Your gall is never ending

What in the holy soaps has gotten into Jennifer? And when is Brady going to learn? The line to join #TeamChad and #TeamTheresa begins in this edition of Two Scoops! Be sure to leave your T-shirt size and contact info!

Yikes. All this time, Chad's been worried about Andre, when really it's Jennifer who will scheme to take away the things that matter to him. I certainly didn't see that coming! But here we are. Jennifer is higher up Mt. Superior than I ever thought possible. Chad is calling on Belle (heck, yes!) to help him stop the madness. And I'm flat-out Beyonc Lemonade mad at Her Royal Hortoness. Let's unpack this.

First, Doug and Julie showed up with about as much good sense as the Bad Idea Bears. The very reason Doug and Julie are even in that house to begin with is to make sure that Jen goes to her meetings and doesn't tear apart the Horton living room, looking for drugs that she stashed in the drapes.

Next, let's address the Ciara in the room. I'll back Jen up from here to next Christmas when it comes to opposing a Chad/Ciara pairing. But that's not a reason to claim that Chad is an unfit father. Ciara is very good with Thomas. I suspect that's why Abigail -- not Chad -- hired Ciara as Thomas' babysitter in the first place.

Moving on, Jennifer reasoned that she is a better parent than Chad because she's been a parent longer. Okay, yup, by this logic, Kate would be one of the best mothers in Salem, and definitely better than Jen. I think we can all agree that might not be the case.

Then -- in what was a truly ludicrous display of logic -- Jennifer actually said that it was Chad's fault that Ben snapped because Chad stole Abigail from Ben. Oh, sorry, Jen! The answer we were looking for was Ben's a pyscho who snapped, and Abigail made her own decision to be with Chad...again...and again. Chad didn't manipulate her in any way. Better luck next round!

Anyway, the truly loony part is that Jen's move came out of absolutely nowhere. She literally decided over a cup of coffee that since Chad wouldn't go without the only real family he's got left for a few days, she'd sue Chad for custody of his only living child. Right. Except, there's about 7,982 steps in between those two things, Jenny.

One very good step would have been to rally around Chad. Jen should have doled out some of that Horton love she holds in such high regard. She could have offered to move into his place, or invite both of them to stay with her. But she didn't.

I don't blame Chad for telling Jen to kick rocks. He let J.J. search the mansion twice and allowed Jen access to Thomas whenever she asked. Yet she flip-flops on whether she trusts him all the time. So my testify hand was up during all of Chad's rant to Jen about her very new recovery and her DiMeraphobia (which she should really get cleared up before Thomas is old enough to hear his grandmother proclaim that he was also born a mutant).

I'm not saying Jen is a bad guy. But I am saying that being an idiot can be just as dangerous as being malicious. Speaking of idiots, It's nice to see Brady finally admit that Theresa was right all along. But is it too little, too late?

I should point out -- we don't know if Summer took Tate. We know that she was asked to take him. We know that she swindled Brady out of $50,000 and pretty much had no respect for Theresa's boundaries. But something tells me that she's running from the people who are looking for her -- Clark's sister (whose name I can't even begin to act like I learned) and perhaps the people who ordered Tate-gate in the first place.

Still, that doesn't mean that Theresa's not entitled to run down any and every lead she sees fit. Her kid is missing. (I adored the use of Belle and Shawn in those scenes. They could relate!) And Theresa has to be questioning if Brady is really worth all of this. Loving him cost her her son before. It may have done so again.

I actually wanted to start a slow clap for her when she went on TV. Enough of this (slightly misogynistic) plot line where Theresa's told to stay home and lie down while Brady gets to go out and "take care of things". She can go to her ISA dad just as easily as Brady can go to his. #TeamTheresa

LOOSE ENDS Hope showed up, and Shawn basically said, "Hey mom, the crap hit the fan while you were gone, but I'm on it. Oh, and I also managed to straighten out your love life for you." Mic drop.

I know that Chad is worried sick about Abby. But I'm going to expect him to realize sooner or later that Ciara is obsessing over him. He's been down this exact road before.

Speaking of, where is Gabi? I need a dose of her cuteness with J.J. to mellow out, well, the rest of the J.J.

Hope found out the truth about Aiden's timeline lies. Gotta say, I never saw why Aiden lied about it in the first place, nor why it matters now. He still wasn't the one who tried to kill Hope. And if Hope was willing to make a go of it despite the fact that it could make her family again with her daughter's rapist, I don't see how this is a problem now. Hope's not wrong for being angry. But it seems silly after all she's forgiven and accepted before.

None of that means that I didn't cheer a little bit when she punched him in the face. There was an element of badassery to that move. I'm not mad at it.

Ciara really doesn't have an alibi for the time when Abigail went missing. If they wanted to go that route, I could buy her being in on the disappearance. It seems like something little Ciara would have approved of.

Maybe it's the Phloe combo. Maybe it's the idea of getting Chloe singing again. But the Philip/Chloe scenes are using nostalgia for good!

Dario gets major points for suggesting the decor inside TBD get an overhaul. However, it's not gonna help him on the Niccole front to clam up when he has info on her bestie's kid. Help find that baby, D-money!

I had to chuckle a bit at Kate and Deimos fighting over money that neither of them earned and both of them had for approximately four minutes. But I buy her anger at losing the money more than I did her "love" for him.

When Andre said there was a woman matching Abigail's description on the plane, I pictured some poor airline employee saying, "Hmm...yeah...I think she had a Phantom of the Opera mask on. But, you know, we see a lot of those."

HOT and LINE OF THE WEEK:

Ciara (offended by Claire's brilliant advice): "I thought you wanted to talk about this." Claire: "Oh, so does that actually mean listen and not talk?" Remember back in the day when we all used to wonder why no one listened to Celeste when she warned people not to do things? Well today, that person is Claire. I'm all aboard the Claire Bear fan bus, and I need everyone to follow her advice. A few weeks ago, she told Shelle to basically get over themselves and get back together. Last week, she told Ciara that it's really cute of her to have a crush on Chad. But he's way too old, married, and sad for her at the moment, so she best just move along. Gawd, I. Love. This. Girl.

NOT: The worst part of this whole custody storyline is that Jen could have come at this so, so easily. Either Abigail made the decision to leave "for the good of her family" or Andre has her. Whatever the reason, Jennifer has been through both of those scenarios with Jack! She could say to Chad, "Look, sometimes being the level-headed one in love with a Deveraux is tough. I know better than anyone what you're going through! So, let me help you." Then, they'd chest-bump and tackle this thing together. But noooooo...Jen had to go and be a huge buttcheeks about the whole thing.

RANDOM THOUGHTS It was not a good week for cell phone service in Salem.

I do like how Jarlena loves their stepkids so much.

The whole "crush Theo's heart" aspect of Chad/Ciara is not cool either.

Baby Thomas is utterly adorable!

Maybe it was just my TV, but did Hope have on the reddest shirt ever?

I think Chad got lightheaded from wearing a sweater in July.

Oh, Roman...making jokes comparing yourself to a man who swore a life of celibacy? You're making this way too easy.

Loved Jen's dress! Hat tip to Missy Reeves for pulling off horizontal stripes.

Who sets a bomb for 90 minutes?

If they had to do this crap storyline with Abigail in the mental hospital, why not have Abigail mistreated (which would necessitate the face transplant) and then Jen goes to investigate how this place handles their patients? It would capitalize on both of Jen's careers -- investigative journalism and health care. Bonus points if she pulled in the guest spot from Laura for kicking off this storyline.

Shouldn't Brady say "our grandfather" not "my grandfather" when talking to Shawn?

Saying something Abigail does "is crazy" is a bit too on the nose, Jen.

Shawn's a double cousin on both sides to Tate.

If Abigail did leave of her own free will, she and Sami need to open up a business where people can disappear from the long arm of the DiMeras without a trace!

If I went home to rest after a hospital stay, I wouldn't put myself back in a dress. I'd go right for the leggings and long-sleeved T-shirt.

Shawn and Paul would be the best crime-fighting duo in years. Those boys get stuff done!

This whole thing with Jennifer made me realize that Chad doesn't really have any friends. For this reason alone -- hurry back, Sonny!

If you haven't read this interview with Jen Lilley, I'm going to insist you do. Then, get in line behind me to be one of her best friends. She always comes across as one of the nicest people.

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