Party over, oops, out of time

Hellacious outfits? Big hair galore? Awkward photos? The stench of body spray covering up Clearasil? Freak'n A, it must be prom night! And it was a gnarly evening, that is, until the Five-O came. Let's sneak out with a few Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers and chill to the max in this week's DAYS Two Scoops.!

Ah, the prom! The most important night, like, ever. Well, not really, but in teen world, it's definitely one of them. There was dancing, singing, and romance. And there was bullying, law-breaking, and arrests. It is Salem, after all. But before we get into the actual night, let's talk about the pre-prom stuff.

This might be the understatement of the year, but DAYS has been lacking fun lately. I'll even give you a second to Google the definition of "fun." It rarely rears its joyous head in Salem.

The pre-prom events were, in fact, fun. The scenes between Marlena, Belle, and Claire were some of those sweet family moments DAYS has been sorely missing the past, um, well, I can't count back that far. Let's just say they were a welcomed surprise. In addition to those, Hope and Ciara had some tender mother-daughter time, and Abe and Theo, well, not as much at first, but Theo and Ciara were certainly adorbs cuddled up on the couch. I kind of want to give fun friends Claire and Henry a group hug, too. And I'm pretty sure those scenes used up the fun rations for Sweeps, so don't expect any more good surprises for a while, mmm'k.

Though one thing that certainly surprised me about last week was -- and you may want to sit down for this -- I actually didn't want to dump pig's blood on Jade. We're far from skipping down to the town square and picking out matching bestie bracelets, but Jade actually showed some class as well as vulnerability that took her from an annoying clich to the beginning of an actual, slightly less annoying character. Granted, I'm still skeptical of her, but she made strides, especially by standing with the other teens against Marky Mark and the Funky Father.

The same strides can't be said for Jade and Joey. I'm still a bit baffled by the buffoon for trusting someone so soon after being burnt by Ava, you know, the woman he killed. You'd think he'd err on the side of caution, but, as it turns out, he decided to give the girl that came out of nowhere and thinks it's totally rad he killed someone his virginity and is planning to run away with her. Great life choices, Jo Jo. I'm glad to see you learned your lesson after that murder thingy.

Then again, the poor guy's just bummed to the max because mom kicked his dad out. Yep, it's all Kayla's fault. *insert eye roll*

The saddest part is, the Joey/Jade moment in the jail cell was kind of endearing (for them), much more so than their extra special first time as a payoff after their lengthy courtship and overcoming their trials and tribulations like eating one French fry and Jade having awkward interactions with Steve. Maybe the writers should have, you know, built some anticipation by swapping those scenes around (or hitting pause on them having sex altogether for now). I'm just praying that Joey was smart enough to put that condom on right and/or that Jade didn't poke holes in it because a Joey/Jade lovechild? Ugh, gag me with a spoon.

So, the prom. It was brief. Claire got to sing. Everyone there loved it. She's going viral on YouTube. Henry's excitement couldn't be contained. And then Mark -- you remember Mark, right? Mark! -- hatched his evil plan to make sure he cemented his place as the biggest faux-'80s teen hoser ever. Think Johnny Lawrence meets Steff McKee, just a lot more lame-o. Mark's claim to fame will be going down in Salem High history as Chase-Lite. Let's take a look...

Mark basically kept sexually harassing Ciara. Chase raped Ciara. Mark kept calling Theo cruel names. Chase started the Theo smear campaign. Mark made a slide show. Chase sent texts and flyers, and I'm pretty sure created the graphics Mark used to be an asshat at prom with. So, yeah. Chase-Lite.

That's not to say Chase is a role model of how bad teens should act, mind you, I'm just saying did we really need barf bag Mark when Chase is kind of just lurking around Salem? Or in jail. Whatever. Point is, Ciara certainly didn't need another Chase around, especially when she hasn't even faced (not that she wants to, okay) what the real Chase did to her. It's sort of like Maggie's second round with not being able to walk -- totally unnecessary to the point of the story other than to exploit what has already happened.

The only good, um, good-ish thing to come out of Mark's general bogusness is that it gave the teens a chance to stand together. That's a thing I've liked about this gang from day one, they have a natural chemistry together and really come off as lifelong friends. If you mess with one of them, you mess with all of them. So, while Theo got in a few punches before prom, Ciara, Claire, Henry, Joey, and Jade decided to vandalize Mark's car. Only it wasn't his car. It was his father's expensive car. And his father is a no-nonsense judge out to teach those there teen delinquents a lesson. Yeah, he was their Edward Rooney.

Their actions led to a night in jail for the troublemakers as well as some stern tough love from their parents. I'm still scratching my head on some missed opportunities, though. Hope and Shawn really didn't interact. It was said that Henry's parents were strict, I think his father is a pastor, perhaps, so meeting them would have been interesting as I'm fond of Henry. And meeting Jade's parents might help us figure out why she's such a, uh, lovely gal. Moving on...

Plus, really, vandalizing charges? Um, at least one of these kids murdered someone, one of them thinks said murder was hilarious and sexy, and, well, most of them carried out vigilante justice when they abducted and chained Chase in a warehouse, which they broke and entered to get into. Most of their parents know all of that. So, spray-paint? Puh-lease.

Ultimately, the prom theme was the retro, and I'm not sure if the writers meant to do this or not, but it sort of played out like a mesh of '80s movies. There was the bad teen. The douchey adult authority figure. A Breakfast Club aspect of outcast teens being locked up together and bonding a bit. It wasn't a bad Salem prom, but I'm not sure if it will end up being as memorable as the "Last Blast." My main takeaways will be that Claire probably is the best friend someone could have; Henry is the best wingman to Claire; Ciara is a totally sassy yet messed up chick who will do anything to protect her friends, especially Theo (more than once and even when she had to Harry and the Hendersons him); Theo is still loveable; and Joey and Jade, well, they're still Joey and Jade. So, party on, teens, party on.

LOOSE ENDS: Big props for the direction DAYS took during Tuesday's episode centering on Abigail's commitment to the mental hospital. The flashbacks created a heartbreaking tale told through Chad's eyes as he conveyed to Jennifer and J.J. what had happened. And Abigail's visions of Ben just show how far she's slipped into insanity. The acting was all amazing and, well, heartbreaking.

On the lighter side of Tuesday's episode were Hope and Rafe's date night. I'm super glad they didn't go all the way, especially in that room, but there was certainly something sweet about their banter and playfulness. I didn't expect to like them as much as I do, but their history as friends and partners helped ease the transition. Plus, seeing Hope smile again was simply nice.

I love that Justin casually strolled into Victor's hospital room while Nicole was visiting and instantly quipped, "What are you two up to?" That scene was filled with a lot of hilarity, but I'm most excited that Nicole is getting her scheme on. She's ready to send Deimos on a one-way trip to hell. She even slipped off her sensible flats to do so. Yes, please.

More so, this everyone versus Deimos is heating up nicely even if it's for no other reason than that so many characters are involved. Dario is in for a quarter mil as sort of a scheming sidekick to Nicole. Victor, Justin, and Brady have another plan in addition to Nicole going all Helena on Deimos. And though Hope says she's bowing out of the race, I suspect Rafe isn't ready to let go, and maybe she won't be, either, if she keeps getting Ghostface-like calls.

Regarding those calls, I'm beginning to put a profile together. First, I'm not convinced the voice is a "he." True, it's more autotuned than a Brittney song, but there's something almost feminine there. Second, Rafe brought up connections between Deimos and an Athena company, which is a subsidiary of Deimos' corporation, which made payments to dead Dr. Malcolm. True, "Athena" could be an easy Greek reference, but digging deeper, Athena was a goddess, not a god. Also true, Deimos didn't name the company; he bought it, so perhaps a woman named it. A Greek woman. A Greek woman named Helena "I'm Not Dead, But I'm Pissed" Tasso. Still, Ernesto Tascano would be another viable baddie mastermind. Hmmm...

I'm sending Philip an Edible Arrangement for just saying no to Belle's proposal. That could have gotten ugly, err, uglier quickly, but he shut it down with sound reasoning. Thank you, Phil. I owe you a "Get Out of Snark Free" card, which you can redeem to avoid a Two Scoops scolding the next time you do something stupid.

Speaking of Belle, I'm still a fan of the chutzpah she returned with. I'd have laid into judgy Shawn, too. As much as I love the guy, that's certainly his most maddening trait. Yet, they were worried about Claire Bear. I get that they were both on edge. Free pass? Why not. She's not engaged to Philip, and that simply takes the sting out of this rehashed storyline. That tender "Shelle" moment didn't hurt, either.

Oh, Lani. I miss her "Girl Power" days when she was a plucky police transfer whose biggest goal was becoming a detective and getting to know her family. When it comes to men, maybe she just shouldn't. Whereas I get that she felt her intensions for luring Shawn-D to a fleabag motel were well meaning, yeah, that's all I got.

Okay, I mean, I get Lani wanting to kiss on Shawn and stuff, since he has that entire dreaminess thingy going on, but Shawn's been pretty clear about not doing it on the job. Or after Little Orphan Annie and Velma Kelly's lovechild killed her husband and his mistress. Methinks Lani just hasn't met the right fellow. And by "right fellow," I mean Lani should get to know Ben more. They both have a, let's say, certain level of dedication when it comes to companions.

HOT

Sans the questionable Joey/Jade scenes, Tuesday's episode was made of win! The juxtaposition between Hope and Rafe's tender, sweet date and the devastating heartbreak revolving around Abigail's commitment was on point. All of the actors involved shined so brightly they could illuminate an entire city. And the cherry on an already delicious sundae was Anne-Marie Johnson's return to DAYS as Dr. Robinson. Anne-Marie is a personal fave of mine. Yes, this was definitely a win meet win situation!

NOT Good on Chad for convincing Ciara to stay in school, but I'm not so sure how much I love the idea of Ciara and Chad spending more time together...alone. From Theo to Chase to Mark, Ciara's cup kind of runneth over with man drama right now, and she's never even technically had a boyfriend yet.

Plus, if anything were to happen -- and that's still an if at this point -- it would totally crush Theo if two of his favorite people did the wild thing. Worse, this could become an entire The Crush scenario starring Ciara in the role Abby played in the Abs/E.J./Sami saga. If the '80s taught us anything, it was that sometimes there's no need for a sequel. Sorry, Grease 2.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Belle (to Shawn, regarding Claire being a troubled teen, not an innocent little girl): "Time to adjust that P.O.V."

TRUE 'DAT LINE OF THE WEEK: Philip (to Belle): "It's always been Belle and Shawn. Shawn and Belle. I know how this story ends, and I don't want to live it again."

LINE OF THE WEAK: Kayla (regarding Joey's arrest): "When Joey gets home, I'm going to kick his butt!" Sure, Sweetness. Sure. Just go easy on him. He's still totally reeling from that slap on the wrist you and Steve gave him for MURDERING SOMEONE.

RANDOM THOUGHTS Holy cow! Hope may not act like Claire is her granddaughter, but Claire actually said "Grandma Hope." No, really, that happened.

Eric must have loaned Chad his sweater collection before he went to the big house.

I want to see Maggie dance again, too. I do. I really do. Just as much as I want to do a happy dance again someday when Summer the Bummer leaves Salem.

Hope didn't want to make love in the bed she shared with Aiden. She may want to revisit that logic next time she sits on Jennifer's couch or before she insists Ciara stay at the Horton House again.

Instead of "Shady Hills" the writers could have gone with "Shady Pines" to give Golden Girl fans a chuckle. Bonus points if Thomas' first words ended up being, "Shady Pines, ma."

If he had just returned my calls, Fynn wouldn't have had to eat alone so often, and Kayla and Steve fans wouldn't have a new person to hate. Thanks, Fynn. This could have all been avoided.

Did Hope and Rafe ever acknowledge that they were watching DVDs and not VHS tapes? Maybe that was addressed and I missed it amongst the cute, flirty banter.

I kind of thought Shawn-D was a CSI guy. Would a CSI guy go on a stakeout? I feel my eleven-season education in police procedure from Criminal Minds University is finally failing me.

The green vase with white handles that broke in the Hope/Bo/Aiden struggle is back in Fancy Face's living room. Those fire restoration people are damn good. And I still want that vase.

I know I'm not lucky, but if there was a chance Vincent Irizarry and Anne-Marie Johnson would share a scene, my heart would skip a beat. If you know what I'm talking about, advance to Go and collect $200. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I guess it's just another normal Two Scoops.

Does Jade own any shorts than can't double as a belt in a pinch?

Lani giving Theo relationship tips was a nerve-racking. I was waiting for her to say, "Yeah, just keep rubbing up on it until that 'no' become a 'yes.'"

So, Chadwick von Chadderson took Abs to "Shady Hills" insanity shack for a little head shrinking. Am I the only one worried that "shady" is in the name of this place? That's like going to eat at a restaurant called "Shifty Snacks" or heading to the "Murky Pond Day Spa" for their mineral water cleanses. Shut it down.

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of May 2. Laurisa will be back the next few weeks with all sorts of fun May Sweeps Scoopage and, hopefully, celebrating some DAYS Emmy wins! And, "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

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