Anything less than the best is a felony

DAYS stars shined as setting up for Sweeps was in full bloom! What will we see? What won't we see? And will we see an end to all the Dr. Dan praising anytime soon? Let's discuss all that plus redecorating the DiMera mansion in this week's Two Scoops!

Ah, the old "Sweeps Setup." It's the week where just enough stuff happens to be interesting and steer storylines in the direction of an oncoming train so everything comes colliding in a big, old booming crash. I'm okay with that. Plus, the entire cast has been so brilliant that I'd go anywhere with them right now. Let's just hope that all the Sweepsy storylines will treat them as kindly. So, sure, I'm ready to begin February Sweeps, though I do have some suggestions...

We'll start off with Steve and Ava. She totally admitted to having Kayla and will safely(ish) return her if Steve helps track down their little bundle of joy. On one hand, I'll admit I'm a little nervous about who their son might turn out to be (if he even exits). My "DAYS Family Trees" are looking pretty shoddy with all the layers of Whiteout. I've also been on paternity shocker overload lately.

Let's see. Andre's paternity was never explained other than he's suddenly Stefano's son. John's paternity is like the evening news and changes every night. And while I'm glad Thomas turned out to be Chad's son, no one really seems to care that the hospital royally screwed things up when Abigail got that (albeit tampered-with) test. So, let's tread cautiously before turning some established teen or early twentysomething into an instant "Stava" baby.

On the other hand, a storyline can't really go that wrong with the combined brilliance of Stephen Nichols and Tamara Braun helming it. These two play off each other so incredibly well. You can see the detest of Ava and concern for Kayla dripping from Patch's face while you watch the calculating wheels in Ava's head spinning as she figures out what will work next, never losing that punchy tough lady sass in the process. Their showdowns are always pretty epic, and having her handcuffed to his side assures that we will get more of them. Yes, please.

Though Joey might disagree about having Ava around. She broke his heart. Joey is such a dope. For that, I love him more. The poor heartbroken schlub just wants Ava to love him. Well, she kind of said she did, but I suspect she might have been lying to him. I know. I know. That's shocking, yet ultimately for the best. The creepy Mary Kay Letourneau vibe was kind of getting out of hand.

From Joey's standpoint, I understand his feelings. His home life was tumultuous, and in comes this hot mamacita who promises to fix things. Was Ava wrong for screwing with his hormonal teen brain the way she did? You betcha, but she's the bad girl. She's supposed to be a nasty piece of work (and I wouldn't want it any other way). Besides, Joey's young. He'll bounce back. He's already starting to make better decisions. He called Steve when he was too-too drunk to drive as opposed to being just too drunk to drive. There's that. Though, Steve -- regret giving that 16-year-old a motorcycle yet? Just wondering.

Before moving along to Hope, Rafe, Ciara, Chase, and Andre, one last thing on the Ava/Steve/Kayla saga. Let's not kill off anyone, mmm'kay. Muh heart can't take losing any of these three. And Ava still needs to have drinks with Nicole.

Well, Hope and Rafe are in a freaking cabin on a remote island. If that's not a setup, I don't know what is. It's basically the first five minutes of every horror movie. There's a bad guy lurking, a handsome man and beautiful lady who are not together but feeling the heat, and a couple of awkward teen tagalongs, one of which is urging the leading lady to "go for it." Yep, something's going to happen here, I'm just not sure what -- though I'll toss this out there...

Whereas it took WAY too long to bury St. Dan of Jonas, a Rafe and Hope romance needs to take a lot longer. She's still looking over her shoulder and hiding out from the baddie whose father she killed because he pushed her over the edge by insulting the love of her life who died a few months ago. Hope is a survivor. I'm glad she's picking up the pieces, but she doesn't need to pick up Rafe in the process. Let him pine in the pines a bit longer while she focuses on her troubled teens and helping out her cousin, Judy Garland. Whoops! I meant Jennifer. Sorry, the pill popping and high heels confused me for a second.

As for Andre, he knows what's what and is ready to take Hope and Rafe down. I can't forsake him for wanting a little comeuppance, and Thaao Penghlis has been his usual utterly amazing self throughout the storyline so far. Andre picking debris from his bloody face just proves how dedicated to revenge this man is. I'd be bandaged up while calling plastic surgeons and asking Jenny Bear for her painkillers, but that's just me. I digress. Andre is angry and ready to rock. I say let him bring it on.

Side note, when Shawn-Douglas was in the house with Andre, I was super excited! I'd much, much...much...rather see him involved with this storyline than a rehash of the Shawn/Belle/Philip saga of yesteryear. In fact, when Shawn and Philip had their little tte--tte about Belle, I had dj vu. With Belle being a feisty bitch these days, I'd rather Shawn find another lady, be the cool dad that he is to Claire, and let Belle play with the bad boys. Besides, she's cheated twice. His filing for divorce was kind of justified. It's 2016. The "Last Blast" is 1-900-Oooh-vah. Let it go, bro.

Speaking of "letting it go," I'm not sure what can I say about Dr. Dan's send-off? The best I can do is offer a quote that may reach many of you. In the words of the Reverend Vanilla Ice, "Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know."

I'm actually surprised Dr. Dan's crown of thorns-wearing ghost didn't pass through the town square during the memorial, turning water into wine and healing lepers along the way. Good grief. There were some stellar, heart-tugging performances, no doubt, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. As a beloved former coworker would say to me when overwhelmed, "Iz' too much, Tony. Iz' too much."

I'd say I'm glad it's finally over, but it seems like the Dr. Dan saga will live on in the heart of Brady. That's a fact we've been routinely reminded of to the point of Parker listening to his father's heart in Brady's chest at the wake. We get it, writers. We get it. But it's time for Brady to call "finders keepers." It's his heart now, so everyone needs to dial it down, and that includes Theresa.

While I get that Theresa's insecurities are at the core of most of her wrongdoings, she needs to stop running interference every time Nicole gets within a foot of Brady. Heck, even Nicole said to calm it the heck down. Lady just lost the --ugh, I hate writing this -- current love of her life. The dead guy's heart is in her best friend's body. Of course Nicole is going to lean on him.

Plus, it's not like Nicole is ready to pounce back on the dating bandwagon. She's still wearing Dr. Dan's clothes, for goodness sakes. If Nicole is still caressing Brady's chest in a few months (which, really, can you blame her? But I digress), then Theresa has something to worry about. Until then I want to see Theresa and Nicole focus on fighting Kate and not each other over of a dead guy's heart.

And because the party bus that is Dead Dr. Dan never ends, Brady is continuing to have dreams/visions complete with musical accompaniment. They're so vivid that he's pinpointed the location to Malibu because Dr. Dude lived there for a while. Fynn is in on the fun, too. Poor guy. This storyline is doing little for me other than taking a character (Dr. Dan) who was okay-ish for the most part in a mildly annoying at times way and turning him into the linchpin of a storyline that's other factors are for more interesting. Factors like...

Eric's rock-bottom fall from grace and maybe-someday redemption. Greg Vaughan is simply crushing the role. I bow down to his talents. He's doing what Kassie DePaiva managed to do with Eve -- despite what anyone else thinks of him, Eric hates himself the most right now. It's gut-wrenching to watch. Deidra Hall and Josh Taylor are also adding to said gut-wrenching. Their performances have been incredible. I just want to buy Marlena and Roman an Edible Arrangement and assure them things will be okay.

Luckily, Jennifer is standing firm beside Eric, too. She's even recruited Lucas to help. Yes and yes! I'll take feisty Jennifer and, well, any Lucas time that doesn't involve him being unlucky in love. It's actually refreshing on many levels. Rarely do we see the sibling Hortons interacting. That's a win. And it's also a win to have Lucas help with this. He knows about being a drunk and about loss. Let's keep this going until Eric and Nicole are Rollerblading with each other once again. Okay, dear writers?

LOOSE ENDS: Take it down a notch, Abigail. Chad is just trying to be sweet. Why does she have to be so skeptical? Why does she have to be all "that person" on House Hunters who can't see past paint colors? I mean, let's talk redecorating for a second...

The old secret room off the wine cellar would be an excellent nursery -- the soundproofing alone would ensure the baby doesn't wake her, and she'd get a full night's sleep. The brainwashing chamber might make a quaint reading nook. She could turn the bedroom where E.J. was shot in the head into a lovely sewing or crafting room. Don't even get me started on the secret passages -- two words: "man cave." So, yes, really, I don't see any reason why Abs is hesitant about a DiMera mansion move-in. I think she's being a little shortsighted.

It was so nice seeing Abe, Lani, and Theo having dinner together. I want to see more of their newfound family dynamics. Theo spending some time with his beloved Uncle Chad wouldn't hurt, either, but that's my wishful thinking letting me get off track...

So, Abe knows about the bully. I love this. Abe is an amazing dad, and James Reynolds did a great job of expressing that simultaneous moment of "I want to rip this bully's throat out"/"I need to respect Theo's wishes"/"I hate that my son has to deal with this." Why Abe isn't around more often is a mystery to me.

Seriously, though, Theo's bully has some serious cajones. He or she is messing with the mayor's son, the brother of a detective, and Stefano DiMera's grandson/Andre's nephew. He or she should be lucky Kristen is not in town. Though as Han once said, "I have a bad feeling about this." I sense that Chase might be the culprit. I'll flip that lid next week if that turns out to be the case. Stay tuned.

In other Teen Posse news, Ciara told Claire, "You're a kid, not a marriage counselor." That was because Claire was upset about Shawn and Belle's breakup and wants them back together. And then Ciara tried to play matchmaker between Hope and Rafe. Makes sense. Claire does deserve points, though. She not only figured out Chase's crush on Ciara in, like, no time flat, but also wasn't that wrong when she said her mom would rather knock boots with Philip than spend time with her. Though that kind of happened exactly like that, so maybe she's just stating the obvious.

Finally, Victor vs. Deimos is entering into week two. Right now they're sizing each other up. And John Aniston and Vincent Irizarry continue to make me cheer. I'm eager to see where this one ends up. One thing's for sure, Deimos isn't messing around. Not even two million will sway his vendetta. And he walked out to let Victor die. Though Vic was just punking him. Oh, and Philip said "jinkies." Okay, he didn't say that, but he's definitely in over his head, and I kind of like the idea of Deimos messing with him a bit,, if for no other reason than for the Philip/Belle/Shawn scenes we have to endure.

HOT

Let's hear it for the boys! I'm talking about those lost boys Roman, Abe, and Lucas who had great showings last week. Josh Taylor knocked Roman's scenes with Eric out of the park. Abe's possibly in the running for best dad ever. And despite still recovering from his own heartbreak, Lucas is ready to help Eric, per Jennifer's request. I'd say these three getting meaty material is very HOT-worthy!

NOT I'm not entirely sure, but fairly certain that Nicole learned forgiveness and self-worth when she spent nearly a year in St. Luke's offices by Eric's side. I'm pretty sure he was the Padre Master and she was his Padawan. And I'm kind of remembering it was Dr. Dan who beat Nicole into submission via "I don't know if I can trust you yet, so jump through more hoops" sermons. For Nicole to credit Dr. St. Dan with her turning over a new leaf is kind of maddening. So, so maddening.

LINE OF THE WEEK Victor (to Deimos): "Here comes the self-pity...oh, cry me a damn river."

TRUE 'DAT LINE OF THE WEEK Steve (to Ava): "You don't have a great history when it comes to telling the truth."

EXCHANGE OF THE WEEK Belle: "Why would you ask me about Philip and my trip to Vegas? What does that have to do with Claire?" Marlena: "You can't figure that out?" Yes, yes, and yes! I love snarky Mar Mar so much, I can't stand it. And it says a lot about Belle's actions right now that even Marlena wouldn't whitewash them.

RANDOM THOUGHTS I had little beef with Dr. Dan while he was alive, but Dead Dr. St. Daniel of Jonas is quickly becoming the Marlena to my Kristen. As soon as I figure out how to shove a ghost in a secret room, I'm heading to Salem.

I actually enjoyed Kate and Philip's scene. I like it better when Kate is an unapologetic badass. Though I'm on the fence about her taking an interest in Deimos. On one hand, Lauren Koslow and Vincent Irizarry working together has the potential to be legendary. On the other hand, Kate being the welcome wagon for another shady Salemite has me a bit concerned.

Caroline is making Celeste look like the most reliable psychic ever, darlings. First, Vic faked his heart attack. Secondly, Caroline hasn't even had a blip that her daughter has been kidnapped by a madwoman. Really, Madame Caroline? If that gets out, Caroline will never get investors for her Psychic Friends Network reality show.

I enjoy when Hope puts on her glasses, though Hope knowing how to ice fish is a little suspect, considering she can't even cook the fish she'll catch. Though Rafe can. There's that.

I'm just shocked that Rafe doesn't know how to fish, err, ice fish. He seems pretty jack of all trades, MacGyver-ish to me.

Would skunks be out spraying when it's cold enough to freeze a lake in order to go ice-fishing on? More so, did they use an icebreaking boat to get to Smith Island? I'm confused.

I kind of want Andre's scarf collection. Then again, I have a lot already. Maybe we can trade back and forth, you know, as long as he doesn't get blood on mine from that face gash.

Who is Betty, and why does she have a key to the Horton cabin? More importantly, why don't I?

Speaking of, Tom and Alice photos will never not warm my heart just a little.

No, really, Jenny Bear, stop it with the heels.

So, Abs said to J.J., "Remember dad's funeral?" Glad he did. We sure don't. #stillbitter

Um, I know the Chloemeister hasn't won any Mensa awards recently, but really? What would Parker be crying about on the day of his father's funeral services? Okay, Chloe, let's backtrack and see what fun Dick and Jane are up to.

I know he's all battered and hating life, but Eric is still one hell of a sharp dresser.

I don't know why Belle's black and neon green dress made me think Tron, but it did. And I kind of liked it.

I'm just putting this out there, but if Victor is writing checks, I can be over in, like, fifteen to twenty minutes, depending on whether or not Joey and Eric's drunk asses are on the road.

Belle and I might not be seeing eye to eye right now, but blueberry muffins and mocha lattes? Yes, please.

Though Dutch apple pie with Hope would be swell, too. I need to stop writing hungry.

If Rafe wants to lend me his cool leather jacket, I'll pick it up after I stop at Victor's.

It was retro seeing Shawn-D leave a note for Hope instead of just texting her. Though I wonder why he hadn't told her he was in town earlier. You'd think after seeing your child, your twice-widowed mother would be higher on the to-do list than hanging out at Club TBD.

Since Melanie is leaving Salem so soon and Maggie has time on her hands, why doesn't she sponsor Eric? Too soon? I can't tell.

It's come to my understanding Ava is staying at the Marin House Bed and Breakfast. Maybe I'm wrong, but if that's correct, I have a hard time believing that Julie "Up In Everyone's Business" Williams didn't hear the thud that Kayla made when she hit the floor after Ava attacked her. I don't believe for a second that Julie doesn't have peepholes in each room and a device to intercept and listen to cell phone calls. No offense, Jules.

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of February 1. Let's hope that Punxsutawney Phil predicts an end to Brady's dreams rather than six more weeks of Dr. Dan praising. With that, I'll be back next week, geared up for Sweeps with a weather update and a Super Bowl-sized hangover. And "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

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