Like the tick, tick, tock of the stately clock

It's almost time to rise and shine, exasperated and/or estranged DAYS fans! Old, exhausting storylines are fading away and the promise of epic adventures is ripe in the air. But before we sing Auld Lang Syne to a ''new year'' in Salem, there's a little random housecleaning to do. So, grab your work gloves and a shovel as we help clean up the mess in this week's Two Scoops!

We're almost there, folks! We can see the Emerald City glistening in the distance. We just have to make it through this one last field before all of our wishes are granted. That is, improved storylines, old favorites returning, new fun faces to meet, and, sadly (and not-so-sadly in some cases), saying see-ya to several Salemites. Are you ready? I know I am.

In fact, I'm more than ready for the change. Last week gave us a taste of things to come as well as starting to wrap up some lackluster storylines and hinting at the new. But to be honest, some of it was confusing. It's like, "What am I supposed to remember and care about, and what can I forget?" I had flashbacks to high school algebra, and let me tell you, that didn't end well. Anyway...

Since last week was very much scattered as we navigated the waters between old and new, I'm forgoing normal protocol and making this entire column an "Extra Scoops" Randomness extravaganza. If you can't follow along, pretend you're the former head writers toward the end of their run and act like you know what you're doing. Too harsh? Maybe, but that one was for bringing us Clyde. Okay, moving on...

Hey! I have an amazing idea. Let's go down to the zoo, hop the fence into the lion's enclosure, find one that's sleeping soundly, and poke it with a stick. What could go wrong? Yeah, about that, Victor may be all powerful, but he and Theresa have something in common. They both like poking the lion, tiger, and bear. Those surly beasts being Xander, of course. You know, the homicidal, blood diamond lord with a hair-trigger temper and abs for days. Nope. This won't end badly at all.

Sonny should really listen to Adrienne. She was about as right as right can get.

Ben wants him and Abigail to move to Santa Monica. What's wrong with Santa Barbara or Sunset Beach, Benny?

Unintentional or not, Nicole had a zinger that was a "Line of the Week" contender. After learning about Abigail and Ben's engagement, she said to Jennifer, "Oh! And you're happy about that?" Ha!

Victor is so charming with Caroline! It's no wonder Bo happened.

Eric's argument to Brady that Theresa is "the mother of [his] child" needs some work. Said mother is a fire poker-toting schemer who almost killed Brady's father and whose most recent lie had just blown up in her leg, err, face. Methinks Brady has a right to keep her at bay. That being said, I still adore Eric and Theresa's relationship, but he might be trying a little hard to rebuild the bridge between Brady and Theresa. Then again, Eric is leading by example. He was quick to forgive Nicole. Right. #TeamBrady

I don't think the question about Abigail and Ben's wedding should be "a small one or a big one?" It's more like a shotgun one for the writers. It is 2015. A pregnant gal has to to marry the man (well, one of them). I think the Victorian image on the Bicentennial flyer is clouding the writers' judgment.

I laughed out loud that Special K signed his honey to-do list for Xander "Your loving Uncle Victor."

Chad even has cool socks. It's official. He's made of win from head to toe, that one is.

I'm confused by the DAYS "Share the Moment" promo rehashing the end of the Kristen/Marlena feud. They made it sound so final. Nope. No. And not at all. It's not over until Kristen comes back and says so, and I refuse to believe it will end any other way. Not on my denial-filled, delusional watch.

Speaking of said "Share the Moment" promo, why now? Marlena and I were just working things out. I think this will set us back in couples therapy a week or two.

Another "Line of the Week" contender was definitely Kate. She commented on John and Paul's brunch by saying, "Oh, this is special." Hysterical!

Everyone and their nephew were grateful to Serena for saving Caroline. I'm happy Ma Brady will be okay, too. In fact, she's recovering very quickly, which makes me wonder if this was a storyline that was planned and quickly rethought or if this may just be the pace the new writers are setting. If so, I could get behind storylines moving along quickly.

Aww. I'll never get tired of seeing Stefano with his director's stick, conducting music. He's such a jolly badass sometimes.

Just so it's clear -- Brady will never, ever, not in a million years love Theresa. Got that? Good! Now let's remember to remind Brady of this in a few months. Call it a hunch.

Whoomp, there it is! Ben asked Abigail how far along she was. I was kind of surprised he put that together. Regardless, I kind of would have liked to see Ben blindside Abs by telling her he knows about her and Chad. That would have been great. And moved things along much, much faster.

Theresa and Caroline scenes never get old. I like that Caroline is the flame to the troubled Brady gals' moths. They need all the help they can get, and Caroline knows a thing or two about scandal. And hospital computer systems, as it were.

I think we all need to get together; borrow Parker's markers, glitter, and glue; and make Chad a few posters of encouragement. He's bluer than a Smurf who found out there aren't any Smurfberries left. Poor Chad, but damn it if Billy Flynn isn't crushing it!

Nicole's happy tears over Maggie's olive branch and declaration that they're not friends, they're family isn't without its merits. I love seeing Nicole happy. I just wish I were happier with the circumstances because Dancole just isn't doing it for me. At all.

Dr. Dan knows there's some kind of deeper connection between Victor and Xander. Sure, he's not wrong. There's that. But Dr. Dude should stick to healing the sick and turning water to wine, and let someone like Brady investigate that connection. After all, Brady needs more to do than yell at Theresa (as justified as it is).

I loved seeing everyone rally at Caroline's side. It's those tender moments DAYS gets so right. I also enjoyed that Hope was there and their special bond was remembered. Though I could tell Aiden was a little odd man out. Sorry, pal, get used to it. Boo.

There's no doubt about it. Aiden and Clyde are headed on a collision course. I kind of like this only if Hope gets to be the knight on the white horse, rescuing her man. She's a tough lady, let's remember that, writers.

Victor and Serena's scene was hilarious, as were Dr. Dan's comments that he's surprised Victor didn't verbally beat her down.

Clyde Weston, II? Um. No, thanks. One is more than enough. Just ask, well, any DAYS fan.

It was a great week for fashion on DAYS. Maggie looked lovely, as did Serena. And Will wasn't wearing a vest or a cardigan. Win and win meet win.

I'm super glad that Kate is coming to terms with Clyde being a creep who will break her heart. I'm just still a little saddened by the fact that she gave her heart so freely to him in the first place. She should have known much, much better than that after all these years and that laundry list of fellows that have broken her heart. Good thing she has Mar Mar in her corner! No, really, I mean that -- I enjoy Kate and Marlena's uneasy friendship.

Oh, Derek! He is not a good liar. At all. Keeping one's mouth shut and denying, denying, denying is in the Beginners Guide to Scheming handbook. He should have read that along with Will's file on Paul.

Marlena babysitting still kind of cracks me up. And it makes me nervous, too. Then again, I guess as long as she pretends the baby is Belle, it will be loved and cared for.

Nicole said of Dr. Dude, "There was never really anyone for me but him." This hurts my head. Like, a lot. #makeitstop

Points to Abigail! I loved, loved, loved that she pointed out the differences between her past and Ben's. She moved around with her loving family to see the world. He was on the run from his dastardly daddy. Yep. She's right, Benny Boy. If only he saw the difference.

I'm not sure why Theresa and Eve don't hang out more. Jen Lilley and Kassie DePaiva are ber entertaining together. More, please!

One of the reasons I adore Kate is that if she likes someone, she will do whatever it takes to protect them. That said, I enjoy that she's looking out for Rafe in her own Kate-like way. Sure, she's taking a direct approach, which isn't coming across warm and fuzzy, but she doesn't want to see Rafe hurt from trying to ring toss his love at Hope, praying that he wins a stuffed animal. Good on you, Kate.

On the topic of Rafe's crush on Hope, I think there have been better-planned storylines out there. Like, most of them. Hope and Aiden kind of rock together right now, and with Bo coming back soon, it's really just overkill at this point. Too bad there wasn't a gal or two running around Salem that Rafe could take a second look at. The line will form behind Zoe, Nicole, and perhaps even Theresa.

Every time I don't see Anne, I just assume she's out shopping for wrap dresses.

Am I the only one wondering what Jennifer brought Dr. Dan and Nicole as an engagement gift? I mean, there are so many options out there. I think Bartlett's has an entire section dedicated to gifts and a card line for your ex-boyfriend and his new fiance who once accused you of baby murder. I guess it's the thought that counts, eh.

Theresa told Xander to put on a shirt. I'm pretty sure that's the first time he's heard that. Ever.

Clyde is super upset that Aiden dumped him. Sorry, Clyde-O. Breaking up is hard to do. Redbox rent a chick flick, eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and whine to your friends like everyone else, pal.

I wanted to scream, "Keep walking!" when Kate left Clyde. He's starting to get creepier and creepier with Kate (and Aiden) and I don't like it. Maybe I should bake him some brownies on Kate's behalf.

I know Xander is upset, but he better keep his served-cold revenge dish away from Victor.

Again, super job saving Caroline, Serena, but she needs to let it go with Eric. He's given her the "You're a swell gal, but it's over" breakup speech about twenty times now. She says she understands, but does she really? I so want Melissa Archer back in a few months, playing new character that doesn't make me sad.

Oh, Tori and Abe would be a nice couple! John couldn't ask for a better stepfather for his son, and Theo would get an awesome big brother. Okay, and that would ensure Tori is brought back to Salem. Though if she's on as often as Abe's on, I still might miss her.

Kate said of Ciara, "Her [Hope's] brat of a daughter." Yep, I guess they have met. Though you'd think Kate would admire Ciara's sassiness in an Obi-Wan/Anakin kind of way.

I get that what Serena did was terribly wrong. And she should apologize to all of us for letting that elephant mess go on for so long, but she's hardly Jack the Ripper. Calm down, Salemites.

I think Brady's idea to get a "mommy cam" for Theresa may backfire. I'm pretty sure she loves an audience.

As out of the blue as it is, I dig the nod to DAYS history by bringing up the Horton House, or whatever they're calling it these days. I also like that it gives Jennifer her own storyline and that she's fighting for Alice's memory. Keep going, J-Ho.

I get it. I get it. But Roman yelling at J.J. about being too involved in the case is kind of laughable. How many relatives has Roman had to lock up and investigate? Exactly. Instead of lecturing J.J. on that, Roman should teach him all about loving a woman whom he'll never reunite with.

I know Paige doesn't know the entire story, but I still kind of cracked up when she told Jennifer to get a clue. Pot and Kettle for sure, yet amusing.

Ha! Kyle told J.J. to "Settle down, son." Yeah, Kyle, that is pretty settled for J.J.

Paul and Will had a fight about Will giving Derek his research notes. Yep, Paul should be pissed. Yep, Will was wrong. Yep, Will had some valid points. Yep, Paul did, too. And, yep, it's still allover awkward. The "More You Know" moral of this story is don't go drinking with your husband, his ex that you've slept with, and the guy you set up to seduce your hubby's ex, especially if the hubby's ex likes to talk about his trysts with your hubby the next day. So. Very. Awkward.

I laughed. I did. I just have a hard time taking Roman and Nicole scenes seriously, knowing that they bumped uglies. Sure, they're not the only former flames to find themselves chit-chatting, but that's an OMG -- Eww! bombshell that's never been detonated.

Boom! Stefano was waiting for Abigail in her office. I thought an inbox full of email and voicemails were rough. Nonetheless, this should be good!

HOT

You win, John and Paul. You're even cuter than Ari-Grace in sunglasses. The adorable meter went off when John and Paul had their conversation about what Paul should call John. John suggested "dad." Paul replied, "Sounds good, dad." I wonder if there is anything Christopher Sean can't get from flashing that grin, but I digress. I love these two and can't wait for Belle to join in the fun. Plus, I get all smiley when John's proud protective papaness comes out when Kate starts in on Paul. It's as tender as it is hilarious. The only thing missing is a nice dose to the fabulous Hira Ambrosino's Tori!

NOT I'm all for olive branches, mending fences, and personal growth in most cases, but I'm not overly eager to see Nicole sip virgin white wine spritzers with Jennifer and Maggie and debate what's more bold -- beige or ecru.

I fear that sometime soon, during the middle of the night, Maggie and Jennifer will break into invite themselves into Nicole's bedroom, put a burlap sack soft velvet and lace pillow case over her heard, throw place her comfortably in a van, and take her to some warm, yet conservatively decorated warehouse where they'll have a sinner tied up in a chair. There, they'll force Nicole to pass judgment. "Shame her!" they'll chant in unison until Nicole breaks down and condemns said sinner, thus graduating Nicole to sanctimonious status.

Please, new writers, free Nicole to schemer with a heart of gold status again. Her mistakes are far more entertaining than her apology tour or forcing her to be a white-gloved '50s housewife. Though the most amazing thing is happening soon -- Nicole's old pal Ava is returning! That gives me hope that Nicole can ditch the good gals and head back to the troublemakers' table. I'm preparing them martinis in hopes that's the case. LINE OF THE WEEK Chad (to Stefano): "This man. This DiMera does not force himself on a woman. Does that disqualify me from this family!?" #goChad #swoon 2015 SUMMER SERIES There are only two installments left, fellow DAYS fans! Part Four of the Two Scoops Summer Series, A Summers DAYS' Dream, is dropping soon! In case you've missed any of the fiftieth fun so far, the links are below. As always, be sure to comment, tweet, or call in with your additions to our lists!

Part One: Dream Girls Part Two: A Few Good Men Part Three: Phantoms of the Soap Opera

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's your random Two Scoops for the week of August 17! Laurisa will be back for the next as I attempt to find out why that magical music doesn't play when I'm near the Bicentennial flyer. And, "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

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