Goodnight, sweet prince of darkness

Sorry for the typos. The tears in my eyes make it hard for me to see the keyboard. I know, I know. He's a bad dude. But I'm going to miss that SOB. I can't help it. It's E.J. appreciation week in this week's Two Scoops.

I could be in a bad place right now. I could be halfway through a bottle of merlot and a bag of sea salt dark chocolate caramel squares. But you know what? I'm not. Well, in a bad place, that is. (I'm totally serious about the vino and candy.)

Of course, I wish that E.J. could have stayed in Salem forever. But complaining about losing a character like E.J. is like complaining that you only found one four-leaf clover. I can't think that E.J. Wells was ever supposed to last this long. He came on the show when Sami was firmly established in an Austin/Lucas/Carrie quad. He was the brainchild of one head writer. A few months later, a new head writer took over, and the era of black gloves, DiMera DNA, and rape began. Then, yet another head writer started the E.J. redemption path, which took us through the vendetta storyline and other crazy turns.

So really, Ejami fans, we screwed up. We weren't supposed to like this guy. We weren't supposed to root for him. And we really weren't supposed to reach Beatlemania levels of fandom to get him with our leading lady. But we did. And you know what? It was the best mistake we ever made.

Very few characters have maintained that kind of spotlight and continual momentum every day they've been part of the show. And even in this last week, we saw him move the storyline forward and highlight a lot of other characters.

There were a lot of people making their peace with E.J. and Sami -- Nicole, Victor, Roman, Marlena, Eric, and Will. But Caroline was the most touching. Considering that Caroline saw Sami break down, I appreciated that Caroline remembered how much pain E.J. caused Sami and didn't want that to happen to Sami again. But then Sami lowered the truth bomb -- Shawn forgave Caroline for the exact same transgression. And Caroline got it. Alison Sweeney and Peggy McCay were crushingly perfect in that scene. Well done, ladies.

Sure, it seemed like no one in E.J.'s family was happy for him. But, Johnny more than made up for it. I knew whatever happened to E.J. was going to be bad when he gave Johnny the touching "you be your own man" speech. I'm going to miss that little guy and the special bond he shared with his dad. I would have liked to see E.J. get a scene with Sydney and Allie too, but this one was such a gem that I'm okay with that one being the final E.J. dad moment.

And speaking of final moments, well, that's the one small point that I'm in a bad place about. Some random DiMera goon working on behalf of some half-baked stereotype whipped out his gun and shot an unarmed E.J. DiMera. If I may, a few questions for the powers that be at DAYS:

Do you know how many people would have lined up to take that shot? Do you know how many worse things E.J. has done than punch someone in the face to warrant said shot? Do you know that at least one out of every three times we talk about DAYS, my own mother mistakenly refers to E.J. as J.R.? Do you remember the huge stack of ratings that Dallas got from J.R. being shot? Nope? Okay, just checking. Carry on.

After the shot, it was basically up to Sami to represent all of the E.J. fans. And we can all admit that it's not an ideal situation when Sami is the lynchpin for stability. But she did it. From the blood-stained pale pink outfit to the display of contained disaster, Sami made me think of Jackie-O. Alison Sweeney's performance was captivating, even eerie. Sami's panic was palpable when she demanded that E.J. stop bleeding. And when Sami broke down because she couldn't hear his heart beat, my soap soul ached for her.

Still, I take comfort in one word -- DiMera. As in, the family that is nearly impossible to kill. E.J. was fully convinced that Stefano was out to get him. There's nothing to make me believe that he didn't fake his death to get away from Stefano. E.J. could have even taken a page out of Stefano's book and had a look-alike pose in the morgue in his place. He could even be working with Rafe to turn state's evidence against Stefano and needs to hide out until the trial. Of course, in either case, he had to convince Sami too. But he could be contacting her in a few days to tell her to meet him on one of the Tony Islands. With DiMeras, anything is possible. And stubborn or not, I'm holding on to that possibility with both of my tear-soaked hands.

But for the immediate future, we're dealing with an E.J.-less Salem. I have to say that Chad's presence has softened the blow a wee bit. From charming me Jordan, to completely using Will as a pawn, Chad was made of win last week. He even took on Sami and won!

I love me some Sami Gene, but I've got to throw a penalty flag on her for trying to convince Chad not to seek revenge on E.J. First, she really couldn't claim to be worried about what her kids will do without E.J. around when he was still facing prison time on charges that she brought against him. Second, she of all people should know what it feels like when the person you love dumps you and then chases after your "better" older sibling.

It's ironic that in trying so hard to punish his father and brother, he's embodied their main trait. Revenge guides his every move. Even his alliance with Kate and flirtation with Jordan are self-serving on the Stefano and Ben fronts, respectively.

The last scene he had with E.J. was probably the most important. And it's not just that E.J. rattled off the names of Lexie, Tony, Peter, and Kristen. (Though, it is nice to know that Peter is still alive somewhere! #LetsSpringHimFromJail) It's because that scene highlighted the main difference between E.J. and Stefano. E.J. can love so deeply it puts his life own life in danger. Stefano's never let his guard down that much. And that exact vulnerability flies directly in the face of the type of revenge Chad wants. Chad will have to make that choice eventually.

Another positive to E.J.'s death is that there's no point in Will writing Chad's story. This will be so great because -- golly all mighty-- Will needs a new storyline. He still thinks that E.J. seduced Abigail, which is exhausting. He was less than thrilled to hear that Sami took E.J. back, which was a coincidence because, lately, I'm less than thrilled to hear anything from Will. Finally, he told Sami that she had no pride for taking someone back who cheated on her. I'm guessing he's off to have the same conversation with, oh, just about everyone else in Salem.

But let's say for the sake of argument that I could look past all of that. What I can't deal with is the fact that he thinks he can write an article about why Chad hates E.J. and not mention Abigail at all. She is the reason Chad hates E.J. There's no story without her.

But worry not, DAYS fans! I've come up with a plan. Will needs to go psycho. It would actually be a pretty easy transition. Will trained in the ways of deception under E.J. for a while. And it wouldn't be a stretch to think that after everything went down with Nick -- which culminated in Will's baby mama going to jail -- Will would be in a place where he was adamant that he have control over everything in and that could affect his life.

And control isn't a bad thing. Just ask John.

Kristen took the words right out of my mouth. My hat's off to John for formulating a plan approximately five seconds after waking up from a coma. It's almost like he's had secret spy training or something!

After quickly sizing up the situation, he realized that Theresa was the lesser of two evils. And she really is. Kristen can appeal to Daniel's distaste for Theresa all she wants, but at the end of the day, Theresa is the gal who attacked someone in the heat of an argument, and Kristen is the one who carefully planned the rape of a priest and the subsequent release of the video of said rape to get revenge on Marlena. John knows that turning Brady on Theresa would only remove an obstacle between Kristen and Brady.

So with Marlena acting as kinda the most annoying Igor ever, ("Theresa! John wants to see you now.") John summoned Daniel, Kristen, Brady, Theresa, Roman, and Marlena to his bedside to make a confession. Watching Kristen try to contain her glee and composure was hilarious. But much to her dismay, John told everyone that he said horrible things to Brady and maintained that Brady was not at all responsible for the attack. Carefully chosen words on that last part make this untruth not exactly a lie. Nice work, John.

And now John has the upper hand with both Brady and Theresa. And, oh boy, is Kristen mad! She doesn't enjoy not getting her way, in case you didn't know. But I do. And if history is any indication, good things (and by "good" I mean highly entertaining terror) will happen when Kristen is mad at John and Marlena. And really, Kristen vs. Jarlena has far more potential than Kristen vs. Theresa. So, game on, Kristen. Please, oh please, do your worst.

LOOSE ENDS I don't want to let the week get by without praising two gents who were stellar on Friday. First, Abe added extra gravitas to Sami's denial by being the one to point out that you're never ready to hear that your spouse is dead. And the seemingly throwaway line where he called the babysitter to make sure Theo isn't anywhere near a TV was a welcome reminder that Lexie and Theo both loved E.J. so much.

Second, Rafe was the perfect policeman to get the call about E.J. because he knows better than anyone how fierce Sami can love her husband. It's almost as hard as that woman grieves, which he's seen as well. I could have hugged him when he scolded the paramedics, "That's his wife!" Galen Gering played Rafe with the absolute perfect blend of disappointment and genuine sympathy.

I have years of experience acting as a translator for my guy friends when it comes to what they say and what women hear. As a respected expert in the field, I can confirm that Marlena was absolutely right when she told Brady that "Thanks for saving my dad, but there's no chance for us" does translate to "I'm willing to forgive you and take you back" in the eyes of crazy Krissy.

Why is Ben suddenly okay with borrowing money from Clyde? That dude was so bad that Ben and Jordan changed their names and fled to different ends of the country to get away from him. It seems like the list of people for Ben to borrow money from would go like this: Jordan, Sonny, Victor, anyone else, sell your own plasma, make sure there's no one else, rob a bank, and then Clyde.

I'm not telling you want to do here, Jordan. But when Chad asks you out, you need to say yes!

HOT

The height, the talent, the looks, the accent -- there's nothing about James Scott that's all that relatable to us common folk. But yet, he made E.J. work. Sure, maybe the writers gave him a lot of latitude. But if he didn't have the range, it wouldn't have mattered. And nothing better illustrated that point than the scene outside the DiMera front door where E.J. went from giddy with joy to fueled with rage in just a few seconds. It was a masterful piece of acting by a true pro who gave his full effort to DAYS for the better part of a decade. Cheers to you, Mr. Scott. We can't wait to see what you do next.

NOT I thought the scenes where J.J. found out that Jack raped Kayla were some of the best. And I like the idea of J.J. struggling with whether or not he's turning into his dad. But I don't like that it's poor Paige's admiration on the line. Everyone, including Jack and Kayla, has moved on. I don't see how this revelation has anything to do with Paige, and I don't like seeing J.J. struggle so much with how to tell her. It just seems exploitive of Jack's history.

LINE OF THE WEEK E.J. (to Sami): "You were worth everything." Yup, tears. Down m'face. All over m'face.

RANDOM THOUGHTS Marybeth Evans is stuh-ning!

Clearly, the Donovans and Bradys took their family pictures last week.

I like how even the fake leaves change in Salem.

Bev! Hey, girl, hey! How's it been going?

I laughed when Sami shot Eric the "You told on me?!" look.

Ever notice that Kristen's voice goes up about half an octave when she's talking to Brady?

I loved the kids and Sonny narcing Ciara out about cheating at board games.

Do you think they dressed Will like the valedictorian of Scary Clown College in an attempt to distract me from the fact that he behaved like a complete and total buttcheeks?

I enjoy the sibling chemistry between Chrishell Stause and Rob Wilson.

With E.J. gone and Sami on her way out, could this mean that Kate is going to end up as the sole CEO of DiMera Enterprises?

Daniel made J.J. and Paige matching keys to his apartment. That sounds like a safe and good idea. When's the last time an extra key to his apartment caused Daniel any trouble?

Is it possible to be a DiMera and a good person at the same time? Gee, Eric, for the sake of your nephew Johnny and your niece Sydney, I sure hope so.

After driving my 14-year-old cousin home, I can confirm that, yes, 80s music is "old people music." I think her words were, "Oh, thank God!" when I told her that she could change the station.

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