A little drunk is better than dead

Lushy Lucas might be unlucky in love, but the biggest loser is a stone cold Dead Anj! Plus, Deimos' real murderer is revealed; a criminal mastermind is, too; and, if you're not tired of seeing double already, get two handfuls of rice ready because we're in for a double wedding! Let's talk the drunk, the dead, the dirty, and the dearly reunited in this week's DAYS Two Scoops!

Well, kids. That's why you should never drink. You'll get sexually taken advantage of by your heart's desire's doppelgnger, he or she will end up fighting in the room with co-conspirators while you're passed out like a lump of Lucas, and then someone dies. The more you know, right?

Alas, Anjelica is now "Dead Anj." I'm pretty sure she had a brain aneurysm or something, as she was complaining about a headache earlier. Then again, I get why she might have had one dealing with Hattie and Bonnie. Those two might be fun at a party or a night out for wings and beer, but their acumen is a wee bit askew. I digress...

Dead Anj is leaving behind Hattie and Bonnie as the brains behind the operation. Yeah. This will not end well, but I suspect Anjelica might have been working with someone else as co-masterminds. It's always felt a bit wonky that Marlena was a target. I get why, sort of, in the sense that Dead Anj needed someone to help get Bonnie out of the big house, but that's mundane. And with casting news of a certain someone Mar Mar once viciously pushed out a window for no reason coming back, perhaps Dead Anj did have help. Hmm.

But none of that helps Lucas. The poor guy. He's a hot mess, but, damn it, if he isn't one entertaining drunk. Bryan Dattilo is crushing it, especially the snarkiness of it all. Of course, of course. I feel bad for Lucas' heartache and fall off the wagon, too. And as sad as I am for Lucas turning back to the bottle in a hardcore way that would make Ke$ha proud, I'm glad Bryan is getting meaty material to work with. I've always felt he's been criminally underutilized by DAYS.

Luckily, I'm not alone in my concern for Lucas. Nearly everyone in Salem is sorry for the guy. They certainly need to be. He's going down the drain fast, and, I suspect, things are about to get messier for the man. Dead Anj, anyone? That's going to have to play into his rock bottom. But at least Lucas has Kate in his corner. Well...

Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. Oh, Kate. You're not wrong, per se, but starting a conversation with, "I told you so," is never, ever a good idea. It's right behind (maybe in front of) "You're overreacting." Yep. A person might be overreacting, but saying such things is like waving a red flag in front of an already pissed-off bull. It's not going to end well...for anyone. And it didn't for Kate and Lucas. It really didn't.

Though, in Kate's defense, Lucas doesn't need a drinking buddy to coddle him. He does need some tough love, but Kate's pushing when she should be pulling at this point. Perhaps she needs to talk to Victor about one of those twelve-hour rehab places Brady went to and then hug it out with Lucas.

Speaking of Brady, let's go from death and drunkenness to murder. That is, Dirty D's murder. It's official -- for now -- Nicole killed Deimos! And thank you, Nicole.

Then again, Nicole might not be so thankful. One, she kinda killed a guy. But she was on drugs. No, no. She was drugged. To me, that seems like the only defense one would need. She was out of her mind, it was self-defense, and it was Deimos. That's three valid reasons why she should skate with a slap on the wrist and a key to the city for ridding it of its Deimos problem.

So, in case you're keeping track, Halo'ed Nicole was tormented by Dirty D. HE was the reason Holly was so hastily taken from her when she returned to Salem. He paid off the judge. He was downright cruel to her, and let's face it, he did the one thing you're never supposed to do -- come between a mama bear and her cub. And then they got into a fight, and he was accidentally-ish stabbed. Again, thanks, Nicole.

Right now, Nicole knows; Brady does, too; and so does Victor. First, nice going, Brady Black. Nicole asked you to keep your big mouth shut. He didn't. He told Victor, and I highly suspect that's going to be Nicole's downfall, or she'll be blackmailed into obedience as Victor pretty much said to use the amulet (the evidence as to who murdered Deimos) as a leash to keep her in check. Actually, Victor said, "Hold onto the amulet...you're responsible for her freedom." Potato/potahto. Vic isn't suggesting holding onto it to actually protect Nicole. It's all a mess but rather juicy drama.

Of course, then there's the Eric Factor. Sort of like the Fear Factor, only much dreamier. I have no doubts that Brady loves Nicole, but just one look from Eric, and it's obvious that he makes Brady's love for Nicole look like a crush. Sorry, Brady, you've had about ten great loves of your life so far; Eric's only had one, and that one is Nicole. It's swoon-worthy, really, but Brady's constant concern about Eric and Nicole's relationship is only making him unlikeable in this triangle. Sure, he has a reason to be worried, but the jerky version of Brady is just sort of a turnoff.

In other criminal news: Oh, Commissioner Raines, you son of a bitch! He's Dario's silent partner. He's the one that set up Abe. And in my book, you don't mess with Abe. You're on notice, Raines.

But then again, Abe and Eli are setting Raines up for a downfall, so I'm entirely okay with that and willing to help out. Guys, I've been enrolled in the Kristen DiMera School of Scheming Master's Program since 1993. I can help. I got this. Tag me in.

Of course, there is a catch! "By the books," "holier than thou," "justice for all" Raines is the bad guy!? Huh. I didn't see that coming. Well, maybe a little. He had the potential to be an interesting character, but he was a one trick pony and rather disposable, really. He condemned any shady action on the force and seemed smitten with Abigail. That's about it. It's rather ironic that he's the bad guy. I say go get 'em, Abe and Eli. And again, I can help.

Wait! Raines seemed smitten with Abigail. Dario and Chad were in the path of a car out to hit one or both. Did Raines want to run over the competition!? I repeat, "Hmm!"

More so, I love that James Reynolds is in the middle of a big storyline. Abe has always been a favorite of mine, and so is James. He's a gifted actor and one of the classiest guys around. Seriously, follow him on Twitter. He puts the "G" in gentleman.

Oh, and Julie might have to re-give the Martin house back to Eli. Whoopsy. Her bad. But, "Team Abe!" Yay, Jules. You tried.

LOOSE ENDS: Here comes the bride! And the groom. And then two more grooms! That's right, Chad and Abigail and Sonny and Paul are engaged. They're going to have a double wedding. It took them a week of discussing their happiness to figure that out. I mean, I'm happy if they're happy, and there were some endearingly cute scenes (Chad and Sonny's bromance and the all-around love between each couple), but those scenes literally took a week to play out. Just saying.

Though I do wonder something. Do you think pictures of Sonny learning Abs was going to let him hang for murder so she could protect Chad will make it into the slideshow at the reception? Again, just saying.

In any event, I'm sure they'll ask Gabi to oversee the guest book. That's a majorly important job for people you don't really want in your wedding party but feel obligated to have be more than a ticket-holding guest. I mean, I've heard.

Which leads me to say, "Oh, Gabi." She's been super classy through this entire ordeal. She's also (like Abigail did) taken responsibility for her part in it all. That's not easy, and it's commendable. Though I think at this point, Gabi needs to expand her circle of friends. I've been in that "feeling like everyone else is moving on" phase before. It's rough. And while your friends still love you, they need to follow their path. Which just means Gabi needs to make a new one for herself. And if she wants to have ice cream with me now that Dario is gone, I'm game. And Gabs, by "ice cream," I mean Scotch.

Roman's got game! He had Kate all flustered for a second. I kind of like this. Sure, it's random, but Kate needs a ying to her yang. Granted, she and Andre are/were entertaining, but it's losing its luster now that Andre is getting jealous and wants to be in the show, Ricky, er, Kate.

Oh, oh! Tripp told Claire that she's "a really cool person." Yes. Yes, she is, Tripp. Now go get the girl. Sorry, Theo and Claire, but I can watch paint dry on my own. I want to see sparks for the Claire Bear.

On topic, Li'l Joey's gone to the big house. By "big house," I mean basically a country club, minimal-security prison. I'm sad. I adored James Lastovic. And Kayla, Steve, Tripp, and the rest of Joey's loved ones are sad, too, of course. This had to happen, but I hope he's on the Gabi Jailtime plan and gets out sooner rather than later. But what a sendoff! Most of the family was there (sans Stephanie, as I heard she fell out of another sunroof). Roman got a great moment with Joey, and the Steve/Kayla/Joey scene at the end was like master's class in great acting. Well done, Team Johnson!

Still, even if it's a country club prison, I worry about Joey. He reminds me of Miss Rhode Island from Miss Congeniality. His idea of a perfect date would probably be April 25th, too, because it's not too hot, not too cold, and all you need is a light jacket. Aww. Poor Joey.

HOT Three cheers for DAYS celebrating romances, bromances, and friendships! Last week, the show brought some tender scenes, which played out for a bit long but were much needed doses of "love in the afternoon" the show's been sorely missing. I loved, loved, loved the Sonny and Chad bromance scenes, those between Gabi and Sonny, and, well, the real-bro-bromance ones between Joey and Tripp (aww, that hug)! Plus, DAYS didn't forget Chad and Kate. I adore that relationship. Madeline would be happy to know Kate is there for her son (for better and often worse).

NOT Oh, Abs. I know your heart was in the right place when you told Chad to go to Gabi, but, sweetie, that needs to stop for everyone's sake, or else we'll rinse and repeat the past year or so. Do you want that? Does any of us want that? The answer is, "No!" So much no. Shut it down. Wish Gabi well, and tell Chad to quit playing games with her heart. This needs to be a fresh break for everyone, and if friendships can remain, great! If not, well, it's time to say goodbye bye-bye.

LINE OF THE WEEK Lucas (to Eric): "Nah. I don't want to talk to you about it. I'm fine. I'm just gonna go talk to Bloody Mary and see what she has to say."

RANDOM THOUGHTS John was "diagnosed" with Dissociative Identity Disorder so he could be kept at Bayview Sanitarium. I mean. That's not much of a stretch. Am I right, John...a.k.a. the Pawn, a.k.a. Roman Brady, a.k.a. John Stevens, a.k.a. Father John Black, a.k.a. Forrest Alamain, a.k.a. RoboJohn DiMera, a.k.a. Ryan Brady, a.k.a. John Robicheaux, a.k.a. J-Diddy?

As questionable as Kate's reaction to Drunk Lucas was, Lauren Koslow deserves an Emmy for her performance in those scenes. Just that tortured look after Lucas left should be enough to win her some gold. #fabulous

Nice! Steve is going to pay for Joey's portion of the rent, Claire and Theo. And if things don't work out between Steve and Kayla, you'll get to live with the Patch Man. Fun, fun, right guys!?

Though it was kind of icky that Bonnie took advantage of a drunken Lucas and sexually assaulted him as he believed he was having bedtime fun with Adrienne, I still think Hattie's "Honey, you got lucky," was hilariously delivered by Deidre Hall.

Is it just me, or does Drunk Lucas deliver truth bombs like Sober Kate?

Roman Holiday! Well played, Andre. Well played.

Geez, John. You had Marlena for the better part of thirty years; turn down the side-eye when it comes to Roman. His look of disgust when he asked, "You kissed Roman!?" kind of seemed like a low blow. Maybe it was shock on John's part, but still, Mr. Black. Be nice.

Abigail's self-awareness these days makes me like her more and more!

I mean, duh-am! Lucas' drunken jab to Eric about taking a cab was way harsh. Like, way harsh.

While I'm with Julie on Team Abe, I do find it funny that she's more supportive of Abe than she was of Will in regard to what Nick did to him. She has a very, um, interesting pecking order when it comes to people she loves.

Oh, Will! Lots of Will talk last week. I liked it!

Ha! Hattie called John a "second-rate Roman Brady." She and young Sami would have gotten along swimmingly.

Did anyone get a Christmas vibe from Theo and Tripp as they were dressed in red and green?

Anjelica to Bonnie, "And you're not the Red Cross." Ha! Funny 'til the end, Anj.

Aww. Paul wants John to be his best man. Too cute.

Yikes! John and Marlena brought up Alex North. Say it ain't so! Dear new writer, if you think that storyline needs to be revisited, please scroll through back issues of DAYS Two Scoops, especially the end of the year awards for worst of entitled the "Alex North Memorial Awards."

I adored Abigail's playfulness with Chad after he proposed. She really messed with him for a second, and that's something I'd totally do. Plus, Marci Miller is downright enchanting.

I'm glad Chad led with the ring because he brought Abigail applesauce. Jennifer brought her Maggie's freaking lemon bars. Applesauce? No, weak sauce, Chadsworth. He needs to up his dessert game. I mean, no offense to applesauce, it's swell and all, but, hello, Maggie's lemon bars vs. hospital applesauce. Chad, come on.

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of August 28! What was your favorite part of last week? Tweet me and share, and "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

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