Stop the insanity

Soap characters have a tendency to show up alive again. But this time, they literally rose one from the dead. Let's discuss the most bizarre scene in DAYS recent history in this edition of Two Scoops.

At this point, the Daniel angle is so maddening, it's almost comical. His offspring, a.k.a. Holly Jonas: Oracular Babe, just needed to be laid upon the breast of the sick, and the sick shall riiiiiiise again! Gah. "Holly made sure Daniel's heart did what needed to be done." Double gah! The only thing missing was for the assembled chorus of Salemites to break out in song, "It's the ciiiiiircle of liiiiiiiife" at that very minute whilst Nicole did a 360 around the room with Holly in the Simba position.

I just couldn't. You guys, I put my hands on my head and went full-on Susan Powter. Stop the insanity! DAYS should reimburse me for the cost of my wine for this week, since it was all medicinal!

Look, in today's world of casting news, Brady's near-death plot was tedious at best. We knew Eric Martsolf wasn't leaving the show. There wasn't one "this is your life" style flashback. Plus, pretty much none of Brady's family or friends (sans Ghost Dr. Dude) visited him during the last few weeks. It gave me zero suspense.

I actually felt more suspense when Chloe was close to going into the room and catching Nicole with Holly! In fact, I'm way more invested in the girlfriend relationships on DAYS than I am with the fellas involved. I like Gabi/Abby better than I do either with Chad. Same goes for Ciara/Claire/Theo. Yet DAYS kept cramming Brady scenes down my throat when I really wanted to see how Nicole and Chloe work things out!

Allow me to back up here. What Chloe did for Nicole should not be underestimated. Chloe bettered Nicole's life more so than any single person Nicole has or will ever come in contact with. Nicole wasn't a mom. Now Nicole is. And Chloe is the reason that happened. So I have a really hard time stringing Chloe up by her fabulous purple dress because her involvement with Holly is a lot more nuanced than challenging Nicole for custody.

Now, all of that isn't to say that Chloemeister isn't a few bobby pins short of an up-do for all of her "my baby" nonsense. Taking Holly at the police station was inarguably cruel to Nicole. There's no way Chloe can object to Nicole's choice in men this time. So, she should revise the custody agreement, get back to being friends with Nicole, and -- most importantly -- start Holly and Parker on forming a sibling relationship! I'll let my gal Susan take this one, too -- Chloe, stop the insanity!

Elsewhere in Salem, wedding plans are still underway for Dario and Abigail. I don't have a huge problem with the Dario side of this. It's classic soap stuff. E.J. did it to Sami. I'm pretty sure Mike pulled something like this with Carrie. Next to getting stuck in a safe house, "trick marriage" is one of the most common soap love staples. Plus, one man's green card marriage might be another man's brain tumor. Potato/potahto.

What I do have a problem with is Abigail going along with it so quickly. She's got a kid to consider. She also just got done scolding Chad for doing something illegal then turned around and broke the law herself. Come on, Abs! The wedding hasn't officially happened yet. There's still time to return to the strong, independent woman you were a few weeks ago!

I'd be remiss if I didn't point out how she did this before she was even technically divorced from Chad, which makes me raise an eyebrow about whether deep down she's drawn to Dario. I have a hard time believing Abigail is just that good of a friend to do this. Then again, she did demand her husband go be with her bestie multiple times, so maybe she is just a bleeding heart?

That last point is one that the writers would do well to remember. Abigail appears to be stressing out because Chad went and did exactly what she told him to do. If she was hoping that he'd protest and pick her anyway, then she's kinda the worst type of drama-loving girl. We all know those types. Abigail is better than that.

Back on Gilligan's Greek Island, Chad was being a bit of a cad. On one hand, his wife just filed to divorce him, and I can see how he'd spiral from that rejection and look for any kind of validation. So I get why he's puffing up his chest and kissing Gabi. On the other hand, that doesn't mean I find it entertaining. Chad needs to be S.I.N.G.L.E. for a hot minute and get his head together. And Gabi needs to have more respect for herself than to be anyone's consolation prize.

Besides, love is dangerous! J.J. and Lani's sexy fun time was interrupted when they found a human skull. Okay, first, *shudders*. Second, can we take this as a sign that these two should break up already? Maybe see what Lani and Lucas are like?

Yes, I said Lucas. I love that Adrienne is better. Her touching scene about body image was spectacular. Judi Evans does such a great job with this storyline. But I've never gotten on board with Lucas and Adrienne as anything more than friends. I want them to amicably split while both characters -- and their friendship -- can still be in good standing. I know, I know. Hating them is like hating kittens right now. Ugh, I feel terrible!

LOOSE ENDS: I agree, it's totally Chloe's fault that Brady got shot. You know who else is responsible? Bo. Without him selfishly getting that kidney disease, Daniel and his holy sperm never would have ridden into town, Holly wouldn't even exist, and Chloe and Nicole wouldn't have battled over her. Oh, and Helena. Without her, Deimos and Victor never would have clashed, thus turning Deimos into the twit that he is. And then, we can't forget about Eric! He's the one who broke up with Serena, who then rebounded with Xander and brought Xander to Salem in the first place. Damn it, Eric! This is all your fault! You get out of this hospital room too!

Can I get an audience with baby Holly? I've got far too much water and not nearly enough wine. I have a hunch she could help.

In related news, someone get Parker and Melanie tested for supernatural powers!

I'm pretty sure Adrienne used her divorce settlement to buy The Spectator. I didn't think there was a loan taken out. Thus, "Sebastian Howard's" real identity might be "Huge Rewrite."

Good on Marlena for telling Chloe to fix the custody agreement! But she hinted a little too much for my taste that Brady has a claim to Holly because he loves her and she saved his life. Yeah, I don't know about that one, Mar. Brady "deserves" Holly about as much as Chloe does. I think we all just need to stick to the main point that Holly belongs with Nicole.

Man, it sucks to be Rafe. Since the rest of the department is stuck on a three-hour tour, he's left to arrest everyone. I'm surprised Raines didn't arrest Nicole himself. Seems like he'd be into that sort of thing.

It would have made more sense for Brady's near-death experience to cause Nicole to realize she loved him. I would have bought her flying home to see her best friend. Their relationship -- which has been dominantly platonic throughout their history -- is super strong. I think this could have been a good pairing...eventually. But the relationship is a little too crowded with Daniel and Deimos both on top of it at the moment. Also, with Arianne Zucker leaving the show, I fear Brady is destined to be a loser in love yet again. It makes it all difficult to watch.

Welcome to the party, Maggie and Victor! Were you avid Two Scoop readers, you would have caught onto dirty-D months ago. But better late than never! Victor back in a suit and telling Deimos to "stop it with the righteous indignation" was everything!

Remember what happened to that sleazy motel manager who taped Philip and Melanie and then released the video without their consent? Jade doesn't. Because Jade is the worst.

I know people hate Chloe for this storyline. But lost in all of it might be Nadia Bjorlin's best work. Nadia plays it so that Chloe can't quite look Nicole in the eye, or nervously fidgets with her hair. It all believably conveys Chloe's inner conflict over her actions. Maybe it's because Nadia is a mom now, too? I'm not sure, but there's something super special here. Nadia's a big reason I'm not completely hating Chloe right now. Bravo, lady!

Of course Deimos is the resident drug lord. I bet he's the one who owns the yogurt shop and wouldn't hire Theo, too!

HOT: Anytime I can get spunky, slightly scheming Jen, I'll take three helpings! I loved Jennifer helping Nicole. Her line about channeling her inner Alice was right on! I'm also so okay with Eric and Jennifer not facing any legal charges. Neither the FBI nor Salem P.D. has any business arresting people who help them do their job.

NOT: The biggest example of insanity needing to be stopped? Pretending the Danicole relationship was strong enough for this type of beyond-the-grave storyline. The fact that Nicole is the grieving fiance here is kind of like the third wife who married the millionaire a year before he died. Okay, sure, technically she inherits everything. But we all know there is another women who actually had the deep connection to the man.

Look, Daniel himself was a swell guy, and I was genuinely glad to see Nicole happy. But he and Nicole were certainly not each other's great loves. Rebecca died in Daniel's arms while on a beach while watching the sunset. Nicole shaved him. Those are not in the same league. The celestial presence of a dearly departed could have made sense if Bo and Hope played it out. But Daniel and Nicole? Not so much. It's just all too weak.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Nicole: "We saved Brady's life -- Holly did! Rafe (with the exact right amount of "Ain't nobody got time for that"): "Really?" (later) Nicole: "Holly saved his life." Rafe (again, perfect delivery): "Yeah, you told me." Oh, smarmy Rafe, sometimes you are my favorite.

TRUE 'DAT OF THE WEEK: Abe (to Deimos) : "When you do finally pay for all the things you've done, there will be dancing in the streets." Did everyone receive their choreography sheets? If not, let me know, and I'll send you a copy!

RANDOM THOUGHTS Both Marlena and Valerie had terrible hair days on Monday. John, however, had a mane that was on point!

Nicole's makeup looked amazing for having just flown in from Greece with an infant.

Did they mean to dress Gabi and Chad alike? Is that some sort of Gilligan's Greek Island uniform?

I like the big bro/little bro vibe growing between Galen Gerig and Jordi Vilasuso.

Why was Nicole allowed to take Holly to the police station?

Hey, Deimos, Maggie's maiden name is "Simmons" not "Horton." You should probably look up the proper use of the word "nee" with all that free time you have now.

I don't understand why people stranded on a deserted island aren't in the same scenes. For example, if Paul had been with Chad, he would have already known where the fish were.

Sorry, Tater. Your biological father won't hang on for you, but he will for his girlfriend's kid. That's not going to land you in therapy. Nope. Not at all.

Finally, some fantastic news! The glorious Kassie DePaiva is coming back to DAYS! This class-act powerhouse could not be more welcome in Salem! I can't wait to see what Eve has been up to! Please, please have some Eve/Kate scenes in the works!

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.