There's something strange in the neighborhood

Rafe down! Tater Tot out! Deimos is undead. What's going on in Salem these days -- and why didn't any of this happen during May Sweeps!? Let's talk crazy cliffhangers in this week's DAYS Two Scoops!

Oh, you tricky Soap Gods! You're just teasing us now. Summer said to Dario, "The best plan for me is to just disappear." Yes! That. THAT! Then Summer got on a plane headed out of town. Yes, please. And there's a screaming baby on board -- which is like a personal hell -- but seems like sort of cosmic payback for Summer the Bummer as her storyline has been one big annoying scream. Alas, I don't think we've seen the last of the Bummer yet because someone kidnapped baby Tater Tot! Let's discuss...

My knee-jerk reaction to Tate's kidnapping: Victor had it arranged. He has means. He has motives. Just think about it. He could get rid of two broads with one scheme. He could "prove" Theresa is unfit, and Summer could be sent to the slammer. That could work, but I'd have a major problem with that. So would Maggie. And Brady. And, well, just about everyone Victor knows. There's being grumpily blunt while claiming to protect your family, and then there's crushing their souls just to say, "Look! I was right." So I hope Victor isn't behind Tater's abduction, as that will be a hole I don't think he can dig himself out of with fans and Salemites alike.

My wish for Tate's kidnapping: Kristen's gone and done it again! I mean, really, who else would want Tate more badly than the woman who carried him to term just because she wanted to have a little piece of Brady with her? And who am I kidding? I just want Kristen back into the fold. We need Kristen and her special brand of insanity dedication in. Eileen Davidson might be the only way to pull this overall storyline out of the trenches and into something fabulous. She just has that magic touch.

Ultimately, whoever took Tater is going to pay dearly, as John and Victor won't let this slide. Oh, and Paul can help! I hope they all team up to bring whoever it is down. Though I'm just a little nervous about the blame game that is bound to happen in the meantime. Theresa will be accused of being unfit. Brady will be badgered with bringing Summer to Salem. I hope this has a quick turnaround, as that scenario has a pretty short shelf life before it becomes exasperating. The Salemites just need to stay focused on what's important -- welcoming Kristen back! Err, I mean, finding Tater.

Though Baby Tot wasn't the only one in harm's way last week. Rafe took a blow and, as Tootie from The Facts of Life would say with flair, "Someone's in trouble." This actually has Andre written all over it, and that's just fine by me. Whenever Thaao Penghlis is involved in a storyline, it becomes that much more awesome. Or simply awesome in this case. But let's backtrack...

Hope and Aiden have been having a grand old time at the Green Mountain Lodge. Well, not really. He wants Hope back so much that 'N Sync called to ask for their tune back. She's not sure because that entire having flashbacks of him/his imposter trying to kill her on their wedding night thingy is proving hard to get over. Who would have thought? I'm still holding out, well, hope that Hope is playing him until she finds some damning information on him. Information such as...

It WAS Aiden who married Hope, and not an imposter as he claimed. Yeah, we knew that, but Rafe and Shawn-Douglas didn't until Friday. And, praise the Soap Lords, Shawn was brought in on this storyline. I'm in love. Yes, please. I can't wait to see Shawn in action. It's about time. And it's about time that someone calls the freaking Green Mountain Lodge and asks for Hope. She might want to know what's up. Though, if Hope ultimately punches Aiden, grabs Robin, err, Shawn, and rides to the rescue, I'll enjoy that. A lot.

LOOSE ENDS: Seriously, if Summer couldn't get more insufferable, she gloated in front of Theresa about the one time she was honest with Brady. Bitch, please. Okay, well, that was well played on Summer's part, but I really wish Theresa had gone all Theresa on her and not stayed as calm as she did. Brady's Ricky Ricardo disapproving "Lucy" glare isn't that intimidating, Jeannie-T.

Oh, Kate. Honey. Come sit by me. You know those daydreams you were having about Deimos? I've had them about some Salemites. Let's compare notes.

As it turns out, Kate didn't kill Deimos (again or yet), and he kicked her to the curb. Yeah, this isn't over. At all. And with the addition of Andre to Kate's arsenal, I'm ready for the next phase.

I enjoyed everything about Philip and Chloe's reunion last week. She was honest. He was honest. They showed maturity. Yep, they've come a long way from Last Blast brats. Bonus, I think he wants to ask her to sing for his record label. Um, yes, please!

I'll go to Lowe's and buy the most expensive nail there if the writers can promise me we'll put it in the Philip and Belle coffin. It's time to call it. They're donezo. Here's to hoping, at the very least!

Yay to seeing Stefano again! Though he may want to tell Chad how he really feels. The big guy was being a bit cryptic. I kid, I kid. He told Chad to say, "Bye Felicia!" to Abigail because, you know, it's what's best for Thomas. That sounds legit. Stefano was a master of good parenting. And if most of his children weren't dead, they'd agree, I'm sure.

Wow. Take someone's happy pills away from them, and they become a cranky a-hole. Just don't tell Jennifer I said that. I don't want her going off on me like she went off on Ciara. I totally get that Jennifer's upset about Abigail, but pump the brakes, Jenny Bear. You're coming off a bit preachy and strong to the mentally fragile teen, though...

In all fairness, whereas J-Ho is wrong about Chad, she's not wrong about Ciara's feelings for Chad or the overall creepiness of it. I mean, if anyone can actually say that Ciara watched Chad sleep in a non-creepy way, then please share it. And let's be real, who hasn't wanted to scream at Ciara a time or two. I'll consider all that nonsense a wash.

Oh, Joey. He's special. I sometimes suspect that he stands in wonderment in front of the fridge, opening the door then closing it slowly to see when the light goes off then yells, "Mom! You won't believe what just happened. Never mind, mom. You wouldn't care because you don't care about anything. Anything! Where's dad!?" Anyway...

Joey's cavalier attitude makes me wish Steve and Kayla would force him into therapy. In less than a year, he's killed a woman, been held hostage, been shot, been arrested, spent the night in jail, helped kidnap his cousin's rapist, and whined a lot when he wasn't allowed to ride his motorcycle. If none of that forced him to grow up and out of the "parent trap" stage, I don't know what will. Let's hope he knows how to use a condom because his gene pool doesn't need to expand. Though I won't hold my breath. He'll probably just get excited and exclaim, "Sex and balloons!? Best day ever."

Jade's parents don't want anything to do with her. It's official. They've met.

Though I will say, there's something I don't dislike about Jade and Steve scenes. He's sweet to her. She's not as annoying with him. I hope that rubs off on Jade and Joey scenes because the two brain trusts need to grow up, you know, just a little.

Maggie said to Victor: "[it's] nice to be around people who listen to how I feel." And point to Maggie! I just want to give her a hug and take her out for FroYo. That seems to always work in Salem.

If Kayla gets to play the "Steve is a bad influence on Joey" card, then I'll see her bet and lay down a "Sunroof Stephanie" card. That girl was a hot mess, and Steve had nothing to do with it (he was still dead).

I love that Andre can read some tragic news like a small charter plan going down in the Gulf of Mexico and killing all onboard and run with it. The man has a plan. That's for sure. I just wonder who he'll say ended up going down with the plan. Hmm!

And finally, let's keep those Andre and Chad scenes coming, dear writers. They're kind of DAYS' best dynamic duo. You know, in a very disturbing, dysfunctional way.

HOT

I'm just going to quote a recent Tweet: "Catching up on #DAYS and it's like a unicorn -- Anne brought up Maxine! Yes, please." When we get back from the Olympics, I want Anne, Maxine, Tori, T, and Rory back on this party bus. Deal, new writers?

NOT Red, white, and boo! I didn't expect a fancy Horton-Brady July Fourth picnic. I wanted one, but I didn't expect one. But seriously, DAYS, neither Doug and Julie nor John and Marlena sat on a flipping park bench to watch fireworks? Boo. Just boo.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Chad (to J.J.): "I don't trust you, and I'm beginning not to like you."

RANDOM THOUGHTS If I ever have children, I will do whatever it takes to get Nicole as a babysitter. Her scenes with Parker were just all shades of adorable.

Oh, Ro Ro. Roman. Romeister. It's no wonder you're single when you tell women, "No offense, you don't look so good."

Aww, memories! I've always -- always -- loved Caroline and Jennifer scenes. Remember that one where Caroline was talking to Jennifer about the letter Abigail left when she fled the looney bin? Also, there was that scene between them in which Jennifer talked about Abigail escaping the asylum? Oh, oh! And that one where Caroline gave Jennifer a pep talk about Abigail. Wait a second...

Ah, Kate mentioned her assistant! Remember when Ross "The Intern" Mathews played Kate's assistant, Chris? He should make another cameo.

Hmm, the Green Mountain Lodge is a few hundred miles away from Salem? I thought it was closer. Then again, that was an Aiden statement, and we know he's a 1-800-BIG-LIAR.

Laurisa and I texted about this recently: we think Kate and Aiden should become DAYS' version of One Life to Live's Dorian and David. Lauren Koslow and Daniel Cosgrove could do the scheming/comedy combo perfectly together.

Andre gets the gold for goodbyes once someone has walked out the door. He said after Chad left, "Have a nice night. Thanks for stopping by."

Somewhere in Soap Heaven, Will is smiling that Chad has found his cardigan collection.

Yes! We finally got some appropriate lounge lighting at Club TBD. Maybe Eddie buying the joint isn't such a bad thing after all.

Oh, hey, Fynn! Fancy seeing you still around Salem. And now that Kayla is back in Steve Land, sort of, let's talk suitable dinner dates.

I adore Nadia Bjorlin. Chloe being back in Salem just seems right. #Ghoulgirl4ever

Speaking of Chloe, I loved Philip's response to Deimos going after him. He said, "Well, he went with Plan B."

Let's be real, with Hope's sweet tooth, she's not leaving the Green Mountain Lodge until those treats are either finished or packed up. Aiden may have some time on his hands after all.

During his conversation with Rafe, Shawn-D said something that basically sums up my feelings on a lot of DAYS storylines right now. He said, "I don't know...I don't know...I don't know, man."

My Spidey Senses are tingling. There's been a lot of talk about possible arson fires in Salem lately. Methinks something important is going to burn down soon. Let's just hope it's not the blue office everyone shares, or else the entire town will end up working on park benches.

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of July 11. As I'll be busy praying that it is, in fact, Kristen who is behind Tate's kidnapping plans, Laurisa will be back next week! And, "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

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