I know all the games you play

We kick off May Sweeps with a return from the dead, a funny family reunion, and a potential virus outbreak! Plus, our columnist makes the case for a couple to call it quits. Put on your Hazmat suit for this edition of Two Scoops!

One of the best things about being a DAYS fan is being the daughter of a DAYS fan. (Happy Mother's Day, Mom!) And for weeks my mom and I have been talking about Daniel Cosgrove's return. We both felt the real shame about Aiden being thrown under the bus was losing Daniel Cosgrove in the process. So, whether he came back as Aiden or as another character, it didn't matter. We were glad to have his talent back on-screen.

Well, it certainly appears he's back as Aiden. I have no idea how in the world DAYS is going to spin this one, but I'm intrigued. Also, these Horton cousins have a heck of a time shaking exes, huh?

Speaking of exes, I need a flowchart to keep track of all of the players in this ongoing drama over Helena. Please check my list and let me know what I'm missing:

Team Greek -- Justin, Brady, and Victor They're trying to get Deimos to back off in exchange for a literal get-out-of-jail free card from Justin. I can't quite figure out the end game here, but I love these three generations working together!

Team Ghost -- Victor and Nicole For a chunk of his net worth, Nicole will dress up like a woman from 1985 Greece -- a look that astoundingly also resembles 1880s Mexico. I can pay little attention to this team because I'm too distracted by how stunning Arianne Zucker looks in that dark wig.

Team Martini -- Nicole and Dario This is a ground ball romance. She needs to scheme again. He needs someone other than Summer the Bummer in his life. And seeing them together makes wonder how their pillow talk would go. "Hey, did I ever tell you about the time your brother was my bestie and was willing to be my fake baby-daddy? You're even more fun!"

Team California Nightmare-ing -- Dario and Summer the Bummer Their initial plan to scheme Victor out of money is now being rolled into this plot with Deimos. I have to say, the whole thing would have made a lot more sense if Dario's beef was with Brady, since Brady did take Dario's girl and run him out of town to begin with.

I think I'd join Dario in taking that schmuck down a few pegs right now. I just cahhhn't with Brady at the moment. And as a Passions fan, I'm conditioned to twitch anytime Martsolf plays a buffoon character. Any minute, Theresa's going to start screaming at him that it was Gwen who told the tabloids the truth about his real paternity.

Joey and Brady must attend the same Bonehead Dudes meeting. When it comes to girlfriends, nonchalantly mentioning the secret murder you committed is not a good sign, Joey. Likewise, Bradster, you can't just spend $50,000 on another woman and not tell your fiance!

It's really the latter that I'm concerned about. As Theresa sat there in her living room/office trying to convince investors that their money is safe, even though Nicole may give up on the company she named after her sainted savior (I'll wait until your eyes stop rolling), I realized that Theresa really got the short end of the stick here. I wasn't so sure Brady was worth all of it. And then, when Brady took off to pout, leaving her home alone with a sleeping infant, I was downright convinced that she could do better.

It's a shame there's not another single-ish parent in town with whom she could commiserate. In related news, I'll just leave this right here.

Moving on, I still have my conundrum with the Hernandez family. I don't like the Hernandi in small portions. It's like someone calling a plate of garbanzo beans and croutons "lunch." But throw some in some kale, tahini, craisins, and smoked chicken, and poof! It's my favorite salad*! So when you get this family of hotheads together, they loop past annoying and around into this level of utterly enjoyable ridiculatta.

But like I said, I'll take a hard pass on most of them individually. That goes double for Eddie and Adriana. It's really swell that they got to move into Maggie's old kitchen. But this guy left her and her children and started two other families behind her back. Since we don't have the benefit of remembering them happy back in the day (as we do with Steve and Kayla), it's hard to really root for them.

But one couple I am rooting for is Rope. Sure, the whole Post-It note thing was super awkward coming from a grown woman. But if there's a world where new love doesn't make you do silly things, then I don't want to be a part of it. So, go on with your crazy selves, Rope!

This couple is working for three reasons. First, Bo, Patch, Caroline, and I'm sure Beyonc herself get behind this couple. So, there's no "that's Bo's woman" going on here. Second, they developed from a happy place, not one of resentment or scheme. This is rare for soaps and -- until now -- unheard of for Rafe, as his great romances (Sami and Jordan) all started with him not liking either one of them.

But the third and most important aspect of their success is that the show has kept Hope as the lead in this relationship. Rafe is the supporting character to Hope, which is as it should be, since she's DAYS' leading lady. Hope has a lot going on outside of her romance with Rafe. They're not having to rewrite Hope to make Rope work.

LOOSE ENDS On the bright side, Kate Mansi and Robert Scott Wilson didn't have to memorize any new lines! They're basically playing the same scenes over again, only on a different set. How convenient for them!

Seriously, though, aside from a nice love letter to Abigail fans, these scenes don't serve any storyline purpose. I'm going out on a limb here to say that we don't need more convincing that Abigail has slipped into madness. We got that message when she tried to light someone on fire. Seeing Ben haunt her all over again is...well...seeing Ben haunt her all over uhhh-gain.

While Billy Flynn continues his Everything I Do is Awesome Tour in those scenes, it just reaffirms how helpless Chad feels. And "helpless man of no action" is not a look I want for my Chadsworth.

Quick update on Eric: Oz Edition -- He's the chaplain's assistant and attending A.A. meetings. He's also wondering why he can't talk to Sami since Stefano's gone. The answer is because Andre isn't gone, and Sami hasn't found E.J. yet.

Now that I think about it, are Andre and Eric in jail together?!

I'm getting buckets of not good feelings from both Ciara's and Summer the Bummer's storylines. Last week, I wondered if you didn't watch the show, which storyline would you think was for an 18-year-old, and which one for a 50-something? A. After suffering the death of her father and a brutal sexual assault, one woman starts her life over as a nanny for a handsome millionaire. B. A nave woman keeps getting sucked into mischief because she hangs out with the wrong people, yet all she really wants from life is her mother's love and approval.

I want more of the realness that is J.J. and Gabi everyday. She read my mind when mocking her dad's concerns over J.J.'s intentions when Eddie is a former assassin and Gabi is out of jail for murder on a technicality. And of all the people to champion giving Eddie another chance, J.J. is the most logical choice, since he'd trade anything for another dinner with his dad.

I can't take Rafe or Hope seriously for a second when the pontificate about appropriate consequences for one's actions. She committed murder. He masterminded the whole coverup. If Ciara ever finds out about this, the girl can get away with spray-painting every car in town.

HOT:

Anne's back! I've missed that loon like no one's business! Two seconds with Theresa, and they're already on the trail to track down Summer the Bummer's real identity. I'm hoping they discover that she'd been tampering with DNA results and is not Maggie's daughter after all. I will send Anne all the wrap dresses in the world if she makes this happen.

Also, bachelorette party thrown by Anne? Yes, please!

NOT: Mama H is still relatively new to the show, so I haven't formed a complete opinion on her. But, I'm going to need her to back up that judgmental tone she took when commenting that Hope has two dead husbands. Like, back it all the way up. Not only is her implied characterization unfair, but she lives on a soap now. Dead spouses are the norm.

While she's back there, can someone have a conversation with her about how she talks to Gabi? Who tells a panicking mother something serious could be wrong with her child when they don't know for sure? Get your act together, lady.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Maggie: "As long as I'm in your heart" Victor: "Foolish woman, you are my heart." There's a reason we call them "Magic."

RANDOM THOUGHTS If given three chances to identify which of the Jarlena kid they'd most likely describe as "likes to be in love," Belle would not be one I'd pick. In fact, my list would go: 1. Brady 2. I need no more guesses; it's Brady.

I like how Nicole sleeps in eye shadow that matches her PJs.

Yes. For sure. Rafe and Dario should mentor children. If not them, who will teach the next generation how to dispose of dead bodies?

Sorry, Jules, you were not the Ciara of your generation. You were the Jade.

In addition to spending time at the orphanage, Rafe also had to do manual labor for stealing candy. Mama H doesn't play when it comes to discipline.

Jade wore pants! As in, legit pants!

Hope told Chad, "You're not your father, Chad, by any means." Huzzah! Maybe we can finally put the blanket refrain of "the dirty DiMeras" to bed.

I'm annoyed with these men who discount women's opinions by calling them "jealous." Sorry, Brady and Deimos, sometimes women can actually make points based on actual facts. I know, I know. Devil's magic!

See what happens when you insult the memory of Curt Kobain, Clark? You shouldn't have done that!

Vic is totally slumming it in Jarlena and Thrady's building. Ha!

I'm not kidding about my favorite salad. I make it even easier by using smoked rotisserie chicken from the deli.

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