Cold-hearted snake?

Just who is this Deimos Kiriakis guy? Can we believe anything he says? What's his endgame? And why do women lose their minds over the raven-haired Greek? Let's talk all things Deimos this edition of Two Scoops!

The more I watch him, the more I think that Vincent Irizarry should be given all of the awards -- Emmys, Dankies, Student of the Month, whatever*. Because that dude is taking every crap situation the writers are throwing at him and making it werk. Yup, not just "work." I mean werk.

In the moment, I believe whatever it is that Vincent is acting. He's got that quality where you stop looking at him and really watch him. Thanks to righteous assists from Nadia Bjorlin, Lauren Koslow, and Ari Zucker, Deimos has more storylines than he knows what to do with right now. And that's good stuff.

Or...is it?

Nicole said it best when, during an argument with Deimos about Kate, she exclaimed, "Have you done any research on her? Any at all?!" Fair point, Nicki. In fact, her sentiments kinda echo through this entire storyline.

Apparently, they don't show DAYS in Greek prisons. If so, Deimos would know that when selecting a Robin to his Batman in revenge against Kate, you go with Chloe. All day.

Sure, Kate cast suspicion on Nicole for a murder. But Kate literally put Chloe in a coma. Oh, and that was after Chloe gave her bone marrow to save Kate's life. So, yeah, Chloe has a little more beef with the lady than Nicole's 72 hours of minor annoyance. (And yes, being suspected of murder on a soap is nothing more than a minor annoyance. I mean, this is a soap, after all.)

So we know that Deimos doesn't do his homework. But I'm worried that he is -- as the Rev. Abdul once sang -- a lover boy at play. He don't play by rules.

Tell me I wasn't throwing side-eye when he professed his love for Nicole not twelve hours after he schlupped Chloe. And this little convo happened not three feet from the couch where said schlupping occurred. Oh, oh, and after Nicole left, he tried to convince Chloe that their night had "meant something." Gross, Deimos. Just gross.

I don't say this lightly, but I'm starting to get a whiff of Daniel Jonas from Deimos. Remember the way DAYS made Daniel the catnip for all the Salem ladies? Heck, even specifically Kate, Nicole, and Chloe. (Note to Jennifer: stay away from this man!) I really don't get it.

I'm going to be gracious here and say that he's spent several hours -- we're talking a full 120 minutes -- with Nicole up to this point. Yet he's rambling on about how he knows the type of person she is and how they're totes the same! Yet this rambling was completely different from his stump speech to her a few weeks ago. If you remember then, he told her that she'd never want to eat dinner at home while watching So You Think You Can Dance, but now that's all she wants -- and he wants it too!

Look, Nicole is my girl. She's one of my favorite characters. I can tell you from the decades that I've spent with her that all she really wants is someone who makes her feel secure. She's tried that with the "dependable good guys" (Eric, Brady, Daniel) and she's tried that with "rich powerful guys" (Victor and E.J.).

But the problem with Deimos is that he doesn't have the capacity to make her feel secure. The dude's all over the place. He even put conditions on coming back to Salem to clear her of murder charges! He still has no idea who he is. That's not security.

So, if this whole storyline is to set up a cool revenge/vendetta plot between Kate and Nicole -- with a side of Andre and Deimos -- then I'm all in. But if this is supposed to be some sort of love story for my Nicole, then I'm ridiculously upset. Girl, don't play the fool now.

LOOSE ENDS Kate's had a revolving door of a social life lately, so I'm a little worried that the writers are going to have Andre in her bed soon. And while she's certainly done worse, I hope they keep this pair platonic for at least a little bit because I sort of love them to pieces. They're what would happen if one of the flying monkeys looked up at the wicked witch and said, "Oh, please. I've got a better plan."

I need this conversation to happen: Rafe: "Hey, I'm sort of seeing someone new!" Anyone with a brain: "Oh, really? Cool. Where'd you meet?" Rafe: "Well, see, when my mom told her that I was single, she moved across countries to meet me." Anyone with a brain: "Huh. Sounds like someone who has her priorities straight. Good luck with that."

I'll be honest. I totally forgot about Clark. I guess this is Summer's exit story. I'm not sorry to see her go. And I wouldn't even mind if Marie Wilson came back as one of Maggie's actual daughters because Marie's chemistry with Suzanne Rogers is heart-touchingly beautiful.

For real, 1999 called. They want their storyline back. Belle was right to pick Shawn the first time. She's going to pick him again. And, no, Philip doesn't know Belle better than Shawn does. But at least Philip was drunk and obnoxious. That should get the ladies lining up to comfort him!

Hey, lookie there! Brady might be learning! Sure, I would have liked him to stay away from Summer out of respect for Theresa's feelings -- which have been spot on about Summer since the start. But if it's over $50,000 instead, okay, sure. As long as Brady learns that he was wrong. I'm all sorts of Team Theresa on this one.

I'm starting a game where we see how many reasons to stay away from Chad/Ciara can fit into one sentence. I'll go first: An 18 year-old shouldn't be comforting a grown man while he's yelling at the administrator of a mental hospital for misplacing his wife. Your turn!

I'm more than a little concerned about all the Deimos/Chloe sex, considering Nadia Bjorlin's real-life pregnancy. If my DAYS taping schedule math is correct, Chloe should either be sporting a bump or a large purse any day now.

Furthermore, that pairing just gives me the weirds. It's not just that Deimos is old enough to be Chloe's father. (And Vincent is four years older than Kevin Spiritas -- who actually plays Chloe's father.) It's that picturing these two having anything in common is like picturing Lebron James playing basketball against a penguin.

*Any award that we don't give to Vincent should go to Daniel Cosgrove. He's miraculously kept up with all of Aiden's character flip-flops with class. However, Aiden's been through so many half-plots and dropped storylines that it's too hard to see how he and Hope can become the Haiden I proudly shipped last year. I'd say it's time to see him with Jennifer if he wants to be a saint, or throw him in the Kate/Andre mix if he fancies himself more a sinner. But I'm ready to shake hands and part ways as friends with Haiden.

For the record, Deimos did not present Nicole with a real offer that night at the river. He yelled at her to be his mistress. Here's an idea, Deimos. Why not ask Nicole out on a date instead of leading with a ring? Wait, maybe this is a Kiriakis condition. It explains a lot about Brady.

HOT:

I loved Caroline sticking up for Theresa! Even during Theresa's worst times, the show has always protected the bond between the two. So it was glorious to see her tell Victor exactly where he could shove his obnoxious rant against her granddaughter.

NOT: Speaking of, Victor needs to stop being such a petty twit. It's beneath him. His villain status and cunning mind are above these playground bully games he's playing with Summer and Theresa.

And don't even get me started on the utter ridiculata of Maggie -- you know, the one who lost the use of her legs in this whole Deimos mess -- looking up at Victor to lament, "I'm sorry for what happened to you." For sure, Mags. You should be taking care of Victor right now. Riiiiight.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Andre: "Don't worry about Abigail. If she was dead, they would have found a body by now." First, this is actually about as comforting and cuddly as Andre gets. Second, it's such a true rule of soaps.

RANDOM THOUGHTS J.J. made it from the hospital to the mansion in about ten seconds.

Parker is so adorable, but so miscast. How Chloe and Daniel managed to produce Nicole and Philip's kid is beyond me.

If I ever build my dream house, secret passages will be part of it

Is it just me, or does every robe on a soap look like the most comfortable robe ever?

I don't blame Kate. I'd jump if I saw Lucas too. That's right up there with a ghost sighting; it's so rare!

Considering Maggie lost a child not too long ago, holding her down while she screamed at another one to come back seemed especially cruel there, Bradster.

I do love that all of Kate and Andre's meetings involve snacks.

Did the Green Mountain Lodge remind anyone else of the Mexico set from Passions?

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