Take a deep breath, count 1-2-3

Sometimes being a soap fan can be frustrating. Things in Salem seem to fizzle more than sizzle lately, but there's hope for our favorite soap yet! New rivalries were sparked. Old loves might re-spark. And Victor's sparkling personality might just be what Rafe needs to help him bring down Clyde. Find out what was hot (and not) in Salem in this week's Two Scoops!

Oh, 2014. Where did you go? I can't believe I'm writing this, but I am. This is the last regular Two Scoops of the year! For the next two weeks Laurisa and I team up to present the Eighth Annual Golden Donut and Alex North Memorial Awards. Don't worry, though. There won't be any red carpet hos on the way into the event, which will drastically cut down on the inappropriate flirting and trashiness, well, unless it comes from us.

But before I get into this week's Two Scoops, I have a little holiday tale to share. So, gather round, everyone. Don't be shy.

Once upon a time, I was strolling through the park, minding my own business, and wham! I was accosted by some goons I may or may not have stolen money from. Lucky for me, my dad and a group of my friends showed up. Then, we did the only natural thing in a situation as such -- we invited them over to my place for a box of wine and some light chitchat. Townhouse crackers, anyone? And then we all did a hearty belly laugh, and I gave them back the money. Ugh. Just ugh.

I'm glad that Melanie realized her actions were "not an excuse to be the girl [she] used to be," but I felt let down by her big return secret. The best parts of that drama were Nicole's comments and general savviness. And sure, the casino scam was a nice nod to Mel's shady past. There's that. But I kind of wanted more to the story. Why did she and Carly split ways? Where's Nicholas? Why did she need that much money in the first place? I can't believe it was just payback because the casino dinged her fragile ego. DAYS swung and missed with that one, but the silver lining is that Molly's Melanie is back. I'll take that nugget and happily move on to see what she does next.

One thing is for sure. Melanie won't be picking out matching BFF bracelets with Theresa. I almost felt bad for Jeannie-T when she found out that she and Melanie won't be buddies. She seemed so disappointed, you know, until the screaming and catfight started. Truth be told, I was disappointed a little, too. These two will make fabulous enemies, no doubt, but there was something interesting about a potential friendship between them. Maybe they can revisit things in twenty years like Kate and Sami did. I'll get the champagne and pajamas ready. On the topic of returns, Big Willie and 'Lil Ari are back in Salem. I really thought she'd be like ten by now, but I digress. Will "I'm Too Busy To Call" Horton-Kiriakis surprised Sonny, whose happiness to see his husband seemed a little forced. Then again, sometimes I fake happy when I see Will, too. Again, I digress.

Will came back with a secret of his own. He was dumped by the studio. I'm thinking that either the studio had a strict no cardigans rule, or maybe, just maybe, hiring a writer who dropped out of college and only had one successful tabloid-like article about his mother under his belt to write a screenplay may not have been their brightest idea ever. I'm glad Sony's hiring practices are stricter. I mean, a studio wouldn't want to start producing less than stellar material and alienate viewers, would they? #boom

Still, I'm more interested to see how Will reacts to what Sonny has been going through -- the club drama, the Chad drama, and the Paul drama. Typically, it's Sonny who has to react to Will's wild life. This will be a nice change in dynamics now that Sonny is the one who has more going on. Will Cardigan Man be supportive like Sonny has, or act like a little diva because it's not all about Will? I'll be nice and let you answer that one.

As a precautionary tale, I will say it's going to get annoying if Sonny keeps playing this "Will doesn't want to know about my exes" card. Omission isn't lying, per se, but it's like low-carb beer and your waistline. Sure, you're not drinking the full-blown carb-fest beer that will have you popping buttons in a few weeks, but low-carb beer will eventually ruin things, too, and you'll have to say goodbye to those skinny jeans either way. Drink, err, think responsibly, Seor Sonny.

Finally, new gal in town, Serena, made it pretty clear that she may be out of Africa, but she's never fallen out of love with Eric. Can't blame you, girl. I'm actually all on board with this if for no other reason than it caused Eric "Grim Reaper" Brady to smile again, which is a rare but dazzling anomaly.

More so, I like Melissa Archer a lot. We were pals during her One Life days. Seeing her on my daytime TV lineup is like seeing an old friend again. And she seems to fit nicely into the Salem fold. Heck, my gal Maxine gave Serena the nod of approval, and that's enough for me. Wait. Then again, Maxine did cheer for Dannifer. Okay, I'll think optimistically and move on. LOOSE ENDS: So, buttinsky Bree called to warn Hope about Aiden. I wish she'd mind her own business. Blindly believing everything is okay is so much better than confronting your lover who may turn out to be a shady bastard after all. I hope that's not the case. I like Aiden. Though! Maybe he belongs to the eviler-than-the-DiMeras crime family Bo is investigating. There's a thought. Hmm!

Another thought! More people should listen to Victor. He's surly but mostly right all the time. Marlena isn't too keen on teaming up with the big tycoon again, and Kate is still blindly drinking the Clyde Kool-Aid, so they're out. Victor doesn't want to enable Sonny. That leaves Victor teaming up with Rafe, and I don't mind this one bit. Victor makes Rafe a more formidable opponent (and generally more interesting). I'll enjoy them taking down Clyde and perhaps outing Chad's real endgame in the process.

I'm kind of smitten with Zoe Browning. I want to see her on more. She's an interesting character. And I want her to reconnect with Lucas, meet Brady, or be the long-lost love child of Abe and Nikki Wade. Any of those things would be fantastic, especially the last as it would give Abe a new storyline and possibly a love interest if his former flame Nikki came back. Win meet win.

Eric was mad, mad, mad at Sami ad said "No!" to her studio's idea to do a reality show about him. They think he should explain his side of the Kristen story. He doesn't think so. He also says he's stuck in limbo because he can't forgive. Get this man some soul fiber and let's move on. Smiling Eric is so much better for our souls.

Chad and Jordan made me fall asleep love. After all this time, I never thought they'd be together! It was magical.

Aw, remember when Kayla had a clinic back in the day? Yeah. Me, too. Let's revisit that and get Kayla to center stage. Abigail and Jordan can sing backup.

Speaking of Kayla, I'm all for her venture into online dating. Why not? It's a great way to meet people and could turn into a juicy storyline. Maybe she'll get catfished by someone from her past (in my head, it's Steve). I say her screen name should be "Doctor_Sweetness." Don't drop the ball, writers. More Kayla in 2015, please and thank you.

HOT Maxine was back last week, and she didn't wave the Dannifer pompoms once! I missed my sassy friend who isn't afraid to break up a fight or knock some sense into a few knuckleheads. Yep, she's still got it. Let's keep it that way, dear writers.

NOT You know what's better than Dannifer dating, and ten times better than them breaking up every fifteen minutes (at times when they weren't even together)? It's watching them talk about their former fling and current non-friendship with hopes that they can be friends again. Oh, one can only dream and hope, but I don't know if I could handle that much disappointment if they don't reconnect someday. Stop teasing me like that, DAYS. Alas, Dr. Dan asked, "What do we call us?" I know! I know! How about annoying screen-time wasters? Just a suggestion. LINE OF THE WEEK Victor (to Rafe): "You know, you're not the first guy to let Kate Roberts ruin his life. Hell, you're not even the first guy in his room."

RANDOM THOUGHTS I hope Sonny's south side club is ready for a big spiffy New Year's bash!

I'm glad to know that Jennifer and Eric still talk. I'm sure there's no judging going on during those calls.

In case you're keeping score, they do have chopsticks in Poplar Bluff.

The female casino worker has to be the love child of Nia Vardalos and If I Could Turn Back Time era Cher. Got to be!

I'm pretty sure Paul's allergic to his fabric softener.

Isn't it just a tad hypocritical that Eric said he once called Serena an "egotistical drama queen?" Okay. That was mean. Eric's ego isn't that big.

Oh, Marlena, Marlena, Marlena. She just couldn't quit Paul. She kept chasing him. I guess now she knows the frustration Roman feels when he follows her around.

J.J. therapy session was... Well. Needed.

I kind of really want Sonny's jacket, though I'm a little disappointed in him for matching it with a black briefcase. It's about fashion not necessarily function. Just ask Kate.

Melanie and Parker's reunion was just all shades of cute.

I love all the holiday decorations already up in Salem, especially the park.

I want a t-shirt with a picture of angry Eric screaming that reads "Dial. It. Down." in puff paint underneath.

Paul's mother sounds like she's going to be, um, fun.

I enjoyed Abigail explaining the Horton Christmases to Ben. I'm not sure he got it. But I enjoyed it.

"DiMera brothers' slut." Ouch, that one will leave a mark, Theresa. Well played.

Abigail's blouse reminded me of something from an '80s business movie, but I kind of liked it.

After Dan's juice box run pit stop at Jennifer's, I wonder if he'll go on a wine run for me. It's kind of his fault I need it.

"Boy DiMera." Love it! #thanksVictor

Sometimes I wonder what Jeremiah does all day. Yes, these are the things I think about when I get bored during Clyde scenes.

Oh! Will needs to ghost write a book for Chad, entitled A Year With Stefano.

Speaking of nasty little furballs, when do we get to meet Arthur? I bet he's more interesting than Ben. I kid, I kid.

Kayla should meet Dr. Richards.

I feel bad for Chase. He seems like a sad little dude.

Harold's 'tude kind of cracks me up. Note, never mess with the house staff. They know what's what.

Theresa's line to Anne, "Let's be honest. I wasn't paying attention at work," almost made Line of the Week. I so love these two!

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of December 15! I'm off to polish the Golden Donut and Alex North Memorial Award statuettes. I don't want them to look tarnished when Laurisa and I start handing them out next week. Type A, and "That's a fact!"

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