see a character stick to their professional oath. I'm not even opposed to Marlena's decision to make Belle her health care proxy. The rest of her family does fall into the misfit category. Belle's probably the best choice here.

What I am disappointed in is Belle's investigative skills and utter gullibility. She's just accepting that document to be legit? Really? With Hattie Adams running around not too long ago? With Marlena's mortal enemy back in town? The one who literally admitted -- in the middle of the town square -- that she wanted Marlena dead? None of that gives Belle pause? She's just going to believe that a document that absolutely none of them knew existed just appeared at the perfect time to cause Marlena's death? I repeat, really?

The moment I began to call shenanigans was when Kayla knew nothing about the document. You know, Marlena's doctor/boss/bestie/matron-of-honor all rolled into one? She's got all of the bases covered -- personal, medical, and professional -- when it comes to Marlena. If anyone would have known of Marlena's wishes, it would have been Kayla.

But, alas, Kayla didn't know about it and reported it to the hospital board. It was a heartbreakingly good scene between Belle and Kayla. But I felt another missed opportunity here.

My displeasure with Mr. Chen and the never-seen DiMera Board is well documented. But the hospital board is a different story. Kate sits on that board. There's also a Kiriakis seat, which Victor would probably fill at the moment. There's another seat for a Horton, which, last we saw, Julie occupied. Riddle me this: which one of those three people strike you as a rule follower? Spoiler alert -- none of them. Kate and Julie are friends with Marlena. Victor surely would have honored a request from John or Brady to stop that document.

But instead, we all prepared to say goodbye to Marlena. And this is when my inner snarkerella took a rest because this cast showed up and made me proud to be a DAYS fan.

Claire's goodbye scene with Marlena choked me up. Good for you if you've always been a confident person. But something about Claire's broken self-confidence and her underestimation of herself hits close to home for me. I loved that she knows Marlena was always there for her.

Ouch. Belle saying she was special because she was the only child Marlena had with the love of her life was kind of gross. But Martha rolled through that with her usual charm, so I'll not dwell on it too long.

(But seriously, Belle, not cool.)

I wanted Will's goodbye to be longer, but I'll give it a pass for the lovely Will and Sami reunion in the waiting area. Chandler and Alison rarely disappoint.

Brady's goodbye was heartbreaking. Telling Marlena she's the only mother he's ever known was lovely. This is one of the few scenes recently where Brady was actually worthy of Eric Martsolf.

Eric's goodbye was basically an extreme closeup of Greg Vaughan's face. I'm not opposed to this in any way, shape, or form.

Sami took unnecessary blame in her goodbye. But her love for her mom was apparent in this scene. Sami's a fire character. That gets her into trouble. It also gives her one of the biggest hearts. When she called her mom a fortress, I started to tear up. When she sang her mom a lullaby, I went into the gasping cry.

Then, John begged her to marry him one more time. Then, when Eric prayed, and good soap lord, I wished for a Friday cliffhanger like no other. Open your eyes, Marlena! Please, oh please, open your eyes!

And there you have it. For all the ridiculatta with the DNR and the board and the fact that I know Deidre Hall isn't leaving the show, this little storyline got me. I guess that's why I love soaps.

LOOSE ENDS: T-BOZ! Hey, girl, hey!

There's still some rumblings around Jenifer telling Eric that the real love of his life was forced out of town by his evil stepbrother. But she stopped when Eric laid down the, "Sorry, I can't. My mom's on life support, and I just can't right now." card. To be fair, he did ask her to tell him later, and Jenny clammed up. But for that moment, Jen got a pass from me on keeping quiet. That guilt trip should have come with snacks.

Thank goodness for small favors, Cin was back on this week. I love that Ben fixed up Bo's bike with all of the money that he...has? Stole? I don't really care. These two sizzle. I give Hope a hard time about her grudge toward Ben, but in reality, it gives these two some great angst to play out. I much prefer that to the flimsy triangle with my boy Tripp.

Does Theo need a roommate in that fancy rehab place? Because paralyzed Paul is coming for him. And the dude has more bad news coming his way. Rather than hurt Paul so soon after his bad diagnosis, Will and Sonny decided to have an affair behind his back. Okay, so that last part technically hasn't happened yet, but unless Paul realizes what's going on and does the good-guy thing and steps aside, that's exactly where we're headed. I believe Sonny and Will genuinely think they can make this work. But it's not going to. And Paul will be the odd man out again. Man, if only Paul had taken Henry up on that date! #SomeonePleaseLovePaul

I don't like seeing Claire scheme to get a fella. Doesn't she know that the way to go about stealing someone else's man is to write him a note behind his girlfriend's back and try to sneak it to him? That's how the nice girls do it.

Chloe was speaking all sorts of truth when it came to Bonnie. I wouldn't put stealing a baby past her, either! And considering how...um...chronologically gifted Bonnie is, it seems highly unlikely for her to be pregnant without medical assistance. Bonnie has a son who dated Hope. This kind of soap math makes my head hurt. Then again, so does Bonnie.

Hope showed up to arrest Ben, based on some magical evidence that just appeared. There's a lot that I've forgiven Hope for. But, Alice help me, if she planted evidence against Benny-boo-bear, I will have a hard time forgiving her. That's a planned, calculated, and abusive display of police authority, which, quite frankly, is not something I want to see in my escape hour of TV watching. I worry that dressing like Ronald McDonald is actually turning Hope into a clown.

HOT: I'll take all the Shawn, Belle, and Claire scenes. I love this trio. Claire's outrage that Belle didn't try to stop Marlena's DNR was the correct emotional response. Shawn talking her down was the correct level-headed response, as well. These three support each other in such a loving, genuine way. They're my favorite family on DAYS right now.

NOT: Bonnie had an extended scene in a police station with Lucas where she explained (bragged about?) how she raped him. That's pleasant. For sure, let's see more of her.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Brady (about Paul, upon seeing Wilson kiss): "He's paralyzed from the waist down...which apparently you two are not!" A little crude, but Eric Martsolf's delivery made me howl at this one.

RANDOM THOUGHTS: I'm pretty sure Chloe bought that club as a singing venue. I have yet to hear one open mic night. Get on that, Chloemeister!

I wonder why Eric doesn't feel bad for causing his own mother to be shot. I don't think he should, but it's strange that he doesn't think he should. Guilt and self-loathing are kind of his thing.

Kayla responded to the news that Will got his memory back like most people do to learning their third favorite soup is on special. "Really? Oh, good. That's nice."

Oh, Hope! You better get on Rafe for comforting Eric over Marlena's illness, too! You know people just play that card with Rafe for attention.

Does Tripp know Steve is in jail?

Thank you, Eve, for screaming that Kristen is to blame, not Sami! Can we post Eve up just outside of the Salem P.D. so she can keep repeating that sentence?

2018 College Student Ciara was doing math homework with a #2 pencil. It's been *incoherent mumbles* since I've been in college, but I feel like this is an inaccurate description. Is that how the kids still do it these days?

When Hope said, "You know I can't comment on an open investigation," I literally laughed out loud. Pretty sure she'll tell anyone and their hairdresser that Sami is the one who shot Marlena.

The only good thing about this ridiculous Bonnie baby is having T-Boz reference Lucas as "Big Daddy Horton." That made my day.

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