Dark shadows

Orpheus, Xander, and Clyde pulled the plug on Salem. Who ended up trapped together? How long will they stay on the loose? And just how many rooms does the Kiriakis mansion have? Find out in this edition of Two Scoops.

Was it just me, or did the whole escaped convicts on the loose thing remind you of a blizzard? Yes, everyone knows they should be home instead of out in the dangerous weather. But, before they can be that inconvenienced to stay in, they have to prepare -- buy the essentials like milk, eggs, red box movies, cookie dough, wine, etc.

For all that talk of people hunkering down in a protected fortress, there sure were a lot of people who had to run errand or check on things first. It really countered Deimos' stance of, "Oh, my God, you're all gonna die if you don't move into my mansion!"

Just kidding. Deimos doesn't care if people die. (Just ask Bo.) What he does care about is keeping his enemies close. And I can't say I'm that mad at it.

If it produces more scenes like the one we got on Tuesday with the Kiriakis Men of the Round Table, I'm all for it. Victor's made it his business to know secrets. In order for him to out-power Deimos, he's got to come out with some of that knowledge -- like telling Sonny that Clyde was behind his stabbing! Yes! I've wanted that chicken to come home to roost for a while.

Next on Deimos' enemy list is Chloe. I'm so disappointed in Philip for guilting Chloe into that mansion. That was low of him, and honestly, rather weak. The Philip I used to know was stronger and smarter than that. But, alas, Chloe is back under Deimos' manipulating thumb, so he assumes his not-at-all earned place as chief of the morality police. Ugh.

That's my main beef with this pregnancy dilemma. Chloe's baby was conceived under false pretenses. Deimos was misrepresenting himself to Chloe the entire time they were together. He didn't even tell her his real name. So even though he's on technical legal ground now, it feels tremendously unfair for him to be lecturing her at every turn for lying to him.

That's why I'm holding out hope that Nicole will be the game changer in this unfair fight. Deimos has all the power in the world at his disposal. Chloe's got Claire and Philip. So, yup, Chloemeister could use a secret weapon.

I love that Kate is going to help Chloe and Philip change the DNA results. But Kate is just buying time for Chloe. Eventually, the real daddy will find out. But the kicker will be whether or not Nicole is by Deimos' side at the end.

I believe that he's obsessed with Nicole. But it's nice to see that Nicole located her brain and realized that Deimos' charismatic intensity can have a slight whiff of "stalker." Yes, Nicki. Yes, it does. They'll all focus on Deimos later because Salem is preoccupied with the escaped bad guys running around Salem right now, fantastically blowing up generators.

I loved the citywide blackout! We got to see what was happening with a bunch of characters.

Johnsons: Nothing brings a family together like a little hostage situation. It's nice to see Steve stand up to the evil trio. It took every bit of all three of them to take him down! (Of course Steve goes around wearing a bulletproof vest.) Poor Joey. That dude has been held hostage a lot. Maybe that chip Stefano put in him when he was a baby will help Stayla find him.

Theo and Claire: Abe sent his son to stay with Chad, which is going to tick Jennifer right off. Claire bolted rather than play charades with Jennifer and Julie in a room without Internet because she is, indeed, the smartest person in all of Salem. The result was a nice performance from Kyler Pettis showing Theo's panic attack and Claire coming in to comfort him. I admit, I held my breath when Theo was left alone with Thomas and Arianna. Talk about a room of innocent people!

P.S. Lucas and Adrianne, there are approximately eighteen other ways into that room. You can come through the kitchen, through the patio, probably through the chimney! You don't need to be banging at the door.

Aiden and Hope: Technically, Aiden is now looking for his third chance with Hope. I wonder if once it comes out that she killed Stefano, Aiden can play the whole "well, you know I can't be forced to testify against you because we're married" card?

Chad and Gabi: Chad's been front and center of some serious drama over the last two years. He was due for a lighthearted scene! Major kudos to Camila Banus and Billy Flynn for bringing some real heart to, granted, what is one of the oldest soap tricks in the book.

The old "it's so hot, we have to take our clothes off" ranks just under "it's so cold, we have to take our clothes off for body heat" on the soap chart of Reasons to Get Undressed. I don't think anything romantic will come of this. Though, if you're adamant that you saw scorching chemistry between Billy and Camila, I wouldn't argue with you. But having them reconnect as friends was very important for two reasons.

First, they have a lot in common right now. They're both single parents who have to find a way to tell their kid that the other parents isn't alive anymore. They can be a big support to each other in a way no one else really can right now.

Second, Gabi was amazing at shutting down Chad's attempt to shoulder any of the responsibility for what Ben did to Abigail. Gabi speaks with authority when it comes to falling for crazy dudes. He should listen to her. LOOSE ENDS It's one thing to day-drink beers or Bloody Marys. But it's a special kind of awesome to day-drink dirty martinis. Nice work, Kate and Andre. I love the idea of these two working together. Also, I'm pretty sure that Andre is more scared of Kate than she is of him.

D.J. Wear is dead. But if it's anything like its namesake, it will live on because Maggie and Nicole won't stop talking about it. Ever.

The writers need to stop tripping over themselves when it comes to Dario. He's actually got some stuff going for him (you know, aside from Jordi Vilasuso), but ugh, does he need some adjustments. Oh look, here's a list!

1. His whole "I'm just a bum bartender" schtick is completely out of place, since we all know he used to have a high-powered Titan job in Argentina. 2. His beef with Eddie is getting old. Yes, it's in character for him to come in with a grudge. He was rightfully angry at Rafe last time for the way Rafe botched/outright interfered with the investigation into Arianna's death. But he eventually got over that. It's time for him to stop turning into a total diva anytime Eddie is in the zip code.

3. If Eddie is on par with the likes of John Black, courtesy of Yo Ling University, then Dario is apparently some kind of evil genius. Eddie up and attacked a guy without tracing him back to Dario. Why is Dairo not more of a criminal mastermind?

4. If not an outright villain, Dario is an accomplished con man. So, why is he sneaking around Chloe for Deimos instead of outright schmoozing info out of her. If there was ever someone made to be a mark, it's Chloe.

I laughed when Orpheus walked into the hostage situation, carrying a cup of coffee. Pimp.

HOT

Soaps don't always do a great job of keeping blood family members together, so it's a rare, special treat when a "just like family" relationship gets respect. And that's exactly what Kate and Chad are. I love that they're looking out for each other. Chad needs all the people in his corner he can get. And it's very interesting to see Kate "mother" someone who really can cut her out of his life if she...well...pulls a Kate. More of these two, please!

NOT: No! Someone stop Eve! Do not let her get back on that plane! I need her to stay in Salem and keep dropping truth bombs on the men in this town. Yes, Justin, you are still in love with Adrienne. Duh!

LINE OF THE WEEK: I've been writing this column for almost nine years and I've never had to do this before. But, thanks to the genius of the Kiriakis Boys Club, I can't pick a line of the week. So I'm just going to have to give you a countdown. Here goes: 8. Philip (after Kate refused to help them): "I can find out if Caroline Brady kept her computer skills up." 7. Philip (about Deimos): "Maggie, are you concerned at all? All this sincerity dripping off him will leave a stain on the carpet. Ew!"

6. Brady: "And then they wait for the next big Kiriakis feud...until the next one of us storms out" Sonny (with perfect timing): "Which would probably be me!"

5. Philip (to Maggie): "Deimos is gone. Let me guess, you spilt water on him and he melted."

4. Victor (about the terrible trio): "They could be staying at the Salem Inn, ordering room service, and Roman Brady still wouldn't know."

3. Brady (to Victor): "Like most problems in life, I think this can be settled with a small piece of duct tape right over your mouth."

2. Justin (to Victor with the spot-on mix of disbelief/sarcasm): "You're thanking Deimos for letting us live in the house he extorted in exchange for Maggie's life?"

1. Victor (to Deimos, about Chloe) : "Philip, Brady, Daniel, now you? Thank God Sonny's gay."

RANDOM THOUGHTS Xander does what we all do when we have down time -- pushups on our knuckles.

I see Dario inherited Eric's collection of non-black leather jackets. Cool!

Excuse me, did John called Eddie "partner"?! Talk about a relationship that needs to pump the brakes!

There's no way I believe Paul eats doughnuts.

Kayla's couch looks soooo comfortable. It could teach every other couch in Salem a lesson.

Julie must have mistaken Ciara for Joey when she instructed, "Darling, the ones with the straight edges go on the outside of the puzzle."

As someone who kills plants, I think a cactus is a tremendous gift.

Theresa and Brady should go ahead and have their wedding again, since now there are officially more people living in the mansion than attended A Very Thrady Wedding: Part 1.

By the way, Claire should have been at that wedding. She's related to both the bride and groom, multiple times.

The doctor to Chloe: "Your blood pressure is a bit high." Really, doc? There's only three murderers on the loose, and she's living with a possibly deranged man from whom she's hiding the paternity of her baby. All of this and she can't have wine! Yup, I'd say her blood pressure would be up.

Maybe it's just me, but I thought that Brady and Theresa lived on the second or third floor, so I didn't know how Xander got out so quickly. Jet pack? Hoverboard?

Is Clyde really in disguise? I'm sure he's wearing that outfit in his driver's license picture. 'merica, and all.

Victor and Dario could start a club for people who never forgive family members. Initiation involves them growling rhetorical questions at you for hours. "Oh, is it's really that easy?" "Who do you think you are?" "Did someone actually buy that reason?" "What kind of an idiot do you think I am?"

Deimos and Eve would have been an interesting pair.

The Kiriakis mansion is now the real estate version of a clown car. Just when you think it's full, someone else gets in!

Aw! I miss Billie! It's time to see her again. Didn't Billie start a home security firm at one point? That might be of use at the moment.

It just occurred to me that Philip won the stepmom lottery. In your face, Cinderella.

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