Get ur freak on

Head banga! Leo vs. the Kiriakis fireplace mantel -- Leo: 0; Mantel: 1. That caused Sonny and Will to freak out. Plus, Ciara tried not to freak out as Ben totally did just that, things got freaky in court as crafty Ted truth-bombed the place, and Abigail's baby drama has her totally freaking. Let's try to stay calm in this week's freakin' DAYS Two Scoops! Holla!

One, I want a gif of Will stating, "Oh, I'm not bluffing...Matthew." Chandler, you're brilliant. Don't change. That was awesome. Next up...

It can't be said that Leo doesn't dive headfirst into all he does. Too soon? Okay. So, Leo is dead. Boo. But then again, Leo wasn't "Leo." His real name was Matthew Cooper, and he was your run-of-the-mill con-artist prostitute who dabbled in a little petty theft for fun. He also liked painting, plotting, and not being tossed into fireplace mantels. Dislikes included Will, lowballed settlements, and fireplace mantels. He will be missed.

That is, as much as Leo was a meanie Matty, I'm going to miss Greg Rikaart! He's fantastic. He brought a lot to a role that could have easily been one dimensional. Instead, Leo was cunning, desperate, and snarky but also had a certain charm and vulnerability about him. Greg seamlessly layered him, and that makes me hopeful we haven't seen the last of Leo. Of Matthew. Of Meanie Matty. You know what I mean.

Even more so, I'm disappointed that Leo and Sonny didn't get married. The storyline still could have ended the same way eventually (fireplace and all), but I feel we're missing out on a ton of campy, soapy fun. I could totally see Leo and Sonny being a Stefano/Kate kind of thing -- marriage by blackmail but blossoming into something sincerer. Alas, that's not going to happen. Eh. Maybe. You never know. Leo could be "dead" in the Salem sense, and then, really, all bets are back on the table.

Speaking of "dead," you'd think Injection-Happy Will would suggest "Resurrected" by Wilhelm to get them out of their dead Leo pickle. Wasn't Dr. Rolf's formula in that diary? I could have sworn it was. Calm down and think, Will. Though I can't blame him for being a little freaked out from Leo choking him. That must bring back some bad Ben memories.

Okay. The general storyline writing on the wall is clear, well, unless Maggie and her magical stain remover cleaned it off already, but I digress. Leo's "death" will draw Sonny and Will closer again. That's a given. As much as I like Will and Paul together, it's also fairly clear their relationship is soaring headfirst into a fireplace mantel. God, what's with me today? Too soon, Tony. Too soon. Again, I digress...

At this point, Paul should just get Will's name tattooed somewhere on his body, because, you know, they're going to last forever. Inside voice says, "No, they won't." It's sad, but predictable, given a few factoids. One, the months-in-advance casting news. Two, Will is remembering things, and Will can resist anything but temptation. And, three, Paul's track record. He always seems to be a second-choice guy. That's a shame because Paul generally has it all going on...looks, charm, intelligence, fortunately/unfortunately loyalty. Oh, and a great relationship with his family! Yep. Paul's a swell guy. A nice one, even, but you know that old saying about nice guys finishing last. Boo.

For the record, oh, yeah! Sonny and Will are totally acting a fool and in over their heads right now. I sort of get Sonny's lists of reasons why he thought it was better to cover up Leo's death, but, still. It was a really dumb move, and this scenario never ends up well for anyone involved, right Kate, Gabi, and Sami? Right, Hope and Rafe? Right. Sonny and Will are proving to be as good at crisis cleanup as Kayla is at lying. That's not a compliment.

Also, Sonny and Will, come on, guys! Victor was probably upstairs. He's got some time on his hands. I think he's still licking his wounds in the guest room unless Maggie's pardoned him again; I don't know, but I do know that disposing of a body is like Victor 101. He'd have that mess cleaned up and still have time to throw some snark at Will for getting choked. Oh, you know Victor would find a way to blame Will for the entire mess. That's classic Vic, too. Anyway, yep, they rolled up their better judgment in that carpet with Leo.

Though, food for thought, and I'm not entirely sure how to express this, so bear with me, but I also like that Sonny isn't reacting to something horrible Will has done this time. Usually, Will does something like sleep with another guy...or two...or he lies, or embarrasses someone with a scandalous story, etc., but this time, Sonny's hands are dirty, too. It kind of levels the playing field and prevents Sonny from flashing his sometimes-played self-righteous card. I mean, sure, they're both sort of dips doing the wrong thing, but at least they're doing it together? We'll see.

One definite thing I know for sure is that Sonny better lawyer up with Ted. That man gets its done. I mean, sure, Justin is a good lawyer, too. He did show up at Tate's custody hearing and all. There's that. But, yeah. After last week, I'm what Laurisa coined via text as a "Ted Head." #betteroffted

LOOSE ENDS: It's official! John and Marlena's wedding re-re-re-redux will be on August 22. Marlena is even going traditional with a white wedding dress, though I'm with Kayla. I thought she'd pick a pantsuit, too. Anyway, Kayla is the maid of honor. I thought maids of honor were single ladies and matrons were married ones. Either way, it might turn out that Sweetness' title will end with "dishonor" if Steve finds out what she's been up to by then. He's totally picking up the awkward she's putting down. This storyline just hurts on so many levels.

Still, Kayla did, but didn't, confess her shadiness with Stefan to Marlena. That's a start? Sure. We'll go with that. In other "Stefan is an asshat" news...

Stefan is glad Abigail is getting help. Someone cue the Church Lady with a big, old, "Well, isn't that special," followed by an eye-rolling Liz Lemon, "Oh, brother." Just imagine if Abigail had gotten help sooner, Stefan. Yep. Imagine that. Ugh, that guy. Where's the Kiriakis mantel and a protective Sonny when you need him?

Seriously, though, how hard would it really be to take Stefan down, Kate and company!? This "Oh, so scary!" corporate shark's mommy and Andre got him DiMera Enterprises. He hasn't proven his corporate savviness yet...at all. He's only proven to be a pervy rapist who loves himself some mentally ill women. That really shouldn't be hard for someone to take down.

In the most un-shocking storyline ever, Abigail's in a "Who's the daddy!?" predicament. If you didn't see this coming, please return your Soap Fan Card to the mean FroYo manager at Horton Town Square. He will mock you then not hire you. He's a jerk. But for real, this storyline is 1-800-Unnecessary.

Instead of "Who's the daddy!?," I would have much rather seen Abigail's therapy sessions, or Abs and Gabs actually mending fences and taking on Stefan together. I'd say I'd rather watch any other storyline than this one play out, but I fear Jennifer and Eric would take that as a challenge, and we'd see an episode devoted to "Jeneric." So, I'll say, hard pass on keeping connections between Stefan and "Gabby" alive. Even Rose knew when to let Jack Frost slip into the Atlantic at the end of Titanic. Let it go, Stefan.

Full disclosure: I thought Tater Tot's custody hearing would be a bit of a snooze, but, hot spud, I was wrong! It's like, grab some popcorn and watch the truth bombs hit the fan. Ted's probably one of the best lawyers Salem has seen. He basically razed the moral high ground Brady and Eve were perched upon -- so much so that they could fill the crater he left behind with water and turn it into a swimming pool, or duck pond for Tate's sake. Either way, Ted brought a bazooka to the knife fight. And things went boom!

Amongst other sordid tidbits, Deimos' murder came back into play. This means there must be an endgame for Salem's most recent cold case. Will Brady come clean? Will Eric hear him come clean? I don't know, but now I actually can't wait for Monday to find out! This storyline got interesting again -- who would have thought!?

Claire, sweetie, no. Just no. When a guy refers to almost sleeping with you as "one of the worst mistakes of my life," just no. No, Claire. Go put on whatever the millennial version of "I Will Survive" is, eat some ice cream, and move on. Plus, pouncing on the guy is what got her into trouble in the first place, so doing it again kind of makes all of her, um, remorseful, apologetic, "I'm a horrible person" speeches null and void. Do it and own it, or don't do it, Claire, but you can't have it both ways, gal. Sorry.

On the topic of moving on, Ciara might be doing that with Ben. Maybe. Sort of. Nevertheless, I kind of like "Cin!" Logically, I shouldn't want Bope's daughter with the recently reformed Necktie Killer, but I don't hate it. At all. Robert Scott Wilson and Victoria Konefal's chemistry is hotter than the fiery cabin Ciara was left in. There's something honest between the characters, and the performances have a lot to do with that...

I'm in constant awe of Robert Scott Wilson. The fact that Ben can be super spine-chilling and pitiful at the same moment is beyond amazing. Add in the creeptastic, brutal brilliance of James Read's Clyde for a scene or two, and, wowza, that was an intense, gold-medal acting showcase.

Plus, Victoria completely crushed Ciara's brave face through utter fear. You could feel the tense, "I want to crawl out of my skin and run screaming" feelings she had, yet she really couldn't go anywhere. It was a nightmarish scenario well played all around. Plus, I loved that Ciara was able to Black Widow Ben's Hulk! She totally pulled a "Sun's getting real low" move on him. And it worked! Ben calmed down. Well, as calm as he could get under the circumstances.

And then Ciara was left in a burning cabin. Eek! Did Ben flick his Bic before he left!? I say, "No!" You can tell he's totally into her. In a healthy way. Not a serial killery way. I'm down. In addition to the chemistry between the actors, this storyline is unique and could pose some fresh aspects as it goes on. Heck, even if they only end up together through Christmas, the Horton tree-trimming party might be epically awkward yet totally entertaining. All in all, more "Cin," please.

HOT My sole note about Ted's courtroom showing was simply, "Damn!" I mean. He crushed it. Sure, sure. The courtroom hijinks are far from over, but round one through ten-ish went to Ted. I repeat, "damn!" I didn't think a lawyer in Salem could be that competent -- no offense, Justin. Cheers, Gilles Marini for breathing new life into the Salem legal system via slimy but tremendous Ted!

NOT Red, white, and boo. Seriously...again!? Not one firework. Not one lakeside swim day. Not a hotdog, festive bunting, or sparkler? Et tu, Maggie? Not even one lemon square!? Boo. Just boo to canceled Brady-Horton Fourth of July celebrations. Maybe we'll get a grand old Labor Day picnic instead. Or not. #somuchfortraditions

LINE OF THE WEEK Ted: "My goodness. It's pretty hard to keep up, isn't it? Mr. Brady Black has a very complicated love life. Even as a seasoned Frenchman, Mr. Brady Black's affairs are giving me vertigo."

RANDOM THOUGHTS Soap Poll: Who else laughed when Will and Sonny worried that the police would figure out what they've been up to? Seriously. That's the last thing they should worry about, especially now that Hope is preoccupied and no one else is working cases. They could probably dump the body in Horton Town Square with a sign that reads, "Love, Will and Sonny," and that particular group of po po wouldn't piece it together.

I got a laundry list for Ted, since he's awesome at digging up dirt. Maybe he can find: How long it should really take Don Craig to mail a letter. The Gemini Twins. Tommy Horton, Jr. When Neil Curtis' rounds will be over. Oh. Oh. Maybe he can also tell us when Jan Spears will wake from her coma.

Aside from the entire cop/criminal aspect, I don't remember Hope and Clyde having an overly personal beef with one another. I thought Clyde's scenes with Hope were superfluous. If we'd only gotten the Clyde/Ben scenes, that was more than enough brilliance for James Read's visit. And we wouldn't have known right away that he wasn't really there.

John and Paul's "That's new" conversation was adorable. More so, the look on Paul's face. I'm convinced that Christopher Sean can literally get anything he wants with a flash of that smile.

I adore Marci Miller and Camila Banus together. When Stefan walked into the park, and Abigail and Gabi double-teamed him, it was great. Go get him, ladies.

If I had a hand of DAYS trading cards, I'd offer up one "Brady and Eve Scene" for an "Eve and Ben" one. Tradesies, anyone?

Eric and Chloe's scene, talking about Nicole, was about a thousand times more exciting than a Jennifer and Eric one. That's just sad. Not as exciting and just as sad, Eric's talk with J.J. What was up with that!? Isn't Eric all about coaching people to be their best selves, forgiveness, second chances, and other stuff you see on embroidered throw pillows? Check it before you wreck it, Eric -- hypocrisy is not a good look on anyone.

James Read is a beast. I mean that in the best way possible. He plays Clyde so sinister and sick, it's no wonder Ben turned out the way he did. James just scares the bejesus out of me!

John thinks it's cool that Steve will have bionic vision. That's swell of him. It'd be cooler if Steve never lost his vision in the first place. Nope. Not backing down on that one, Johnny Boy. I went to the Sami Brady School for Holding a Grudge. I can do this all Two Scoops long, John Black.

Despite everything, I do love Brady and Chloe's friendship.

I was kind of waiting for the judge to throw her arms up and exclaim, "I did not sign up for this!" She's getting dinner and a show with that courtroom drama.

Get your act together, Black Patch! John said, "That's a fact," and neither of them took a shot!? Wait. Is that a DAYS drinking game only Laurisa and I play? My bad, my bad

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's it for the week of July 9. Don't freak out -- Laurisa will be back next week with an all-new Two Scoops! And, "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

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